Fic: Memories as a Teacup: Chapter 13 (Dean/Seamus) Currently Rated: PG
Title: Memories as a Teacup: Chapter 13
Author: wook77
Pairing:: Dean/Seamus (other slash and het pairings contained within)
Rating: PG (Eventual rating: Hard R to NC-17)
100quills prompt: 008. Birth
Warnings: Canon compliant through DH. Pre-Epilogue. Additional Warnings at the beginning of Chapter 1.
Wordcount: Overall: ~70k This part: 2300
Summary: Four years ago, Dean Thomas died in the midst of a raid. Seamus saw it happen right in front of his eyes but seeing isn't believing and reality is in the eye of the beholder.
A/N: Many many thanks to nefernat and elanorofcastile for the beta job. All remaining mistakes are my own.
All Chapters
Seamus paced outside Kingsley's office. He hadn't heard from the man in too long. Even now, Dean was having his lost memories pulled out to try to be healed and it was about time the Aurors got around to finding out just what had happened. With sharp knocks, Seamus banged on the door again.
"I'm not in there, Finnigan," Kingsley said from behind him. He turned on his heel and watched as Kingsley approached. "Here for an update on the Thomas situation?"
"Aye, sir, that I am." Seamus stepped back and waited for Kingsley to open the door and then followed him in. "Lestrange talk any further?"
"We have permission to utilize Veritaserum. Harry, Ron and yourself are cleared to administer it. Anything happens to Lestrange, though, and you'll be out, you understand?"
"Aye, I'm to control meself. I can do that."
"Can you?" Kingsley sat behind his desk. "I suggest you do regardless of your ability. You muddle this up and we'll never find out what happened to Thomas. The Wizengamot won't let us near the rest what with the repeated abuse of prisoners, Death Eaters or not. Especially with these damnable trials coming up next week."
"I'll control meself, you've my word."
"Then here," Kingsley said while holding out a form. "Harry and Ron should be back in their offices."
"Thank you for the opportunity, sir," Seamus said and then grabbed the form and headed to the office Harry and Ron shared.
He knocked on the partially open door and popped his head in. "Just came from speaking with Shacklebolt. Looks like it's a go. When do you want to do this?"
"No time like the present," Ron said as he grabbed his wand from the desk.
"Agreed," Harry said and followed suit.
"Was hoping you'd say that." Seamus backed out of the doorway and then all three made their way to the Floo Network, quickly heading over to Azkaban.
"Lestrange, Rodolphus, Interrogation Room Four, please," Harry said and Seamus handed over the paper from Kingsley. The guard nodded and left while the three of them walked towards the interrogation room.
"You going to beat the bloody hell out of him again?" Ron asked as they entered the room. "Or you going to let one of us get a couple of blows in?"
"No one is beating anyone else, Ron. We don't need to. He'll tell us what we want regardless."
"Right, not planning on hitting him."
"You weren't before, either, but you still did it. We can't go about beating on everyone. We have to be the better people," Harry lectured while Seamus ground his teeth to keep from saying anything.
"Aye, you're coming through loud and clear, there, mum." Seamus saluted after they shut the door.
"Fuck off with that attitude, I'm trying to keep you from getting fired." Harry shook his head while Ron laughed.
"Fired? From Quidditch? Aye, I'm sure that'll be happening." Seamus would have continued but Lestrange entered the room in handcuffs and escorted by a guard on either side.
"Back again? To what do I owe the dubious honour?"
"Mouth," Harry commanded as he held out the dropper. Ron held the form detailing the authorisation for Veritaserum for Lestrange's perusal. Lestrange didn't open his mouth so Seamus pinched his nose until the man couldn't hold his breath further and his mouth burst open. Harry dropped the Veritaserum on his tongue. Seamus let go and stepped back.
"Dean Thomas." It was said plainly.
"So?" Lestrange answered.
"What did you do to his memories?" Seamus asked and he enjoyed the way that Lestrange's face twisted as he tried to resist the Veritaserum but then it all came spilling out. Lestrange detailed the way that they'd used a spell designed to relieve all Muggleborns of their memories of magic. He told them about the research and the way that Bellatrix Lestrange had come up with the spell. The experiments on Muggleborns seized at the train station during Seamus's first seventh year and the resulting deaths and ruined lives that followed. All of it spilled out and Seamus took detailed notes to help the Healers as they worked with Dean.
"Were there any others?" Harry asked and Lestrange, unable to fight the Veritaserum, told them about the rest of the Muggleborns. Within moments, there were so many that Seamus couldn't possibly write all of them down, if Lestrange had ever even bothered to learn their names. That, to Seamus, was the worst part, that these children were so worthless that Lestrange couldn't even bother with their names as he ripped away their lives. Some had been returned to their families, others had escaped. Some were in St Mungo's while others were in institutions across Europe. It was heartbreaking and by the end, Seamus felt numb. There were so many people, so many lives shattered. This was way more than just Dean and him and the scope and breadth of it overwhelmed him.
It was obvious that Harry and Ron felt the same as they waved Lestrange out of the interrogation room and three of them were quiet as they went back through the Floo and into the office. The report was simple and to the point, merely a recitation of the details with no extra information added. As they were close to finishing, Seamus looked at his watch and the cursed.
"Am late to get to St. Mungo's. Finish this tomorrow?" Ron and Harry looked up from the work.
"Yeah, let us know how it went with Dean."
"Aye, sure." As Seamus was leaving the office, Kingsley came walking up and Seamus gestured towards the office.
The numbness didn't wear away as he got to St. Mungo's and found Parvati. "How'd it go?"
"What's wrong?" She asked as she saw his demeanour.
"There's so many, like Dean. Can't imagine so many people suffering like this," Seamus said and then suppressed it. "How's he doing? Can I see him?"
"He's in a private room. They were able to get behind the wall and retrieve what appears to be all of the damaged memories. We'll need to meet with the Healers regarding what you found out from Azkaban." Parvati embraced him tightly. "We'll work to fix them all, you know that."
"Aye, but, Christ. If I'd just thought about it, if any of us had just thought…"
"Going down that path isn't healthy. There's no way we could've known that the Death Eaters were experimenting on anyone. It wasn't in any of the paperwork from the Registry files or anything." Seamus clung to her and breathed in the scent of hydrangeas. It soothed him enough that he finally let go.
"Can I see Dean?"
"He's this way, I'll need to escort you. Stay as quiet as possible as he's resting and probably has the world's worst headache. It's very hopeful looking, though." Parvati held on to his waist as they walked. "He knows you watch him."
"Oh," Seamus said, unsure how to answer that. He'd tried to be quiet about it. The need for reassurance that Dean was really there was easier to control during the day but at night, it was all Seamus could do to resist holding on to Dean, crawling in to the bed and clinging for dear life and sanity. "Thought maybe he did."
"He cares for you, Seamus, whether or not he remembers, he cares about you. Remember that in the coming days just in case his behaviour changes because of the memory extraction."
"Behaviour changes?"
"We just don't know," she said and then rested her hand on the doorknob. "Best to whisper, he's in pain."
~~**~~
Dean burrowed deeper under the blankets, locking out the rest of the room. It wasn't that the light or the lack thereof bothered his eyes. It was more that outside of the blankets, the room felt too large, too full while his brain felt too empty. His mind, the way his thoughts echoed about inside the hollow spots, reminded him of the old wells he'd drop a coin into when he was a child. The coin would fall and fall in silence until, suddenly, it hit something and a plink would echo up from the bottom. Here, in his own head, his thoughts rattled around all the empty spots that should contain something but, instead, had nothing.
Under the blankets, the too big room receded and he was left with this tiny spot that felt just full enough. It contained everything he needed and it made his thoughts echo less in his head. As the door opened and intruded into this small dark world, he groaned.
"Dean?" Seamus's voice came as if from a distance. It took a moment for Dean to place the voice but once he did, he reached a hand out from under the blankets to beckon Seamus closer.
"Seamus?"
"Yeah, am here, mate." Dean didn't have to strain to hear Seamus cross the room. Instead, he braced himself for the empty echoing but, instead, all he felt was the warmth of Seamus's hand on his own. "How're you?"
"Been better."
"Ain't that the truth. Vati says that they have your memories in jars or bowls or something." Seamus's hand rubbed against Dean's, warm, soothing circles that filled the empty spaces so that it didn't seem quite so bad.
"Makes 'em sound like soup," Dean whispered as he curled on his side and poked his nose out of the blankets. Seamus filled his vision in the murky light of the room.
"Guess they are, right now. Just think, eleven year old you is swimming around next to twenty year old you. Wonder what they'd tell each other if they could talk?"
"Dunno, don't know 'em yet, do I?" Dean's temper surfaced. "Sorry, don't know where that came from."
"It's all right, mate. You're allowed, just had another major…err… thing happen, didn't you?" Seamus's hand never stopped rubbing circles on his skin.
"'Thing' is one way of putting it." Dean pulled the blankets down just a bit further and reached out with his other hand, gripping Seamus's wrist and trapping his hand between his own. "What would yours tell each other?"
"What, twenty year old me and eleven year old me?" Seamus asked, making Dean nod. "Aye, well, I'm sure the little one would tell the older one to stop being so fucking serious all the time and the older would tell the younger to try to grab a hold of everything and not let any of it go."
"Good advice." Dean clung to Seamus's hand as he started to shift about and tried to pull his hand away. "Where're you going?"
"Budge over," Seamus ordered. Dean, completely confused, did as he was bade and then grinned as Seamus crawled into the narrow hospital bed with him. Curling around Seamus's warmth, Dean laid his head on Seamus's stomach and then breathed in the scent that clung to Seamus's shirt. His hands started to rub circles on Dean's temples once more and Dean moaned. "Better?"
"Yeah, ta." As the pattern stabilised, Dean found himself falling asleep. It was too much to resist and he drifted off.
When he woke, it was to the vibrations of Seamus's chest under his cheek. "…yeah, I thought but..."
"I'll cover for you as long as I can but they won't let you stay all night." That was Parvati's voice though it took Dean a moment to place it.
"Is fine, he's barely got any sleep as it is. I'll just stay a bit longer."
"All right." The sound of the door closing seemed unnaturally loud to Dean and he couldn't help the flinch.
"Sh, it's ok, just Parvati checking on you. I'm not allowed to stay for much longer." Seamus's voice sounded much quieter and Dean grabbed hold of his hand.
"Don't leave me, not yet." He hated how small he sounded, as if he were that eleven year old self they'd been talking about earlier. "Tell me about how it went with whoever it was. Tell me about when we were in school. Tell me anything just… just stay."
"You were always better at magic than me," Seamus started the story. "When we were learning how to levitate stuff back in first year, I blew up a feather. Explosion was awesome, though. I kept doing it even after we figured out the swish and flick. Never did get water to turn into rum though. Every once in awhile, I'll try it again and see. Sometimes, I think that I'd have been better off opening up a pub. I wonder what we would've been if I'd done that instead of becoming an Auror. I wonder what would've happened if you would've gone to art school like you dreamed of. But you and me, we went in and became Aurors and now look at us. What would it have been like for you to be that graphic designer… artist… person that you are instead of all this suffering. You think we would've been happier?"
"I think that the past is the past and, sometimes, you don't get it back, even when your head’s echoing and everything feels so empty." Dean had resigned himself to not regaining his memories as they'd pulled them out. Those glowing, ephemeral swirls of light hadn't seemed like much, like they hadn't been an entire life. What could they possibly do to make this better?
"That's just the mood talking, Dean. You'll get your memories back."
"And then what? We'll be happy again and everything will go back the way it was? I'm not the same person and I doubt you are, either. I can't think, my head feels so empty and right now," Dean paused as he tried to stop the confession from flowing out but he couldn't, the need was too strong, "all I want is my mum."
"I'm sorry, Dean, so sorry," Seamus answered. The soothing circles on his scalp started again. "I'm sorry she isn't here and I'm sorry you've been through all of this."
"I didn't mean to snap at you," Dean apologized as Seamus sounded hurt. "Talk to me?"
Seamus started again as Dean let himself drift back to sleep, "You used to forge signatures all the time. You'd write notes to get us out of class or…"
As always, I'd love to hear what you thought.
Chapter 14
Author: wook77
Pairing:: Dean/Seamus (other slash and het pairings contained within)
Rating: PG (Eventual rating: Hard R to NC-17)
100quills prompt: 008. Birth
Warnings: Canon compliant through DH. Pre-Epilogue. Additional Warnings at the beginning of Chapter 1.
Wordcount: Overall: ~70k This part: 2300
Summary: Four years ago, Dean Thomas died in the midst of a raid. Seamus saw it happen right in front of his eyes but seeing isn't believing and reality is in the eye of the beholder.
A/N: Many many thanks to nefernat and elanorofcastile for the beta job. All remaining mistakes are my own.
All Chapters
Seamus paced outside Kingsley's office. He hadn't heard from the man in too long. Even now, Dean was having his lost memories pulled out to try to be healed and it was about time the Aurors got around to finding out just what had happened. With sharp knocks, Seamus banged on the door again.
"I'm not in there, Finnigan," Kingsley said from behind him. He turned on his heel and watched as Kingsley approached. "Here for an update on the Thomas situation?"
"Aye, sir, that I am." Seamus stepped back and waited for Kingsley to open the door and then followed him in. "Lestrange talk any further?"
"We have permission to utilize Veritaserum. Harry, Ron and yourself are cleared to administer it. Anything happens to Lestrange, though, and you'll be out, you understand?"
"Aye, I'm to control meself. I can do that."
"Can you?" Kingsley sat behind his desk. "I suggest you do regardless of your ability. You muddle this up and we'll never find out what happened to Thomas. The Wizengamot won't let us near the rest what with the repeated abuse of prisoners, Death Eaters or not. Especially with these damnable trials coming up next week."
"I'll control meself, you've my word."
"Then here," Kingsley said while holding out a form. "Harry and Ron should be back in their offices."
"Thank you for the opportunity, sir," Seamus said and then grabbed the form and headed to the office Harry and Ron shared.
He knocked on the partially open door and popped his head in. "Just came from speaking with Shacklebolt. Looks like it's a go. When do you want to do this?"
"No time like the present," Ron said as he grabbed his wand from the desk.
"Agreed," Harry said and followed suit.
"Was hoping you'd say that." Seamus backed out of the doorway and then all three made their way to the Floo Network, quickly heading over to Azkaban.
"Lestrange, Rodolphus, Interrogation Room Four, please," Harry said and Seamus handed over the paper from Kingsley. The guard nodded and left while the three of them walked towards the interrogation room.
"You going to beat the bloody hell out of him again?" Ron asked as they entered the room. "Or you going to let one of us get a couple of blows in?"
"No one is beating anyone else, Ron. We don't need to. He'll tell us what we want regardless."
"Right, not planning on hitting him."
"You weren't before, either, but you still did it. We can't go about beating on everyone. We have to be the better people," Harry lectured while Seamus ground his teeth to keep from saying anything.
"Aye, you're coming through loud and clear, there, mum." Seamus saluted after they shut the door.
"Fuck off with that attitude, I'm trying to keep you from getting fired." Harry shook his head while Ron laughed.
"Fired? From Quidditch? Aye, I'm sure that'll be happening." Seamus would have continued but Lestrange entered the room in handcuffs and escorted by a guard on either side.
"Back again? To what do I owe the dubious honour?"
"Mouth," Harry commanded as he held out the dropper. Ron held the form detailing the authorisation for Veritaserum for Lestrange's perusal. Lestrange didn't open his mouth so Seamus pinched his nose until the man couldn't hold his breath further and his mouth burst open. Harry dropped the Veritaserum on his tongue. Seamus let go and stepped back.
"Dean Thomas." It was said plainly.
"So?" Lestrange answered.
"What did you do to his memories?" Seamus asked and he enjoyed the way that Lestrange's face twisted as he tried to resist the Veritaserum but then it all came spilling out. Lestrange detailed the way that they'd used a spell designed to relieve all Muggleborns of their memories of magic. He told them about the research and the way that Bellatrix Lestrange had come up with the spell. The experiments on Muggleborns seized at the train station during Seamus's first seventh year and the resulting deaths and ruined lives that followed. All of it spilled out and Seamus took detailed notes to help the Healers as they worked with Dean.
"Were there any others?" Harry asked and Lestrange, unable to fight the Veritaserum, told them about the rest of the Muggleborns. Within moments, there were so many that Seamus couldn't possibly write all of them down, if Lestrange had ever even bothered to learn their names. That, to Seamus, was the worst part, that these children were so worthless that Lestrange couldn't even bother with their names as he ripped away their lives. Some had been returned to their families, others had escaped. Some were in St Mungo's while others were in institutions across Europe. It was heartbreaking and by the end, Seamus felt numb. There were so many people, so many lives shattered. This was way more than just Dean and him and the scope and breadth of it overwhelmed him.
It was obvious that Harry and Ron felt the same as they waved Lestrange out of the interrogation room and three of them were quiet as they went back through the Floo and into the office. The report was simple and to the point, merely a recitation of the details with no extra information added. As they were close to finishing, Seamus looked at his watch and the cursed.
"Am late to get to St. Mungo's. Finish this tomorrow?" Ron and Harry looked up from the work.
"Yeah, let us know how it went with Dean."
"Aye, sure." As Seamus was leaving the office, Kingsley came walking up and Seamus gestured towards the office.
The numbness didn't wear away as he got to St. Mungo's and found Parvati. "How'd it go?"
"What's wrong?" She asked as she saw his demeanour.
"There's so many, like Dean. Can't imagine so many people suffering like this," Seamus said and then suppressed it. "How's he doing? Can I see him?"
"He's in a private room. They were able to get behind the wall and retrieve what appears to be all of the damaged memories. We'll need to meet with the Healers regarding what you found out from Azkaban." Parvati embraced him tightly. "We'll work to fix them all, you know that."
"Aye, but, Christ. If I'd just thought about it, if any of us had just thought…"
"Going down that path isn't healthy. There's no way we could've known that the Death Eaters were experimenting on anyone. It wasn't in any of the paperwork from the Registry files or anything." Seamus clung to her and breathed in the scent of hydrangeas. It soothed him enough that he finally let go.
"Can I see Dean?"
"He's this way, I'll need to escort you. Stay as quiet as possible as he's resting and probably has the world's worst headache. It's very hopeful looking, though." Parvati held on to his waist as they walked. "He knows you watch him."
"Oh," Seamus said, unsure how to answer that. He'd tried to be quiet about it. The need for reassurance that Dean was really there was easier to control during the day but at night, it was all Seamus could do to resist holding on to Dean, crawling in to the bed and clinging for dear life and sanity. "Thought maybe he did."
"He cares for you, Seamus, whether or not he remembers, he cares about you. Remember that in the coming days just in case his behaviour changes because of the memory extraction."
"Behaviour changes?"
"We just don't know," she said and then rested her hand on the doorknob. "Best to whisper, he's in pain."
~~**~~
Dean burrowed deeper under the blankets, locking out the rest of the room. It wasn't that the light or the lack thereof bothered his eyes. It was more that outside of the blankets, the room felt too large, too full while his brain felt too empty. His mind, the way his thoughts echoed about inside the hollow spots, reminded him of the old wells he'd drop a coin into when he was a child. The coin would fall and fall in silence until, suddenly, it hit something and a plink would echo up from the bottom. Here, in his own head, his thoughts rattled around all the empty spots that should contain something but, instead, had nothing.
Under the blankets, the too big room receded and he was left with this tiny spot that felt just full enough. It contained everything he needed and it made his thoughts echo less in his head. As the door opened and intruded into this small dark world, he groaned.
"Dean?" Seamus's voice came as if from a distance. It took a moment for Dean to place the voice but once he did, he reached a hand out from under the blankets to beckon Seamus closer.
"Seamus?"
"Yeah, am here, mate." Dean didn't have to strain to hear Seamus cross the room. Instead, he braced himself for the empty echoing but, instead, all he felt was the warmth of Seamus's hand on his own. "How're you?"
"Been better."
"Ain't that the truth. Vati says that they have your memories in jars or bowls or something." Seamus's hand rubbed against Dean's, warm, soothing circles that filled the empty spaces so that it didn't seem quite so bad.
"Makes 'em sound like soup," Dean whispered as he curled on his side and poked his nose out of the blankets. Seamus filled his vision in the murky light of the room.
"Guess they are, right now. Just think, eleven year old you is swimming around next to twenty year old you. Wonder what they'd tell each other if they could talk?"
"Dunno, don't know 'em yet, do I?" Dean's temper surfaced. "Sorry, don't know where that came from."
"It's all right, mate. You're allowed, just had another major…err… thing happen, didn't you?" Seamus's hand never stopped rubbing circles on his skin.
"'Thing' is one way of putting it." Dean pulled the blankets down just a bit further and reached out with his other hand, gripping Seamus's wrist and trapping his hand between his own. "What would yours tell each other?"
"What, twenty year old me and eleven year old me?" Seamus asked, making Dean nod. "Aye, well, I'm sure the little one would tell the older one to stop being so fucking serious all the time and the older would tell the younger to try to grab a hold of everything and not let any of it go."
"Good advice." Dean clung to Seamus's hand as he started to shift about and tried to pull his hand away. "Where're you going?"
"Budge over," Seamus ordered. Dean, completely confused, did as he was bade and then grinned as Seamus crawled into the narrow hospital bed with him. Curling around Seamus's warmth, Dean laid his head on Seamus's stomach and then breathed in the scent that clung to Seamus's shirt. His hands started to rub circles on Dean's temples once more and Dean moaned. "Better?"
"Yeah, ta." As the pattern stabilised, Dean found himself falling asleep. It was too much to resist and he drifted off.
When he woke, it was to the vibrations of Seamus's chest under his cheek. "…yeah, I thought but..."
"I'll cover for you as long as I can but they won't let you stay all night." That was Parvati's voice though it took Dean a moment to place it.
"Is fine, he's barely got any sleep as it is. I'll just stay a bit longer."
"All right." The sound of the door closing seemed unnaturally loud to Dean and he couldn't help the flinch.
"Sh, it's ok, just Parvati checking on you. I'm not allowed to stay for much longer." Seamus's voice sounded much quieter and Dean grabbed hold of his hand.
"Don't leave me, not yet." He hated how small he sounded, as if he were that eleven year old self they'd been talking about earlier. "Tell me about how it went with whoever it was. Tell me about when we were in school. Tell me anything just… just stay."
"You were always better at magic than me," Seamus started the story. "When we were learning how to levitate stuff back in first year, I blew up a feather. Explosion was awesome, though. I kept doing it even after we figured out the swish and flick. Never did get water to turn into rum though. Every once in awhile, I'll try it again and see. Sometimes, I think that I'd have been better off opening up a pub. I wonder what we would've been if I'd done that instead of becoming an Auror. I wonder what would've happened if you would've gone to art school like you dreamed of. But you and me, we went in and became Aurors and now look at us. What would it have been like for you to be that graphic designer… artist… person that you are instead of all this suffering. You think we would've been happier?"
"I think that the past is the past and, sometimes, you don't get it back, even when your head’s echoing and everything feels so empty." Dean had resigned himself to not regaining his memories as they'd pulled them out. Those glowing, ephemeral swirls of light hadn't seemed like much, like they hadn't been an entire life. What could they possibly do to make this better?
"That's just the mood talking, Dean. You'll get your memories back."
"And then what? We'll be happy again and everything will go back the way it was? I'm not the same person and I doubt you are, either. I can't think, my head feels so empty and right now," Dean paused as he tried to stop the confession from flowing out but he couldn't, the need was too strong, "all I want is my mum."
"I'm sorry, Dean, so sorry," Seamus answered. The soothing circles on his scalp started again. "I'm sorry she isn't here and I'm sorry you've been through all of this."
"I didn't mean to snap at you," Dean apologized as Seamus sounded hurt. "Talk to me?"
Seamus started again as Dean let himself drift back to sleep, "You used to forge signatures all the time. You'd write notes to get us out of class or…"
As always, I'd love to hear what you thought.
Chapter 14