When you're making a bomb, it's important to fix your hair first. [G; Gintoki, Katsura]
Title: When you're making a bomb, it's important to fix your hair first.
By: worblehat
Fandom: Gintama
Characters: Gintoki, Katsura
Rating: G
Summary: Katsura makes his first bomb.
Notes: Written in all-dialogue. Takes place when they're younger, learning to be samurai.
Word Count: 832
"Oi, Zura."
"It's not Zura. It's Katsura."
"What're you making?"
"Something."
"Hmm."
"Yes."
"What kind of something is it?"
"A secret something."
"Oh?"
"Yes."
"...And that's all you're going to say about it?"
"Yes."
"So I'm supposed to ignore the fact that it looks like a bo-"
"Yes. Be quiet."
"...You know. You could at least do that somewhere that isn't right next to my bed."
"You snore too loudly anyways."
"I don't snore."
"Yes, you do."
"I don't."
"You do."
"I make night noises. Just like every healthy young man should."
"You're distracting me."
"Am I?"
"Yes."
"So I should keep to myself?"
"Yes. I keep telling you that."
"Hmm."
"Good."
"...Hey, Zura."
"It's not Zura. It's Katsu-"
"Your leg's on fire."
"No I'm n- Oh my god, I'm on fire!"
"And you ain't just whistlin' Dixie."
"I'm not whistling at all! I'm on fire, you stupid-"
"Relax. It's just a phrase."
"I can't relax. My leg is starting to smoke!"
"Smoking's not good for your health."
"...Gintoki."
"Haa?"
"Go commit seppuku."
"You're so tense, Zura."
"..."
"What're you doing with that sword?"
"Pointing it at you."
"Yeah, I noticed that. But why?!"
"If my leg gets destroyed, I'm taking yours."
"...Oh look! A fountain!"
"... It's not Zura. It's Katsura."
"What?"
"Katsura."
"I can't pour the water on you if you're holding a sword."
"Fine."
"...Hmm. You know? I might have used too much water."
"..."
"But look on the bright side: you won't need to shower today!"
"I already showered this morning."
"What kind of person cleans himself in the morning?"
"A person named Katsura."
"But you just get dirty again during the day."
"I'm done talking to you."
"Ah. Going to work on your 'something?'"
"Yes."
"What're you going to do if you blow up the beds?"
"Run."
"I meant how you're going to fix the other beds, you bastard!"
"I've trained myself to sleep on the floor."
"What about those of us who don't want to sleep on dirt?"
"You'll get used to it."
"Who wants to get used to dirt?!"
"I'm trying to work here."
"Work outside!"
"I've already stationed my things inside."
"Move them!"
"Careful, don't step on the-"
"...Ouch."
"Hmm. I didn't connect the last wire tightly enough."
"Hey, Zura. I don't remember my hair being this tall."
"It's not Zura. It's Katsura."
"Oi. Did you hear? You exploded my hair."
"Hmm."
"It's hard enough being a natural perm."
"So it was the red wire..."
"Are you listening?! My hair is twice the burden now!"
"It was like that before."
"Like hell it was like that before!"
"Brush it down."
"I can't."
"Get Takasugi to-"
"I'm not letting him near my head."
"It'll fix itself in a few days."
"I can't wait that long. It's causing me serious trauma. I'm not sure I'll last through the day... How am I going to survive through this pain with no sweetness to take the edge off?"
"I don't have any sweets."
"Then buy some."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Do you want me to call you 'Zura' the rest of your life?"
"You're going to do that anyway. And it's not Zu-"
"You don't even have one cookie?"
"No."
"...I think you're lying."
"I'm busy."
"You're just poking things!"
"It's important poking."
"Oi. That sounds a little..."
"What?"
"...Nevermind."
"Stop smirking at me."
"I can't help it! Zura-kun is finally turning into a man~"
"It's not Zura. It's Katsura. And I've always been a man."
"Even in your mother's womb?"
"Yes. Even then."
"You didn't even have facial hair then."
"A man is made of more than facial hair."
"Is he?"
"Yes."
"What else is he made of then?"
"Honour."
"And?"
"Testosterone."
"..."
"You haven't left yet."
"Is that really what you think makes up a man?"
"Go away."
"You owe me a treat."
"You'll get diabetes."
"I can handle diabetes. What I can't handle is an afro."
"...I have some licorice."
"No."
"A scone."
"No."
"Some jelly."
"Jelly?"
"It's homemade jelly."
"That's not a treat!"
"Jelly and jam mixed together. That's more than enough sugar."
"...I want parfait."
"You had one earlier."
"I don't care. I want another one. With sprinkles on top."
"They're called jimmies."
"They're called sprinkles."
"It's not sprinkles, it's- Oi. Give me back my sword."
"No."
"Gintoki."
"You owe me one parfait. With sprinkles."
"...Tomorrow."
"How do you expect me to deal with this until morning?!"
"Patience is a virtue."
"I'll patience you!"
"That doesn't make any sense. What are you doing? ...Wait, don't slice into the-"
"...Is it just me, or did my hair get bigger?"
"It's just you."
"I can feel the roof."
"That's normal."
"Is that my blood?"
"Yes."
"It keeps leaving my body in mass quantities."
"That's normal, too."
"Katsura?"
"It's not- Wait, yeah it is."
"I'm dying."
"It's okay."
"You bast-zzzzzzzz."
"I told you you snore."
By: worblehat
Fandom: Gintama
Characters: Gintoki, Katsura
Rating: G
Summary: Katsura makes his first bomb.
Notes: Written in all-dialogue. Takes place when they're younger, learning to be samurai.
Word Count: 832
"Oi, Zura."
"It's not Zura. It's Katsura."
"What're you making?"
"Something."
"Hmm."
"Yes."
"What kind of something is it?"
"A secret something."
"Oh?"
"Yes."
"...And that's all you're going to say about it?"
"Yes."
"So I'm supposed to ignore the fact that it looks like a bo-"
"Yes. Be quiet."
"...You know. You could at least do that somewhere that isn't right next to my bed."
"You snore too loudly anyways."
"I don't snore."
"Yes, you do."
"I don't."
"You do."
"I make night noises. Just like every healthy young man should."
"You're distracting me."
"Am I?"
"Yes."
"So I should keep to myself?"
"Yes. I keep telling you that."
"Hmm."
"Good."
"...Hey, Zura."
"It's not Zura. It's Katsu-"
"Your leg's on fire."
"No I'm n- Oh my god, I'm on fire!"
"And you ain't just whistlin' Dixie."
"I'm not whistling at all! I'm on fire, you stupid-"
"Relax. It's just a phrase."
"I can't relax. My leg is starting to smoke!"
"Smoking's not good for your health."
"...Gintoki."
"Haa?"
"Go commit seppuku."
"You're so tense, Zura."
"..."
"What're you doing with that sword?"
"Pointing it at you."
"Yeah, I noticed that. But why?!"
"If my leg gets destroyed, I'm taking yours."
"...Oh look! A fountain!"
"... It's not Zura. It's Katsura."
"What?"
"Katsura."
"I can't pour the water on you if you're holding a sword."
"Fine."
"...Hmm. You know? I might have used too much water."
"..."
"But look on the bright side: you won't need to shower today!"
"I already showered this morning."
"What kind of person cleans himself in the morning?"
"A person named Katsura."
"But you just get dirty again during the day."
"I'm done talking to you."
"Ah. Going to work on your 'something?'"
"Yes."
"What're you going to do if you blow up the beds?"
"Run."
"I meant how you're going to fix the other beds, you bastard!"
"I've trained myself to sleep on the floor."
"What about those of us who don't want to sleep on dirt?"
"You'll get used to it."
"Who wants to get used to dirt?!"
"I'm trying to work here."
"Work outside!"
"I've already stationed my things inside."
"Move them!"
"Careful, don't step on the-"
"...Ouch."
"Hmm. I didn't connect the last wire tightly enough."
"Hey, Zura. I don't remember my hair being this tall."
"It's not Zura. It's Katsura."
"Oi. Did you hear? You exploded my hair."
"Hmm."
"It's hard enough being a natural perm."
"So it was the red wire..."
"Are you listening?! My hair is twice the burden now!"
"It was like that before."
"Like hell it was like that before!"
"Brush it down."
"I can't."
"Get Takasugi to-"
"I'm not letting him near my head."
"It'll fix itself in a few days."
"I can't wait that long. It's causing me serious trauma. I'm not sure I'll last through the day... How am I going to survive through this pain with no sweetness to take the edge off?"
"I don't have any sweets."
"Then buy some."
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Do you want me to call you 'Zura' the rest of your life?"
"You're going to do that anyway. And it's not Zu-"
"You don't even have one cookie?"
"No."
"...I think you're lying."
"I'm busy."
"You're just poking things!"
"It's important poking."
"Oi. That sounds a little..."
"What?"
"...Nevermind."
"Stop smirking at me."
"I can't help it! Zura-kun is finally turning into a man~"
"It's not Zura. It's Katsura. And I've always been a man."
"Even in your mother's womb?"
"Yes. Even then."
"You didn't even have facial hair then."
"A man is made of more than facial hair."
"Is he?"
"Yes."
"What else is he made of then?"
"Honour."
"And?"
"Testosterone."
"..."
"You haven't left yet."
"Is that really what you think makes up a man?"
"Go away."
"You owe me a treat."
"You'll get diabetes."
"I can handle diabetes. What I can't handle is an afro."
"...I have some licorice."
"No."
"A scone."
"No."
"Some jelly."
"Jelly?"
"It's homemade jelly."
"That's not a treat!"
"Jelly and jam mixed together. That's more than enough sugar."
"...I want parfait."
"You had one earlier."
"I don't care. I want another one. With sprinkles on top."
"They're called jimmies."
"They're called sprinkles."
"It's not sprinkles, it's- Oi. Give me back my sword."
"No."
"Gintoki."
"You owe me one parfait. With sprinkles."
"...Tomorrow."
"How do you expect me to deal with this until morning?!"
"Patience is a virtue."
"I'll patience you!"
"That doesn't make any sense. What are you doing? ...Wait, don't slice into the-"
"...Is it just me, or did my hair get bigger?"
"It's just you."
"I can feel the roof."
"That's normal."
"Is that my blood?"
"Yes."
"It keeps leaving my body in mass quantities."
"That's normal, too."
"Katsura?"
"It's not- Wait, yeah it is."
"I'm dying."
"It's okay."
"You bast-zzzzzzzz."
"I told you you snore."