She's gone. I'm so sad.
So we caught the squirrel. After a long battle inside the apartment, we caught her (yes she's a her... so we changed her name to Charlene). We put her in a cardboard box, the kind with holes on the side for handles. As soon as she was in the box she just sat there, pretty much motionless. After an hour of struggling in the apartment and running and jumping everywhere, she just laid there, doing nothing but staring. I put the box outside, made a little bowl of water and put some crackers and peanut butter in there. She didn't budge, not even to eat or drink. I left her out there, hoping she'd get used to the situation and start eating and trusting us so we could train her to be our personal squirrel assassin. It was not to be. About half an hour later, Chris and Steve get my attention and tell me that they can see another squirrel outside the box messing around with Charlene. I open the door, go outside, have a quick stare down with the intruding squirrel (who is just as brave as the other squirrel--remaining on the balcony even though I'm there), it leaves, I inspect the box. Box looks fine, I look inside, and it's EMPTY. I go to the other side to make sure there isn't anything in the corner, and as I'm looking I notice the handle I'm looking through has been chewed open wider. Perfect little bites that made the hole slightly bigger. The squirrel that was on the balcony was CHARLENE.
So long Charlene. It was good while it lasted. We know you'll come crawling back for more peanut butter though.