For creative_muses: December Prompt #1
"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." - Sir Winston Churchill
As a wizard, I know that every spiritual realm and every afterlife exist. Anything that isn't solid and corporeal exists in a...call it a dimension...abutting on ours called the Nevernever. Wizards can open portals between our world and the Nevernever, and travel through it. Faerie is in the Nevernever. So is the World of Ghosts. Downbelow, also known as Hell. And Heaven.
I've never been to Heaven, but I've been to the Nevernever, and let me tell you, Earth is a lot better. Still, if Heaven and Hell are my only choices, I'll guess I'll take Heaven-if only to avoid damnation and eternal torment. I'm just not enthusiastic about it. The idea of sitting around in a spiritual realm doing nothing but sing hymns of praise to the Almighty sounds fantastically boring. And I'm not much for flattery anyway.
So me being me, I expect that I'll turn the place upside down almost immediately. Not on purpose, just trying to find something to do. First off, I've got a list of questions I want to ask God when I get there. That should take a couple of thousand years. No, seriously, it should. I love asking questions, and given that I'll literally have nothing else to do, I should be able to come up with plenty even after the ones on my list are answered.
After that, I've got some family and friends to visit. That should give God and his staff a breather. But you can only visit for so long. After a while, you have to start adapting.
This is where it gets bad, because I can't picture myself adapting to Heaven. I can't even picture myself enjoying it. I'm not a particularly spiritual man, and I like a lot of action. Being confined for all eternity to a place that is allegedly perfect and contains absolutely no sex (which strikes me as less than perfect right there) -it's kind of like being locked in a church forever. You just sit there. There's nothing to do. It's nice if you like to pray or read missals, but if you're not into that, it's pretty horrible.
I imagine I'll drive the angels crazy muttering about the lack of magic and Mac's ale and and...well...Chicago. I might even drive God crazy, though an insane deity strikes me as a very bad idea.
At some point, some one is going to tell me that if I don't like it, I can go to Hell. People have been telling me that since I was six, and I don't see why things would change just because I happen to be dead.
Hell would be glad to have me-for about two seconds. Then I'd start looking around for friends and allies I didn't think deserved to be there and begin planning a breakout.
It's sad, but I think I'd actually enjoy breaking out of Hell more than I would being in Heaven.
Once everyone was out of Hell-and please note that I'm assuming I would succeed, even though I've had my head handed to me by fallen angels more than once-well, going back to Heaven would be out of the question. I can't picture God doing anything but sighing in relief once I was gone. He wouldn't need anyone who could make Heaven so bliss-less just by being there.
But no worries. My friends and I would have all of the Nevernever to explore...plenty of places to go and people to see and adventures to discover. I imagine that-as often happens in Chicago-I'll spend a lot of time being frustrated, hungry, exhausted and up to my ears in metaphorical alligators.
And yet...I think I'd be happy that way. Happier than I would be anywhere else, that's for sure.
I'm just not sure that God or his angels are ready for a man who'd be happier outside of Heaven than in it.
-- Harry Dresden
The Dresden Files
Word Count: 648
As a wizard, I know that every spiritual realm and every afterlife exist. Anything that isn't solid and corporeal exists in a...call it a dimension...abutting on ours called the Nevernever. Wizards can open portals between our world and the Nevernever, and travel through it. Faerie is in the Nevernever. So is the World of Ghosts. Downbelow, also known as Hell. And Heaven.
I've never been to Heaven, but I've been to the Nevernever, and let me tell you, Earth is a lot better. Still, if Heaven and Hell are my only choices, I'll guess I'll take Heaven-if only to avoid damnation and eternal torment. I'm just not enthusiastic about it. The idea of sitting around in a spiritual realm doing nothing but sing hymns of praise to the Almighty sounds fantastically boring. And I'm not much for flattery anyway.
So me being me, I expect that I'll turn the place upside down almost immediately. Not on purpose, just trying to find something to do. First off, I've got a list of questions I want to ask God when I get there. That should take a couple of thousand years. No, seriously, it should. I love asking questions, and given that I'll literally have nothing else to do, I should be able to come up with plenty even after the ones on my list are answered.
After that, I've got some family and friends to visit. That should give God and his staff a breather. But you can only visit for so long. After a while, you have to start adapting.
This is where it gets bad, because I can't picture myself adapting to Heaven. I can't even picture myself enjoying it. I'm not a particularly spiritual man, and I like a lot of action. Being confined for all eternity to a place that is allegedly perfect and contains absolutely no sex (which strikes me as less than perfect right there) -it's kind of like being locked in a church forever. You just sit there. There's nothing to do. It's nice if you like to pray or read missals, but if you're not into that, it's pretty horrible.
I imagine I'll drive the angels crazy muttering about the lack of magic and Mac's ale and and...well...Chicago. I might even drive God crazy, though an insane deity strikes me as a very bad idea.
At some point, some one is going to tell me that if I don't like it, I can go to Hell. People have been telling me that since I was six, and I don't see why things would change just because I happen to be dead.
Hell would be glad to have me-for about two seconds. Then I'd start looking around for friends and allies I didn't think deserved to be there and begin planning a breakout.
It's sad, but I think I'd actually enjoy breaking out of Hell more than I would being in Heaven.
Once everyone was out of Hell-and please note that I'm assuming I would succeed, even though I've had my head handed to me by fallen angels more than once-well, going back to Heaven would be out of the question. I can't picture God doing anything but sighing in relief once I was gone. He wouldn't need anyone who could make Heaven so bliss-less just by being there.
But no worries. My friends and I would have all of the Nevernever to explore...plenty of places to go and people to see and adventures to discover. I imagine that-as often happens in Chicago-I'll spend a lot of time being frustrated, hungry, exhausted and up to my ears in metaphorical alligators.
And yet...I think I'd be happy that way. Happier than I would be anywhere else, that's for sure.
I'm just not sure that God or his angels are ready for a man who'd be happier outside of Heaven than in it.
-- Harry Dresden
The Dresden Files
Word Count: 648