You should always close your internet browser before someone approaches [Gintama | GinHiji | PG-13]
Title: You should always close your internet browser before someone approaches.
By: worblehat
Fandom: Gintama
Pairing: Gintoki/Hijikata
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Hijikata finds Gintoki reading yaoi on the internet and has a few questions.
Notes: Self-beta'd. And there's a short note at the end explaining a reference.
Word Count: 2,321
"What are you reading?" asked Hijikata, placing his hand over the edge of Gintoki's chair and peering over his shoulder. His eyes widened as he took in the split panels on the current page, face reddening as his veins pulsated on the side of his head in a way that was probably not healthy. "What. Is that."
"Yaoi," said Gintoki, giving him an are you a simpleton? look. "Don't you know what that is?"
"I know what it is," said Hijikata. He pointed at the screen. "But what am I doing to you there? And why you?!"
"What do you mean, why me?" Gintoki frowned. "I think a better question would be: why not me?"
"I have better taste than that," growled Hijikata, face darkening even more.
"Oh?" Gintoki's eyebrow went up a fraction. A few seconds of silence passed before an almost lecherous smile graced his lips. "Are you harbouring secret feelings for your commander?"
"... Go commit seppuku, you stupid bastard."
"You're so red, Hijikata-kun," teased Gintoki, pressing his hand to the vice commander's cheek.
Hijikata pushed it away, earning a tsk of annoyance from the other man. "What do you expect? That stuff" - he said, indicating the screen with one jut of his thumb - " is...graphic."
"Does it shock and tantalise your delicate sensitivities at the same time?" Gintoki prodded.
"Shut up," retorted Hijikata. He rummaged around his pockets, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. "Well? Why are you looking at this stuff in the first place?"
"Our computer's not working, so I came to use the one here," answered Gintoki, his gaze suggesting that this was a completely natural course to take.
"This isn't a library." The dark blue eyes considered Gintoki quietly. "It's not what I meant by my question, anyway."
"Oh," said Gintoki, as if he'd just understood the question posed to him. He smiled brightly. "Jerkoff material."
"..."
"You look pale," said Gintoki with disinterest. "If you're going to pass out, go do it in the corner so you don't accidentally break the computer." He turned to look back at the screen, clicking to the next section.
Eyes practically blazing fire, Hijikata reached for the mouse and yanked, sending it sailing across the room until it hit the wall, cracking ominously.
Gintoki looked over his shoulder. "...I was using that."
"I don't give a shit." Hijikata loomed, gripping the white cloth at Gintoki's neck, forcing him to stand. Ignoring the protests and calls for help, he walked towards the entrance, ready to throw out the annoyance that had insinuated himself in the Shinsengumi.
"Get out and stay-"
"Hijikata-kun." Gintoki's tone was calm, eyes fixed on the angry face staring back at him. His grip was solid, the vice commander's hands pinned above him.
"Let go of me."
"No." Gintoki pressed closer, eyes never moving from Hijikata's face; the more their bodies touched, the harder it was to ignore the fact that someone's erection was digging into someone else's thigh, and Hijikata was damn sure he wasn't the one doing the digging. "If you'd let me read in peace, it wouldn't have come to this."
"Come to what?"
Gintoki grinned.
"What's so funny?" His face coloured as a warm thumb traced his top lip, then his bottom one. He knew he should say something, or maybe kick Gintoki in the groin and then slice his head off. But his body remained still, frozen in uncertainty.
There was no question that this was weird. And not just weird, but really weird. Since when had that Yorozuya guy wanted to do something like this with him? Maybe he's just trying to get a reaction out of me, thought Hijikata; followed by ...Bastard. What the fuck am I going to do?
More than that, why wasn't his body moving already? It wasn't like he had tons of experience to go on, but he had enough to count and he was pretty sure that his body only reacted to one gender. The natural perm asshole didn't even smell nice like most women did; and he wasn't soft either - his body was angular, the slight bulk of muscle obvious under his clothes; his chest was exposed, flat and tan. Despite the immense sugar intake, he was still fit; which Hijikata appreciated, but had never once admired.
Sakata Gintoki was just that Yorozuya guy, in addition to being his skilled but lazy rival on occasion. They'd never been this physically close except in combat; back then, Hijikata's only concern was in trying to maim him. With their bodies now aligned so intimately, his mind raced in the background as sensations overtook him; looking back at Gintoki with half-lidded eyes as he noticed that the man before him didn't smell gentle or sweet, but instead smelled like sun and skin; nor did he feel soft and inviting, yet was still strangely warm, almost protective even as he gripped Hijikata's hands more tightly, nails sharp against his wrist, his other hand quickly ridding Hijikata of his dying cigarette.
He froze completely when he could just barely feel Gintoki's lips against his own - only a light touch, nothing that could count as a kiss. Blinking, Hijikata watched Gintoki pull away enough to look at him directly. "Is it okay to kiss you?" he asked, his voice suddenly concerned.
Feigning annoyance - what he really felt was still a mystery to him, especially since it didn't involve nearly as much rage as he thought it would - he looked back, his eyes level. "It's a little late to be asking, " he started, his voice sounding odd in his ears. Since when did he sound hesitant? He was in charge of the Shinsengumi - he couldn't afford hesitation like that.
Not that that thought helped him any.
His mouth felt oddly dry and the urge to smoke was almost insane; anything but talking like this, touching-but-not, while his body expressed reactions he wasn't sure he was quite ready to deal with.
"But I'm still asking," insisted Gintoki. He looked sheepish. "I got caught up in the moment a little - but I won't non-con you."
It took him several seconds to figure out what was being said to him. Non-what? Non- ...Oh.
Hijikata shrugged, or as much as he could with his hands still above his head. "It's just a kiss," he said lightly, as if it didn't really matter; in the meantime, his blood pressure had gone up to an even higher standard than the normal and he was pretty sure he was going to pass out from anxiety soon if something didn't happen or if it would at least stop not happening.
Smirking, Gintoki leaned in. "I'm going to take that as a yes, then."
The next three seconds were the longest in Hijikata Toushiro's life. He waited for lips to press firmly against his; waited for their bodies to reconnect more fully; waited to feel the tongue he just knew would be sliding into his mouth; waited for his eyes to close as the warmth of Gintoki's body all but enveloped him. His wrists struggled a little but Gintoki never relented, hips all too close, mouth wet and warm and tasting very faintly of something strawberry. Hijikata was glad of the wall behind him, because just then, he really wasn't sure if he would have been able to remain standing - not due to Gintoki's skill, but to the fact that it was Gintoki.
And the fact that Hijikata actually liked it.
Both faces were red as Gintoki slid his tongue back into his own mouth, breathing out in warm pants, forehead soft against Hijikata's. "Well?" he asked. "How was your first homo-erotic experience?"
Words were difficult to process, but Hijikata tried. "What makes you think that was my first?"
A look of distinct disappointment crossed Gintoki's features. Then he frowned. "It had to have been your first. You wouldn't have freaked out that much if it wasn't."
"I didn't freak out," growled Hijikata defensively. "I just didn't expect you to try something like that."
Gintoki stared at Hijikata, scrutinising him. "...So I really wasn't your first?"
"If I say you were, will you leave?"
"Hmm..." Gintoki thought. "Yes."
"Then you were my first."
"..."
"You said you'd let me go," said Hijikata, making another attempt to free himself. His body was warming again, and if he didn't manage to pull away soon, there was no way that perm head would miss the amount of "interest" Hijikata had in this situation.
"That didn't sound heartfelt," said Gintoki strictly. "...But I can't tell if you're lying or not," he added after a moment.
Hijikata smirked. "Guess it sucks to be y- Ouch!" He ran his tongue along his lower lip, which now sported a quickly-fainting bite mark. "I'm bleeding, asshole!"
"Sucks to be you~" teased Gintoki.
"You realise the moment I get free, I'm going to slice your stomach open," said Hijikata, his voice deadpan.
"That's going to be an awkward first date," Gintoki replied thoughtfully.
"...Why are you still holding my hands?"
"Huh? Oh," said Gintoki, seemingly confused. He let go of one hand, his fingers curling around the wrist of the other one, then threading through the other set of fingers experimentally.
After a few awkward minutes, Hijikata coughed. "How long are you planning to...do that, exactly?"
"I don't know," said Gintoki, looking at where their hands connected. "Do you think three minutes is good enough? I mean, that's how long it takes to make eggs. So it's got to be a standard time for other things."
Hijikata resisted the urge to hit his head against something hard as Gintoki let go. His hand felt oddly cold and he shoved it into one pocket; he drew out another cigarette and lit it, not missing the way Gintoki's gaze seemed rooted to his mouth.
"You shouldn't smoke so much," said Gintoki, scratching his head. "It's like kissing an ash tray." At Hijikata's scowl, he added, "a grumpy, but very sexy ash tray."
"It's not a problem you need to worry about," said Hijikata, exhaling.
"Oh? So you're quitting?"
"I meant you won't be kiss-" Hijikata suddenly grew aware of what he was saying, and how loudly. "That won't happen again."
"I see," said Gintoki, watching him. "Why not?"
"Because..." He racked his brain for an answer, coming up empty-handed. It was hard to lie about not wanting something he wanted. He'd done it for so long, and all it had taken was one unexpected kiss to shake his resolve. "I don't know," he admitted finally.
"Hijikata-kun."
"What?"
"You were my first kiss."
"What?!" This came as a surprise.
"You were my first kiss!" he shouted, as if the vice captain had gone deaf.
"I heard you the first time!"
"Good." Gintoki smiled - all the way this time, reflecting in his eyes. Hijikata swallowed, pretty sure that his reaction to something like that shouldn't have included a word like "beautiful," since this was Gintoki, who both wasn't a girl and was currently picking his nose.
"...Thursday."
"Huh?" asked Gintoki, flicking his "finds" onto the floor.
"Thursday," repeated Hijikata, replacing his now-dead cigarette with a new one. "Lunch."
"...Is that your sweet way of asking me out?" inquired Gintoki, stifling his laughter not as well as Hijikata would have liked. "Or are you telling me your schedule? Okay! My turn then: Wednesday, parfait. Thursday, parfait. Friday, par-"
"Be at the takoyaki stand at twelve or be prepared to commit seppuku," said Hijikata, walking past Gintoki; nearly tripping when he realised the other man's hand was clamped firmly on his arm.
"Oi. Let go of me."
"You're really going to be there, right?" asked Gintoki.
Hijikata's eyes widened. Was Gintoki actually worried?
He reached for his cigarette with his free hand and exhaled, smoke emanating from his mouth. "I'll be there," he said. "I don't break my word."
He sighed when his arm was let go.
"You promised to leave," he reminded.
"I'm going, I'm going," said Gintoki, turning to leave. "Oh, and you're paying!"
"Like hell I'm-"
"Hijikata-san," came a familiar voice behind him.
He turned. Slowly.
"These are some interesting sexual positions," said Okita. "But who are they kidding? You're not a seme."
"...Turn that computer off right now!"
"Toushi, I had no idea you were into yaoi!" Kondo looked confused. "Does this mean you won't double-date with me and Otae - and Catherine?"
"I wasn't going to do that anyway!"
"You shouldn't write her off like that!" protested Kondo. "Behind those cat ears and manly voice and traumatic bosom might beat the heart of a lonely and loving woman!"
"...No."
"What's this?" Yamazaki leaned over Okita's shoulder, face going incredibly pale. "That's... H-H..."
"Ah. He fainted," said Okita helpfully, turning back to the screen. "Hey, they have one with that dog in it here, too*."
The sound of sword slicing through metal was grating but swift; the remains of the former Shinsengumi computer cackling in a pile on the floor.
"How am I going to keep in touch with everyone on facebook?" wailed Kondo.
"Didn't Otae-san block you?" asked Okita.
Tears leaked in silent floods down the captain's cheeks. "Why...Why so harsh?"
"It's in his nature," said Hijikata. He lit another cigarette, having no idea where the other one went. He kicked at some of the plastic pieces, stepping on the motherboard with a satisfying crunch resounding beneath his feet.
Heading towards the doorway, he waved over his shoulder. "Yamazaki, clean that up."
*This doujin really exists - Sadaharu/Gintoki/Hijikata. It's...yeah. :||
By: worblehat
Fandom: Gintama
Pairing: Gintoki/Hijikata
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Hijikata finds Gintoki reading yaoi on the internet and has a few questions.
Notes: Self-beta'd. And there's a short note at the end explaining a reference.
Word Count: 2,321
"What are you reading?" asked Hijikata, placing his hand over the edge of Gintoki's chair and peering over his shoulder. His eyes widened as he took in the split panels on the current page, face reddening as his veins pulsated on the side of his head in a way that was probably not healthy. "What. Is that."
"Yaoi," said Gintoki, giving him an are you a simpleton? look. "Don't you know what that is?"
"I know what it is," said Hijikata. He pointed at the screen. "But what am I doing to you there? And why you?!"
"What do you mean, why me?" Gintoki frowned. "I think a better question would be: why not me?"
"I have better taste than that," growled Hijikata, face darkening even more.
"Oh?" Gintoki's eyebrow went up a fraction. A few seconds of silence passed before an almost lecherous smile graced his lips. "Are you harbouring secret feelings for your commander?"
"... Go commit seppuku, you stupid bastard."
"You're so red, Hijikata-kun," teased Gintoki, pressing his hand to the vice commander's cheek.
Hijikata pushed it away, earning a tsk of annoyance from the other man. "What do you expect? That stuff" - he said, indicating the screen with one jut of his thumb - " is...graphic."
"Does it shock and tantalise your delicate sensitivities at the same time?" Gintoki prodded.
"Shut up," retorted Hijikata. He rummaged around his pockets, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. "Well? Why are you looking at this stuff in the first place?"
"Our computer's not working, so I came to use the one here," answered Gintoki, his gaze suggesting that this was a completely natural course to take.
"This isn't a library." The dark blue eyes considered Gintoki quietly. "It's not what I meant by my question, anyway."
"Oh," said Gintoki, as if he'd just understood the question posed to him. He smiled brightly. "Jerkoff material."
"..."
"You look pale," said Gintoki with disinterest. "If you're going to pass out, go do it in the corner so you don't accidentally break the computer." He turned to look back at the screen, clicking to the next section.
Eyes practically blazing fire, Hijikata reached for the mouse and yanked, sending it sailing across the room until it hit the wall, cracking ominously.
Gintoki looked over his shoulder. "...I was using that."
"I don't give a shit." Hijikata loomed, gripping the white cloth at Gintoki's neck, forcing him to stand. Ignoring the protests and calls for help, he walked towards the entrance, ready to throw out the annoyance that had insinuated himself in the Shinsengumi.
"Get out and stay-"
"Hijikata-kun." Gintoki's tone was calm, eyes fixed on the angry face staring back at him. His grip was solid, the vice commander's hands pinned above him.
"Let go of me."
"No." Gintoki pressed closer, eyes never moving from Hijikata's face; the more their bodies touched, the harder it was to ignore the fact that someone's erection was digging into someone else's thigh, and Hijikata was damn sure he wasn't the one doing the digging. "If you'd let me read in peace, it wouldn't have come to this."
"Come to what?"
Gintoki grinned.
"What's so funny?" His face coloured as a warm thumb traced his top lip, then his bottom one. He knew he should say something, or maybe kick Gintoki in the groin and then slice his head off. But his body remained still, frozen in uncertainty.
There was no question that this was weird. And not just weird, but really weird. Since when had that Yorozuya guy wanted to do something like this with him? Maybe he's just trying to get a reaction out of me, thought Hijikata; followed by ...Bastard. What the fuck am I going to do?
More than that, why wasn't his body moving already? It wasn't like he had tons of experience to go on, but he had enough to count and he was pretty sure that his body only reacted to one gender. The natural perm asshole didn't even smell nice like most women did; and he wasn't soft either - his body was angular, the slight bulk of muscle obvious under his clothes; his chest was exposed, flat and tan. Despite the immense sugar intake, he was still fit; which Hijikata appreciated, but had never once admired.
Sakata Gintoki was just that Yorozuya guy, in addition to being his skilled but lazy rival on occasion. They'd never been this physically close except in combat; back then, Hijikata's only concern was in trying to maim him. With their bodies now aligned so intimately, his mind raced in the background as sensations overtook him; looking back at Gintoki with half-lidded eyes as he noticed that the man before him didn't smell gentle or sweet, but instead smelled like sun and skin; nor did he feel soft and inviting, yet was still strangely warm, almost protective even as he gripped Hijikata's hands more tightly, nails sharp against his wrist, his other hand quickly ridding Hijikata of his dying cigarette.
He froze completely when he could just barely feel Gintoki's lips against his own - only a light touch, nothing that could count as a kiss. Blinking, Hijikata watched Gintoki pull away enough to look at him directly. "Is it okay to kiss you?" he asked, his voice suddenly concerned.
Feigning annoyance - what he really felt was still a mystery to him, especially since it didn't involve nearly as much rage as he thought it would - he looked back, his eyes level. "It's a little late to be asking, " he started, his voice sounding odd in his ears. Since when did he sound hesitant? He was in charge of the Shinsengumi - he couldn't afford hesitation like that.
Not that that thought helped him any.
His mouth felt oddly dry and the urge to smoke was almost insane; anything but talking like this, touching-but-not, while his body expressed reactions he wasn't sure he was quite ready to deal with.
"But I'm still asking," insisted Gintoki. He looked sheepish. "I got caught up in the moment a little - but I won't non-con you."
It took him several seconds to figure out what was being said to him. Non-what? Non- ...Oh.
Hijikata shrugged, or as much as he could with his hands still above his head. "It's just a kiss," he said lightly, as if it didn't really matter; in the meantime, his blood pressure had gone up to an even higher standard than the normal and he was pretty sure he was going to pass out from anxiety soon if something didn't happen or if it would at least stop not happening.
Smirking, Gintoki leaned in. "I'm going to take that as a yes, then."
The next three seconds were the longest in Hijikata Toushiro's life. He waited for lips to press firmly against his; waited for their bodies to reconnect more fully; waited to feel the tongue he just knew would be sliding into his mouth; waited for his eyes to close as the warmth of Gintoki's body all but enveloped him. His wrists struggled a little but Gintoki never relented, hips all too close, mouth wet and warm and tasting very faintly of something strawberry. Hijikata was glad of the wall behind him, because just then, he really wasn't sure if he would have been able to remain standing - not due to Gintoki's skill, but to the fact that it was Gintoki.
And the fact that Hijikata actually liked it.
Both faces were red as Gintoki slid his tongue back into his own mouth, breathing out in warm pants, forehead soft against Hijikata's. "Well?" he asked. "How was your first homo-erotic experience?"
Words were difficult to process, but Hijikata tried. "What makes you think that was my first?"
A look of distinct disappointment crossed Gintoki's features. Then he frowned. "It had to have been your first. You wouldn't have freaked out that much if it wasn't."
"I didn't freak out," growled Hijikata defensively. "I just didn't expect you to try something like that."
Gintoki stared at Hijikata, scrutinising him. "...So I really wasn't your first?"
"If I say you were, will you leave?"
"Hmm..." Gintoki thought. "Yes."
"Then you were my first."
"..."
"You said you'd let me go," said Hijikata, making another attempt to free himself. His body was warming again, and if he didn't manage to pull away soon, there was no way that perm head would miss the amount of "interest" Hijikata had in this situation.
"That didn't sound heartfelt," said Gintoki strictly. "...But I can't tell if you're lying or not," he added after a moment.
Hijikata smirked. "Guess it sucks to be y- Ouch!" He ran his tongue along his lower lip, which now sported a quickly-fainting bite mark. "I'm bleeding, asshole!"
"Sucks to be you~" teased Gintoki.
"You realise the moment I get free, I'm going to slice your stomach open," said Hijikata, his voice deadpan.
"That's going to be an awkward first date," Gintoki replied thoughtfully.
"...Why are you still holding my hands?"
"Huh? Oh," said Gintoki, seemingly confused. He let go of one hand, his fingers curling around the wrist of the other one, then threading through the other set of fingers experimentally.
After a few awkward minutes, Hijikata coughed. "How long are you planning to...do that, exactly?"
"I don't know," said Gintoki, looking at where their hands connected. "Do you think three minutes is good enough? I mean, that's how long it takes to make eggs. So it's got to be a standard time for other things."
Hijikata resisted the urge to hit his head against something hard as Gintoki let go. His hand felt oddly cold and he shoved it into one pocket; he drew out another cigarette and lit it, not missing the way Gintoki's gaze seemed rooted to his mouth.
"You shouldn't smoke so much," said Gintoki, scratching his head. "It's like kissing an ash tray." At Hijikata's scowl, he added, "a grumpy, but very sexy ash tray."
"It's not a problem you need to worry about," said Hijikata, exhaling.
"Oh? So you're quitting?"
"I meant you won't be kiss-" Hijikata suddenly grew aware of what he was saying, and how loudly. "That won't happen again."
"I see," said Gintoki, watching him. "Why not?"
"Because..." He racked his brain for an answer, coming up empty-handed. It was hard to lie about not wanting something he wanted. He'd done it for so long, and all it had taken was one unexpected kiss to shake his resolve. "I don't know," he admitted finally.
"Hijikata-kun."
"What?"
"You were my first kiss."
"What?!" This came as a surprise.
"You were my first kiss!" he shouted, as if the vice captain had gone deaf.
"I heard you the first time!"
"Good." Gintoki smiled - all the way this time, reflecting in his eyes. Hijikata swallowed, pretty sure that his reaction to something like that shouldn't have included a word like "beautiful," since this was Gintoki, who both wasn't a girl and was currently picking his nose.
"...Thursday."
"Huh?" asked Gintoki, flicking his "finds" onto the floor.
"Thursday," repeated Hijikata, replacing his now-dead cigarette with a new one. "Lunch."
"...Is that your sweet way of asking me out?" inquired Gintoki, stifling his laughter not as well as Hijikata would have liked. "Or are you telling me your schedule? Okay! My turn then: Wednesday, parfait. Thursday, parfait. Friday, par-"
"Be at the takoyaki stand at twelve or be prepared to commit seppuku," said Hijikata, walking past Gintoki; nearly tripping when he realised the other man's hand was clamped firmly on his arm.
"Oi. Let go of me."
"You're really going to be there, right?" asked Gintoki.
Hijikata's eyes widened. Was Gintoki actually worried?
He reached for his cigarette with his free hand and exhaled, smoke emanating from his mouth. "I'll be there," he said. "I don't break my word."
He sighed when his arm was let go.
"You promised to leave," he reminded.
"I'm going, I'm going," said Gintoki, turning to leave. "Oh, and you're paying!"
"Like hell I'm-"
"Hijikata-san," came a familiar voice behind him.
He turned. Slowly.
"These are some interesting sexual positions," said Okita. "But who are they kidding? You're not a seme."
"...Turn that computer off right now!"
"Toushi, I had no idea you were into yaoi!" Kondo looked confused. "Does this mean you won't double-date with me and Otae - and Catherine?"
"I wasn't going to do that anyway!"
"You shouldn't write her off like that!" protested Kondo. "Behind those cat ears and manly voice and traumatic bosom might beat the heart of a lonely and loving woman!"
"...No."
"What's this?" Yamazaki leaned over Okita's shoulder, face going incredibly pale. "That's... H-H..."
"Ah. He fainted," said Okita helpfully, turning back to the screen. "Hey, they have one with that dog in it here, too*."
The sound of sword slicing through metal was grating but swift; the remains of the former Shinsengumi computer cackling in a pile on the floor.
"How am I going to keep in touch with everyone on facebook?" wailed Kondo.
"Didn't Otae-san block you?" asked Okita.
Tears leaked in silent floods down the captain's cheeks. "Why...Why so harsh?"
"It's in his nature," said Hijikata. He lit another cigarette, having no idea where the other one went. He kicked at some of the plastic pieces, stepping on the motherboard with a satisfying crunch resounding beneath his feet.
Heading towards the doorway, he waved over his shoulder. "Yamazaki, clean that up."
*This doujin really exists - Sadaharu/Gintoki/Hijikata. It's...yeah. :||