(no subject)
help please?
need harsh critiquing
His fist hit the wall with the strength of a diamond, making a booming echo throughout the room, breaking through the thin layer of plaster. He had never experienced a rage this magnified. Why was it so intense? He looked down at his now crimson fist, the blood trickling down the palm that had so recently been pressed against hers, the fingers that had so recently been wrapped around hers. The adrenaline drowned away all sources of pain and threw it into the dark corners of his mind where it couldn't be felt.
She had picked up what was left of their relationship this morning in a tiny cardboard box. He had to face the facts. Everyone who had ever meant anything to him had left him alone to suffocate. She had been his oxygen. He couldn't breathe anymore, couldn't function without her. She was the last one to leave, and the one who meant the most. He had been left in the dust for a gofer at some law firm in the city. He chuckled to himself for some unidentifiable reason, bringing upon coughs full of tears and pain. Who knew the absence of one person could leave another like this. He flopped down on the brown pleather couch that consumed the majority of his tiny living quarters. He curled up into a ball, holding his knees, wiping his eyes, clouded from the tears, onto his sweatpants. Thoughts raced through his head at such a velocity that he couldn’t reach out and hold onto one without it escaping through his fingers. He began to feel dizzy, nauseous. The thoughts began to spin faster, as did the room he was in. It engulfed him, closing in on him like a lion on a crippled deer. A feeling of claustrophobia overcame him and he tried to will it away but to no avail. It took him over; there was no challenging it
He woke up with his shirt now verdant and clinging to his chest with sweat. The material from the couch squeaked from the moisture when he made the subtlest of moves. His fingers combed through his soaking death-black hair, attempting to get it out of his eyes. He didn’t know what to do. He wanted to hold her hand right then more than he wanted to live, but he knew it was impossible…