Real Life
A person at work is going around bad mouthing me to anyone who will listen. A PRN nurse that is a friend of mine told me today. In some ways I almost wish that she hadn't of told me...but I also know she just wanted me to be on my guard and not say too much around this person. I try to just dismiss it and get on with things- but it is really hard. This nurse who is bad mouthing me- we have actually had some really good times together. We've gone on trips together etc... Then all of a sudden in the last couple of months she has started really talking extremely rude to me (so much so that after hearing what and how she said something to me- several other nurses told me to report her...but I didn't) and other very crazy things have started to go on. Anyway, the other week when things were slow I asked her into a room that wasn't being used and just flat out asked her if I had done something that offended her, and what we could do to make things better between us. She said a few things about how I had a bad attitude and didn't help others and had been complaining too much. We pretty much ended the convo with me saying that I would try to do better at the things she talked about- but that I would appreciate that she talk to me with the respect that a co-worker in a professional setting deserves. After the talk I went home furious and pretty much dismissing anything and everything she said to me as BS, but then I really stopped and thought about what she had said and thought back to some things that I had said or done and realized that she had been partly right. I've been having trouble with my depression lately- and can't seem to get on top of my money problems, and all these things are making me a little more surly, selfish, and whiney. So this week I really made an effort to stop being so negative with what and how I talk about things. I've tried really hard to look around me and see if there are things that I need/should be doing to not only do my job correctly but help others, and I have really really tried to stop complaining to everyone about the things I am sad about.
Okay, so I have rambled enough- anyway, the nurse who is badmouthing me- seemed to stop talking rudely to me and I thought we had started to improve things with each other. I figured we would probably not be BFF or anything, but at least she was being a good co-worker again. Then I find out today that she has been telling everyone and anyone that I am pathetic, sorry excuse of a worker, and "trying to get into people's business" by asking if they need anything for their patients.
...
Oh well, I know that you can't always have people who like you- but it still hurts when you find out that this is being said about you. It took me this long to even calm down enough to be able to say the above statement about it all- since my first reaction was to walk over to said nurse and be like WTF, jackass?!? (Thankfully I didn't do that- as I am sure I would have started saying things that would get me fired...and then I would REALLY have money problems)
I will get over it, and ignore what she says and just keep trying to do better (even though I wish It weren't so- she did have some truth to the complaints that she had about me) in my work life. It is just really hard when you see these people more than your friends and family, and you know that at least one, if not more, are saying bad things about you. I think I am taking this a little hard too because I have never made friends very easily. I am a complete idiot of a person who has two modes. 1- I meet people and for some reason get on my crazy soap box about how much I hate WalMart and what they do...(or something) and dominate the whole convo with my little obsession, and realize way too late that no one actually cares what I am saying and think I am a bit crazy OR 2- don't say anything at all and stand there awkward and blushing, and then people think I am crazy. So yeah, I don't make friends easy (Side note irony_rocks if you are reading this, I was soooooo scared when we met in RL that you would walk away from that meeting and be like "WTH?!? She is crazy. *defriend*) So when I do feel comfortable with the people around me I.E work it is almost worse and I feel betrayed or something.
OKay, I need to stop the drama that is running through my head....but it still hurts. So I am mad, sad, and all emotional- even though I should be like whatever! But it is hard.