Secret #23: Mental Hygiene
He was naked, i had my clothes on, though he said i should take them off. i didn't. We had both been drinking. Being a confused young man, i thought he wanted me to play with him and i was curious as i had never done that before. i was wrong. i went to bed ashamed and scared. The next day, he confronted me and said that was pretty fucked up and he should report me. But i'd always helped him and his team out, so he'd cut me a break. He said he wouldn't turn me in if i went down to "Mental Hygiene" for help. That was literally the name of the Army's mental health service back in those days. i said i would, but didn't for a couple weeks since i thought i'd get the boot. Finally, i called. "i have a friend..." i wanted to just talk to them on the phone. After awhile i went in and saw a psychologist. i talked about my past. Had i ever done this before...stuff like that. i had to go and jerk off with a Playboy and tell them how i felt about that. i had to read a text book called "The Homosexual Matrix" which, surprisingly enough, they had at the base library. You can't believe how embarassing it was signing that out. i even had to take a test - multiple-choice, actually - to see if i had those dreaded tendencies. i don't remember how long it went on, but i was able to go to sessions on at least a weekly basis for a few months, i think. Fortunately, i had a very flexible schedule that took me from one base to another, so taking an hour out here and there was pretty easy. They finally decided that i was just a confused, but straight, young man, but that i had some self-esteem issues. As you already know, they were only half-right. To their credit, i really did feel a lot better about myself after that. my buddy who, for good reason, had been rather cold for a couple of months, forgave me. i thanked him for giving me the push to go see them. i was never outted. my unit never knew that i'd gone to MH at all. We all went our separate ways. i heard he got married to a nice young lady a few years later. i never heard from him again.
You can see all 30 of my secrets here.