(no subject)
Title: Borrowed Time
Author: cutecoati
Topic: Death
Rating: R (just to make sure, although I'd rather say PG-13)
Character: Draco, post Harry/Draco
Warning: previous character death
Rough Word Count: 4840
A/N: Written for session 1, challenge # 21: Character A deals with the loss of a spouse/significant other. I, of course, had to kill off Harry.... Many, many thanks to my wonderful betas ravenpan and kurla88! All mistakes are mine.
Borrowed Time
Dear Mum,
I've been sorted into Slytherin! I'm sure that you know this already but I'm so excited about it! To be actually sorted into the House that has been a home to you and Dad, to take this first step in fulfilling your expectations!
The sorting feast was wicked! Headmaster Professor Snape (he is soooo awe-inspiring, but please, Mummy, don't tell Dad that I said that!) really conjured all the tidbits you said I would get there, and I ate them all! Professor Malfoy is quite cool, too. When he shooed us down into the dungeons immediately after dinner, many of my classmates (guess who in particular? silly Mortianna Edgecott!!) were actually daunted by his haughty appearance, but not me! I'm really looking forward to our first classes.
Is Missy fine? Does she have her babies already? How many? A black one, like her, among them? I want to keep at least two, please!! The owl you gave me is nice, though, and it is more convenient to have an owl.
I miss you, Mummy. And Daddy, too. And Helena (she's not allowed to play with my stuff!!).
Love,
Electra
*****************
I love you. So much.
*****************
Farmazeutica Fantastica
Department of Owl-Order
Europe
FAO Professor Draco Malfoy, Potions master
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Re: Your order, December 12th
Dear Professor Malfoy,
We are happy to welcome you as our new customer. Before dispatching the ordered items, we want to make sure that everything is delivered according to your request. Thus, we would ask you to check the list stated below, especially regarding the quantity of each item.
100 ounces each
- Aconite (3 S p. oz)
- Barberry (4 S p. oz)
- Dittany (2 S p. oz)
- Horsetail (1 S p. oz)
- Marigold (1 S p. oz)
total of 64 G 12 S
85 ounces each
- Bear Berry (4 S p. oz)
- Bittersweet (3 S p. oz)
- Hyssop (8 S p. oz)
- Pennyroyal (7 S p. oz)
- Turmeric (5 S p. oz)
total of 135 G
7 ounces each
- Spurge (2 S p. oz)
- St. John's Wort (3 S p. oz)
- Passion Flower (5 S p. oz)
- Blessed Thistle (6 S p. oz)
total of 6 G 10 S
-------------------------------------------
Total amount of 206 G 5 S
Upon receiving your confirmation, we will send the items to you immediately. Are you familiar with our AOD service (Advanced Owl Delivery)? At an additional charge of merely 2.5 sickles, the parcel will be sent to you by use of specially trained delivery owls which deliver their loads in about half the time. If you wish to make use of this special service, please add a note and we will see to it.
As you requested, the amount will be charged to your account at Gringotts.
Thank you for buying at Farmazeutica Fantastica, we are looking forward to staying in business contact with you.
Yours sincerely
Walafrid Bing
Assistant Managing Director
*****************
Sometimes I wonder if it hurt less had you died a hero. You were a hero once, Harry, weren't you? And what a glorious death it would have been, sacrificing your life for the benefit of the Wizarding world. Had you died defeating Him, as we all expected you to, could I have successfully deluded myself? Would I be eternally proud of your sacrifice? Would I have been able to betray my memory, and still be praising you as Our Saviour, rather than mourning the one I love?
It's strange; yet sometimes, I almost wish that you had died earlier. I hate me when I'm like that.
*****************
Dear Headmaster Snape,
I'm positive you know that my son has been sorted into Slytherin, following the tradition of both my and my husband's families, which - as you can well imagine - filled our parental hearts with pride.
Therefore, it is not, and I would like to stress this, not in my intention to decry the new Head of Slytherin House, nor do I want to blame him for my son's indisputable foolery (for which he has been punished severely). Both my husband and I are aware of the difficult personal situation Professor Malfoy is in, and let me assure you that we hold him in highest regards, notwithstanding all rumours.
Yet, you might find it appropriate to investigate last week's events more closely. My son has, regardless of all his demerits, never been a liar; and there is additional proof that Professor Malfoy's response to the incident, which has to be considered a schoolboy's joke after all, had been a tad exaggerated.
I do not intend this to have any consequences as far as Professor Malfoy is concerned - that decision is entirely within your responsibility - but my husband and I will strongly oppose against any further negative impact this regrettable incident might have on our son's otherwise untainted record.
Yours sincerely,
Jezabel Pucey
*****************
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou....
*****************
"... And we're already into the third hour of the match now... Beater Connor... there's a Bludger coming.... but no, he knocks it back.... Marson.... and yes, Slytherin in possession!
"Chaser Marson of Slytherin! He's heading for goal, and.... and.... Bludger's come back, stops Marson from scoring again.... he's hit hard in his face, it seems.... ouch, that looks bad....
"Oh, and take a look at the Head of Slytherin House, how he's trying to guide his team by gesticulating wildly.... well, they had better listen to him, he has been a splendid player himself....
"And Wentworth takes the Quaffle, Ravenclaw's in possession now, but Slytherin's still leading with 50 points.... passes.... Henderson with the Quaffle.... the splendid Ravenclaw Beaters at her side.... Higgs trying to block.... Keeper Higgs.... and.... and the Seekers!
"Both Seekers are... have they seen the Snitch?... yeeees, they must have... spiralling higher and higher.... ooohhh, the tension.... the anxious faces.... even Professor Malfoy seems to be biting his lips.... this is Slytherin's last chance for the Cup, mind.... and yes, THERE'S THE SNITCH!
"Slytherin Seeker Bletchley.... and her Ravenclaw colleague.... but Bletchley's going to beat him to it, she's closer, faster.... wow, she's truly gorgeous.... what a talent this girl is, and she... OOOHHH! What a- oh no, what a mistake! And Ravenclaw's Daniels is still after it and... grabbing.... has he.... yes, DANIELS' GOT THE SNITCH!
"Ravenclaw wins! Ravenclaw wins with one hundred and ninety points! What an exciting match! Just look how they're jubilating, cheering and embracing each other and.... oh my, there are a lot of Slytherin heads hanging low now, oh, it seems Bletchley's wiping away some tears.... but it has been a gorgeous match, and Professor Malfoy rushes to support...
"He's spectacularly lost several plays himself, rumour has it, but he's said to be good a sport, so... on his way to his team, and... woah, but he looks... rather intimidating, I must say... yelling at Blet-.... Oh, really, that's- uh, his temper- they've only lost a match, after all... and...
"By Merlin, he's raising his wand.... oh.... oh, we'll definitely need a new Snitch...."
*****************
You betrayed me. How could you show me what it is like, and then take it away from me again? I need to touch you, to smell you. I need to hold you when you cry. Your fingers caressing my skin, your body next to mine, making love.
Now that I was allowed a glimpse into perfection, how can I go on? With you, I was at peace, always, every moment, even when we were having a row, yelling and screaming at each other, when I was calling you names and ran out of the room, was throwing a tantrum - and I was good at that, wasn't I? - and threatening to leave you; I was at peace.
You knew this.
How could you deprive me of this? Did you not love me?
*****************
Headmaster's office
Memo to: DM
Have you gone completely mad? It might have escaped your notice, but I am actually leaning over backwards for you, you thick-witted, obtuse ignoramus. Resigning is not an option.
SS.
*****************
I was a mystery to you, you said. You never knew if I truly loved you, you said. You feared that I were just playing around, that I might one day get up and inform you that I'm done with you, 'cause "Malfoys never bond beneath their status". This stupid sentence I once said to you, which you never allowed me to make up for.
But, Harry, love, it was YOU, didn't you realise that? I tried to reach out for you, tried to... how could you not understand what I was trying to do? Did you ever trust me? I held you in the highest regard, I still do. But you? How could you not understand me? I too was risking so much, and giving up my -
Besides, how could I possibly know if you were really caring for me - for ME - or if it was just this Gryffindor reflex of yours kicking in, making you look after someone who needs to be looked after? You never let me learn that.
No, I didn't want to love you. Yet it was never my decision to make, you coerced me into loving you - could you really not bear the idea that someone might not like you? Did absolutely everyone have to fall for your puppy dog eyes and cute messy hair, no matter the consequences?
I hated loving you. I was so afraid. WHY DIDN'T YOU TRY TO UNDERSTAND? You were always such an egocentric bastard!
Selfless people don't just die.
*****************
From: blaisez@scuolamag.ac.it
To: pansy.parkinson-longbottom@st-mungos.wiz.uk
Subject: Mate's okay, hon!
Pansy, dear,
Stop worrying! I owled Draco about two weeks ago, and guess what? He talked to me yesterday! Almost suffered a heart attack when his head appeared in the fireplace all of a sudden, I can tell you....
To be honest, I can't quite make out why you're that concerned - you (of all people) should know that he's a short-tempered bloke, our darling, always has been, and not too outspoken about his feelings.... But honestly, he seemed absolutely fine to me, laughed a lot, joked around and was merry! Kept complaining fiercely about not having seen me for so long, though, so... do you reckon I'd be in with a chance there? No - come on, I was just kidding! Kidding! As if I didn't know that... btw, how dare you say he's too skinny - M'am, trust the cognoscente, he's as gorgeous as ever!
I'm still enjoying myself greatly here. Sun, terrific food, magnificent boys, a calmer pace of life - I couldn't possibly ask for more, now could I? Moved to a new flat last week and - okay, to tell you the truth, I received an offer from the university here recently, to participate in a research project which would mean an employment for at least five years... and I have to admit, I'm more than tempted to accept.
Whatsoever: I'll be at home over Christmas, we'll talk then. And - I'm having a date with You Know Whom!
(Whoops, sorry 'bout the bad pun)
Honey, don't fuss, really... always the Mediwizard, eh?
hugs&snuggles,
Blaise
ps: Owls are so out, darling! Can't those country bumpkins at Hogwarts finally get themselves decent wizmail access? Honestly...
pps: A kiss to Neville!
ppps: Yes, I know that it gives him the creeps!!
*****************
When you were lying dead in that dreadful hospital bed, I couldn't believe how peaceful you looked. How could you, with all this filth and these stupid people around?
But your face was so calm, almost content, and there was a smile on your lips - a smile like one of those when we've made love and you were lying close to me, half asleep. Oh, it hurt, it hurt so much; and still, I couldn't even be sad, because you seemed so happy. How could I dare to be sad when you were happy, and yet you were dead, and I GODDAMN WANTED TO BE SAD!
How could you be happy?
And, Potter, stay out of my dreams. If you're not real, I don't need you at all.
*****************
Dear Headmaster Snape,
With regard to recent events, we hereby inform you that Mr Malfoy is released from his position as Potions master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry with immediate effect. Please make sure that Mr Malfoy hands in his decree to you and clears his office upon announcement. We will see to a substitute for him from next week onwards, please be so kind as to step in yourself during the ongoing week.
Mr Malfoy is, by all means, to keep away from the students. He is neither permitted to teach any further lessons, nor to continue conducting his Potions Olympics; and he may not come anywhere near the Quidditch pitch. It is your responsibility to make sure that these orders are carried out.
Please be assured that we deeply regret being forced to take these extreme measures of action; but as the security of the students must obtain highest priority, whatsoever the personal circumstances, we see no alternative to our decision. We are aware of both Mr Malfoy's merits and your commitment to him. Nevertheless, our decision is irrevocable.
Best regards,
Board of Governors
p.p. Mrs A. Bell
*****************
They don't want me here. I sacrificed my career elsewhere, and they dare reject me. This bunch of ignorant cretins! A person of my qualification, of my reputation; lots and lots of private companies are trying to headhunt me, but no, I had to fall for this loyalty-nonsense, and now, obviously, I'm no longer good enough to compete with this accumulation of incompetence!
I am a Malfoy! A MALFOY! We aren't turned down, never, not once in our history! Wonderful times ahead, then, with teachers like this giant oaf. He has always hated me. He has been spying on me, I'm sure, it has been mainly him, trying to collect evidence, he was. He even had the audacity to insinuate that I might be bad for the students. He! He of all people! I still have the scars on my arm!
Dumb creature! Idiots, all of them. But apparently, having an IQ which rises above the average room temperature is the safest way to be turned out. How Snape manages to carry on without going stark raving mad is totally beyond me. But he didn't want it otherwise, obviously. His own fault, then.
Don't you dare grin, Potter, I'm actually grateful I've got rid of them, do you really think this was the ultimate wet dream of my life, to devote hours and months and years of my life to trying to hammer at least tiny bits of knowledge into unworthy, childish brains; to spending my evenings with old hags and narrow-minded, uptight losers?
Merlin, I really hate them. I'm so glad I'm off, I didn't need this job anyway. They don't want me? Phew, I don't want them, I never wanted them! I don't need them!
You didn't want me, either.
*****************
- Access to owl correspondence: granted
- Access to wizmail correspondence: granted
- Control of fireplace: granted
- Overall use of Surveillance Spells: denied
- Selective use of Surveillance Spells: granted, albeit applying for special authorisation of each action required
- Personal observation: denied
*****************
I dreamt about you. I had this dream that Voldemort was still alive, and that he killed you. You and Redhead. Several Redheads. And your pet Mudblood. The Squib - what was his name? The Dark Lord killed you all.
And I was standing aside, watching, desperate and terrified, and angry, and lonely. And I was jealous.
I'm such a pathetic sod.
*****************
From: pansy.parkinson-longbottom@st-mungos.wiz.uk
To: severus.snape@hogwarts.wiz.uk
Subject: Draco!
Dear Severus,
Where is Draco?? I haven't been able to reach him for almost two weeks now, and yesterday - he was invited to our place, and he had accepted weeks ago, he seemed so happy about the invitation - he even accused us of evading him! How ridiculous! And then he just didn't show up!
He doesn't know that Neville is sick, so that wasn't the reason, and he would've owled off! What is going on? I really tried everything to reach him - he is never at home, or at least doesn't answer to the fireplace, he has put up new wards (yes, I did try to Apparate to his flat - I know, I know....), my owl always returns without the letter, though; he must have received them! I even tried to wizmail him, but no answer to that either - besides, he still refuses to use this "fancy mugglish crap", doesn't he?
Severus, he is withdrawing from us. Do you have any, any idea how we might help him? I'm really scared for him by now.
Merlin, I am obviously that hysterical already that I'm no longer capable of composing a coherent text... but I'm too busy to correct it now, you will have to make do with my babbling.
Neville's getting better (also, thanks to your wonderful draught!), he should be back by next Tuesday. He is worried, too. How I would proceed without him, I do not know.
Yours,
Pansy
*****************
If you hadn't seen me cry back then it would've never started between us. That's it, isn't it? You were simply taking pity on me, that's all there ever was to it! And you said that you loved me only because you knew - you thought that I was longing to hear it! Because you were so fucking good-hearted and benevolent, always trying to do "the right thing"! But I've rumbled you, haven't I? It was all about you, YOU, the Saviour, the Knight in Shining Armour, and I was merely to play along, as your compliant victim.
I don't care! I don't BLOODY CARE whether you loved me!
Fuck you, Potter! Fuck you! Fuck you! FUCK YOU!
*****************
Harry Potter Memorial Heavily Damaged During Unveiling Ceremony
Yesterday, the unveiling of the Harry Potter Memorial Statue took place in the main court of the Ministry of Magic; attracting great public interest. Close to the monument stood all the foremost wizards of today, many of whom had risen to fame when fighting side to side with our most beloved and lamented Harry Potter.
At first, Minister of Magic Arthur Weasley, who was to carry out the unveiling ceremony, addressed some heartfelt and moving words to the crowd that had gathered in large number; praising the "unremitting bravery" of War Hero Harry Potter and bemoaning his untimely death last summer.
The statue itself was cloaked by a magic veil in red and gold, bearing the Gryffindor crest; the excitement was heightened by the fact that no-one had been allowed to see the statue beforehand. Yet the ceremony was vastly disturbed by Mr Draco Malfoy who, as soon as Minister Weasley had successfully spelled away the magic veil, cast a number of Perishing Hexes against the statue.
He was able to cause considerable harm before four present Aurors, Minister Weasley's son Ronald among them, managed to overpower him and confiscate his wand. The statue, a fine work of the well-known artist Nicolas Bettobard, was seen to immediately by the present artist, and the ceremony could be followed through.
Mr Malfoy, since January this year divested of his position as Potions master at Hogwarts, had argued repeatedly against the erection of the Memorial, accusing the proponents of being "hypocrites" who would be "abusing Mr Potter beyond his death". Bystanders reported to the DP that Mr Malfoy had been muttering unintelligibly before and during the ceremony. Some of the attendees also observed that his hands were shaking and that he was continually looking over his shoulders. Mr Malfoy has been taken into custody but, regarding his present condition, was immediately transferred from the Auror Headquarters to St. Mungo's. [cont. p. 23]
*****************
You think I'm nothing without you, don't you? You think I can't cope, can't live without you? I never needed you! It wasn't love, never! You meant nothing to me, all you were to me was just a pleasant fuck!
All I want is pinning you against a wall, throwing you onto our bed, smashing, thrusting, pounding, screaming. Make you scream. Scream.
My world is nothing but a scream.
Did you really believe me when I said I loved you? How dim-witted were you? Stupid sod.
So good. So proud of your goodness, your virtue. And calling me arrogant. Me. Allowing your friends to pester me, your friends you always found an excuse for. Your friends, your side. How much I loathe them. Defending the bad side against the worse, didn't this matter to you?
Nothing matters now.
But I would've left you at length, and within a short time! All I regret is that I've never told you how much I despise you, Potter, detest you for what you've done to me, what you've turned me into. Your death was a relief for me!
Come back! Come back, so that I can tell you! Come back, you coward!
Forgive me, forgive me. I didn't mean it! Didn't mean to- It was all my fault.
Fault.
Guilty.
I didn't know. Never knew.
I'm so tired. Help me sleep.
But dreams- I'm so sorry sorry sorry. Don't let go of me. Please. Please.
I want to kiss you once again.
*****************
From: neville.longbottom-parkinson@hogwarts.wiz.uk
To: blaisez@scuolamag.ac.it
Subject: Draco
Dear Blaise,
I'm sorry we haven't contacted you for two days - but Pansy is at St. Mungo's all day and night now, and I've been busy at Hogwarts. Well, what with Draco gone and Snape on temporary leave....
Draco's condition is still giving cause for concern. Pansy has her entire department doing overtime, she even persuaded her boss to grant her free access to the laboratories at any time, and she is in permanent contact with Draco's Healers - but it's too early for any prediction, they say. Final diagnostic findings won't be possible for the next few weeks.
Snape is at St Mungo's, too, which obviously provides some kind of consolation to Draco; at least, he seems to calm down a little bit whenever Snape talks to him.
Pansy is taking it very, very badly. Not only is Draco one of her eldest and closest friends (but who am I telling this?), she also feels kind of responsible for what has happened, thinks that she could've prevented it somehow, that she should've known. We're talking a lot about it, and in her mind, she's aware that she couldn't have done more than she has done, but in her heart.... I know how terrible it is to be forced to watch helplessly when someone you love is drifting beyond your reach.
What adds to her distress is this most unfortunate investigation Ron has thought necessary to launch. Honestly, I don't understand him! Granted, he and Draco never got along well personally, but - no, I still can't believe that he's doing it on purpose, that he's really up to seriously harming Draco.
Yet, probably this is just me being naive (at least that's what Pansy keeps saying). Ron denies having tipped off the journalists about the investigation further on, but all this gossip about "other motives which might root deeper in Malfoy's past than just one year", "antithetic political positions" and such, is causing much harm.
There've even been suggestions (not by Ron, though, I guess) to investigate all the "shady families", whatever that crap's supposed to mean. Idiots, really.
Blaise, I do hope you can manage to come here next week. Pansy needs you, she needs to talk to you, to someone who shares the same recollection of the past. Oh god, do I sound selfish now, not even mentioning Draco? It is already arranged that you can visit him, and I didn't mean to pass him over, but, to be honest, as much as I wish him to get better (which I really, really do, because, as much as it may give him the creeps, I think of him as a friend), my primary concern is my Pansy.
Yours,
Neville
*****************
They took you away from me.
I was hiding you. They couldn't get hold of you. They can never take you away from me.
How did they find you? Why did you allow them to find you? All your friends. Your friends. Never mine. Never. Always yours, never ours.
Didn't want me, didn't want them. Malfoys don't rival with sycophants.
You promised me that you'd never leave me.
Never leave me. Never leave me. Never leave me. And I believed in you, I trusted you. But you lied to me.
Lied. You went away with them, and left me alone. They hate me.
They are after me. Intend to dispose of me. Spying on me. And they think I don't notice.
Don't, don't- Why did you go with them?
It is I who loves you, I!
*****************
[cont. from p. 3]
Daily Prophet: Mrs Parkinson-Longbottom's allegations that you are forcing the investigation of Mr Malfoy merely out of revenge, that-
Auror Ronald Weasley: This so shows their way of thinking, doesn't it, that nothing is ever done without a hidden agenda, eh? I could assure you that I'm simply doing my job - and this would be nothing but the truth - but I absolutely refuse to comment on these ridiculous accusations.
DP: Well, of course we accept this statement, but on the other hand, there is ano-
RW: See, I mean, I never said that Mr Malfoy really had any other.... well, motives, I merely advocated that all possibilities should be taken into consideration, and this means nothing less than me doing my job properly. As he has never officially distanced himself from.... but it's just one theory, as I said.
DP: You have been openly opposing the theory that Mr Malfoy's present condition was mainly triggered by the unexpected death of Mr Potter.
RW: Oh, no, I never said something like that! Besides, it's only a popular.... It has never been confirmed... Listen, I'm no Mediwizard, I'm not competent.... but it's.... seems as if he's.... Seems like blaming Harry for his.... well, maybe it's just making things too easy for my taste. Mind, I'm not saying that he wasn't upset by Harry's death, he was. It was a devastating shock for us, for Harry's friends, an inconceivable tragedy. For him, too, I guess.
DP: But?
RW: You know, it's such a long time ago, more then a year now. And he's never... not even once visited.... A thorough investigation would be to Mr Malfoy's benefit as well. Especially to his benefit, come to that. He couldn't be cleared of all suspicion otherwise, now could he?
DP: Nevertheless, the importance of this night's tragic events can't be denied. When Mr Potter was on his way to Mr Malfoy -
RW: On his way to Mr Malfoy?! You don't actually believe the sappy stories Malfoy had his thugs disseminate! Harry for sure wasn't going to.... Isn't it convenient for Malfoy that all we will ever be able to get hold of is his version? But, no, look, we've all said things that we probably... I guess we shouldn't have said in public. I don't want to spread gossip here, really, I don't. And as Snape... the Headmaster said that he heard... and he's to be believed.
DP: Do you mean to say -
RW: And since no one... none of us was present, all we can do is guess. We'll never know the truth for sure, so let's stick to the official version, shan't we? After all, the events back then aren't today's topic, are they?
DP: No, of course not. So, will the Auror Headquarters continue conducting the investigation concerning the assault?
RW: Most definitely.
DP: Is it true that Headmaster Snape has withdrawn his offer to cooperate, to let you freely inspect Mr Malfoy's correspondence and search his flat?
RW: Yes. Yes, he refused it at first, then agreed to a thorough searching of Mr Malfoy's flat, but yesterday he denied access again. Seems that making definite decisions and then sticking to them has always been hard for the likes of him, doesn't it?
DP: So, do you actually consider Mr Malfoy a danger to the Wizarding community?
RW: That's what I've always thought.
*****************
I never asked you. But I knew the answer anyway. Can't humiliate me, Potter, no-no, no chance!
Never never wanted to love you. Why do you force me to? I hate it. Why do you do this to me? TALK TO ME! WHERE ARE YOU? Don't remain silent! Need to talk to you. Need to-
I can't breathe! Breathe. Help me. HELP ME!
WHY ARE YOU NEVER THERE WHEN I NEED YOU?
Why don't you love me? Don't love me.... don't.... love me....
*****************
From: pansy.parkinson-longbottom@st-mungos.wiz.uk
To: blaisez@scuolamag.ac.it
Subject: ...
Blaise,
I don't know how- I have no words. Blaise, Draco is-
*****************
ihateyoupotterihateyoupotterihateyouhateyouhateyouhateyouhatehatehatelovehatehate....
*****************
Author: cutecoati
Topic: Death
Rating: R (just to make sure, although I'd rather say PG-13)
Character: Draco, post Harry/Draco
Warning: previous character death
Rough Word Count: 4840
A/N: Written for session 1, challenge # 21: Character A deals with the loss of a spouse/significant other. I, of course, had to kill off Harry.... Many, many thanks to my wonderful betas ravenpan and kurla88! All mistakes are mine.
Borrowed Time
Dear Mum,
I've been sorted into Slytherin! I'm sure that you know this already but I'm so excited about it! To be actually sorted into the House that has been a home to you and Dad, to take this first step in fulfilling your expectations!
The sorting feast was wicked! Headmaster Professor Snape (he is soooo awe-inspiring, but please, Mummy, don't tell Dad that I said that!) really conjured all the tidbits you said I would get there, and I ate them all! Professor Malfoy is quite cool, too. When he shooed us down into the dungeons immediately after dinner, many of my classmates (guess who in particular? silly Mortianna Edgecott!!) were actually daunted by his haughty appearance, but not me! I'm really looking forward to our first classes.
Is Missy fine? Does she have her babies already? How many? A black one, like her, among them? I want to keep at least two, please!! The owl you gave me is nice, though, and it is more convenient to have an owl.
I miss you, Mummy. And Daddy, too. And Helena (she's not allowed to play with my stuff!!).
Love,
Electra
*****************
I love you. So much.
*****************
Farmazeutica Fantastica
Department of Owl-Order
Europe
FAO Professor Draco Malfoy, Potions master
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry
Re: Your order, December 12th
Dear Professor Malfoy,
We are happy to welcome you as our new customer. Before dispatching the ordered items, we want to make sure that everything is delivered according to your request. Thus, we would ask you to check the list stated below, especially regarding the quantity of each item.
100 ounces each
- Aconite (3 S p. oz)
- Barberry (4 S p. oz)
- Dittany (2 S p. oz)
- Horsetail (1 S p. oz)
- Marigold (1 S p. oz)
total of 64 G 12 S
85 ounces each
- Bear Berry (4 S p. oz)
- Bittersweet (3 S p. oz)
- Hyssop (8 S p. oz)
- Pennyroyal (7 S p. oz)
- Turmeric (5 S p. oz)
total of 135 G
7 ounces each
- Spurge (2 S p. oz)
- St. John's Wort (3 S p. oz)
- Passion Flower (5 S p. oz)
- Blessed Thistle (6 S p. oz)
total of 6 G 10 S
-------------------------------------------
Total amount of 206 G 5 S
Upon receiving your confirmation, we will send the items to you immediately. Are you familiar with our AOD service (Advanced Owl Delivery)? At an additional charge of merely 2.5 sickles, the parcel will be sent to you by use of specially trained delivery owls which deliver their loads in about half the time. If you wish to make use of this special service, please add a note and we will see to it.
As you requested, the amount will be charged to your account at Gringotts.
Thank you for buying at Farmazeutica Fantastica, we are looking forward to staying in business contact with you.
Yours sincerely
Walafrid Bing
Assistant Managing Director
*****************
Sometimes I wonder if it hurt less had you died a hero. You were a hero once, Harry, weren't you? And what a glorious death it would have been, sacrificing your life for the benefit of the Wizarding world. Had you died defeating Him, as we all expected you to, could I have successfully deluded myself? Would I be eternally proud of your sacrifice? Would I have been able to betray my memory, and still be praising you as Our Saviour, rather than mourning the one I love?
It's strange; yet sometimes, I almost wish that you had died earlier. I hate me when I'm like that.
*****************
Dear Headmaster Snape,
I'm positive you know that my son has been sorted into Slytherin, following the tradition of both my and my husband's families, which - as you can well imagine - filled our parental hearts with pride.
Therefore, it is not, and I would like to stress this, not in my intention to decry the new Head of Slytherin House, nor do I want to blame him for my son's indisputable foolery (for which he has been punished severely). Both my husband and I are aware of the difficult personal situation Professor Malfoy is in, and let me assure you that we hold him in highest regards, notwithstanding all rumours.
Yet, you might find it appropriate to investigate last week's events more closely. My son has, regardless of all his demerits, never been a liar; and there is additional proof that Professor Malfoy's response to the incident, which has to be considered a schoolboy's joke after all, had been a tad exaggerated.
I do not intend this to have any consequences as far as Professor Malfoy is concerned - that decision is entirely within your responsibility - but my husband and I will strongly oppose against any further negative impact this regrettable incident might have on our son's otherwise untainted record.
Yours sincerely,
Jezabel Pucey
*****************
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou....
*****************
"... And we're already into the third hour of the match now... Beater Connor... there's a Bludger coming.... but no, he knocks it back.... Marson.... and yes, Slytherin in possession!
"Chaser Marson of Slytherin! He's heading for goal, and.... and.... Bludger's come back, stops Marson from scoring again.... he's hit hard in his face, it seems.... ouch, that looks bad....
"Oh, and take a look at the Head of Slytherin House, how he's trying to guide his team by gesticulating wildly.... well, they had better listen to him, he has been a splendid player himself....
"And Wentworth takes the Quaffle, Ravenclaw's in possession now, but Slytherin's still leading with 50 points.... passes.... Henderson with the Quaffle.... the splendid Ravenclaw Beaters at her side.... Higgs trying to block.... Keeper Higgs.... and.... and the Seekers!
"Both Seekers are... have they seen the Snitch?... yeeees, they must have... spiralling higher and higher.... ooohhh, the tension.... the anxious faces.... even Professor Malfoy seems to be biting his lips.... this is Slytherin's last chance for the Cup, mind.... and yes, THERE'S THE SNITCH!
"Slytherin Seeker Bletchley.... and her Ravenclaw colleague.... but Bletchley's going to beat him to it, she's closer, faster.... wow, she's truly gorgeous.... what a talent this girl is, and she... OOOHHH! What a- oh no, what a mistake! And Ravenclaw's Daniels is still after it and... grabbing.... has he.... yes, DANIELS' GOT THE SNITCH!
"Ravenclaw wins! Ravenclaw wins with one hundred and ninety points! What an exciting match! Just look how they're jubilating, cheering and embracing each other and.... oh my, there are a lot of Slytherin heads hanging low now, oh, it seems Bletchley's wiping away some tears.... but it has been a gorgeous match, and Professor Malfoy rushes to support...
"He's spectacularly lost several plays himself, rumour has it, but he's said to be good a sport, so... on his way to his team, and... woah, but he looks... rather intimidating, I must say... yelling at Blet-.... Oh, really, that's- uh, his temper- they've only lost a match, after all... and...
"By Merlin, he's raising his wand.... oh.... oh, we'll definitely need a new Snitch...."
*****************
You betrayed me. How could you show me what it is like, and then take it away from me again? I need to touch you, to smell you. I need to hold you when you cry. Your fingers caressing my skin, your body next to mine, making love.
Now that I was allowed a glimpse into perfection, how can I go on? With you, I was at peace, always, every moment, even when we were having a row, yelling and screaming at each other, when I was calling you names and ran out of the room, was throwing a tantrum - and I was good at that, wasn't I? - and threatening to leave you; I was at peace.
You knew this.
How could you deprive me of this? Did you not love me?
*****************
Headmaster's office
Memo to: DM
Have you gone completely mad? It might have escaped your notice, but I am actually leaning over backwards for you, you thick-witted, obtuse ignoramus. Resigning is not an option.
SS.
*****************
I was a mystery to you, you said. You never knew if I truly loved you, you said. You feared that I were just playing around, that I might one day get up and inform you that I'm done with you, 'cause "Malfoys never bond beneath their status". This stupid sentence I once said to you, which you never allowed me to make up for.
But, Harry, love, it was YOU, didn't you realise that? I tried to reach out for you, tried to... how could you not understand what I was trying to do? Did you ever trust me? I held you in the highest regard, I still do. But you? How could you not understand me? I too was risking so much, and giving up my -
Besides, how could I possibly know if you were really caring for me - for ME - or if it was just this Gryffindor reflex of yours kicking in, making you look after someone who needs to be looked after? You never let me learn that.
No, I didn't want to love you. Yet it was never my decision to make, you coerced me into loving you - could you really not bear the idea that someone might not like you? Did absolutely everyone have to fall for your puppy dog eyes and cute messy hair, no matter the consequences?
I hated loving you. I was so afraid. WHY DIDN'T YOU TRY TO UNDERSTAND? You were always such an egocentric bastard!
Selfless people don't just die.
*****************
From: blaisez@scuolamag.ac.it
To: pansy.parkinson-longbottom@st-mungos.wiz.uk
Subject: Mate's okay, hon!
Pansy, dear,
Stop worrying! I owled Draco about two weeks ago, and guess what? He talked to me yesterday! Almost suffered a heart attack when his head appeared in the fireplace all of a sudden, I can tell you....
To be honest, I can't quite make out why you're that concerned - you (of all people) should know that he's a short-tempered bloke, our darling, always has been, and not too outspoken about his feelings.... But honestly, he seemed absolutely fine to me, laughed a lot, joked around and was merry! Kept complaining fiercely about not having seen me for so long, though, so... do you reckon I'd be in with a chance there? No - come on, I was just kidding! Kidding! As if I didn't know that... btw, how dare you say he's too skinny - M'am, trust the cognoscente, he's as gorgeous as ever!
I'm still enjoying myself greatly here. Sun, terrific food, magnificent boys, a calmer pace of life - I couldn't possibly ask for more, now could I? Moved to a new flat last week and - okay, to tell you the truth, I received an offer from the university here recently, to participate in a research project which would mean an employment for at least five years... and I have to admit, I'm more than tempted to accept.
Whatsoever: I'll be at home over Christmas, we'll talk then. And - I'm having a date with You Know Whom!
(Whoops, sorry 'bout the bad pun)
Honey, don't fuss, really... always the Mediwizard, eh?
hugs&snuggles,
Blaise
ps: Owls are so out, darling! Can't those country bumpkins at Hogwarts finally get themselves decent wizmail access? Honestly...
pps: A kiss to Neville!
ppps: Yes, I know that it gives him the creeps!!
*****************
When you were lying dead in that dreadful hospital bed, I couldn't believe how peaceful you looked. How could you, with all this filth and these stupid people around?
But your face was so calm, almost content, and there was a smile on your lips - a smile like one of those when we've made love and you were lying close to me, half asleep. Oh, it hurt, it hurt so much; and still, I couldn't even be sad, because you seemed so happy. How could I dare to be sad when you were happy, and yet you were dead, and I GODDAMN WANTED TO BE SAD!
How could you be happy?
And, Potter, stay out of my dreams. If you're not real, I don't need you at all.
*****************
Dear Headmaster Snape,
With regard to recent events, we hereby inform you that Mr Malfoy is released from his position as Potions master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry with immediate effect. Please make sure that Mr Malfoy hands in his decree to you and clears his office upon announcement. We will see to a substitute for him from next week onwards, please be so kind as to step in yourself during the ongoing week.
Mr Malfoy is, by all means, to keep away from the students. He is neither permitted to teach any further lessons, nor to continue conducting his Potions Olympics; and he may not come anywhere near the Quidditch pitch. It is your responsibility to make sure that these orders are carried out.
Please be assured that we deeply regret being forced to take these extreme measures of action; but as the security of the students must obtain highest priority, whatsoever the personal circumstances, we see no alternative to our decision. We are aware of both Mr Malfoy's merits and your commitment to him. Nevertheless, our decision is irrevocable.
Best regards,
Board of Governors
p.p. Mrs A. Bell
*****************
They don't want me here. I sacrificed my career elsewhere, and they dare reject me. This bunch of ignorant cretins! A person of my qualification, of my reputation; lots and lots of private companies are trying to headhunt me, but no, I had to fall for this loyalty-nonsense, and now, obviously, I'm no longer good enough to compete with this accumulation of incompetence!
I am a Malfoy! A MALFOY! We aren't turned down, never, not once in our history! Wonderful times ahead, then, with teachers like this giant oaf. He has always hated me. He has been spying on me, I'm sure, it has been mainly him, trying to collect evidence, he was. He even had the audacity to insinuate that I might be bad for the students. He! He of all people! I still have the scars on my arm!
Dumb creature! Idiots, all of them. But apparently, having an IQ which rises above the average room temperature is the safest way to be turned out. How Snape manages to carry on without going stark raving mad is totally beyond me. But he didn't want it otherwise, obviously. His own fault, then.
Don't you dare grin, Potter, I'm actually grateful I've got rid of them, do you really think this was the ultimate wet dream of my life, to devote hours and months and years of my life to trying to hammer at least tiny bits of knowledge into unworthy, childish brains; to spending my evenings with old hags and narrow-minded, uptight losers?
Merlin, I really hate them. I'm so glad I'm off, I didn't need this job anyway. They don't want me? Phew, I don't want them, I never wanted them! I don't need them!
You didn't want me, either.
*****************
- Access to owl correspondence: granted
- Access to wizmail correspondence: granted
- Control of fireplace: granted
- Overall use of Surveillance Spells: denied
- Selective use of Surveillance Spells: granted, albeit applying for special authorisation of each action required
- Personal observation: denied
*****************
I dreamt about you. I had this dream that Voldemort was still alive, and that he killed you. You and Redhead. Several Redheads. And your pet Mudblood. The Squib - what was his name? The Dark Lord killed you all.
And I was standing aside, watching, desperate and terrified, and angry, and lonely. And I was jealous.
I'm such a pathetic sod.
*****************
From: pansy.parkinson-longbottom@st-mungos.wiz.uk
To: severus.snape@hogwarts.wiz.uk
Subject: Draco!
Dear Severus,
Where is Draco?? I haven't been able to reach him for almost two weeks now, and yesterday - he was invited to our place, and he had accepted weeks ago, he seemed so happy about the invitation - he even accused us of evading him! How ridiculous! And then he just didn't show up!
He doesn't know that Neville is sick, so that wasn't the reason, and he would've owled off! What is going on? I really tried everything to reach him - he is never at home, or at least doesn't answer to the fireplace, he has put up new wards (yes, I did try to Apparate to his flat - I know, I know....), my owl always returns without the letter, though; he must have received them! I even tried to wizmail him, but no answer to that either - besides, he still refuses to use this "fancy mugglish crap", doesn't he?
Severus, he is withdrawing from us. Do you have any, any idea how we might help him? I'm really scared for him by now.
Merlin, I am obviously that hysterical already that I'm no longer capable of composing a coherent text... but I'm too busy to correct it now, you will have to make do with my babbling.
Neville's getting better (also, thanks to your wonderful draught!), he should be back by next Tuesday. He is worried, too. How I would proceed without him, I do not know.
Yours,
Pansy
*****************
If you hadn't seen me cry back then it would've never started between us. That's it, isn't it? You were simply taking pity on me, that's all there ever was to it! And you said that you loved me only because you knew - you thought that I was longing to hear it! Because you were so fucking good-hearted and benevolent, always trying to do "the right thing"! But I've rumbled you, haven't I? It was all about you, YOU, the Saviour, the Knight in Shining Armour, and I was merely to play along, as your compliant victim.
I don't care! I don't BLOODY CARE whether you loved me!
Fuck you, Potter! Fuck you! Fuck you! FUCK YOU!
*****************
Harry Potter Memorial Heavily Damaged During Unveiling Ceremony
Yesterday, the unveiling of the Harry Potter Memorial Statue took place in the main court of the Ministry of Magic; attracting great public interest. Close to the monument stood all the foremost wizards of today, many of whom had risen to fame when fighting side to side with our most beloved and lamented Harry Potter.
At first, Minister of Magic Arthur Weasley, who was to carry out the unveiling ceremony, addressed some heartfelt and moving words to the crowd that had gathered in large number; praising the "unremitting bravery" of War Hero Harry Potter and bemoaning his untimely death last summer.
The statue itself was cloaked by a magic veil in red and gold, bearing the Gryffindor crest; the excitement was heightened by the fact that no-one had been allowed to see the statue beforehand. Yet the ceremony was vastly disturbed by Mr Draco Malfoy who, as soon as Minister Weasley had successfully spelled away the magic veil, cast a number of Perishing Hexes against the statue.
He was able to cause considerable harm before four present Aurors, Minister Weasley's son Ronald among them, managed to overpower him and confiscate his wand. The statue, a fine work of the well-known artist Nicolas Bettobard, was seen to immediately by the present artist, and the ceremony could be followed through.
Mr Malfoy, since January this year divested of his position as Potions master at Hogwarts, had argued repeatedly against the erection of the Memorial, accusing the proponents of being "hypocrites" who would be "abusing Mr Potter beyond his death". Bystanders reported to the DP that Mr Malfoy had been muttering unintelligibly before and during the ceremony. Some of the attendees also observed that his hands were shaking and that he was continually looking over his shoulders. Mr Malfoy has been taken into custody but, regarding his present condition, was immediately transferred from the Auror Headquarters to St. Mungo's. [cont. p. 23]
*****************
You think I'm nothing without you, don't you? You think I can't cope, can't live without you? I never needed you! It wasn't love, never! You meant nothing to me, all you were to me was just a pleasant fuck!
All I want is pinning you against a wall, throwing you onto our bed, smashing, thrusting, pounding, screaming. Make you scream. Scream.
My world is nothing but a scream.
Did you really believe me when I said I loved you? How dim-witted were you? Stupid sod.
So good. So proud of your goodness, your virtue. And calling me arrogant. Me. Allowing your friends to pester me, your friends you always found an excuse for. Your friends, your side. How much I loathe them. Defending the bad side against the worse, didn't this matter to you?
Nothing matters now.
But I would've left you at length, and within a short time! All I regret is that I've never told you how much I despise you, Potter, detest you for what you've done to me, what you've turned me into. Your death was a relief for me!
Come back! Come back, so that I can tell you! Come back, you coward!
Forgive me, forgive me. I didn't mean it! Didn't mean to- It was all my fault.
Fault.
Guilty.
I didn't know. Never knew.
I'm so tired. Help me sleep.
But dreams- I'm so sorry sorry sorry. Don't let go of me. Please. Please.
I want to kiss you once again.
*****************
From: neville.longbottom-parkinson@hogwarts.wiz.uk
To: blaisez@scuolamag.ac.it
Subject: Draco
Dear Blaise,
I'm sorry we haven't contacted you for two days - but Pansy is at St. Mungo's all day and night now, and I've been busy at Hogwarts. Well, what with Draco gone and Snape on temporary leave....
Draco's condition is still giving cause for concern. Pansy has her entire department doing overtime, she even persuaded her boss to grant her free access to the laboratories at any time, and she is in permanent contact with Draco's Healers - but it's too early for any prediction, they say. Final diagnostic findings won't be possible for the next few weeks.
Snape is at St Mungo's, too, which obviously provides some kind of consolation to Draco; at least, he seems to calm down a little bit whenever Snape talks to him.
Pansy is taking it very, very badly. Not only is Draco one of her eldest and closest friends (but who am I telling this?), she also feels kind of responsible for what has happened, thinks that she could've prevented it somehow, that she should've known. We're talking a lot about it, and in her mind, she's aware that she couldn't have done more than she has done, but in her heart.... I know how terrible it is to be forced to watch helplessly when someone you love is drifting beyond your reach.
What adds to her distress is this most unfortunate investigation Ron has thought necessary to launch. Honestly, I don't understand him! Granted, he and Draco never got along well personally, but - no, I still can't believe that he's doing it on purpose, that he's really up to seriously harming Draco.
Yet, probably this is just me being naive (at least that's what Pansy keeps saying). Ron denies having tipped off the journalists about the investigation further on, but all this gossip about "other motives which might root deeper in Malfoy's past than just one year", "antithetic political positions" and such, is causing much harm.
There've even been suggestions (not by Ron, though, I guess) to investigate all the "shady families", whatever that crap's supposed to mean. Idiots, really.
Blaise, I do hope you can manage to come here next week. Pansy needs you, she needs to talk to you, to someone who shares the same recollection of the past. Oh god, do I sound selfish now, not even mentioning Draco? It is already arranged that you can visit him, and I didn't mean to pass him over, but, to be honest, as much as I wish him to get better (which I really, really do, because, as much as it may give him the creeps, I think of him as a friend), my primary concern is my Pansy.
Yours,
Neville
*****************
They took you away from me.
I was hiding you. They couldn't get hold of you. They can never take you away from me.
How did they find you? Why did you allow them to find you? All your friends. Your friends. Never mine. Never. Always yours, never ours.
Didn't want me, didn't want them. Malfoys don't rival with sycophants.
You promised me that you'd never leave me.
Never leave me. Never leave me. Never leave me. And I believed in you, I trusted you. But you lied to me.
Lied. You went away with them, and left me alone. They hate me.
They are after me. Intend to dispose of me. Spying on me. And they think I don't notice.
Don't, don't- Why did you go with them?
It is I who loves you, I!
*****************
[cont. from p. 3]
Daily Prophet: Mrs Parkinson-Longbottom's allegations that you are forcing the investigation of Mr Malfoy merely out of revenge, that-
Auror Ronald Weasley: This so shows their way of thinking, doesn't it, that nothing is ever done without a hidden agenda, eh? I could assure you that I'm simply doing my job - and this would be nothing but the truth - but I absolutely refuse to comment on these ridiculous accusations.
DP: Well, of course we accept this statement, but on the other hand, there is ano-
RW: See, I mean, I never said that Mr Malfoy really had any other.... well, motives, I merely advocated that all possibilities should be taken into consideration, and this means nothing less than me doing my job properly. As he has never officially distanced himself from.... but it's just one theory, as I said.
DP: You have been openly opposing the theory that Mr Malfoy's present condition was mainly triggered by the unexpected death of Mr Potter.
RW: Oh, no, I never said something like that! Besides, it's only a popular.... It has never been confirmed... Listen, I'm no Mediwizard, I'm not competent.... but it's.... seems as if he's.... Seems like blaming Harry for his.... well, maybe it's just making things too easy for my taste. Mind, I'm not saying that he wasn't upset by Harry's death, he was. It was a devastating shock for us, for Harry's friends, an inconceivable tragedy. For him, too, I guess.
DP: But?
RW: You know, it's such a long time ago, more then a year now. And he's never... not even once visited.... A thorough investigation would be to Mr Malfoy's benefit as well. Especially to his benefit, come to that. He couldn't be cleared of all suspicion otherwise, now could he?
DP: Nevertheless, the importance of this night's tragic events can't be denied. When Mr Potter was on his way to Mr Malfoy -
RW: On his way to Mr Malfoy?! You don't actually believe the sappy stories Malfoy had his thugs disseminate! Harry for sure wasn't going to.... Isn't it convenient for Malfoy that all we will ever be able to get hold of is his version? But, no, look, we've all said things that we probably... I guess we shouldn't have said in public. I don't want to spread gossip here, really, I don't. And as Snape... the Headmaster said that he heard... and he's to be believed.
DP: Do you mean to say -
RW: And since no one... none of us was present, all we can do is guess. We'll never know the truth for sure, so let's stick to the official version, shan't we? After all, the events back then aren't today's topic, are they?
DP: No, of course not. So, will the Auror Headquarters continue conducting the investigation concerning the assault?
RW: Most definitely.
DP: Is it true that Headmaster Snape has withdrawn his offer to cooperate, to let you freely inspect Mr Malfoy's correspondence and search his flat?
RW: Yes. Yes, he refused it at first, then agreed to a thorough searching of Mr Malfoy's flat, but yesterday he denied access again. Seems that making definite decisions and then sticking to them has always been hard for the likes of him, doesn't it?
DP: So, do you actually consider Mr Malfoy a danger to the Wizarding community?
RW: That's what I've always thought.
*****************
I never asked you. But I knew the answer anyway. Can't humiliate me, Potter, no-no, no chance!
Never never wanted to love you. Why do you force me to? I hate it. Why do you do this to me? TALK TO ME! WHERE ARE YOU? Don't remain silent! Need to talk to you. Need to-
I can't breathe! Breathe. Help me. HELP ME!
WHY ARE YOU NEVER THERE WHEN I NEED YOU?
Why don't you love me? Don't love me.... don't.... love me....
*****************
From: pansy.parkinson-longbottom@st-mungos.wiz.uk
To: blaisez@scuolamag.ac.it
Subject: ...
Blaise,
I don't know how- I have no words. Blaise, Draco is-
*****************
ihateyoupotterihateyoupotterihateyouhateyouhateyouhateyouhatehatehatelovehatehate....
*****************