Shopping together isn't romantic, you bastard. [Gintama | G | Gintoki/Hijikata]
Title: Shopping together isn't romantic, you bastard.
By: worblehat
Fandom: Gintama
Pairing: Gintoki/Hijikata
Rating: G
Summary: Agreeing on groceries isn't always possible for them.
Notes: Written in sionnain's meme of writing your OTP with the prompt of buying groceries.
Word Count: 554
"That's too much mayonnaise, oi."
Hijikata ignored him.
"Did you hear me?" Gintoki frowned, then blinked when something - a something huge that looked like many, many jars of mayonnaise - was dropped into his cart. (Well, technically it was their cart, but he was the one pushing it, so he had the most say. Those were the rules).
"Ah-! he cried, pointing downward angrily. "What's this? Why are you trying to bankrupt the store of its supply? Did you fail kindergarten?"
Hijikata turned around, cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. "It's my share," explained coolly. "They bring it especially for me every week."
"Well, I'm especially getting rid of it!" Gintoki bent over, lowering both hands into the cart to pick up the offensive, fat-filled condiment. He stopped when he felt something silver and cold and extremely sword-like at his neck.
"Drop it."
Gintoki laughed uncomfortably. "Don't you think you're overreacting? It's just a bit of may-"
"Get your hands off," said Hijikata, his eyes sharp and menacing. "Right now."
Annoyed, Gintoki stood up, glaring at his companion. "You can't keep trying to behead me every time we go shopping! It's not romantic!"
He was met with a cloud of smoke, directly aimed at him.
"You're going to kill me with second-hand smoke!" he said, waving his hand in the air, as if to shoo away the nicotine by force.
"It's romantic," muttered Hijikata.
"How is killing me romantic?" Gintoki continued pushing the cart forward, past Hijikata.
"It's like Romeo & Juliet," Hijikata answered quietly, following him. "Dying together."
"Juliet didn't smoke," said Gintoki.
"I know she didn't-" Hijikata stopped suddenly. He reached forward, grabbed a hold of Gintoki's collar and yanked him backward.
"What? What's your problem now?" said Gintoki, now partly parallel with the ground (as opposed to vertical with it, which he much preferred, except when there was work to do - then, really, horizontal was best).
"Why am I Juliet?" growled Hijikata.
Gintoki gave a mischeivous smile. "You're the pretty one."
The sword was out again and Gintoki ducked as Hijikata swung into a batch of tomatoes. "I didn't cross-dress! You even wore lipstick, you bastard - I saw you!" He swung again.
It was Gintoki's turn to duck again as corn, asparagus and turnips went flying by. "Oogushi-kun, they're going to kick us out again-"
"COME HERE SO I CAN FUCKING KILL YOU!"
"C-Calm down..."
"COMMIT SEPPUKU, YOU PERMED BASTARD!"
A wave of cans crashed across the store.
"Shit, not again-"
~
Outside, Gintoki nursed his legs from where the store owner had hit him repeatedly. Hijikata was passed out beside him, eggs plastered into his hair; his case of mayo stacked neatly to his left. He awoke groggily and looked at Gintoki. Neither spoke as he lit a cigarette, ignoring the stares of the passers-by.
"Maybe we should stick to shopping separately," said Hijikata after a few thoughtful inhalations of smoke.
"You buy too much mayonnaise that way, you sword-happy bastard."
"You buy too many sweets," Hijikata retorted. "I'm going to die of diabetes."
Gintoki looked at him, smiling sincerely this time. "It's romantic, dying of the same disease."
Despite himself, Hijikata returned the grin. "Idiot."
By: worblehat
Fandom: Gintama
Pairing: Gintoki/Hijikata
Rating: G
Summary: Agreeing on groceries isn't always possible for them.
Notes: Written in sionnain's meme of writing your OTP with the prompt of buying groceries.
Word Count: 554
"That's too much mayonnaise, oi."
Hijikata ignored him.
"Did you hear me?" Gintoki frowned, then blinked when something - a something huge that looked like many, many jars of mayonnaise - was dropped into his cart. (Well, technically it was their cart, but he was the one pushing it, so he had the most say. Those were the rules).
"Ah-! he cried, pointing downward angrily. "What's this? Why are you trying to bankrupt the store of its supply? Did you fail kindergarten?"
Hijikata turned around, cigarette hanging loosely from his lips. "It's my share," explained coolly. "They bring it especially for me every week."
"Well, I'm especially getting rid of it!" Gintoki bent over, lowering both hands into the cart to pick up the offensive, fat-filled condiment. He stopped when he felt something silver and cold and extremely sword-like at his neck.
"Drop it."
Gintoki laughed uncomfortably. "Don't you think you're overreacting? It's just a bit of may-"
"Get your hands off," said Hijikata, his eyes sharp and menacing. "Right now."
Annoyed, Gintoki stood up, glaring at his companion. "You can't keep trying to behead me every time we go shopping! It's not romantic!"
He was met with a cloud of smoke, directly aimed at him.
"You're going to kill me with second-hand smoke!" he said, waving his hand in the air, as if to shoo away the nicotine by force.
"It's romantic," muttered Hijikata.
"How is killing me romantic?" Gintoki continued pushing the cart forward, past Hijikata.
"It's like Romeo & Juliet," Hijikata answered quietly, following him. "Dying together."
"Juliet didn't smoke," said Gintoki.
"I know she didn't-" Hijikata stopped suddenly. He reached forward, grabbed a hold of Gintoki's collar and yanked him backward.
"What? What's your problem now?" said Gintoki, now partly parallel with the ground (as opposed to vertical with it, which he much preferred, except when there was work to do - then, really, horizontal was best).
"Why am I Juliet?" growled Hijikata.
Gintoki gave a mischeivous smile. "You're the pretty one."
The sword was out again and Gintoki ducked as Hijikata swung into a batch of tomatoes. "I didn't cross-dress! You even wore lipstick, you bastard - I saw you!" He swung again.
It was Gintoki's turn to duck again as corn, asparagus and turnips went flying by. "Oogushi-kun, they're going to kick us out again-"
"COME HERE SO I CAN FUCKING KILL YOU!"
"C-Calm down..."
"COMMIT SEPPUKU, YOU PERMED BASTARD!"
A wave of cans crashed across the store.
"Shit, not again-"
~
Outside, Gintoki nursed his legs from where the store owner had hit him repeatedly. Hijikata was passed out beside him, eggs plastered into his hair; his case of mayo stacked neatly to his left. He awoke groggily and looked at Gintoki. Neither spoke as he lit a cigarette, ignoring the stares of the passers-by.
"Maybe we should stick to shopping separately," said Hijikata after a few thoughtful inhalations of smoke.
"You buy too much mayonnaise that way, you sword-happy bastard."
"You buy too many sweets," Hijikata retorted. "I'm going to die of diabetes."
Gintoki looked at him, smiling sincerely this time. "It's romantic, dying of the same disease."
Despite himself, Hijikata returned the grin. "Idiot."