Stupidity's Charms [Kuroshitsuji | Lau/Undertaker | PG-13]
Title: Stupidity's Charms
By: worblehat
Fandom: Kuroshitsuji
Pairing: Lau/Undertaker
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Lau mistakenly finds his way to the Undertaker's place and they drink up. Implied sex.
Notes: Written for #641 - Night @ prompt_of_day.
Word Count: 1,734
"...Hm. This doesn't look like a bar." Lau peeked around the door, ignoring the black-coated figure leeching its way towards him.
"Can I...help you?" asked the Undertaker, pausing just enough to cause a disconcerting feeling to worm its way into most people's consciousness.
Lau smiled, oblivious. "Oh, it's you!"
"Do I know you?"
Lau smiled wider. "I don't know. Do you?"
The Undertaker felt a frown threatening to slide across his normally-amused lips. People who were too stupid to realise when they were being teased weren't as fun as, say, the small Phantomhive boy who came in once in a while.
"I don't know," he said, reaching for the door - planning on slamming it in this intruder's face. Curiosity nibbled at the back of his thoughts and he stopped his hand, knowing smile taking root on his face once more. "Do I?" he couldn't help adding.
Lau lowered his head, chuckling.
Oh? thought the Undertaker. So the earlier idiocy was just an act.
This guy could be dangerous. His blood raced faster and he leaned in. I wonder what else he's hiding...
"No."
Just as he was pondering whether or not to continue with his slam-the-door-in-his-face plan, the Undertaker realised that Lau was already seven steps away, headed towards a brightly-lit coffee house. He sidled outside, grabbing the Chinese man by the collar and dragging him into the morgue. The door shut noiselessly behind them and the Undertaker suggested Lau into a chair - which involved a lot of shoving and a little muttering.
"So, tell me..." said the Undertaker, pulling up a chair and peering at Lau intently through a mane of silver hair. "What brings you here on a chilly night~?"
"Alcohol."
"Alcohol?" the Undertaker repeated.
"A lack of it," said Lau pleasantly, resting back against the chair, which wasn't particularly comfortable but still somehow looked as if it could be, the way Lau's body fit against it. The Undertaker had prided himself on finding that chair, since it was something that gave the illusion of being an ideal place for one's rear, but the actual woodwork was bent and awkward and stuck upward in...uncomfortable places.
Lau, however, seemed to be having no problems with it, even going so far as to cross his legs and smile warmly at his host.
This only served to intrigue the Undertaker further. "I keep a small storage of alcohol in one of the caskets along the wall," he said, keeping his eyes glued to Lau while pointing with one outstretched arm. "If you guess which one it is, I may let you have a drink from it~"
"The middle one," said Lau without hesitation.
"You think so?" taunted the Undertaker. "Do you want to inspect them at all?"
"Well, if you want to make it easy," said Lau, raising from his chair and walking over. He ran his hands along the outsides, placing his ear to the closed covers and nodding every now and again. Five minutes turned into fifteen before he finally headed back to his seat, legs crossed, one hand on his knee.
"Well~?" asked the Undertaker, uttering a "fufufu~" of anticipation.
"I can't tell at all!" said Lau.
Idiot. "You must be one of the Earl's friends," he said pleasantly.
"How did you know?" asked Lau.
"Hunch," said the Undertaker. Most of the people who were associated with the young Phantomhive seemed to be characters, in one way or another; though he did like the butler. He had a real sense of humour that one could appreciate.
The Undertaker pushed his chair backwards three inches and reached down beneath it for the small gourd he'd won at a carnival. Opening the top, he tipped his head back and took a sip before holding it out to his guest. "Name?"
"Lau," said the other, taking the gourd and tipping his head back similarly, taking a bigger drink than the Undertaker had. ...And then took another drink, until the Undertaker could hear nothing but air. He sighed and reached behind him for a mostly-full bottle of wine.
The cork came out with little difficulty and the Undertaker sipped at it quickly before handing the bottle to Lau. He noticed the red colour in the other man's cheeks and smiled.
Lightweight. Those are a lot easier to pack away in my precious, precious containers~...
"Do you have any more?" asked Lau brightly. Nearly his entire face was pink now, and his lips were wet from where the alcohol ghosted them.
"Mmm," said the Undertaker, standing and heading towards the casket on the right. He fiddled with the catch, then reached in and produced two bottles - one for Lau, one for himself.
"So, what do you do?" asked Lau, opening his bottle with astoundingly little difficulty, considering that his eyes were now matched in colour with his cheeks.
The Undertaker eyed him subtly from behind his hair. "I run a daycare center," he said, fingernails tugging at the cork. "Do you like my decorations?" he asked, pointing towards a spare skeleton leaning up in the corner.
"Science teacher?" asked Lau.
"Exactly~" said the Undertaker with a chuckle. "Human anatomy."
Lau's face brightened. "My favourite topic!"
"Is it?" asked the Undertaker with a sneer. He'd accidentally given Lau the better alcohol and tried not to think about it.
"I'm an expert," said Lau, sounding accomplished.
"In both sexes?"
"No, just women," Lau answered.
"Ah, that's not as impressive~" said the Undertaker, all but inhaling a cup's worth of alcohol before speaking again. "It's good to have a little variety, if you know what I mean...hmm?"
"Ohhhhh," said Lau observantly; then, "What do you mean?"
"It's good to cut- ...To work with different subjects," said the Undertaker. Idly, he wondered how much time Lau had left on earth, who would come to claim the body, and if there were any interesting marks on his skin. He seemed delicate, but not feminine; his face was clear of trouble - or education - and the Undertaker's hands itched just a little to peek beneath, make long and slow incisions to see how he was put together.
Lau leaned back in his chair. "I've never thought about it!" he said gleefully.
"Hmm?"
"Male anatomy," clarified Lau, his face growing more serious. "Are you going to show me?"
"It's a little cold to be stripping~" answered the Undertaker.
"Burn someone to keep things warm?" suggested Lau.
"I don't have anyone to cremate today, sadly~" said the Undertaker with a chuckle. It was probably the alcohol, but this guy was growing on him. He wasn't even fully sure what they were talking about and how they'd gotten onto the topic of male anatomy and one of them possibly stripping for the other, but he was having more fun than he'd had in at least three days.
He wanted to laugh. And maybe to take off his pants.
It was growing hotter, somehow - whether it was from the alcohol or the fact that his entire body had turned into a furnace when Lau had risen and definitely sauntered over to him...well, he couldn't be sure. A smile remained plastered on his face as Lau sat in his lap, scooting forward as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
"Have you had too much to drink~?" asked Lau before the Undertaker could ask him the same question.
"I know how to handle my alcohol~" replied the Undertaker.
"The same way you handle your men~?" said Lau.
"I don't use knives to drink."
"A sharp guy like you?"
"A...A...A...Sharhahahahahahahahaha!"
The laughter that followed was prolonged, high-toned and loud; it would have involved knee-slapping at some point if the surprise bout of giddiness hadn't caused the Undertaker to tip the chair he was in over, with Lau falling on top of him - only causing him to laugh even harder. Lau was chuckling along, trying to push himself up. His hands kept slipping and refusing to cooperate until he placed them on the Undertaker's chest; something about the reverberations of sound from the laughter of the mentally darker man beneath him combined with the near-tangible heartbeat strengthened and even warmed Lau's body.
When the Undertaker's solid laughs slowly edged into guffaws and then giggles, Lau asked: "How do you handle your men?"
Visions of his burial from the other day flashed into his head. That man had been the victim of the latest serial killer, and had very little to do with the alcohol-encouraged motions he had in mind right then. "I've never dealt with a living one before," he admitted.
"Why not?"
"I don't get out much."
"No wonder you look like a ghost!"
"Hmm," said the Undertaker thoughtfully, peering upwards. "How can you see with your eyes closed?"
"I have X-ray vision," explained Lau simply. "I don't need to open my eyes because I can see through my eyelids!"
"Oh," the Undertaker said, nodding. "What's an X-ray?"
"I think it's a fish..." said Lau.
"And you used it on your eyes?"
"...Maybe."
The Undertaker reached his one hand upward, running one fingertip along the line of Lau's jaw, his long nails ghosting over his neck. "You're stupid, but I think I like you."
"Are you a homo?" asked Lau brightly before their lips met, warm and soft and wet.
"A necrophiliac in the making," answered the Undertaker, curling his other hand around Lau's shoulder, nails digging in through the fabric.
"Oh? That sounds like kinky sex play."
"Want me to show you~?" asked the Undertaker, licking along Lau's neck.
"No," breathed Lau, eyes opening to reveal surprisingly warm, brown irises.
This is new~ thought the Undertaker. "Then what do you want?"
"For you not to tell anyone what's about to happen," answered Lau vaguely, almost coldly.
"And what's about to- Mmmm," said the Undertaker, murmuring happily as he soon felt warm skin against his own; and lips, and teeth, and nails that dug and caressed. He grinned before their mouths met again, catching the last glimpse of brown eyes before their bodies joined; and he gasped. "I see."
By: worblehat
Fandom: Kuroshitsuji
Pairing: Lau/Undertaker
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Lau mistakenly finds his way to the Undertaker's place and they drink up. Implied sex.
Notes: Written for #641 - Night @ prompt_of_day.
Word Count: 1,734
"...Hm. This doesn't look like a bar." Lau peeked around the door, ignoring the black-coated figure leeching its way towards him.
"Can I...help you?" asked the Undertaker, pausing just enough to cause a disconcerting feeling to worm its way into most people's consciousness.
Lau smiled, oblivious. "Oh, it's you!"
"Do I know you?"
Lau smiled wider. "I don't know. Do you?"
The Undertaker felt a frown threatening to slide across his normally-amused lips. People who were too stupid to realise when they were being teased weren't as fun as, say, the small Phantomhive boy who came in once in a while.
"I don't know," he said, reaching for the door - planning on slamming it in this intruder's face. Curiosity nibbled at the back of his thoughts and he stopped his hand, knowing smile taking root on his face once more. "Do I?" he couldn't help adding.
Lau lowered his head, chuckling.
Oh? thought the Undertaker. So the earlier idiocy was just an act.
This guy could be dangerous. His blood raced faster and he leaned in. I wonder what else he's hiding...
"No."
Just as he was pondering whether or not to continue with his slam-the-door-in-his-face plan, the Undertaker realised that Lau was already seven steps away, headed towards a brightly-lit coffee house. He sidled outside, grabbing the Chinese man by the collar and dragging him into the morgue. The door shut noiselessly behind them and the Undertaker suggested Lau into a chair - which involved a lot of shoving and a little muttering.
"So, tell me..." said the Undertaker, pulling up a chair and peering at Lau intently through a mane of silver hair. "What brings you here on a chilly night~?"
"Alcohol."
"Alcohol?" the Undertaker repeated.
"A lack of it," said Lau pleasantly, resting back against the chair, which wasn't particularly comfortable but still somehow looked as if it could be, the way Lau's body fit against it. The Undertaker had prided himself on finding that chair, since it was something that gave the illusion of being an ideal place for one's rear, but the actual woodwork was bent and awkward and stuck upward in...uncomfortable places.
Lau, however, seemed to be having no problems with it, even going so far as to cross his legs and smile warmly at his host.
This only served to intrigue the Undertaker further. "I keep a small storage of alcohol in one of the caskets along the wall," he said, keeping his eyes glued to Lau while pointing with one outstretched arm. "If you guess which one it is, I may let you have a drink from it~"
"The middle one," said Lau without hesitation.
"You think so?" taunted the Undertaker. "Do you want to inspect them at all?"
"Well, if you want to make it easy," said Lau, raising from his chair and walking over. He ran his hands along the outsides, placing his ear to the closed covers and nodding every now and again. Five minutes turned into fifteen before he finally headed back to his seat, legs crossed, one hand on his knee.
"Well~?" asked the Undertaker, uttering a "fufufu~" of anticipation.
"I can't tell at all!" said Lau.
Idiot. "You must be one of the Earl's friends," he said pleasantly.
"How did you know?" asked Lau.
"Hunch," said the Undertaker. Most of the people who were associated with the young Phantomhive seemed to be characters, in one way or another; though he did like the butler. He had a real sense of humour that one could appreciate.
The Undertaker pushed his chair backwards three inches and reached down beneath it for the small gourd he'd won at a carnival. Opening the top, he tipped his head back and took a sip before holding it out to his guest. "Name?"
"Lau," said the other, taking the gourd and tipping his head back similarly, taking a bigger drink than the Undertaker had. ...And then took another drink, until the Undertaker could hear nothing but air. He sighed and reached behind him for a mostly-full bottle of wine.
The cork came out with little difficulty and the Undertaker sipped at it quickly before handing the bottle to Lau. He noticed the red colour in the other man's cheeks and smiled.
Lightweight. Those are a lot easier to pack away in my precious, precious containers~...
"Do you have any more?" asked Lau brightly. Nearly his entire face was pink now, and his lips were wet from where the alcohol ghosted them.
"Mmm," said the Undertaker, standing and heading towards the casket on the right. He fiddled with the catch, then reached in and produced two bottles - one for Lau, one for himself.
"So, what do you do?" asked Lau, opening his bottle with astoundingly little difficulty, considering that his eyes were now matched in colour with his cheeks.
The Undertaker eyed him subtly from behind his hair. "I run a daycare center," he said, fingernails tugging at the cork. "Do you like my decorations?" he asked, pointing towards a spare skeleton leaning up in the corner.
"Science teacher?" asked Lau.
"Exactly~" said the Undertaker with a chuckle. "Human anatomy."
Lau's face brightened. "My favourite topic!"
"Is it?" asked the Undertaker with a sneer. He'd accidentally given Lau the better alcohol and tried not to think about it.
"I'm an expert," said Lau, sounding accomplished.
"In both sexes?"
"No, just women," Lau answered.
"Ah, that's not as impressive~" said the Undertaker, all but inhaling a cup's worth of alcohol before speaking again. "It's good to have a little variety, if you know what I mean...hmm?"
"Ohhhhh," said Lau observantly; then, "What do you mean?"
"It's good to cut- ...To work with different subjects," said the Undertaker. Idly, he wondered how much time Lau had left on earth, who would come to claim the body, and if there were any interesting marks on his skin. He seemed delicate, but not feminine; his face was clear of trouble - or education - and the Undertaker's hands itched just a little to peek beneath, make long and slow incisions to see how he was put together.
Lau leaned back in his chair. "I've never thought about it!" he said gleefully.
"Hmm?"
"Male anatomy," clarified Lau, his face growing more serious. "Are you going to show me?"
"It's a little cold to be stripping~" answered the Undertaker.
"Burn someone to keep things warm?" suggested Lau.
"I don't have anyone to cremate today, sadly~" said the Undertaker with a chuckle. It was probably the alcohol, but this guy was growing on him. He wasn't even fully sure what they were talking about and how they'd gotten onto the topic of male anatomy and one of them possibly stripping for the other, but he was having more fun than he'd had in at least three days.
He wanted to laugh. And maybe to take off his pants.
It was growing hotter, somehow - whether it was from the alcohol or the fact that his entire body had turned into a furnace when Lau had risen and definitely sauntered over to him...well, he couldn't be sure. A smile remained plastered on his face as Lau sat in his lap, scooting forward as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
"Have you had too much to drink~?" asked Lau before the Undertaker could ask him the same question.
"I know how to handle my alcohol~" replied the Undertaker.
"The same way you handle your men~?" said Lau.
"I don't use knives to drink."
"A sharp guy like you?"
"A...A...A...Sharhahahahahahahahaha!"
The laughter that followed was prolonged, high-toned and loud; it would have involved knee-slapping at some point if the surprise bout of giddiness hadn't caused the Undertaker to tip the chair he was in over, with Lau falling on top of him - only causing him to laugh even harder. Lau was chuckling along, trying to push himself up. His hands kept slipping and refusing to cooperate until he placed them on the Undertaker's chest; something about the reverberations of sound from the laughter of the mentally darker man beneath him combined with the near-tangible heartbeat strengthened and even warmed Lau's body.
When the Undertaker's solid laughs slowly edged into guffaws and then giggles, Lau asked: "How do you handle your men?"
Visions of his burial from the other day flashed into his head. That man had been the victim of the latest serial killer, and had very little to do with the alcohol-encouraged motions he had in mind right then. "I've never dealt with a living one before," he admitted.
"Why not?"
"I don't get out much."
"No wonder you look like a ghost!"
"Hmm," said the Undertaker thoughtfully, peering upwards. "How can you see with your eyes closed?"
"I have X-ray vision," explained Lau simply. "I don't need to open my eyes because I can see through my eyelids!"
"Oh," the Undertaker said, nodding. "What's an X-ray?"
"I think it's a fish..." said Lau.
"And you used it on your eyes?"
"...Maybe."
The Undertaker reached his one hand upward, running one fingertip along the line of Lau's jaw, his long nails ghosting over his neck. "You're stupid, but I think I like you."
"Are you a homo?" asked Lau brightly before their lips met, warm and soft and wet.
"A necrophiliac in the making," answered the Undertaker, curling his other hand around Lau's shoulder, nails digging in through the fabric.
"Oh? That sounds like kinky sex play."
"Want me to show you~?" asked the Undertaker, licking along Lau's neck.
"No," breathed Lau, eyes opening to reveal surprisingly warm, brown irises.
This is new~ thought the Undertaker. "Then what do you want?"
"For you not to tell anyone what's about to happen," answered Lau vaguely, almost coldly.
"And what's about to- Mmmm," said the Undertaker, murmuring happily as he soon felt warm skin against his own; and lips, and teeth, and nails that dug and caressed. He grinned before their mouths met again, catching the last glimpse of brown eyes before their bodies joined; and he gasped. "I see."