Well i am battling with some faults in my character. My ability to handle stress is at zero. i'm not very good at it. I freak out. No control over emotional impulse. In many ways you know? I mean shit I can't seem to do this without freaking out. i just figured out that I have to transplant my plugs which will increase our costs and space needed ( Read more... )

     When I think of him, back to the day, when I stood at a pool table in a bar trying to appear confident. His sassy smile, those twinkling grey eyes and a smile that made my heart flip. "Do you vote" he smirks. "It's none of your business" I pronounce. "No really," he concedes. " Of course I do" a flurry of Marx follows...a connection is born.

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I feel like I'm withering...like nothing is feeding me.....i need stuff..I need something I'm not getting right now. I don't know what it is but I feel unsatisfied...nobody including me/?/ is feeding me. What does it mean to feed me? What do I need to do ...for myself...he has nothign to give me..go and hide...what do I need? From me..From him... ( Read more... )

So much goes on inside a woman. We hold a lot of strenght and alot of the world's fleshy parts. I felt myself...falling you know? backward..into a world..a reality...a woman I no longer am. it wasn't until i realized, laying in a bathtub about to cry over something that already extracted more tears than it was worth. Then it came to me..what aren't ( Read more... )

Well you know I know it wasn't an affari, yhou know I know it isn't about me...you knjow I know that I feel different, less..like I am sinking a bit. I feel it..this inherent pattern with HIM the pattern of the less than. I feel it..this undervalued...unappreciated bit. I feel like smashing his face sometimes you know. WHY ? b/c maybe I'd feel ( Read more... )

Well late last night I attempted to enter a long entry and as usual I lost it. So I was drained couldn't think of atttempting again..but here I am ( Read more... )

For all who are unaware.

I AM GETTING MARRIED>>>>HOLY SHIT

What to write? What to write? I went hiking today in Minnedosa...it was refreshing ..or was it? I see how people..me...we TALK TO MUCH...we must assert ourselves we must be identified. I see so many agendas..so many ...people who want you to do and be waht they think you should be. It is sickening..and so I just become quite..I don't respond to a ( Read more... )

   I guess I want to unload some garbage here. I have had the most amazing week since arriving home. I was slammmed inot a family reunion right away which demanded so much of me from the inside in order to maintain myself. This may have been for the best as the coming week would demand it of me. I had to face many friends who I have not seen in so ( Read more... )

I am home, my senses are aware my mind is observing..I will write more about this whole transition soon. I am home....whatever just happened was FUCKING AMAZING..and I find myself asking...When can I do it again.