When words can't be heard.
Title: When words can't be heard.
Author:wordsandnotes
Genre: Romance, Fluff
Pairing: Tora/Hiroto
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I own no one for owning a human being is against the code of ethics.
Summary: Deafness. What happens in between not hearing, not speaking and, not understanding.
Hiroto, read my lips. I love you.
Deafness. No sound. No nothing. It's like being submerged underwater where as you can breath but, can't get out. You'll just be there. Staying put and, looking so dumbfound about the happenings around you. Then, just when you think you got the hang of it, you thought wrong. Suddenly, your ability to speak gets drained. You think you're producing sounds but, you're not. If you are, they were mediocrity, like growls. Words starts to be missed pronounced, your syntax starts to fail and soon, you can't and won't speak at all. Like a geometric theorem, you start to believe without even proving to yourself or others that you can never utter a word again, even the name of your dearly beloved.
Tora, Tora, Tora. His name would drown you within your deafness. Its another component of the water that thickness your deafness, him. He would say things you can't hear, even if you pray hard to hear them. He would recite poems, lyrical and some lines from John Milton's On His Blindness. you can't hear any of them. You tried to stop him. You placed your finger on his lips once and, turned to face the opposite direction. He never recited another poem again.
You don't need to torture yourself.
Then, when you strum. You try to produce a note. You ask someone to listen to you as you try your hardest to prove them wrong that you can't play your instrument anymore. You position your fingers for a Bm note. You're certain that you made the right sound and, pitch. You've done it before, so there's no reason why you can't do it now. You try to believe that music will fill the gap of your incapability to produce words. You've been doing the note since the day you've learned how to play the instrument. So, you can't see why the man you've asked to do a favor has a weary look and, is nodding: "No." You can't do it anymore. All else fails when you realize that whenever the band practices, you're not invited anymore. They found a new guitarist.
We can fix this. We can take it away. Surgery. We'll take it away.
You vividly remember the time it happened. The time when you became deaf.
He found you crying at the your room that morning. The curtains were covering the morning light. It's a beautiful Saturday morning outside, it's a horrible nightmare in your room. He didn't noticed you until you growled. You were curled up at a corner, hands covering your ears. He bents and, hugs you immediately. He was saying a mouthful. You can't hear any of it. You tremble, cry and, wrap your arms around him tightly, placing your head on his shoulder. He continues to say something. You wish could here them but, you can't. You whisper, "I can't hear you. I'm deaf."
He impulsively stands up and stares at you. He was in shock, so were you. He gave you a questioning look. You nod. "I'm telling the truth. I can't hear you. I can't." You continue to cry. He paces across the room, head low, hand on his side and, mind drifting of somewhere. He was scared. You watch him. You start to feel what is it that you were supposed to feel from the start: fright, anxiety, vulnerability and, hatred. You tremble even more. You start thinking about the consequences. You can't afford being deaf. No one can.
Tora continues pacing until he realizes something. He snaps his finger and, practically run towards the kitchen. Leaving you alone. He comes back with paper and, pen in his palms. He writes:
How could this be?
"I don't know."
Could it be that its because of too much noise?
"I don't know."
Have you predicted this?
"I don't know."
What do you know?!
"I can't hear you. I'm deaf. I don't want to stay like this."
I'll take you to an otologist.
And so, he takes you. The doctor inspected your ears. When he finishes, he had a grave look. He and, Tora started talking. You're just watching them. Tora looks weary and, ready to break down and cry. You watch them eagerly, for it was the only thing you could do. The doctor sits behind his desk and, was writing something. Tora looked apologetic. When the doctor handed it to him, you saw Tora shout at the doctor and, forced him back the note. The doctor took it back and scribbled something. Tora take your wrist and leads you to the parking lot after that. He kisses you on the forehead.
Everything will be alright.
When you got home, he produce a crumpled paper from his pocket. You saw the doctor gave it to him. : "Acoustic Neurinoma:. You're not quiet sure what it is. He adds to the paper: ears -> tumors; balance and sound - deafness, dizziness, tinnitus. life-threating. He gave it to you. You read it. You almost collapse. You cry again. You didn't ask for this. You want to kill yourself, it was the only think you could think of. Suddenly, strong arms wrap themselves around you and, you were lavished with kisses from him. At the end of the day, the two of you made love and, promised. He promises you he won't give up. You promise him you can't promise anything. He a accepts it.
The following events are now a part of history.
Now, you are back to reality, where you can no longer hear, speak, can barely walk and stand, often is dizzy and experiences tinnitus. This is the reality you are here to end. You're planning to cut your writs, in your own bathtub. You've already filled the tub earlier. You've always wanted to bathe in pool of blood. You strip off your clothes, ready for the end of thus all, this so called Acoustic Neurinoma. But, you decide to smoke first. You're almost finished when he came in. He has a smile painted on his face. But, as soon as he saw you, butt naked, razor in hand and, ready to die. He dropped the his smile, gave you a look.
He runs to you and, hugs you. He's saying something. He starts to cry. You start to cry. You can't hear him but, the tinnitus inside your ears are fading.
Even if surgery can't heal you, I'll hear you. I'll hear your heart. It's all I need. No word. Just you. Don't kill yourself. Please. I love you.
"Good morning, Pon!" Someone greets you warmly with a smile on his face and, a cup of coffee in his hand.
"Good morning, Nao." You smile weary but still, it was a smile.
"Oh, wow! You can hear!" He squealed.
"Yes, he can but, if you continue squealing, he won't be able to again." He says. He's been organizing your clothes, food and, needs. He's taking care of you, as always. "So, Pon, would like Ramen? We can make leader-sama here run an errand." His smiles as he turns to you.
"I'd like that." You smile back. He gets his coat and, tags Nao with him. They paced to the door. "Thank you." You whispered. He was shutting the door behind him then.
You remember the time when you start to hear again. You were in bed for three days. When you woke up, the first thing you hear was someone whispering your name. It was him. You can imagine him doing this, whispering your name, the whole time, waiting for your reply. It made you smile. He saw it for certain so, he whispers: Can you hear me now? You lid your eyes and, kissed him. When you part for air, you replied. "Yes. Clear as ice."
It was sweet, hearing the sound of his voice again. You kept on playing it on your mind like a video on eternal loop. You kept on remembering what happened when you were deaf. The pain, the loneliness, the hurt. Your thankful that now, you can finally hear again. As for the rest, they fall into place again.
a/n:
ta da! it's a fic, nonetheless. crappy, i know. but still, a fic.
comments are love, since this is my first post and, maybe an editor. xD
thank you for reading. :D
Author:wordsandnotes
Genre: Romance, Fluff
Pairing: Tora/Hiroto
Rating: G
Disclaimer: I own no one for owning a human being is against the code of ethics.
Summary: Deafness. What happens in between not hearing, not speaking and, not understanding.
Hiroto, read my lips. I love you.
Deafness. No sound. No nothing. It's like being submerged underwater where as you can breath but, can't get out. You'll just be there. Staying put and, looking so dumbfound about the happenings around you. Then, just when you think you got the hang of it, you thought wrong. Suddenly, your ability to speak gets drained. You think you're producing sounds but, you're not. If you are, they were mediocrity, like growls. Words starts to be missed pronounced, your syntax starts to fail and soon, you can't and won't speak at all. Like a geometric theorem, you start to believe without even proving to yourself or others that you can never utter a word again, even the name of your dearly beloved.
Tora, Tora, Tora. His name would drown you within your deafness. Its another component of the water that thickness your deafness, him. He would say things you can't hear, even if you pray hard to hear them. He would recite poems, lyrical and some lines from John Milton's On His Blindness. you can't hear any of them. You tried to stop him. You placed your finger on his lips once and, turned to face the opposite direction. He never recited another poem again.
You don't need to torture yourself.
Then, when you strum. You try to produce a note. You ask someone to listen to you as you try your hardest to prove them wrong that you can't play your instrument anymore. You position your fingers for a Bm note. You're certain that you made the right sound and, pitch. You've done it before, so there's no reason why you can't do it now. You try to believe that music will fill the gap of your incapability to produce words. You've been doing the note since the day you've learned how to play the instrument. So, you can't see why the man you've asked to do a favor has a weary look and, is nodding: "No." You can't do it anymore. All else fails when you realize that whenever the band practices, you're not invited anymore. They found a new guitarist.
We can fix this. We can take it away. Surgery. We'll take it away.
You vividly remember the time it happened. The time when you became deaf.
He found you crying at the your room that morning. The curtains were covering the morning light. It's a beautiful Saturday morning outside, it's a horrible nightmare in your room. He didn't noticed you until you growled. You were curled up at a corner, hands covering your ears. He bents and, hugs you immediately. He was saying a mouthful. You can't hear any of it. You tremble, cry and, wrap your arms around him tightly, placing your head on his shoulder. He continues to say something. You wish could here them but, you can't. You whisper, "I can't hear you. I'm deaf."
He impulsively stands up and stares at you. He was in shock, so were you. He gave you a questioning look. You nod. "I'm telling the truth. I can't hear you. I can't." You continue to cry. He paces across the room, head low, hand on his side and, mind drifting of somewhere. He was scared. You watch him. You start to feel what is it that you were supposed to feel from the start: fright, anxiety, vulnerability and, hatred. You tremble even more. You start thinking about the consequences. You can't afford being deaf. No one can.
Tora continues pacing until he realizes something. He snaps his finger and, practically run towards the kitchen. Leaving you alone. He comes back with paper and, pen in his palms. He writes:
How could this be?
"I don't know."
Could it be that its because of too much noise?
"I don't know."
Have you predicted this?
"I don't know."
What do you know?!
"I can't hear you. I'm deaf. I don't want to stay like this."
I'll take you to an otologist.
And so, he takes you. The doctor inspected your ears. When he finishes, he had a grave look. He and, Tora started talking. You're just watching them. Tora looks weary and, ready to break down and cry. You watch them eagerly, for it was the only thing you could do. The doctor sits behind his desk and, was writing something. Tora looked apologetic. When the doctor handed it to him, you saw Tora shout at the doctor and, forced him back the note. The doctor took it back and scribbled something. Tora take your wrist and leads you to the parking lot after that. He kisses you on the forehead.
Everything will be alright.
When you got home, he produce a crumpled paper from his pocket. You saw the doctor gave it to him. : "Acoustic Neurinoma:. You're not quiet sure what it is. He adds to the paper: ears -> tumors; balance and sound - deafness, dizziness, tinnitus. life-threating. He gave it to you. You read it. You almost collapse. You cry again. You didn't ask for this. You want to kill yourself, it was the only think you could think of. Suddenly, strong arms wrap themselves around you and, you were lavished with kisses from him. At the end of the day, the two of you made love and, promised. He promises you he won't give up. You promise him you can't promise anything. He a accepts it.
The following events are now a part of history.
Now, you are back to reality, where you can no longer hear, speak, can barely walk and stand, often is dizzy and experiences tinnitus. This is the reality you are here to end. You're planning to cut your writs, in your own bathtub. You've already filled the tub earlier. You've always wanted to bathe in pool of blood. You strip off your clothes, ready for the end of thus all, this so called Acoustic Neurinoma. But, you decide to smoke first. You're almost finished when he came in. He has a smile painted on his face. But, as soon as he saw you, butt naked, razor in hand and, ready to die. He dropped the his smile, gave you a look.
He runs to you and, hugs you. He's saying something. He starts to cry. You start to cry. You can't hear him but, the tinnitus inside your ears are fading.
Even if surgery can't heal you, I'll hear you. I'll hear your heart. It's all I need. No word. Just you. Don't kill yourself. Please. I love you.
"Good morning, Pon!" Someone greets you warmly with a smile on his face and, a cup of coffee in his hand.
"Good morning, Nao." You smile weary but still, it was a smile.
"Oh, wow! You can hear!" He squealed.
"Yes, he can but, if you continue squealing, he won't be able to again." He says. He's been organizing your clothes, food and, needs. He's taking care of you, as always. "So, Pon, would like Ramen? We can make leader-sama here run an errand." His smiles as he turns to you.
"I'd like that." You smile back. He gets his coat and, tags Nao with him. They paced to the door. "Thank you." You whispered. He was shutting the door behind him then.
You remember the time when you start to hear again. You were in bed for three days. When you woke up, the first thing you hear was someone whispering your name. It was him. You can imagine him doing this, whispering your name, the whole time, waiting for your reply. It made you smile. He saw it for certain so, he whispers: Can you hear me now? You lid your eyes and, kissed him. When you part for air, you replied. "Yes. Clear as ice."
It was sweet, hearing the sound of his voice again. You kept on playing it on your mind like a video on eternal loop. You kept on remembering what happened when you were deaf. The pain, the loneliness, the hurt. Your thankful that now, you can finally hear again. As for the rest, they fall into place again.
a/n:
ta da! it's a fic, nonetheless. crappy, i know. but still, a fic.
comments are love, since this is my first post and, maybe an editor. xD
thank you for reading. :D