A barrier contructed to contain the flow of water...
So, in my first chapter's A/N, I said I am a straight callica fan. Now, I think that's a load of crap.
I am so gay. I am so, so, so gay. I am extremely gay.
Oh my god, do you know how wierd that sounds? It feels so foriegn yet familiar at the same time. It's been three weeks since I seriously thought of myself as a lesbian, three weeks evaluating every unexplained... admiration of certain girls, three weeks of trying to figure out if I like women physically, too, and I have realized: this is why I have never had a crush (that I new of) before (including kindie, elementary school, middle school, highschool, until now.) I was looking in the wrong place. I am so gay and I've always been gay, just too dense to realize it.
I remember once, when I was a kid (around 6, or 10, maybe?) watching this movie where in one scene this woman tries to seduce this guy (in a PG silly way) I felt... funny. Because of the woman. I am so, so, SO gay!
And do you know what inspired this revelation? Not the massive amounts of callica fanfiction I read, not the complete disinterest in getting a boyfriend when a nosy girl asked if I have a boyfriend or have ever had a boyfriend (no and no) but my accidental boob-grap when sparring this woman in mixed martial arts.
I'm not afraid to be gay because some people will hateMe for it. Those people don't matter to me. I'm not afraid of the inequality I will suffer because of who I am. I'm not looking forward to it, but it doesn't scare me (nobody will ever stop me from being who am.) I am afraid of the stereotypes, the casual jokes about me made that I'll laugh at but cry when I'm alone, and potential osticization among women. I do not want to be stereotyped. I am athletic not because I'm a lesbian but because I can't really conctrate on anything else, other than medicine and science. I am not atracted to manly women. I am a woman who likes women, not a transgendered man, not a woman who likes men. I like girly, flowery smelling, smooth skined, curvy women with breasts.. And, you know, other cool parts as well. I like how women behave (though of course it varies from person to person).
I am extremely gay.
I told my friend about what happened in MMA, and said it was kind of wierd because "I'm straight." She just quirked her eyebrow and said "mhmm. Yeah.". She knows of my incredible gayness. (ooh, a gay superhero.)
Changing in the women's locker room was even more awkward for me today, because changing in a cramped room, talking about hankypanky thongs, when you're aware of your sexuality is quite the experience. I'm no perve, though.
I took the Klein grid test twice, with slightly different answers to the questions. Both times, it showed that I am 77% homosexual. Woot! I'm consistent!
I could really use a gay yoda right now. I don't think I can talk to anybody that knows me well (I.e. My therapist -- it might explain why I can't sleep at night.)
I just wanted to tell somebody that I am a lesbian and I have the hots for Sara Ramirez.
I could really use a couple comments right now.
Ms wolfsbane (wolfie)
PS Anybody know where I can post a link to this, because the only people who will find it up here are women from erica_callie like
jay00789 who are looking for a fic (chapter 3 is slowly in the works).