(no subject)
Well, that opening wasn’t overblown or self-indulgent at all.
First thought: What is this, the year of the blue tuxedo? How… odd.
I’m not always a huge Kirsten Dunst fan, but I thought she looked just awesome tonight. Gorgeous hair, gorgeous dress, perfect make-up.
I want to marry Clive Owen. I may have mentioned this previously.
I’m quite enjoying Chris Rock. And I’m going to be prefacing every statement for the next week with “Now imagine you worked at the Gap.”
Is that Jamie Foxx’s daughter? She looks lovely. Dressed age-appropriately and everything.
Dear Halle: I am SO sick of your damn boobs. Wear a different dress already; or perhaps just a nice strapless bra.
Hmmm. The new “everyone is up on stage” thing. I suppose it means that everyone gets to see your dress whether you win or not; maybe it will be easier for minor nominees to borrow jewellery and clothes.
Best Supporting Actor: I’m so not a fan of Renee Zellweger, and neither am I a fan of her Mrs Santa dress. And when did My Childhood Boyfriend Alan Alda get quite that old?
Hmm. I like Morgan Freeman and all, but he has never been my boyfriend, and two of the other nominees have enjoyed that honour. And neither of those boyfriends, past and present, wore a weird silk scarf. But my, that was a classy acceptance speech.
Oh, here’s Robin Williams. Lock away any scenery you’re fond of. Those teeth marks are hard to get out. But: Bwah! Burn, Joan Rivers.
Yay! The Incredibles! One of my top 5 films of 2004. That was just an absolutely fantastic movie, and Brad Bird is really kind of adorable.
Oh, how luminous is Our Cate? That’s as much an Australian accent as anything on Neighbours you may have heard. God, she’s stunning.
Hee! Drew Barrymore’s earrings are hilarious, but only because she bobs her head so much when she speaks. I love Drew Barrymore.
Who let Beyoncé near the French? That was just fucking painful. I loved the staging for the boys, but between Beyoncé’s accent, her mad flicking of her ponytail, and her horrible problems with pitch, it was a beautiful song ruined. And I am saying nothing about her eyeshadow.
Here’s the thing: actors are just so often terribly average public speakers. Scarlett, dear, you look beautiful, but please stop fiddling with your skirt as you talk. Standing still is your friends.
Don’t apologise for your voice, Pierce. Not one little bit. I wouldn’t worry about it for a second. In fact, I’m going to sub you into the Boyfriend Rotation roster.
Oh, look. It’s the incredibly cutesy and not slightly amazing or fascinating any more. That said, Edna rocks. And I do like it when I like what the Costume Design winner is wearing.
Best Supporting Actress: You know, they’re all quite stunning and wonderful. But Cate! Hurrah! And she looks so, so beautiful.
I understand now why Gil Cates had to cut other parts of the telecast. It was for the ten million extra commercial breaks. Bloody hell.
Well. Could Adam Sandler’s little bit have been less funny? Yawn. Also, what’s with the white ties? Either wear white tie proper, or stand back from the formal wear.
I didn’t know Beyoncé was sleeping with Gil Cates. There’s no other possible explanation.
Oh look, another ex-Boyfriend! The sublime Jeremy Irons! If I could pick one category in which I was a winner tonight, it would be best short live-action, if only to be kissed on the cheek by Jeremy.
Hurrah! Finding Neverland won something! And hurrah to Kaczmarek for thanking the musicians, because he’s right; no one ever remembers to thank the orchestra (or as I believe composers prefer to call them, ‘note-monkeys’.)
I’ve been very torn about whether film preservation actually qualifies as ‘humanitarian’, and the more I think about it, the more the history major side of my brain says that yes, preserving and undestanding our history and heritage is incredibly important to appreciating the present and preventing future injustices, so... yes. I suppose. Film preservation is humanitarian.
Yo-Yo Ma! Yo-Yo Ma rocks! And that was a really beautiful Dead Person Montage. I’m still so sad about Jerry Orbach. But - was that a much shorter Dead Person Montage than usual? Who didn’t make the cut?
P. Diddy is obviously also sleeping with Gil Cates. What the hell is he doing there?
And you know what? That’s it. I don’t feel like writing any more about the ceremony itself, because it was dull and I looked online and I know who won, and shut up, Hilary Swank, and would someone please just give Marty Scorsese an Oscar already?
I’ve just realised I’ve written almost nothing about the dresses or hair-and-makeup combinations. How dull is that? So, here is your Dress Snark In Five Minutes: Dear Hollywood, Enough trains and bows. Especially enough trains with bows. As much as anything else, it’s just getting lazy.
What was with Laura Linney’s hair? And dress? And… everything else? I love Laura, but oh dear. She’ll regret those choices. Salma Hayek looked like she should be working the riverboat in Maverick, and I bet she and Penelope Cruz beat up their shared hairstylist for giving them exactly the same hair. The front of Hilary Swank’s dress was appalling, it made her breasts look like they were positioned mid-navel; and I know from mid-navel breasts.
I loved Kate Winslet’s dress, as usual, and thought it both stunning and brave. She must be bloody sick of hearing the theme from Titanic by now. Poor Kate.