Thoughts on disability and mourning

[wolfieboy]

A brief conversation that reflects some of my state.

A co-worker today asked me how I was doing and I talked about how my dad is doing; about how he's just really not there much any more; about the five minutes of lucidity that he's granted a day. Goodheartedly, he said Well, maybe it will get better.

It told him, Unfortunately, it won't. It

Comments

[msanborn]

I'd have said pretty much the same thing though; it's reality - some people need to face it even when it doesn't directly affect them. Helps them understand sometimes how it's affecting you.

*big hugs*

[anansi133]

I think it's possible he was really trying to comfort himself. "It's not so bad, things could get better" means there's a way out, a positive glimmer to hold onto and talk about, and never mind the unpleasantness.

I have found that when I most need comforting, I'm not in any position to comfort others. When I finally figured this out, I began to avoid some avoidable heartbreak.

Somewhere between death that's slow and painful, and quick and painless, is slow and painless. I hope that if his passing can't be quick, at least it can be relatively painless. But painless or not, it's got to be harder on everyone else who's got to see him out.

Hugs.

[dancinglights]

no pretty words here, just the best of wishes from someone sitting through similar, wishing I could help. Godfather has good days, and tweaks of medication that make for a slightly better week or two, now and then. I find them the cruelest, knowing that not only are we not buying much time, we're not buying good enough time to be sure it's all worth it....

[paka]

I'm really sorry. And even though it's not as comparable I have a similar situation in my Grampa, who doesn't have all that much of a life these days; he's still recognizable as my childhood hero, and the guy who helped get me through childhood, but he's never going to go back to that, and mostly it's just time. It's sad but maybe inevitable, and I don't think society really gives us tools for dealing with this one.

[zaiah]

This. And there is grief and grieving now. You see the loss of possibility each time you look into their face. Mourning while someone is still "alive" isn't socially acceptable to most, but it is there, nonetheless.