you have GOT to be kidding me

[wolfpuncher]

This is a plea for as objective thoughts you can provide.

So Natasha and I have been reasonably aware, for some time, taht come september, she'll possibly have to move away to pursue work in another part of the UK. Ideally close but we're just getting our options set out.

What happened on friday night was that our friend, Sarah, intimated

Comments

[sapphirebullets]

Marty hun... I can't post at length because my grandparents are here right now, but I definitely will later. I think that the first things I'm noticing is that she is in a pattern, a cycle if you will. He guilt trips her, she gives in, and he tries to push for more. The only way for that cycle to end... EVER... is for her to prove that he doesn't have control over her. THIS is what Phil is trying to do... prove to both YOU and HER that HE has the power. It is her responsibility to take control of the situation. As you said, no true friend would ever ask you to sacrifice your well-being for them. He is taking away her power of choice, and trying to give himself control over her life. She needs to either get over this feeling of guilt on her own, or perhaps get some therapy to counteract it (then again, I believe EVERYONE can benefit from therapy *grin*). After all, WHY does she feel guilty anyway? Ask her to think about that. Odds are there are deeper guilt issues that she has that began way before Phil came along, and he is simply

Ass monkey indeed.

[anonymous]

What an ass. I dont know why you put up with that guy for so long. No guilt should of ever been felt by anybody the entire time. Natasha does not need to feel guilty about anything she did. So she led him on a bit, boo whoo. Get over it pal, she picked the main man Marty. You're pretty spot on with those points Marty. No friend would ever do that to another friend. Theres an ulterior motive here, or if hes just that screwed up, he needs to be all done with her. His "self healing" failures are no more than a pathetic attempt to stay emotionally attached to her. Maybe he finally gave up on the fight for her and wants to try and ruin your relationship, the whole if I cant have her neither can you. If he really wants to "heal" then he needs to move away. This is not about her, its about him and his issues. He needs to deal with them not her. The unfortunate part is that it is on her. She needs to see this guy for what he really is and send him on his way. This seems like its gone on way too long and needs to stop. I'm

its me Bmo, not that you wouldn't have figured that out

[anonymous]

Damn man, this is some shit. First off, while this is seperate from the realities of relationship diplomacy, how dare he!!!! This little shit is emotionally manipulating this girl to a fantastic extent. You are right in intimating that a real friend would not use the status of friendship to manipulate her to in any way shape or form in regards to her career and future well being. Insofar as I am concerned, his words and actions have invalidated any claim to friendship he has with this girl

Re: its me Bmo, not that you wouldn't have figured that out

[anonymous]

She feels guilty, and you are right in determining that there is nothing you can do to mollify said guilt. All that is in your power to do is explain his rather transparent motivations to her, and how as an empowered woman she shouldn't let any man regardless of the circumstances manipulate her decisions about her life, particularly under circumstances such as this one. Is his friendship so valuable that she would retain it even after he has become this shadow of the person that she became friends with? It is easy for us to see how she should cut ties and forget about this cretin, but she won't. Such is the nature of the empathic female mind. He struck a chord to this effect when he said that her leaving would help him heal. It will be her natural inclination to do what is necessary to help someone she even tangentally cares about to return to a full state of well-being. We know that his intentions are false, and that this was just a play on her graciousness

[innocentlies]

I'm going to reply to this entry, but I don't know if I can "solve" this for you.

1) This Phil guy is NOT her friend. Like you said, no friend would try and make her choose between her happiness and making him feel comfortable.
2) Do you know that she still wants this position? If she doesn't want the position, maybe she should leave. (Sorry, maybe you don't want to hear that)
3) She needs to make this decision herself. This is her life and her choices, so neither Phil OR you can push her into staying or going.

Tell her your feelings, of course, but then stand back and let her figure things out. I know that she feels guilty for "leading him on". But this was in the past, this isn't going on now. You can't make her change her feelings, but expressing this situation to her might change how she perceives this. Like I said, what Phil is doing to Tasha is uncool...trying to manipulate her with guilt trips.

[amythyst]

This guy still claims "hurt" for something that happened MONTHS ago...um, how is that remotely reasonable.

She needs to get over it herself. If she continues to let him drag her into these stupid conversations over something that's way over and gone, then, yes, she gives him power over her. Why not take back her own power and choose her own life? I mean, really now.

And, further, if someone is so immature as to base her life decisions on the whims of others...is that truly someone you need to be spending your time with and energy on? You're a grown-up, Marty...you don't need anyone else to tell you how to live your life. How on earth can you respect someone who will let a piddly little emotionally manipulative bastard dictate her life?

Sorry for the harsh speak, but you knew I wouldn't soft-coat it. She's behaving like a child...and you deserve a helluva lot better than this.