Breaking Trust
Title:Breaking Trust
Author:ihrtkjr
Category:e/r, h/c, AU, and m-preg just because I don't really ever see them and I want to.
SpoilersNone right now, may change in the future.
RatingR to NC-17. Just want to be sure.
Pairingeventual Ryan/Eric, in the past Ryan/Speed, and Ryan/OMC
SummaryMy universe, Speed lives in this,but he hurts Ryan (not like that) in the past. Their relationship is in the past, and Ryan/Eric will be along shortly. Right now Ryan will go through a little bit of hell first with the guy he met after the breakup. And (poor Ryan) his trust will break even more.
Warningsmut,good old fashioned smut. It is a m/m fic, so you have been warned.
A/N Don't own, just borrowing. Am making no money so don't sue. This is my first fic so please tell me if I am doing anything wrong, but no flames please. Is AU. I can't read every story out there no matter how hard I try, so if this is like something you've read before, please let me know. I do not want to infringe on anyone's territory. Or not give credit were it's due. I am using all the knowledge I have on the subject of police work. Not much. So if some one could tell me if i'm doing something wrong, I'd be grateful.
Beta:ihrtangusyoung
Part: 3/?
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
He died. Technically. Once on the way to the hospital, and twice after he got there. And he still wasn't out of the woods yet. Ryan had gone every day to the hospital. As long as there was an officer on the door who knew him, he didn't have to wear his uniform there.
He hadn't been lucky today. Even though he was now known to the doctors and nurses, and to most of the people he worked with, Ryan wasn't well known to Officer Bills. But then again Officer Bills didn't know a lot of people. He was a nasty little toad. Ryan knew he shouldn't think that way, especially about a fellow officer. But if anyone knew Bills, they knew it couldn't be helped. He was a good cop, but most said he made a lousy friend.
"Don't judge, don't judge, don't judge. You know better." Ryan muttered under his breath.
"That's a good philosophy Mr. Wolfe. May I ask who you were not judging?" Horatio asked from behind him.
"You may." Ryan answered him without turning around. "But that doesn't mean I'll answer."
"Very good." That was all he said.
"You're not supposed to be here Wolfe." Bills said from the doorway.
"The only thing you're supposed to be doing Bills, is siting in the chair on the other side of the door. And what a shock, I don't see your butt in the chair. Wonder what the boss would say." Ryan finally turned toward the door. And the look he had on said, 'See what'll happen'.
"Good-bye Bills." He said turning back to the small boy in the bed.
"Do you need anything?" Ryan asked slowly waving his hand towards Jay.
"Like what?" Horatio asked.
"Fingernails, toenails. I wanted to cut them, they're getting to long." Ryan didn't notice the look of surprise that passed over his face.
"No. We took what we needed already. But we do need to talk to him." Horatio said.
"Come back around ten. Jay will be up by then." Ryan didn't even hear him leave.
"He has to talk to us."
"Why?"
"Because, we need to know what happened."
"He's scared. You're just another monster to him. One that keeps dragging up the nightmare. Can you even fathom that."
"Can you?" Speed regretted the words almost as soon as they were out there. "Ryan, I'm sor-"
"Save it. If you want to talk to him, send someone with a heart." Ryan practically shouted the last bit.
"You can't keep him." Speed said to Ryan's retreating back.
"I am." It was said so simply, he didn't even think of arguing. Ryan wasn't going to let him into that again, so he called Alexx.
"I want to keep him." Ryan said when he got home. He wasn't going to take no as an answer.
"Sweetie, I thought you wanted to have a baby." Jesse replied in a gentle tone. He was walking on dangerous ground. Ryan wasn't the only one who knew how dangerous sensitive subjects were.
"We've tried. It doesn't work, you know that. This can work. Think about it. He needs us, and I want him." Ryan shouted, then whispered, "Please. Just think about it. Get to know him, It may never happen for us, but this can." He said walking into the bedroom. He didn't want to admit it, but he thought it would be their only chance to have a family.
That night at work he avoided Lee and his pestering questions. He didn't call home, and he ducked and dodged, not only Officer Bills, but Tim too. He knew that in a few days Bills would go back to ignoring him again, and he wouldn't have to see Tim once the case wrapped because he was still on nights. He just didn't know how to go about getting Lee off his back. Hopefully he'd get the hint and drop it. Seeing as how it was though, Ryan sincerely doubted it.
It had been three months and things were going good. As good as they could get under the circumstances. There were no more bruises, no more questions from Lee. Ryan had stopped dreaming about Tim and Jay. The pressure was starting to leave at work. And Jesse's temper had been under better control. The best part was that they had both agreed. Ryan had known from the start that he wouln't be able to walk away from Jay. And walking away from Jesse wasn't an option.
"I get to stay with da cops." Jay proudly told the social worker, the psychologist, and anyone who would listen. He was weary, but he was starting to trust people again. Four year olds were resilient, and people thought that the reason was because he didn't remember a lot of that night. It was something that everybody was grateful for. But Ryan didn't think that the memories were gone, just because you couldn't see something didn't mean that it wasn't there. And just because Jay didn't talk about it, didn't mean that they weren't still inside of him.
"They're here, they're here, they're here." The excited voice could be heard all the way down the hall. "Let's go, let's go, let's go." Jay came running into the hallway dragging a his doctor by the hand, It seemed like someone had given him sugar. He said just about everything three times and couldn't seem to stop talking.
"Time to go home." He shouted taking off for the elevator.
With Ryan running after him, Jesse turned to the harassed looking doctor.
"He's excited." She said, slumping against the door frame.
"I see that." He answered, while retrieving Jay's bags. "Did he have sugar?" He asked as an after thought.
"Not that I'm aware of." Dr. Hender said.
As they approached the house, Jay seemed to get quiet. They had done this before, taken him out for mini-vacations around the city, he had even spent the night. But this was different, and they all knew it. He wouldn't be going back to the hospital, he would be staying.
"I'm scared." Jay said, standing in the doorway.
"I'll tell you a secret." Ryan said, getting down to eye level. "I'm scared too. But I bet if we put this stuff away and found something to do, we wouldn't feel scared anymore. Does that sound like a good plan?" He asked.
Jay took Ryan's hand and nodded. "It's all so clean." He finally said, looking around.
"That's because of daddy's OCD." Jesse laughed from the doorway.
"What's that?" He asked eagerly.
"It just means, everything has a place, and I like everything in its place. It means I like everything clean." Ryan added the last part at the confused look.
"Ooohhh. I get it." He whispered. "Does it go away?"
"No. I can usually control it, though." Ryan said with a smile.
"Does it hurt?"
"Only if I hit my hands on something I'm cleaning." He said, trying to make light of the fact that, yes, sometimes it did hurt. Ryan had thought about it, and come to the conclusion that Jay didn't need to know some things.
Like, how if the OCD got really bad, Ryan would try to literally get out of his own skin. Or the way Jesse would sometimes let out his temper. Or the fact that Ryan couldn't think of himself as a hero. And Jay could never, ever know about the thoughts that sometimes ran rampant inside of Ryan.
'But now is not the time to think about them.' Ryan mentally scolded himself.
"We should eat." Jesse said from the doorway. "I vote for pizza." He was quickly seconded.
"You already called didn't you?" Ryan asked from his perch on the floor.
"Yep. Let's go." He held out his hand to Jay.
He may have been young, but even Jay knew they had gotten away with something. So he took the offered hand and walked out the door.
As Ryan listened to the man and boy laugh all the way down the hall, he wished that it could stay perfect.
Author:ihrtkjr
Category:e/r, h/c, AU, and m-preg just because I don't really ever see them and I want to.
SpoilersNone right now, may change in the future.
RatingR to NC-17. Just want to be sure.
Pairingeventual Ryan/Eric, in the past Ryan/Speed, and Ryan/OMC
SummaryMy universe, Speed lives in this,but he hurts Ryan (not like that) in the past. Their relationship is in the past, and Ryan/Eric will be along shortly. Right now Ryan will go through a little bit of hell first with the guy he met after the breakup. And (poor Ryan) his trust will break even more.
Warningsmut,good old fashioned smut. It is a m/m fic, so you have been warned.
A/N Don't own, just borrowing. Am making no money so don't sue. This is my first fic so please tell me if I am doing anything wrong, but no flames please. Is AU. I can't read every story out there no matter how hard I try, so if this is like something you've read before, please let me know. I do not want to infringe on anyone's territory. Or not give credit were it's due. I am using all the knowledge I have on the subject of police work. Not much. So if some one could tell me if i'm doing something wrong, I'd be grateful.
Beta:ihrtangusyoung
Part: 3/?
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
He died. Technically. Once on the way to the hospital, and twice after he got there. And he still wasn't out of the woods yet. Ryan had gone every day to the hospital. As long as there was an officer on the door who knew him, he didn't have to wear his uniform there.
He hadn't been lucky today. Even though he was now known to the doctors and nurses, and to most of the people he worked with, Ryan wasn't well known to Officer Bills. But then again Officer Bills didn't know a lot of people. He was a nasty little toad. Ryan knew he shouldn't think that way, especially about a fellow officer. But if anyone knew Bills, they knew it couldn't be helped. He was a good cop, but most said he made a lousy friend.
"Don't judge, don't judge, don't judge. You know better." Ryan muttered under his breath.
"That's a good philosophy Mr. Wolfe. May I ask who you were not judging?" Horatio asked from behind him.
"You may." Ryan answered him without turning around. "But that doesn't mean I'll answer."
"Very good." That was all he said.
"You're not supposed to be here Wolfe." Bills said from the doorway.
"The only thing you're supposed to be doing Bills, is siting in the chair on the other side of the door. And what a shock, I don't see your butt in the chair. Wonder what the boss would say." Ryan finally turned toward the door. And the look he had on said, 'See what'll happen'.
"Good-bye Bills." He said turning back to the small boy in the bed.
"Do you need anything?" Ryan asked slowly waving his hand towards Jay.
"Like what?" Horatio asked.
"Fingernails, toenails. I wanted to cut them, they're getting to long." Ryan didn't notice the look of surprise that passed over his face.
"No. We took what we needed already. But we do need to talk to him." Horatio said.
"Come back around ten. Jay will be up by then." Ryan didn't even hear him leave.
"He has to talk to us."
"Why?"
"Because, we need to know what happened."
"He's scared. You're just another monster to him. One that keeps dragging up the nightmare. Can you even fathom that."
"Can you?" Speed regretted the words almost as soon as they were out there. "Ryan, I'm sor-"
"Save it. If you want to talk to him, send someone with a heart." Ryan practically shouted the last bit.
"You can't keep him." Speed said to Ryan's retreating back.
"I am." It was said so simply, he didn't even think of arguing. Ryan wasn't going to let him into that again, so he called Alexx.
"I want to keep him." Ryan said when he got home. He wasn't going to take no as an answer.
"Sweetie, I thought you wanted to have a baby." Jesse replied in a gentle tone. He was walking on dangerous ground. Ryan wasn't the only one who knew how dangerous sensitive subjects were.
"We've tried. It doesn't work, you know that. This can work. Think about it. He needs us, and I want him." Ryan shouted, then whispered, "Please. Just think about it. Get to know him, It may never happen for us, but this can." He said walking into the bedroom. He didn't want to admit it, but he thought it would be their only chance to have a family.
That night at work he avoided Lee and his pestering questions. He didn't call home, and he ducked and dodged, not only Officer Bills, but Tim too. He knew that in a few days Bills would go back to ignoring him again, and he wouldn't have to see Tim once the case wrapped because he was still on nights. He just didn't know how to go about getting Lee off his back. Hopefully he'd get the hint and drop it. Seeing as how it was though, Ryan sincerely doubted it.
It had been three months and things were going good. As good as they could get under the circumstances. There were no more bruises, no more questions from Lee. Ryan had stopped dreaming about Tim and Jay. The pressure was starting to leave at work. And Jesse's temper had been under better control. The best part was that they had both agreed. Ryan had known from the start that he wouln't be able to walk away from Jay. And walking away from Jesse wasn't an option.
"I get to stay with da cops." Jay proudly told the social worker, the psychologist, and anyone who would listen. He was weary, but he was starting to trust people again. Four year olds were resilient, and people thought that the reason was because he didn't remember a lot of that night. It was something that everybody was grateful for. But Ryan didn't think that the memories were gone, just because you couldn't see something didn't mean that it wasn't there. And just because Jay didn't talk about it, didn't mean that they weren't still inside of him.
"They're here, they're here, they're here." The excited voice could be heard all the way down the hall. "Let's go, let's go, let's go." Jay came running into the hallway dragging a his doctor by the hand, It seemed like someone had given him sugar. He said just about everything three times and couldn't seem to stop talking.
"Time to go home." He shouted taking off for the elevator.
With Ryan running after him, Jesse turned to the harassed looking doctor.
"He's excited." She said, slumping against the door frame.
"I see that." He answered, while retrieving Jay's bags. "Did he have sugar?" He asked as an after thought.
"Not that I'm aware of." Dr. Hender said.
As they approached the house, Jay seemed to get quiet. They had done this before, taken him out for mini-vacations around the city, he had even spent the night. But this was different, and they all knew it. He wouldn't be going back to the hospital, he would be staying.
"I'm scared." Jay said, standing in the doorway.
"I'll tell you a secret." Ryan said, getting down to eye level. "I'm scared too. But I bet if we put this stuff away and found something to do, we wouldn't feel scared anymore. Does that sound like a good plan?" He asked.
Jay took Ryan's hand and nodded. "It's all so clean." He finally said, looking around.
"That's because of daddy's OCD." Jesse laughed from the doorway.
"What's that?" He asked eagerly.
"It just means, everything has a place, and I like everything in its place. It means I like everything clean." Ryan added the last part at the confused look.
"Ooohhh. I get it." He whispered. "Does it go away?"
"No. I can usually control it, though." Ryan said with a smile.
"Does it hurt?"
"Only if I hit my hands on something I'm cleaning." He said, trying to make light of the fact that, yes, sometimes it did hurt. Ryan had thought about it, and come to the conclusion that Jay didn't need to know some things.
Like, how if the OCD got really bad, Ryan would try to literally get out of his own skin. Or the way Jesse would sometimes let out his temper. Or the fact that Ryan couldn't think of himself as a hero. And Jay could never, ever know about the thoughts that sometimes ran rampant inside of Ryan.
'But now is not the time to think about them.' Ryan mentally scolded himself.
"We should eat." Jesse said from the doorway. "I vote for pizza." He was quickly seconded.
"You already called didn't you?" Ryan asked from his perch on the floor.
"Yep. Let's go." He held out his hand to Jay.
He may have been young, but even Jay knew they had gotten away with something. So he took the offered hand and walked out the door.
As Ryan listened to the man and boy laugh all the way down the hall, he wished that it could stay perfect.