FIC: HIMYM; Another perspective, 2/...., Barney/Robin
Fandom: HIMYM
Title: A Little Confused
Rating: T
Spoilers: Through "Purple Giraffe"
Disclaimer: I don't own HIMYM.
Word Count: 3408
Summary: Robin's POV- "Purple Giraffe"
Robin was at MacLaren's again, this time alone. She wasn't quite sure why. She had been bored after work (or, let's face it, bored by work) and she really didn't feel like listening to her friends moan over their love lives. She didn't plan to end up there again, but she just happened to be passing by, and she figured what the hell. Maybe she'd pick up a guy. Or meet some new friends who got dumped less often. Or run into Ted. Or Ted's incredibly hot blonde friend. Yes, she might as well go get a drink. Alone. How sad.
She had no sooner taken her seat at the bar when she felt a tap at her shoulder. She turned around.
"Hey, are you the reporter from Metro News One?"
She beamed at the perky looking redheaded girl. She had never gotten recognized before. People were really watching!
"Yeah, I am! Are you a fan?"
"Sort of, I guess. I'm Ted's friend Lily. Your name is Robin, right?"
"Oh. Yeah, I'm Robin."
"So... what are you doing at a bar alone on a Friday night?"
"So sad, right? Actually, I'm just sick of my friends. They won't shut up moping about their pathetic love lives. It's really getting on my nerves.
"Do you want to hang out with me? I promise I won't mope about my pathetic love life."
Robin smiled. "Sure."
They ordered drinks. Robin looked at Lily. "So, you're friends with Ted?"
"Oh yeah. We've known each other since college. He and my fiance are best friends."
"You're engaged? Congratulations!"
"Thanks! So... what do we think of Ted?"
"Ted?" What did Robin think of Ted? He was... perfectly fine? Seemed like a nice guy? Those sounded pathetic, even to her. Besides, they didn't quite fit the guy who said "I love you" on a first date. "Ted's something else. Comes on a little strong."
"But... that's part of his charm."
"Oh, totally," Robin said quickly. "I mean, he's sweet, he's charming, he's just... looking for something a little bit more serious than I am." Robin inwardly snickered. Just a little bit. "I mean, the most I can handle right now is something casual." She looked at Lily and realized that these words would probably make their way back to Ted. Damn it. She didn't need Ted showing up at her window with roses telling her that he too was just looking for something casual. "This just stays between us, right?"
"Are you kidding? This flapper, Fort Knox."
"Thanks," said Robin, only partially reassured. Then something occurred to her. If Lily knew Ted, than maybe she knew Blondie, too. She wasn't sure why she wanted to know about him so badly, but she had to ask. "So, do you and Ted hang out here a lot?"
"Yeah, all the time. Ted, Marshall- he's my fiance- Barney, and I."
"Barney?" Blondie?
"Oh, he's just a sort of friend of ours. He's such an idiot. You know the type. Constantly hitting on women in the most sleazy ways possible."
"I think I saw him here when I met Ted. Blonde hair? Drinks scotch? Got slapped three times by various blonde bimbos?"
"That's him, alright. Honestly, I'm not sure why we hang out with him. He's got more issues than you can count. Well, do you want to sit down?"
Robin wanted to keep talking about Blondie-Barney, but she didn't know what else to say. "Sure."
"Here. This is our booth."
"So, Lily, where do you work?"
--------
"And then, I realized that it wasn't an animal in the fish tank after all, it was just Andrew, one of my students."
"You mistook one of your students for a raccoon?"
"Well, in my defense-" Suddenly Lily looked up. There was Ted and another, equally doofy-looking guy.
"Robin." Ted looked startled.
"Hey," Robin smiled.
"Look who I ran into!" said Lily.
"Since when do you guys know each other?"
"Oh, since about... here." Robin felt indifferent in Ted's presence. Was that how you were supposed to feel about a guy whom you had recently dated? "Lily recognized me from the news and... hello, sailor!" She turned to see Lily and the other guy, whom she figured must be Marshall, making out.
"They just got engaged," Ted explained. Lily fluttered her ring at Robin for the third time.
Robin smiled, then remembered- work. "Okay, well I should get back to the station. See you guys," she added, hoping that maybe they all could hang out sometime. Ted didn't seem too weird or anything, so that was a good sign. Although... why wasn't he more weird? He couldn't be over her already, could he? Did he just go around saying, "I love you," to every girl? She couldn't resist, then, saying in a flirtatious way, "Nice seeing you, Ted."
"Yeah, you too." There was the puppy dog look. She turned- and there was Barney, not paying any attention to her at all. But why should she care? Okay, her fixation with him was getting a little weird. She strode hurriedly out of the bar.
--------
A week later, she was finishing up reporting yet another 'story,' this time at a local supermarket. She turned and- "Ted!"
He was sweaty. Weird. "Robin, wow, what are the odds?"
"What are you doing here?"
"Oh, just... shopping, for, uh, dip. I love dip... I mean, I don't love dip, I like dip, you know, as a friend, you know, heh..." She smiled suspiciously. She really, really hoped he wasn't stalking her. "So, hey, you reporting a news story or something?"
"Yeah, kid stuck in a crane machine, how sweet of you to call it news," she said.
"Wow, kid in a crane machine"
"Mm-hmm."
"You just had to have that toy, didn't ya? Couldn't play the game like everyone else?"
"You're all sweaty." Kids were brats, Robin thought, though she had just been thinking the same thing.
"Cute kid," Ted said in a strained tone. She grinned. "You know, it's so funny I should run into you, we're having a party next Friday, if you feel like swinging by, but, you know, whatever..."
Damn it, Lily. She had clearly told Ted about their little conversation. "Oh, I'm going back home next weekend. It's too bad it's not tonight." Thank God she had a valid excuse. Although, maybe the party wouldn't have been too awkward. Scratch that. Ted sprinting down here to tell her about their party definitely was not a good sign.
"It is, it's tonight." Of course. "This Friday. Did I say next Friday? Yeah, sorry, guess I've been saying "next Friday" all week, but yeah, tonight, the party's tonight, but, you know, whatever..."
"Oh, well then, I guess I'll be there." And she promptly put it out of her mind. She did not want Ted, nice as he was, making his puppy face at her all night. Although Blondie- Barney- would probably have been there. But- why the hell was that a reason to come?
--------
The next morning, she called Ted to apologize for not showing.
"I'm so sorry I missed your party."
"Who is this? Meredith?"
Wait, did he really not recognize her voice? She was memorable, wasn't she? Ted should love her, even if she only liked him. "Robin," she said, and wished she wasn't so insecure.
"Oh, Robin, hey, yeah, guess you never showed up, did you?"
"No, I got stuck at work." (This was actually true.) "But, they finally got that kid out of that crane machine."
"Did they let him keep the purple giraffe?"
"Yeah. They let him keep all of the toys. He was in there a long time, and little kids have small bladders." Ugh. Yet another reason to hate kids. "I wish your party was tonight," she said, unable to resist reeling him in just a little bit.
"It is, the party's tonight. It's a two day party, 'cuz that's just how we roll. So if you wanna swing by you know, it's casual. See ya." Damn it. Serve her right. She should have known he would do that. She preened a little. He really was obsessed with her, wasn't he? No, Scherbatsky. Not now. No ego-boosting. You like this guy, just not in that way. This is bad. But what else could she say?
Or maybe she did like him. Maybe it wasn't just that he was fairly cute and quite nice and really made her feel much better about herself. Maybe that was what love was. She considered her experience. There was Simon, but that had been teenage infatuation. And there was her parents. Well, that mess was nothing like her and Ted. She shuddered. And there had been Marshall and Lily. But she would never be like that, all makey-out and adorable. Disgusting. But maybe this, how she felt about Ted, were how feelings felt.
No, because what she had told Lily was true, and Ted wanted to get married and have babies. And his little speech that eventful night, about how he would make "a damn good husband," had not been endearing, as she supposed he had meant it to be, but had rather filled her with panic even though she thought it was rather sweet. So she couldn't pursue this thing, and she couldn't come to the party.
Okay, now she was getting all introspective and crap. Too bad. She needed someone to call and pull her out of this funk. Like that Barney guy. She'd bet he wasn't all touchy-feely. And why did he keep strolling into her brain at the most random of times?
--------
"Hi, Ted."
"Amanda? Oh, Denise, sorry, you totally sounded like Amanda."
"It's Robin," she said, smiling a little smugly because he had overdone it and she had seen through his little act.
"Oh, Robin, ha ha, hi."
"I totally wanted to come, I got stuck at work again, I feel like I live there." (This was only partly true; she did feel like she lived at work, but she had not been stuck there last night. Sorry, Ted.) "I'm sorry I missed your party again."
"Hey, ain't nothing but a chicken wing, Mamacita." She raised her eyebrows before she remembered she was on the phone.
"I guess there's no chance that your two-dayer turned into a three-dayer." Because even Ted couldn't be that crazy, right?
"It did indeed. The party continues tonight." OF COURSE. "Yeah, last night, people were like, 'Keep it going, bro, party trifecta!'"
She couldn't help but smile even though she was also tempted to sigh. He really was kind of a dork.
"Wow, okay, well I'll be there." She couldn't help the sarcasm in her voice.
"Great, see you tonight."
Robin weighed her options. She could go to the party and start something up with Ted, even though she knew it was wrong, or she could do the sane thing and stay home. She had almost decided on the latter when Barney's face broke into her mind. She shoved the image away, but a few seconds later had decided to go. She really couldn't make any more reasonable excuses, she thought, and didn't question her motives any further.
--------
"So you threw all these parties for me?"
Although she had suspected it, there was something a little shocking hearing Marshall say it. This meant that it was very deliberate and that his friends were in on it too.
"What? Noo- oh you thought that- oh, noo- okay, yes, you got me- ha ha- one of the reasons I threw these parties was so that I could introduce you to, um, this guy," and there was Barney, out of nowhere (oh who was she kidding, she had been watching him all night) and he pushed a guy forward, and she couldn't help looking at Barney for just a second because he was really, really hot- "uh, I figured since it didn't work out between us and now we can just laugh about it, ha ha-" (Good Lord, he really did sound like a teenage girl!) "Anyway, Robin, this is-" he paused. Clearly he had no idea who this guy was.
"Carlos."
"Hi, Carlos." He was good looking, seemed like kind of an idiot, perfect one night stand. She hadn't been with anyone for four and a half weeks and she needed it bad. She sat flirting with Carlos at the sofa, only occasionally glancing at Blond- Barney. She was amused by his antics. He had hit on every single woman here four times, including Lily. Except her. She was just a little offended. I mean, she was talking to another guy, sure, but that didn't mean he couldn't at least check her out or something.
"Wanna see the roof?" Carlos said, interrupting her thoughts.
--------
"Ted." Of course.
"Could you give us a minute?" he asked Carlos. Please say no, please say no.
"Hey, no sweat, hombre." Damn. But what was she going to say? Hey, I know that you're madly in love with me, but I really want to get laid right now and you're sort of interfering with that?
"Robin, I didn't throw this party to set you up with Carlos. Or the one before that. Or the one before that. I threw these parties because I wanted to see you."
Obviously, Robin thought. But he was cute. How bad would it be if she slept with him right now? "Well, here I am." Good Lord, what was he going to say?
"There's something here, unless I'm crazy." He looked like a dog, with those eyes and that begging manner. She felt a vague something tug at her heart.
"You're not crazy. I- I dunno, Ted, I mean, we barely know each other, and it's like- like-" she could feel the panic again, not helped by his eager, "Like what?"
"Like- let's fall in love, and get married, and have kids, and drive them to soccer practice." Hell on earth, she thought, not for the first time. What was wrong with her?
"I'm not going to force sports on them unless they're interested." And she laughed nervously, because he wasn't denying it.
"It's a great look." And she meant that half-sincerely. "But you're looking at the wrong girl."
"No I'm not." Why couldn't he let her go?
"Yes, you are." What could she stay to stop that awful look? "I don't want to get married now, maybe ever, and if we got together I'd feel like I'd either have to marry you or break your heart, and I just couldn't do either of those things. Just like you can't turn off the way you feel."
A pause, then: "Click. Off. Let's make out."
She laughed. "What?"
"What? That was the off switch. And I turned it off. I mean, sure, I want to fall in love, get married, blah blah blah, but on the other hand... you... me... the Roof..."
"There's no off switch."
"There is an off switch, and it's off." She wished that were true. Then they could sleep together.
"No it's not."
"Yes it is." If it were true, than they would date for a while, and who knows what would happen. She might make friends with Lily. Or Barney.
The thought of Barney made her voice a little giggly as she said, once again, "No, it's not."
"Yes, it is." And he kissed her.
Despite his claims, he was only an okay kisser. But still quite cute.
Suddenly, he paused, and after a few seconds, drew away. "No it's not." Damn it, Ted. "You're right, there's no off switch." She had been this close into deluding herself that he might be right, that there was an off switch. She really hadn't felt that way before, so she really only had a theoretical idea of what she was dealing with. "GOD I wish there was an off switch."
She sighed. Oh well. This was the second time she had found herself in this situation with him. Shouldn't she be feeling something more than "oh well"?
"Me too." It sounded a little cold, but what could you do?
They laughed awkwardly, and hemmed and hawed.
"What do we do now?" said Ted.
"We could be friends," she said, and meant it. Why hadn't she thought of it before? Then she could hang out with Marshall and Lily- and Barney- without awkwardness when their inevitable break up came. Plus, Ted was such a nice guy, she really wouldn't mind having him for a friend too.
But of course he couldn't do that. Instead he went for the theatrics. "Ooh," he said, clutching his heart.
"Look." She really wanted this. "I know it sounds insincere when people say that, but- we could." Please. She tried not to beg.
"Oh, Robin. I made such a jackass of myself, we start hanging out, it'll be all, 'Oh, that's right, I'm a jackass.'"
"You're not a jackass." He wasn't. He was a really nice guy, with really nice friends- not including Barney- and she really needed friends. Okay, Ted, she thought. If you want me to play the pity card, I'll play the pity card.
"Look, I'm sorry. I only moved here in April, and I'm always working and I just haven't met a lot of good people so far. But I understand." There. If that doesn't do the trick, nothing will.
"Well, uh, maybe in a few months, after it's not so fresh, we can all, uh, you know- get a beer."
"Yeah." She gave a good 'rejected' look. Come on, Ted, let me be your friend. "That sounds good. I, uh, will see you, Ted." She walked away, and- sure enough-
"Or, you know, now." She stopped and turned. "We could all get a beer now."
And she smiled. He was a nice guy. "I'd like that."
"My friends are gonna love you- like you- you know, as a friend. Jackass."
Her stomach fluttered with excitement. She would finally get to talk to Barney. She had so many good lines saved up for him. She had lain awake thinking of them.
--------
And she had gone downstairs with Ted, to MacLaren's, and took the seat next to Barney. He was just as funny and crass and indignant and awesome as she had imagined. She had used all her lines and bantered with him shamelessly. And she had reveled in it. It was exactly what she had been looking for- people to hang out with who were not lame and were warm and funny and- she found herself thinking of Barney again. He was really awesome. She had felt a little bad for him- she was sure there was more to him than the rest of them seemed to see- but making fun of him was just as satisfying as she had pictured. Not that she had pictured it, of course. Tomorrow she would get up and go to work and go to MacLaren's. And if she ever wanted to hang out with Ted and Marshall and Lily- and Barney- again, she really had to stop fantasizing about the latter. Because it would get weird. And he was definitely not her type. Her type? Where had that came from? She needed to stop being this blunt in her thoughts. She shuddered.
Whatever. The point was, she now had friends, she was convinced of that. And Ted wasn't too weird. She would find him the best girl. Eventually. She had to admit, it was flattering to have such a nice, cute guy interested in her. But she had had fun using Barney's line on that random skank.
Title: A Little Confused
Rating: T
Spoilers: Through "Purple Giraffe"
Disclaimer: I don't own HIMYM.
Word Count: 3408
Summary: Robin's POV- "Purple Giraffe"
Robin was at MacLaren's again, this time alone. She wasn't quite sure why. She had been bored after work (or, let's face it, bored by work) and she really didn't feel like listening to her friends moan over their love lives. She didn't plan to end up there again, but she just happened to be passing by, and she figured what the hell. Maybe she'd pick up a guy. Or meet some new friends who got dumped less often. Or run into Ted. Or Ted's incredibly hot blonde friend. Yes, she might as well go get a drink. Alone. How sad.
She had no sooner taken her seat at the bar when she felt a tap at her shoulder. She turned around.
"Hey, are you the reporter from Metro News One?"
She beamed at the perky looking redheaded girl. She had never gotten recognized before. People were really watching!
"Yeah, I am! Are you a fan?"
"Sort of, I guess. I'm Ted's friend Lily. Your name is Robin, right?"
"Oh. Yeah, I'm Robin."
"So... what are you doing at a bar alone on a Friday night?"
"So sad, right? Actually, I'm just sick of my friends. They won't shut up moping about their pathetic love lives. It's really getting on my nerves.
"Do you want to hang out with me? I promise I won't mope about my pathetic love life."
Robin smiled. "Sure."
They ordered drinks. Robin looked at Lily. "So, you're friends with Ted?"
"Oh yeah. We've known each other since college. He and my fiance are best friends."
"You're engaged? Congratulations!"
"Thanks! So... what do we think of Ted?"
"Ted?" What did Robin think of Ted? He was... perfectly fine? Seemed like a nice guy? Those sounded pathetic, even to her. Besides, they didn't quite fit the guy who said "I love you" on a first date. "Ted's something else. Comes on a little strong."
"But... that's part of his charm."
"Oh, totally," Robin said quickly. "I mean, he's sweet, he's charming, he's just... looking for something a little bit more serious than I am." Robin inwardly snickered. Just a little bit. "I mean, the most I can handle right now is something casual." She looked at Lily and realized that these words would probably make their way back to Ted. Damn it. She didn't need Ted showing up at her window with roses telling her that he too was just looking for something casual. "This just stays between us, right?"
"Are you kidding? This flapper, Fort Knox."
"Thanks," said Robin, only partially reassured. Then something occurred to her. If Lily knew Ted, than maybe she knew Blondie, too. She wasn't sure why she wanted to know about him so badly, but she had to ask. "So, do you and Ted hang out here a lot?"
"Yeah, all the time. Ted, Marshall- he's my fiance- Barney, and I."
"Barney?" Blondie?
"Oh, he's just a sort of friend of ours. He's such an idiot. You know the type. Constantly hitting on women in the most sleazy ways possible."
"I think I saw him here when I met Ted. Blonde hair? Drinks scotch? Got slapped three times by various blonde bimbos?"
"That's him, alright. Honestly, I'm not sure why we hang out with him. He's got more issues than you can count. Well, do you want to sit down?"
Robin wanted to keep talking about Blondie-Barney, but she didn't know what else to say. "Sure."
"Here. This is our booth."
"So, Lily, where do you work?"
--------
"And then, I realized that it wasn't an animal in the fish tank after all, it was just Andrew, one of my students."
"You mistook one of your students for a raccoon?"
"Well, in my defense-" Suddenly Lily looked up. There was Ted and another, equally doofy-looking guy.
"Robin." Ted looked startled.
"Hey," Robin smiled.
"Look who I ran into!" said Lily.
"Since when do you guys know each other?"
"Oh, since about... here." Robin felt indifferent in Ted's presence. Was that how you were supposed to feel about a guy whom you had recently dated? "Lily recognized me from the news and... hello, sailor!" She turned to see Lily and the other guy, whom she figured must be Marshall, making out.
"They just got engaged," Ted explained. Lily fluttered her ring at Robin for the third time.
Robin smiled, then remembered- work. "Okay, well I should get back to the station. See you guys," she added, hoping that maybe they all could hang out sometime. Ted didn't seem too weird or anything, so that was a good sign. Although... why wasn't he more weird? He couldn't be over her already, could he? Did he just go around saying, "I love you," to every girl? She couldn't resist, then, saying in a flirtatious way, "Nice seeing you, Ted."
"Yeah, you too." There was the puppy dog look. She turned- and there was Barney, not paying any attention to her at all. But why should she care? Okay, her fixation with him was getting a little weird. She strode hurriedly out of the bar.
--------
A week later, she was finishing up reporting yet another 'story,' this time at a local supermarket. She turned and- "Ted!"
He was sweaty. Weird. "Robin, wow, what are the odds?"
"What are you doing here?"
"Oh, just... shopping, for, uh, dip. I love dip... I mean, I don't love dip, I like dip, you know, as a friend, you know, heh..." She smiled suspiciously. She really, really hoped he wasn't stalking her. "So, hey, you reporting a news story or something?"
"Yeah, kid stuck in a crane machine, how sweet of you to call it news," she said.
"Wow, kid in a crane machine"
"Mm-hmm."
"You just had to have that toy, didn't ya? Couldn't play the game like everyone else?"
"You're all sweaty." Kids were brats, Robin thought, though she had just been thinking the same thing.
"Cute kid," Ted said in a strained tone. She grinned. "You know, it's so funny I should run into you, we're having a party next Friday, if you feel like swinging by, but, you know, whatever..."
Damn it, Lily. She had clearly told Ted about their little conversation. "Oh, I'm going back home next weekend. It's too bad it's not tonight." Thank God she had a valid excuse. Although, maybe the party wouldn't have been too awkward. Scratch that. Ted sprinting down here to tell her about their party definitely was not a good sign.
"It is, it's tonight." Of course. "This Friday. Did I say next Friday? Yeah, sorry, guess I've been saying "next Friday" all week, but yeah, tonight, the party's tonight, but, you know, whatever..."
"Oh, well then, I guess I'll be there." And she promptly put it out of her mind. She did not want Ted, nice as he was, making his puppy face at her all night. Although Blondie- Barney- would probably have been there. But- why the hell was that a reason to come?
--------
The next morning, she called Ted to apologize for not showing.
"I'm so sorry I missed your party."
"Who is this? Meredith?"
Wait, did he really not recognize her voice? She was memorable, wasn't she? Ted should love her, even if she only liked him. "Robin," she said, and wished she wasn't so insecure.
"Oh, Robin, hey, yeah, guess you never showed up, did you?"
"No, I got stuck at work." (This was actually true.) "But, they finally got that kid out of that crane machine."
"Did they let him keep the purple giraffe?"
"Yeah. They let him keep all of the toys. He was in there a long time, and little kids have small bladders." Ugh. Yet another reason to hate kids. "I wish your party was tonight," she said, unable to resist reeling him in just a little bit.
"It is, the party's tonight. It's a two day party, 'cuz that's just how we roll. So if you wanna swing by you know, it's casual. See ya." Damn it. Serve her right. She should have known he would do that. She preened a little. He really was obsessed with her, wasn't he? No, Scherbatsky. Not now. No ego-boosting. You like this guy, just not in that way. This is bad. But what else could she say?
Or maybe she did like him. Maybe it wasn't just that he was fairly cute and quite nice and really made her feel much better about herself. Maybe that was what love was. She considered her experience. There was Simon, but that had been teenage infatuation. And there was her parents. Well, that mess was nothing like her and Ted. She shuddered. And there had been Marshall and Lily. But she would never be like that, all makey-out and adorable. Disgusting. But maybe this, how she felt about Ted, were how feelings felt.
No, because what she had told Lily was true, and Ted wanted to get married and have babies. And his little speech that eventful night, about how he would make "a damn good husband," had not been endearing, as she supposed he had meant it to be, but had rather filled her with panic even though she thought it was rather sweet. So she couldn't pursue this thing, and she couldn't come to the party.
Okay, now she was getting all introspective and crap. Too bad. She needed someone to call and pull her out of this funk. Like that Barney guy. She'd bet he wasn't all touchy-feely. And why did he keep strolling into her brain at the most random of times?
--------
"Hi, Ted."
"Amanda? Oh, Denise, sorry, you totally sounded like Amanda."
"It's Robin," she said, smiling a little smugly because he had overdone it and she had seen through his little act.
"Oh, Robin, ha ha, hi."
"I totally wanted to come, I got stuck at work again, I feel like I live there." (This was only partly true; she did feel like she lived at work, but she had not been stuck there last night. Sorry, Ted.) "I'm sorry I missed your party again."
"Hey, ain't nothing but a chicken wing, Mamacita." She raised her eyebrows before she remembered she was on the phone.
"I guess there's no chance that your two-dayer turned into a three-dayer." Because even Ted couldn't be that crazy, right?
"It did indeed. The party continues tonight." OF COURSE. "Yeah, last night, people were like, 'Keep it going, bro, party trifecta!'"
She couldn't help but smile even though she was also tempted to sigh. He really was kind of a dork.
"Wow, okay, well I'll be there." She couldn't help the sarcasm in her voice.
"Great, see you tonight."
Robin weighed her options. She could go to the party and start something up with Ted, even though she knew it was wrong, or she could do the sane thing and stay home. She had almost decided on the latter when Barney's face broke into her mind. She shoved the image away, but a few seconds later had decided to go. She really couldn't make any more reasonable excuses, she thought, and didn't question her motives any further.
--------
"So you threw all these parties for me?"
Although she had suspected it, there was something a little shocking hearing Marshall say it. This meant that it was very deliberate and that his friends were in on it too.
"What? Noo- oh you thought that- oh, noo- okay, yes, you got me- ha ha- one of the reasons I threw these parties was so that I could introduce you to, um, this guy," and there was Barney, out of nowhere (oh who was she kidding, she had been watching him all night) and he pushed a guy forward, and she couldn't help looking at Barney for just a second because he was really, really hot- "uh, I figured since it didn't work out between us and now we can just laugh about it, ha ha-" (Good Lord, he really did sound like a teenage girl!) "Anyway, Robin, this is-" he paused. Clearly he had no idea who this guy was.
"Carlos."
"Hi, Carlos." He was good looking, seemed like kind of an idiot, perfect one night stand. She hadn't been with anyone for four and a half weeks and she needed it bad. She sat flirting with Carlos at the sofa, only occasionally glancing at Blond- Barney. She was amused by his antics. He had hit on every single woman here four times, including Lily. Except her. She was just a little offended. I mean, she was talking to another guy, sure, but that didn't mean he couldn't at least check her out or something.
"Wanna see the roof?" Carlos said, interrupting her thoughts.
--------
"Ted." Of course.
"Could you give us a minute?" he asked Carlos. Please say no, please say no.
"Hey, no sweat, hombre." Damn. But what was she going to say? Hey, I know that you're madly in love with me, but I really want to get laid right now and you're sort of interfering with that?
"Robin, I didn't throw this party to set you up with Carlos. Or the one before that. Or the one before that. I threw these parties because I wanted to see you."
Obviously, Robin thought. But he was cute. How bad would it be if she slept with him right now? "Well, here I am." Good Lord, what was he going to say?
"There's something here, unless I'm crazy." He looked like a dog, with those eyes and that begging manner. She felt a vague something tug at her heart.
"You're not crazy. I- I dunno, Ted, I mean, we barely know each other, and it's like- like-" she could feel the panic again, not helped by his eager, "Like what?"
"Like- let's fall in love, and get married, and have kids, and drive them to soccer practice." Hell on earth, she thought, not for the first time. What was wrong with her?
"I'm not going to force sports on them unless they're interested." And she laughed nervously, because he wasn't denying it.
"It's a great look." And she meant that half-sincerely. "But you're looking at the wrong girl."
"No I'm not." Why couldn't he let her go?
"Yes, you are." What could she stay to stop that awful look? "I don't want to get married now, maybe ever, and if we got together I'd feel like I'd either have to marry you or break your heart, and I just couldn't do either of those things. Just like you can't turn off the way you feel."
A pause, then: "Click. Off. Let's make out."
She laughed. "What?"
"What? That was the off switch. And I turned it off. I mean, sure, I want to fall in love, get married, blah blah blah, but on the other hand... you... me... the Roof..."
"There's no off switch."
"There is an off switch, and it's off." She wished that were true. Then they could sleep together.
"No it's not."
"Yes it is." If it were true, than they would date for a while, and who knows what would happen. She might make friends with Lily. Or Barney.
The thought of Barney made her voice a little giggly as she said, once again, "No, it's not."
"Yes, it is." And he kissed her.
Despite his claims, he was only an okay kisser. But still quite cute.
Suddenly, he paused, and after a few seconds, drew away. "No it's not." Damn it, Ted. "You're right, there's no off switch." She had been this close into deluding herself that he might be right, that there was an off switch. She really hadn't felt that way before, so she really only had a theoretical idea of what she was dealing with. "GOD I wish there was an off switch."
She sighed. Oh well. This was the second time she had found herself in this situation with him. Shouldn't she be feeling something more than "oh well"?
"Me too." It sounded a little cold, but what could you do?
They laughed awkwardly, and hemmed and hawed.
"What do we do now?" said Ted.
"We could be friends," she said, and meant it. Why hadn't she thought of it before? Then she could hang out with Marshall and Lily- and Barney- without awkwardness when their inevitable break up came. Plus, Ted was such a nice guy, she really wouldn't mind having him for a friend too.
But of course he couldn't do that. Instead he went for the theatrics. "Ooh," he said, clutching his heart.
"Look." She really wanted this. "I know it sounds insincere when people say that, but- we could." Please. She tried not to beg.
"Oh, Robin. I made such a jackass of myself, we start hanging out, it'll be all, 'Oh, that's right, I'm a jackass.'"
"You're not a jackass." He wasn't. He was a really nice guy, with really nice friends- not including Barney- and she really needed friends. Okay, Ted, she thought. If you want me to play the pity card, I'll play the pity card.
"Look, I'm sorry. I only moved here in April, and I'm always working and I just haven't met a lot of good people so far. But I understand." There. If that doesn't do the trick, nothing will.
"Well, uh, maybe in a few months, after it's not so fresh, we can all, uh, you know- get a beer."
"Yeah." She gave a good 'rejected' look. Come on, Ted, let me be your friend. "That sounds good. I, uh, will see you, Ted." She walked away, and- sure enough-
"Or, you know, now." She stopped and turned. "We could all get a beer now."
And she smiled. He was a nice guy. "I'd like that."
"My friends are gonna love you- like you- you know, as a friend. Jackass."
Her stomach fluttered with excitement. She would finally get to talk to Barney. She had so many good lines saved up for him. She had lain awake thinking of them.
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And she had gone downstairs with Ted, to MacLaren's, and took the seat next to Barney. He was just as funny and crass and indignant and awesome as she had imagined. She had used all her lines and bantered with him shamelessly. And she had reveled in it. It was exactly what she had been looking for- people to hang out with who were not lame and were warm and funny and- she found herself thinking of Barney again. He was really awesome. She had felt a little bad for him- she was sure there was more to him than the rest of them seemed to see- but making fun of him was just as satisfying as she had pictured. Not that she had pictured it, of course. Tomorrow she would get up and go to work and go to MacLaren's. And if she ever wanted to hang out with Ted and Marshall and Lily- and Barney- again, she really had to stop fantasizing about the latter. Because it would get weird. And he was definitely not her type. Her type? Where had that came from? She needed to stop being this blunt in her thoughts. She shuddered.
Whatever. The point was, she now had friends, she was convinced of that. And Ted wasn't too weird. She would find him the best girl. Eventually. She had to admit, it was flattering to have such a nice, cute guy interested in her. But she had had fun using Barney's line on that random skank.