radioactive ; 1/1 {part three}
Youngwon’s chest is on fire, his breathing harsh and fast as he leans against a gritty alley wall. He can’t rest for too long though - Junyoung could catch up to him any minute. But his legs are so incredibly tired, too weak to carry him any farther, and it’s now that Youngwon thinks he’s fucked.
An adrenaline kick right now would be nice, he thinks, but he’s burnt up all of his adrenaline for the month running from Junyoung. Fight or flight, he thinks, and he’s already tried flight. Time to fight, even though the fight is incredibly uneven. He glances to his right - the alley is a dead end. There are a few doors lining the walls though - emergency exits and back doors for this and that. If he could manage to crack one open...
There’s an echo of footsteps at the mouth of the alley, and when Youngwon looks up, he freezes.
“There you are!” Junyoung says, walking slowly towards him. “You always were fast. Too bad you’re shit at endurance running, hm?”
Youngwon straightens up, staring Junyoung square in the eye. “It’ll never work,” Youngwon says, shaking his head. “Making Seoul yours. It’ll never work. Four pissed off gangs have a lot more manpower than yours.”
“I’ll make it work.” There’s an air of confidence in his voice that shouldn’t be there. Youngwon thinks Junyoung may have actually gone insane if he thinks he even has a fraction of a chance of making Seoul his.
He can’t help the laugh that escapes his lips. This entire situation is fucking ridiculous. “You come waltzing into Seoul and you expect to make it yours without a fight? You think all four gangs are just going bow down to you?” He barks out another harsh laugh. “You never did think anything through.”
Now would be a good time to reach for his gun, Youngwon thinks. He grabs for it slowly, trying to be inconspicuous.
Junyoung’s eyes narrow. “Shut up,” he growls, pushing Youngwon up against the wall painfully. The gun in his hand falls to the ground with a loud clatter and his head knocks against the edge of a brick. His eyes squeeze shut at the pain. “Shut the fuck up before I make you.”
Youngwon is about to say something stupid, like “and how will you do that?” but the familiar feel of cold metal kissing the base of his neck makes him think twice.
Inati stares up at the towering buildings around him, barely suppressing his urge to scream. There are a lot of fucking buildings, and he hasn’t even the slightest idea which one Youngwon is in. He should have waited until Soohyun’s signal. He shouldn’t have come out here.
This was fucking stupid. He is fucking stupid. He’s really stupid when it comes to Youngwon, and he always has been, ever since they met. He was stupid to have let the boy into his gang, into his world, into his bed, into his heart.
He thinks he might love Youngwon.
He doesn’t want to. Love fucks everything up, throws every bit of rationality out of the window, and Inati is the fucking poster boy for that right now.
He doesn’t want to love Youngwon, but he really thinks he does. It explains a number of things. The word love makes quite a few puzzle pieces fall into place. It makes the panic he’s been feeling all day - still is feeling, at this very moment - and the fact that Inati’s never really thought of Youngwon the same way he does any other casual fuck make sense.
He’s close to giving up again, but a commotion in a nearby alley stops him dead in his tracks. Maybe he’s just crazy, gone delusional from a stressful day, but he thinks he hears Youngwon’s voice.
Before he recognizes exactly what he’s doing, he peers into the alley. Youngwon is pressed against a wall, a gun aimed at his neck.
Inati does the first thing he can think of. He cocks his gun.
Junyoung seems different from what Youngwon remembers. Crazier. Dumber. Just different.
Before he was confident that he wouldn’t kill anyone unnecessarily, but he was also sure Dongjun would never point a gun at him, and he was wrong. Besides, he thinks bitterly, what if his death is necessary?
There are very few times in which Youngwon has feared for his life. In fact, this is probably the only time he’s been completely terrified. His head is spinning from banging against the building, and he’s so damn dizzy. He can’t fight back even if he wanted to. Even if his gun hadn’t fallen out of his reach, he doesn’t think he’d be able to focus enough to aim it.
He’s about to just give up, to surrender to Junyoung, when he hears the sound of a gun cocking, and it’s not Junyoung’s. Rolling his head to the side, he tries his hardest to ignore the fact that the world is spinning and instead squints his eyes at the figure at the mouth of the alley.
“Inati?” The name rolls off his tongue, sounds warm and pleasant in his ears.
“Get away from him,” he hears the figure’s voice say, and yeah, that’s definitely Inati. The grip on his collar loosens, but it’s still there. “I mean it.”
Inati can sound pretty scary when he wants to, Youngwon thinks. The venom in his voice sounds out of place, because to Youngwon, Inati is anything but scary. He’s home, safety. Inati being here makes him feel like everything is okay, despite the fact that somewhere in the back of his head - which really, really fucking hurts, by the way - he knows it’s not.
“Three seconds,” the familiar voice starts to say. “You have three seconds to let go of him before I pull the trigger.”
The fingers on his shirt disappear.
Youngwon’s free. Instead of inching away from the altercation, or going to back up Inati, he slides down the wall, his head lolling to the side.
His head pulsates painfully, and he squeezes his eyes shut even tighter .
He hears heated voices, arguing about leaving and cities and he thinks he hears his own name somewhere in there too, but the thumping in the back of his head is loud and everything else sounds fuzzy in comparison. The sound of his pulse is magnified, and he’s not sure if those are footsteps he hears or his own blood running through his veins.
The gunshot is unmistakable though.
Gun safely holstered again, Inati crouches down next to the blue haired boy on the ground. “Youngwon,” he says, hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Youngwon, can you hear me?”
Youngwon grunts.
He taps the other’s cheek, trying to wake him up. He’s not really sure what is wrong, but he does know that he doesn’t want him slipping into unconsciousness. “Are you alright?” he tries again.
“Yeah... ‘m okay,” he slurs, his eyes flickering open for a brief second. His eyes look distant, barely there, and then they’re completely gone, hidden behind his eyelids. “S’okay.”
The hand on Youngwon’s cheek travels up to smooth out the hair on top of his head. Intae pulls his hand back nearly immediately when he feels something wet and sticky on his hand. Blood. Pulling the younger man forward, he inspects the back of his head. A grotesque amount of red pollutes the blue of his hair. He inhales a sharp breath, tries to ignore the way his heart jumps at the site.“You’re not okay. You’re bleeding.”
“S’okay,” Youngwon repeats again. He shakes his head but grimaces immediately afterwards, regretting the action.
Gently, he helps Youngwon up. He pulls him in close, hand around his waist, and places one of Youngwon’s arms over his shoulder. The wound needs to get treated soon; he doesn’t know how old or deep it is.
The problem is that he can’t walk anywhere with Youngwon, and he sure as hell can’t get into a taxi with him. Biting his bottom lip, he pulls his cell phone out and calls David.
His head fucking hurts. It hurts a lot. It hurts even more when he sits up, a wave of dizziness washing over him. Rubbing at his temples, his eyes squeeze shut and a groan escapes his mouth.
Somewhere above him, someone chuckles. “How do you feel?”
Youngwon opens his eyes - a bit unwillingly - he sees Inati sitting at the other end of the couch, looking at him, concern lacing his features. “Like I got hit by a mack truck.”
Inati nods. “You got cut pretty badly on that brick.” Leaning into the back of the couch, he continues, “but Jisu sewed you back up. He said it wasn’t that bad. Two weeks and he’ll take the stitches out.”
Youngwon hums, staring at the floor. He thinks Intae is going to question him any moment now, and he doesn’t want an interrogation. Doesn’t need one. Instead, he asks a question of his own. “Did you kill him?” His memory from before he blacked out was fuzzy, but he still hears the gunshot loud and clear.
The older man shakes his head. “Clipped him in the shoulder,” he says, eyeing Youngwon. He’s probably looking for a reaction, he realizes, to see who Junyoung is to him. “I just wanted to get him out of there to see if you were alright,” he mumbles.
Youngwon thinks that’s not really something you say to a fellow gang member, but Intae keeps talking so he can’t think on it further. “Whatever happens to him now is up to Soohyun. I don’t think he’ll kill him though. Set him straight, yeah, but I don’t think he’s out for blood. He likes morals far too much... ‘Dunno how he’s one of the bosses.”
Youngwon looks up from the floor, eyebrows furrowed. Only now does he realize where they are. “Are we at your place?”
Smiling sheepishly, Inati nods. “Figured it’d be best if I took you here, at least until Soohyun sorts those assholes out...”
They fall into a silence. Youngwon shuts his eyes, liking how peaceful the sound of nothing is. His heart races uncomfortably when his thoughts involuntarily travel back to Junyoung pursuing him and cornering him in the alleyway. Taking a steadying breath in, he focuses on the plush couch beneath his legs and the sound of nothing around him. Peace, he thinks. He just wants some peace.
A moment or two later, Inati breaks the silence, and in turn, his peace.
“You wanna tell me what happened today?”
He really should; it’s the least he could do. He’s not sure what Intae’s been through, but he figures he put his leader through some tough shit to save him.
Save him. His stomach turns at the words. Youngwon doesn’t need saving. He’s not a damsel in distress. But that’s exactly what happened, and if Youngwon is totally honest with himself, it’s what he was hoping for. In that moment, he had wanted someone, anyone to help, but in the back of his mind, the bottom of his heart, he wanted Intae to be there. Needed him to be there.
Any of the boys would have sufficed, but he only focused on Inati. He had been terrified (which he is ashamed to admit, because that’s not manly, not tough, not strong, like Youngwon likes to think he is) and the older man has always had this aura about him that calms Youngwon down.
It’s kind of scary, Youngwon thinks, how much he’s attached to Inati. He doesn’t feel this way about anyone else; not Daniel, who he’s probably the closest to besides Intae, or Jisu who he spends a ridiculous amount of time with at the headquarters. He’s always figured that it’s because they’ve fucked a couple of times - more than a couple - but now he realizes it might be something more.
The way his stomach flips conforms this.
It also makes him feel sick.
“I need a drink,” he says in lieu of answering Inati’s question. He wants something to numb the pain in the back of his head and to quiet his thoughts. Drinking with Inati always leads to something else, and Youngwon wants that too. He needs it right now.
They’re both on their second bottle of soju when Inati brings up his question from earlier. “So... you gonna tell me what everything was about yet, or no?”
Youngwon’s lips feel a little looser, his mind a little fuzzy from the alcohol, and he thinks it might be easier to talk about the past like this. “They were my old gang.” Inati doesn’t say anything, just hums, and Youngwon figures he probably already guessed that. “They were my old gang, and I got kicked out.”
Curiously, the other man looks at him. “Why?”
He takes a large swig of his drink before he says anything. He needs it to loosen his tongue and make speaking easier. “I had this friend,” he says, staring at the half empty bottle. “He was seeing someone from our rival gang. When I found out, I figured, what the hell? I’ll help him out. He was my best friend, and even if I was fucking pissed, and even if I didn’t understand why he’d do something like that, I didn’t want him to through it alone, y’know?”
Youngwon snorts at his own stupidity. “I dunno if you know anything about the gangs in Busan, but the rivalry is pretty bad. I put my neck on the line for valuing friendship, of all things. Stupid, right? Anyways,” he mumbles, “Hyungshik got hurt real bad in this one fight, so, like the good person I was, I met up with his boyfriend to tell him that he was going to be alright. I was seen. Junyoung threw me out for being a traitor, no questions asked. That’s how I ended up in Seoul.”
“You didn’t think that was important to tell me?”
Youngwon shakes his head. “I wanted to start fresh and leave the past in the past.”
Inati laughs at that and mumbles something about the past not staying in the past when it comes back and almost kills you. Youngwon can only agree.
“Your real name isn’t actually Youngwon, is it?” Wide eyed, Youngwon stares at Intae, confused. “In the alley he called you Dongrim. Said I should make sure ‘Dongrim’ doesn’t stab me in the back.”
“Like I said,” Youngwon mumbles, staring at his soju. “I wanted a fresh start. To do that I needed to leave behind anything that tied to me to the past. Wanted to make a completely knew me.”
Inati knows a lot about him now, knows more about him than anyone else. Youngwon isn’t sure how to feel about this, so he puts the bottle to his lips and takes a long drink, liking the burn at the back of his throat. If he doesn’t know how to feel, maybe the alcohol will tell him.
“So,” the older man says after a moment or three of silence. “Your friend... It didn’t bother you when you found out he was gay?”
An airy chuckle escapes his lips. “When you’re a faggot, finding out someone else is gay is pretty much the greatest thing ever.”
When he looks up, Inati is staring at him, a fierce look that he can’t quite read in his eyes. Sure, it sounded a little harsh even to Youngwon’s ears, but he can’t imagine someone like Inati getting upset at a word.
The black haired man slides over on the couch, so close to Youngwon that they’re pressed together. Throwing his arms around the smaller boy, he leans in close, his breath tickling the other’s ear. “Don’t put yourself down.”
Youngwon nearly shivers. Intae makes him feel warm, warmer than the alcohol.
His hand is on his jaw now, turning his face ever so slightly, and then Intae’s lips are on his own, and yes, this is what Youngwon has been waiting for, has been needing. He kisses back with vigor, his hands settling at the back of Intae’s neck.
It’s different this time. Gentler. Slower. Softer. When Youngwon complains about this, Intae tells him to shut up and says something about not wanting to upset his stitches.
Youngwon’s pretty certain that’s not the reason why.
Youngwon wakes up to someone touching him, and he’s about to throw them off in panic when he realizes that he must have had a nightmare. It’s just Inati’s hand caressing his back, and that’s not a cause to panic.
“You alright?” The other man says, sleep making his voice rough.
He mumbles out an “I’m fine” far too quickly, and Intae notices.
“No, you’re not.” His hand travels up Youngwon’s back and finally stops on his shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
Youngwon takes a deep breath. Inati already knows him better than anyone else, and he thinks he might care about Youngwon as much as Youngwon cares about him. “I was scared,” he says quietly, and he hopes Inati can understand how much that one statement means he trusts him.
“It’s okay to be scared sometimes,” the older of the two replies just as quietly.
“Don’t give me that sappy shit,” Youngwon says, because that sounds a little cheesy to him. Or maybe he’s just being aggressive and defensive because he’s never been in this situation before. Never been so vulnerable before.
Inati pulls on his shoulder, urging him to face him, and Youngwon complies. As soon as he rolls over, a pair of plush lips are on his owns. He likes the way Inati kisses him, long and soft. It makes him feel safe. “I mean it,” Inati mumbles when he pulls away. “It’s okay to be scared, and I want you to know that you can tell me anything. Don’t bottle stuff up anymore.”
Youngwon doesn’t know how to react because he’s never had someone like Inati to confide in, never had someone who knows him so well. He’s surprised, taken aback even, because he thinks they’ve both crossed the unspoken line of their realationship, but he doesn’t really care. Rules of this sort of life be damned, Youngwon likes being with Intae.
He doesn’t know how to react, so he settles on saying a small, “Thank you.” It’s not really what he means, but he hopes Inati can understand that too.
Youngwon thinks Inati does understand, because when he mutters back, “You’re welcome,” there’s something else in his voice. Something that makes his heart squeeze, but not unpleasantly.
“We should probably head to the base soon,” he suggests, but he doesn’t get up to move, doesn’t really want to move.
“Mhm.” Inati nods, tucking Youngwon’s head against his bare chest. The steady rise and fall of his chest and the melodic beating of his heart is calming. “But let’s stay here a little longer.”
Youngwon doesn’t protest. He’d gladly stay like this forever if he could.