Found in Translation - Chapter 6 - Finale
Following the woman’s initial shock, succeeding anger, and ending with tears streaming down her face, Wooyoung sat in his apartment still not knowing what to do. The woman had stood up and spilled her coffee, she awkwardly tried to clean it up but she had been crying so hard. Wooyoung offered to help her but she pushed his hand away and rushed for the door.
“What can you give him?! Nothing! He can’t have a future with you!” She had yelled before she left. Wooyoung wanted to be mad at her, but really…he felt better. She had gotten so angry because she knew that Nichkhun wouldn’t want her, that he wasn’t going to be in her future. She had tried to explain how they broke up and that too only made Wooyoung less worried, he knew a million things that he couldn’t give Nichkhun but there was still something that he could give that no one else could. He could pour an entire language into Nichkhun’s soul, mix it with ingredients produced from his lust, and create something more beautiful than any future that a woman whom had abandoned him, promised to give.
Wooyoung couldn’t stop his feelings for Nichkhun even if he tried.
Surreptitiously - adjective 1.Obtained, done, made, etc., by stealth; secret or unauthorized; clandestine; 2. The way Nichkhun started to go to Wooyoung’s place, hoping to ‘accidentally’ see him so that he could change everything.
Nichkhun walked down the street quickly, trying to avoid bumping into pedestrians and failing. Just 10 minutes earlier a crying ex-girlfriend had called him. She sounded dumbfounded and confused and every lost emotion one could imagine, but Nichkhun could still feel the anger through the phone. He frustratingly told her that things had changed and that he wasn’t the same person he had been when he allowed her to step all over him. The cool demeanor she had the night she had broke up with him 2 years ago was no longer available and all was left were biting words that Nichkhun brushed off. Nichkhun was feeling renewed; now that she was gone…he felt slight stress release. A huge burden lifted off his shoulder and Nichkhun felt lightweight but in order to feel whole again there was still something he had to get back.
The café was ahead of him, and though he assumed that Wooyoung wouldn’t be in there, he took the chance of speeding up those stairs again and seeing Wooyoung’s pouty face buried in school books. Against the cold outside, the warmth of the café brought heat to Nichkhun’s face and made him a little calmer. Though in reality he was inches away from having a panic attack, he pretended like nothing was going on, shot friendly smiles at other usual customers and made his way up to the second floor.
At the table in the foyer of the second floor of the café, Nichkhun saw him. Wooyoung didn’t look up, lost in his books and headphones in his ears. He bobbed his head and chewed his gum. Nichkhun quietly walked up to him and pulled out the chair on the opposite side of the table. He didn’t want to call attention to himself but at the same time he wanted Wooyoung to look up and see him, he wanted to him to stand up and move across the room and into his arms. Instead, he just sat down and continued to sip his coffee across from Wooyoung. Eventually, Wooyoung realized someone was sitting there from his peripheral vision and glanced up. He saw the man’s fingers and noted that they were so femininely structured, they had to be Nichkhun’s. They had to be.
When he finally raised his head and saw Wooyoung he lightly flinched back. The anger that he thought he’d feel the next time he saw him had somehow dissipated through the grooves in the wood of the coffee table, ran through its veins, and seeped down stairs on to the street and drowned in the snow.
Nichkhun wanted to smile but felt there was nothing to smile about. Hadn’t Wooyoung ended it only two days ago? The awkward air between them nearly suffocated him. Truthfully though, he was so happy to see Wooyoung again that he couldn’t help but smirk.
“I’m not mad,” Nichkhun forced himself to say. Wooyoung looked relieved. The guilt from their altercation had begun to eat him alive. Following the ‘talk’ Wooyoung had with that woman, he felt that Nichkhun perhaps was defending their “whatever it was” though it hadn’t been in front of him. Nichkhun did indeed want them to be together, and maybe…just maybe it was Wooyoung who was being a coward from running away from it.
Maybe he was good enough for Nichkhun. Maybe he was the one. God dammit, why did Nichkhun have to be so forgiving? He was beginning to get tired of pushing Nichkhun away. It required more effort than being with him every day. Besides, being with him every day was effortless because it seemed natural.
When Wooyoung opened his mouth awkwardly, Nichkhun tried not to get excited.
“I…am glad. I didn’t mean for things to end like this.” Wooyoung closed his book. Nichkhun was disappointed, that’s not what he wanted to hear.
“Is it really over?” Nichkhun let the hope leave his voice.
“Do you want it to be over?”
“No. Never.” Nichkhun leaned over the table and grabbed Wooyoung’s hand. It shocked them both and Wooyoung’s eyes enlarged.
“You know what? We shouldn’t have this talk here. Not right now.” Wooyoung pulled his hand back and stood up. Nichkhun followed him and stood in front of him. “Nichkhun…”
Nichkhun wrapped his arms around Wooyoung’s body and buried his face in the crook of his neck.
Somehow, Nichkhun felt that this wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. He could no longer smell the scent of Wooyoung’s skin, he couldn’t feel the fabric of his sweater, couldn’t hear Wooyoung’s breathing. When he came to…
it was a dream.
Nichkhun woke up, sweating and nearly breathless in his apartment. His lamp had a low dim and the fact that it was night time didn’t make the room brighter. Again, the darkness started to suffocate him and when he reached for the light of his phone, not even that could make him feel better as it once did.
“Hello? Wooyoung!” Wooyoung held his phone to his ear as he walked inside the café. Familiarity surrounding him, he felt better. Today was New Years Eve, and he had something he wanted to do.
“Chansung…how are you?”
“I haven’t talked to you since Winter Break started! What’s up man?! Everyone is worried about Nichkhun and you. You guys just love to disappear.” Wooyoung rolled his eyes.
“Uh, yeah. We’ve been pretty busy.”
“It’s like…I don’t know, you two are attached at the hip. You don’t even want to hang with us anymore!” Wooyoung’s friend laughed, but he knew he was serious. Nichkhun and Wooyoung did have the tendency to isolate themselves. Maybe it was a good thing they weren’t together? Perhaps Wooyoung could get his social life back? Fuck it, he didn’t want one.
“Maybe we’ll get together sometime.” He lied. For his New Year’s resolution, maybe he’d try to stop doing that.
“Okay dude, we’ll talk later and make some plans. Nice talking to you!”
“You too. Behave yourself, alright?”
“Ha! I try.”
Wooyoung was walking around near the book shelves and picked a book out. He remembered looking at this book so long ago; it was a miracle it was still there. Easy English for Koreans. He eyed it and held it in his hands. If only Nichkhun had let him buy it the day of their first lesson instead of interrupting him with coffee…
He walked down the stairs, book in his hand, weight in his heart.
It was nearing midnight and Nichkhun ran inside the café. This DAMN café. Starting next year, he wouldn’t step inside again; his New Year’s resolution.
He was so concentrated on getting up the stairs that he almost missed the barista calling his name from the cash register.
“Nichkhun, sir, sir!” He turned toward him and curiously walked up. The café wasn’t as warm as he remembered. Then again, he had always come with Wooyoung.
“A friend of yours, that one you always come with…Wooyoung? I think? He left this for you.” The barista handed him a book that Nichkhun barely recognized.
Easy English for Koreans.
His hands almost trembled and his ears tingled as he opened the book and noticed scribbled handwriting on the inside cover.
If you’re still up to it, maybe instead of me teaching you Korean…you can teach me English. I have a lot to learn..about more than just English…but I’m willing to do it if it’s you who’s teaching me.
I love you. I’ve always loved you. And if you want me to be yours, I’ve already been that for a while. - Wooyoung.
Nichkhun shut the book and stared at the barista in shock. The barista’s expression showed he had no idea what was going on either; he shrugged.
Nichkhun could cry right now, but it would hurt his pride and we couldn’t have that, not on New Year’s Eve, not in front of these people. If there was anything that could be better than reality than that would have to be a fantasy, right? And Wooyoung and their relationship in whole always seemed too good be to be true. But if by chance Nichkhun wasn’t dreaming, fantasizing, or being delusional than his fantasy had just become a reality. With that realization, Wooyoung saying that he had always belonged to him, meant that Nichkhun had been living in his fantasy for a long time now. Somehow though, with Wooyoung by his side, his realities were slowly becoming better than any dream he could ever conjure. If being with Wooyoung meant that he never had to dream for something better, then, Nichkhun thought to himself, there would be a reason for him to sleep again.
Epiphany - noun 1. A sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience. 2. What Nickhun had at this moment and thanked the café for always being there at the right place and time. He almost hugged the barista.
Nichkhun looked at his watch and saw the time, 11:57PM. He rushed up the stairs to where he thought there would be less people. He was wrong. The entire upstairs was crowded with teenagers budding into adulthood, talking amongst themselves and whispering into lovers ears. New Year’s Eve and Nichkhun was not with Wooyoung, why was this happening to him?
He took out his phone and pressed 1, his speed dial, his bullet train to Wooyoung. Ring, ring. Ring, ring. Eternity. Ring, ring.
Across the room, somewhere in the book shelves, he swore he heard Wooyoung’s ringtone. It was generic but still he swore that it had to be Wooyoung’s. He paused when suddenly, people started counting down.
“10.”
Hurriedly, he rushed and pushed through the crowds. Pissing people off, but fuck his pride. He was done with it.
“9.”
How could there be so many people?!
“8.”
He dialed again, trying to listen for that ringtone.
“7.”
He heard it again. Miraculously.
“6.”
Were those tears on his cheeks?
“5.”
Black hair, yellow sweater, turned back. Wooyoung?
“4.”
If he couldn’t get through this crowd…he’d lose it.
“3.”
Turn around, turn around please. “Wooyoung! Wooyoung!”
“2.”
God, help me.
Wooyoung turned around and didn’t have time to react. Nichkhun stood in front of him with his hand in his heart.
“1.”
He brought him close, pulling his arm to get him closer. He threw his arms around Wooyoung’s chest and held him tighter than he could ever imagine holding someone without breaking them. He wanted to think of something to say, but maybe right now silence was better. Instead, Wooyoung filled the silence for him, “Happy New Year’s Nichkhun.”
If it was expected for them to rush back to Wooyoung’s apartment, which was closer to the café, and have passionate sex, than there must be some disappointment lingering. But that doesn’t mean that it didn’t happen eventually.
The first time Wooyoung and Nichkhun had sex, it was January 4th. Nichkhun and Wooyoung sat on Wooyoung’s couch eating ice cream and Nichkhun watched as Wooyoung joked about the show on the TV. He leaned over and took the box out of Wooyoung’s hands and placed it on the counter. Wooyoung’s disgruntled face at Nichkhun taking away his ice cream quickly faded beneath Nichkhun’s lips. Nichkhun could taste the chocolate on Wooyoung’s lips and sighed to himself. Though he thought he was mentally prepared, it didn’t mean he was anywhere near physically prepared.
Wooyoung pushed him off and looked him straight in the face. It really only took one look to know what Nichkhun’s intentions were this time around. He felt his weight on him and felt antsy. He tried to get up and go to the room, taking Nichkhun’s hand, he dragged him along with him.
Fumbling into Wooyoung’s bedroom, Nichkhun held Wooyoung’s waist and tried to kiss his lips but Wooyoung evaded him till they reached the bedroom. Wooyoung’s skin was crawling and as he closed the door to his bedroom, he felt the heat rushing through his veins. He quickly got on the bed and leaned over to get the things they so easily avoided in the nightstand. Getting out the things, he handed them to Nichkhun who was mounting the bed and moving over him.
As he saw them, Nichkhun realized that they were finally getting to this point. This was actually happening. He leaned down and kiss Wooyoung’s lips again and ran his fingers gingerly over Wooyoung’s arms. Wooyoung was trying to take off his shirt but each time his hands moved, Nichkhun kissed him somewhere else, rendering him motionless. Eventually, Nichkhun laughed into Wooyoung’s mouth and helped him take off his clothes.
Wooyoung beneath him was a different feeling than he imagined. It was much better. Wooyoung looked away every now and then because he was embarrassed and suddenly shy and of course infinitely nervous of how much it would hurt. Nichkhun was only slightly aware of this but Wooyoung made sure to tell him to be careful, or else. Nichkhun awkwardly prepped him and as much as Wooyoung looked away, Nichkhun couldn’t take his eyes off of him. Wooyoung noticed that Nichkhun hadn’t done anything yet.
“Are you nervous?” Wooyoung asked lowly.
“Yeah. I don’t want to hurt you.” Nichkhun said in honesty. Wooyoung leaned his head forward and kissed him square on the lips. It was quick but Nichkhun got the jist.
“It’s okay. But I swear, if this hurts too much…I’m going to kill you.” Wooyoung smiled and closed his eyes, bracing himself for pain.
At first, Wooyoung felt like there could be nothing worse than the pain he was feeling right now. And there were times where he felt like they should probably stop. But Nichkhun was breathing heavily on top of him and sweat formed on his forehead and between heady kisses Nichkhun whispered things in English that Wooyoung didn’t understand…yet. It was turning Wooyoung on, so he just bit his lip and sucked it up. He wouldn’t let Nichkhun stop now that he started.
“Fuck. Ow…FUCK.” Wooyoung finally couldn’t help but say something.
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Should I stop?” Nichkhun paused and ran his fingers through Wooyoung’s hair.
“Fuck no, keep going.”
Nichkhun felt as if he could break Wooyoung in any minute but really, Wooyoung was the one who was breaking him. Every time Wooyoung moaned or dug his fingers into his back, Nichkhun felt a part of him slip farther into Wooyoung. By the end of his night, his soul didn’t even belong to him anymore.
They lay on the bed, sweaty, and restless. Looking at the ceiling and heaving. Nichkhun held Wooyoung’s hand under the covers and leaned over to whisper something in Wooyoung’s ear which were sweet nothings that Wooyoung doesn’t want to share with the rest of the world, because they belong to him, like musical notes that danced into Wooyoung’s ears and reached his heart, as was the song Nichkhun composed on his fingers that seeped in his pores and swam through his veins.
Hours later the sun began to rise and as the sun beamed into the room, Wooyoung finally found the confidence to say what he’s felt probably since the day Nichkhun has spoken to him the first time. Maybe the sun was really a source of confidence as well as energy.
“Saranghae.” He said to what appeared to be a sleeping Nichkhun. He wondered if he heard him so he repeated himself. “Saranghae.”
Nichkhun didn’t move at all. Disappointed, he sat up and almost got out of the bed. Nichkhun grabbed his wrist and pulled him back, startling Wooyoung. He himself, couldn’t believe what he had heard. He waited for Wooyoung to say it again.
“Can you say it one more time?” Nichkhun said as he interlocked their fingers, looking at the ceiling yet again.
“No.” Nichkhun sat up and looked at Wooyoung, who pouted.
“Please?” He pleaded because he thought it would work.
“No.” It didn’t. So he tried something different. Something new.
“I love you.” Nichkhun said confidently, besides he had always known what he wanted.
Wooyoung finally returned Nichkhun’s gaze and blinked quickly. He definitely heard him say it but it wasn’t just hearing, he felt it too. He felt it in the way Nichkhun held him last night, he felt it in the way Nichkhun kissed him, he felt it when Nichkhun was there, he felt it when Nichkhun was gone, he felt it in his fingertips and he felt it in his toes.
“Do you know what that means?” Wooyoung was still speechless. “It means ‘I love you’ in English.”
“I know what it means. One thing less on the list of English phrases you’ll have to teach me.”
Nichkhun smiled.
“So…can you say it one more time?”
Wooyoung inhaled. “I love you.” He replied in English.
Nichkhun and Wooyoung moved in together and Wooyoung finally got his degree so that he could properly teach Korean. He became a teacher very shortly afterwards and as for Nichkhun…he decided to get a job as a librarian at the café, where he had spent millions of hours with the person he felt that any amount of words in any book would never be able to describe.
Love - noun, verb 1. What Nichkhun felt for Wooyoung. 2. What Wooyoung felt for Nichkhun. 3. The first English word Wooyoung truly understood. 4. Indescribable.
Thank you to all of you who have made writing this a pleasure. I will really miss these two!!!
with that, I enter my senior year of high school!
(in two months, haha XD)