The cybernetic love child of Hannibal Lector and Darth Vader.
Last night was my much anticipated sleep study.
I went in at 8:00 pm to get hooked up and settled in. For the sleep study, I had an EEG (I guess it was about 10 pads on the head), an EKG (2 more pads on my chest), 2 pads hooked to each of my legs to register movement, 2 straps around my chest for breathing, 2 different kinds of sensors in my nose, and an O2 sensor taped to my left index finger. It took maybe half an hour to hook all this up, including GLUING the pads into my beard and hair. I guess it's better than shaving it off. Once I was totally hooked up, I was told to relax, and we'd shoot for a 10 pm bedtime. Right. The TV only had 1 channel (channel 5). There was a phone in the room but it didn't work. It's a good thing I brought my MP3 player and a book. Even then, by 9:30 I was ready to SLEEP. I'd deliberately gotten up early, and forced myself to keep moving throughout the day. By 5:00 I was ready to collapse. Around 10:20, the tech (really a nice guy) came in and we hooked my new wire pony-tail up to the bed, made a few last minute adjustments, and we turned out the lights. There was a microphone directly above the bed, and 2 cameras in the room to watch me. Now, let me be clear. I don't sleep well outside my own bed, outside my own surroundings. Putting me in a strange room is a guarantee that I won't be sleeping soundly. Hook a BUNCH of wires to me, and I'm more uncomfortable. I don't know how long I tried (even resorting to counting sheep - LITERALLY) before I got some semblance of sleep. 2:40 AM, the door opens and the lights come on. I'm told that there are certain criteria that they were looking for, and that I'd met them. At this point, the put me on the CPAP machine. A CPAP is a Continuous Positive Airway Pressure machine. It's a mask that goes over the nose, with several straps to hold it in place, and as the name suggests, blows air constantly into the nose. It's not so much that you can't breathe out. But don't open your mouth or you're in for a strange sensation: air blowing into the nose and out of the mouth. It's ODD. So, they've removed the sensors from my nose, but replaced them with a mask. I'm now feeling like some kind of deviant robotic cross between Hannibal Lector and Darth Vader. "Sleep well" I'm told, and the lights go out again. No turning over with this thing on my face. I lay there for another hour, maybe. I know my nose kept itching, and when I'd scratch it I'd have to get the mask back in place just right. Also, when I'd cough, that felt weird. But, 6 AM, the lights come back on. I'm told that I did better with the mask on, but it would be up to the doctor to decide whether or not I'm to get one. I won't know anything until my appointment on October 17. As it is, I don't think I ever really hit REM sleep, I don't recall actually dreaming, but I feel like I did sleep a little. A couple hours, at least. I'm now going to take a HOT shower to wash the remains of the glue out of my hair and beard, consider the new bald spots on my chest and legs, and maybe go back to bed for a few. Sleep well, world.
I went in at 8:00 pm to get hooked up and settled in. For the sleep study, I had an EEG (I guess it was about 10 pads on the head), an EKG (2 more pads on my chest), 2 pads hooked to each of my legs to register movement, 2 straps around my chest for breathing, 2 different kinds of sensors in my nose, and an O2 sensor taped to my left index finger. It took maybe half an hour to hook all this up, including GLUING the pads into my beard and hair. I guess it's better than shaving it off. Once I was totally hooked up, I was told to relax, and we'd shoot for a 10 pm bedtime. Right. The TV only had 1 channel (channel 5). There was a phone in the room but it didn't work. It's a good thing I brought my MP3 player and a book. Even then, by 9:30 I was ready to SLEEP. I'd deliberately gotten up early, and forced myself to keep moving throughout the day. By 5:00 I was ready to collapse. Around 10:20, the tech (really a nice guy) came in and we hooked my new wire pony-tail up to the bed, made a few last minute adjustments, and we turned out the lights. There was a microphone directly above the bed, and 2 cameras in the room to watch me. Now, let me be clear. I don't sleep well outside my own bed, outside my own surroundings. Putting me in a strange room is a guarantee that I won't be sleeping soundly. Hook a BUNCH of wires to me, and I'm more uncomfortable. I don't know how long I tried (even resorting to counting sheep - LITERALLY) before I got some semblance of sleep. 2:40 AM, the door opens and the lights come on. I'm told that there are certain criteria that they were looking for, and that I'd met them. At this point, the put me on the CPAP machine. A CPAP is a Continuous Positive Airway Pressure machine. It's a mask that goes over the nose, with several straps to hold it in place, and as the name suggests, blows air constantly into the nose. It's not so much that you can't breathe out. But don't open your mouth or you're in for a strange sensation: air blowing into the nose and out of the mouth. It's ODD. So, they've removed the sensors from my nose, but replaced them with a mask. I'm now feeling like some kind of deviant robotic cross between Hannibal Lector and Darth Vader. "Sleep well" I'm told, and the lights go out again. No turning over with this thing on my face. I lay there for another hour, maybe. I know my nose kept itching, and when I'd scratch it I'd have to get the mask back in place just right. Also, when I'd cough, that felt weird. But, 6 AM, the lights come back on. I'm told that I did better with the mask on, but it would be up to the doctor to decide whether or not I'm to get one. I won't know anything until my appointment on October 17. As it is, I don't think I ever really hit REM sleep, I don't recall actually dreaming, but I feel like I did sleep a little. A couple hours, at least. I'm now going to take a HOT shower to wash the remains of the glue out of my hair and beard, consider the new bald spots on my chest and legs, and maybe go back to bed for a few. Sleep well, world.