Let's get one thing clear right now
I got some shit to get off my chest.
So, people think I'm a flamboyantly arrogant asshole. I used to try to downplay that a lot. Mainly because since the 90's and well in to the 2000's, to be percieved as humble was vogue. Why else would pretentious dicks on inernet chat rooms and message boards lambast every musician that obtains commercial success as being a whore. You might have a huge fanbase that thinks you have loads of talent, but you couldn't hold a candle to my beloved indie bands no one's heard of except for me and my fellow anti-elitists! Hell, I'm just as guilty of it. Take my favorite band of all time, for example, Bone thugs-n-harmony. The "H" in Thugs stands for "HUMBLE" for crying out loud! And as much as I like them musically, I'd have to lie through my teeth to tell you the belief that I was aligning myself with a group that was morally superior to other rappers obsessed with material wealth and hedonism (in other words, the fruits of one's labor in the entertainment business) didn't play a large part in it.
Anyway, the point I'm making is I wanted to believe I was humble, and have others share that belief. What I came to realize is it's hard to do that when you tend to actually believe the shit coming out of your mouth to be the truth. So fine. I'm egotistical, because I believe I'm right most of the time. Here's a fucking newsflash for you. I don't think I'm right in what I say because I'm Wolf-Bone, the all knowing. I think I'm right because I don't say anything unless I'm pretty confident in my assertion. And I'm not confident in any assertion I make until I've thought long and hard about what used to be an uncertainty.
So here's one of my famous arrogant assertions I'm about to make. What you think is open-minded and humble is really uncertainty. What you think is conceit is really the product of a piece of mind that cooped itself up in the attic and didn't come down until it was damn sure it had some sort of answer. Ultimately, I think too much, so that I can have confidence in my mind, and you think too little, call it open-mindedness and decide to label me close-minded for thinking too much (think about that line for a second).
So, how can I fathom that all of two minutes is "long and hard" enough for me to decide someone I've been friends with since second grade is worth cutting ties with? Because when they treat you like all those years don't amount to shit, there aren't a whole lot of factors to assess. And when the best retort you can come up with is "all the drugs have ruined your brain", and you're saying this to someone who's worldview, vocational goals, artistic abilities and vocabulary have all expanded over the years while yours remain stagnant, it's pretty evident that you lack a fundamental criteria required to be any friend of mine - a set of eyes.
Yes, I believe I am a better artist than you, and that I am more worldly, ambitious and articulate than you. But that's not why I'm not your friend. I'm not your friend because I'm incapable of being friends with people I've outgrown. No matter how nice they may be, it's only a matter of time before they act stupid, and I'm forced to make a choice: protect their feelings and let them be stupid, or tell them they're being stupid, and risk hurt feelings for the sake of honesty. And the choice is obvious, because a friend doesn't let you continue to make an idiot of yourself without at least trying to shake you up. I've been on the business end of that treatment at least as many times as I've given it, and the difference between the people I've remained friends with and those who I distanced myself from / distanced themselves from me has come down to one thing. How well I / they handled being challenged by a friend. You did a pretty sad job of that. If I'm completely out of line, tell me, in a manner that doesn't amount to "fuck you, you don't know me anyway". Until then, you and I just aren't on the same level.
This lovely little bitchfest has been brought to you by one person, who I grew up with in real life. In other words, probably no one currently reading this LJ except them, in which case they know who they are. Nevertheless, I think it applies to a few other people I've been arguing with lately online, namely the ones who's argument always devolves into me being an arrogant asshole. I truly don't believe they're on my level, and frankly it's getting boring. I wonder if the likes of Jakkal and Bowtie would be interested in giving me a philosophical ass-whooping, just like in the good ol' days, if I really need it as bad as some people seem to think. I mention them specifically because I KNOW from experience they could tell me WHY I'm wrong, if I am, in terms that go beyond "fuck you, you're a narrow minded prick!". Although strangely, when I learned to argue my point better than that, most of my problems with them stopped.
Still, I'm feeling more and more like a big fish in a small pond. I fear plateauing and becoming no better than the same ex-friends I'm talking about now. But in the meantime, I reserve humility for matters I'm uncertain about. But if I've got my mind made up about something, unless they have what it takes to knock me off my high horse, I bow down to sweet fuck-all. I welcome the challenge, wherever it is.
So, people think I'm a flamboyantly arrogant asshole. I used to try to downplay that a lot. Mainly because since the 90's and well in to the 2000's, to be percieved as humble was vogue. Why else would pretentious dicks on inernet chat rooms and message boards lambast every musician that obtains commercial success as being a whore. You might have a huge fanbase that thinks you have loads of talent, but you couldn't hold a candle to my beloved indie bands no one's heard of except for me and my fellow anti-elitists! Hell, I'm just as guilty of it. Take my favorite band of all time, for example, Bone thugs-n-harmony. The "H" in Thugs stands for "HUMBLE" for crying out loud! And as much as I like them musically, I'd have to lie through my teeth to tell you the belief that I was aligning myself with a group that was morally superior to other rappers obsessed with material wealth and hedonism (in other words, the fruits of one's labor in the entertainment business) didn't play a large part in it.
Anyway, the point I'm making is I wanted to believe I was humble, and have others share that belief. What I came to realize is it's hard to do that when you tend to actually believe the shit coming out of your mouth to be the truth. So fine. I'm egotistical, because I believe I'm right most of the time. Here's a fucking newsflash for you. I don't think I'm right in what I say because I'm Wolf-Bone, the all knowing. I think I'm right because I don't say anything unless I'm pretty confident in my assertion. And I'm not confident in any assertion I make until I've thought long and hard about what used to be an uncertainty.
So here's one of my famous arrogant assertions I'm about to make. What you think is open-minded and humble is really uncertainty. What you think is conceit is really the product of a piece of mind that cooped itself up in the attic and didn't come down until it was damn sure it had some sort of answer. Ultimately, I think too much, so that I can have confidence in my mind, and you think too little, call it open-mindedness and decide to label me close-minded for thinking too much (think about that line for a second).
So, how can I fathom that all of two minutes is "long and hard" enough for me to decide someone I've been friends with since second grade is worth cutting ties with? Because when they treat you like all those years don't amount to shit, there aren't a whole lot of factors to assess. And when the best retort you can come up with is "all the drugs have ruined your brain", and you're saying this to someone who's worldview, vocational goals, artistic abilities and vocabulary have all expanded over the years while yours remain stagnant, it's pretty evident that you lack a fundamental criteria required to be any friend of mine - a set of eyes.
Yes, I believe I am a better artist than you, and that I am more worldly, ambitious and articulate than you. But that's not why I'm not your friend. I'm not your friend because I'm incapable of being friends with people I've outgrown. No matter how nice they may be, it's only a matter of time before they act stupid, and I'm forced to make a choice: protect their feelings and let them be stupid, or tell them they're being stupid, and risk hurt feelings for the sake of honesty. And the choice is obvious, because a friend doesn't let you continue to make an idiot of yourself without at least trying to shake you up. I've been on the business end of that treatment at least as many times as I've given it, and the difference between the people I've remained friends with and those who I distanced myself from / distanced themselves from me has come down to one thing. How well I / they handled being challenged by a friend. You did a pretty sad job of that. If I'm completely out of line, tell me, in a manner that doesn't amount to "fuck you, you don't know me anyway". Until then, you and I just aren't on the same level.
This lovely little bitchfest has been brought to you by one person, who I grew up with in real life. In other words, probably no one currently reading this LJ except them, in which case they know who they are. Nevertheless, I think it applies to a few other people I've been arguing with lately online, namely the ones who's argument always devolves into me being an arrogant asshole. I truly don't believe they're on my level, and frankly it's getting boring. I wonder if the likes of Jakkal and Bowtie would be interested in giving me a philosophical ass-whooping, just like in the good ol' days, if I really need it as bad as some people seem to think. I mention them specifically because I KNOW from experience they could tell me WHY I'm wrong, if I am, in terms that go beyond "fuck you, you're a narrow minded prick!". Although strangely, when I learned to argue my point better than that, most of my problems with them stopped.
Still, I'm feeling more and more like a big fish in a small pond. I fear plateauing and becoming no better than the same ex-friends I'm talking about now. But in the meantime, I reserve humility for matters I'm uncertain about. But if I've got my mind made up about something, unless they have what it takes to knock me off my high horse, I bow down to sweet fuck-all. I welcome the challenge, wherever it is.