The world we wanted 42/?
At first it seems as easy as Russia claimed. Russia drags Afghanistan back home, still cursing and kicking.
Everyone watches in horrified fascination as Russia lectures him about communism while Afghanistan finally calms down and stares at him in silence with utter loathing. Prussia is glad he doesn't have to live in that mess.
***
Then the problems set in. Afghanistan isn't the slightest cooperative and his people aren't either, dragging Russia into the exact kind of draining guerrilla war he should have avoided from the start. Afghanistan never speaks to Russia, never answers him or the communist guys who want to be his new bosses, no matter how Russia smacks him around. You have to respect that kind of commitment.
“You can't let Russia make you into communist copies of himself,” Afghanistan says when Russia has other visitors. “Tajikistan, Uzbekistan and Turkmenistan. Not Tajik SSR, Uzbek SSR and Turkmen SSR.”
So it's only Russia Afghanistan refuses to talk to. Prussia keeps his eyes on Tajik when Russia doesn't, he doesn't trust her as much as he does.
“Russia isn't a bad ally to me all the time,” Tajik says. “But the situation as it is isn't going to last.”
“I will never be a part of Russia's so called union or Warsaw Pact,” Afghanistan says. “I'm going to have the land my real bosses promised me, without communism and way God wills it. A holy war for freedom like this can't be lost."
“You can lose,” Turkmen says. "Trust me. When Russia asks you to be one with him it isn't that easy to turn him down."
“Watch me,” Afghanistan says, laughing crazily.
Prussia isn't sure if this is something he should be telling Russia. In the end he settles on not.
***
He probably should have because Afghanistan doesn't stay around, even though Russia keeps his doors locked.
“Afghanistan ran away,” Lithuania says.
“We tried very hard to stop him,” Latvia says in a tone that hints the exact opposite.
“We're very sorry,” Estonia miserably says.
But they all have some nice matching bruises to display as proof. Prussia wouldn't be surprised if they unlocked the door and asked him to smack them a few times. But it's Russia's own responsibility, no matter what they did and didn't do.
“Russia, you're an idiot,” Prussia says. His patience has been running thin lately, he never expected this level of incompetence from Russia. In his mind Russia was probably doing awesome things with his army while Prussia was busy with his own nation. The reality doesn't match that expectation. “First off, why can't you live with some nations who actually like you?”
The Baltics hurry to lie how they like Russia fine, of course they do...
“You still shouldn't try to make them guard violent prisoners. Latvia is way too small for that and it's not like you gave them any weapons. Kazakh and Kyrgyz would probably be more motivated.”
Unlike Lithuania who wants Russia to fail out of spite they seem to mostly want Russia to acknowledge their efforts.
“It doesn't matter,” Russia says. “But I didn't think he would run... I thought he was more worried about his country...”
“Like you ever sat down quietly and behaved when you got invaded...”
Things would be very different right now if that was the case.
“I'm trying to help Afghanistan,” Russia protests.
Lithuania, Estonia and Latvia all snort in disbelief.
“And you're not done with this quickly either so we can focus on the Olympics,” Prussia continues to complain, luckily for the Baltics Russia pays attention to him instead of them. “Do you have any ideas of how much that pisses me off? My brother got to have an Olympic game, you got one and none of you put as much love and care into it as I would.”
“It doesn't matter,” Russia says. “No one is going to show up anyway.”
Maybe that isn't completely undeserved. It's very helpful when Russia's army rains down destruction on Afghanistan in something that isn't revenge at all, of course not. Afghanistan still doesn't give up. Russia pretends like none of this matters, even when he comes back with blood on his coat and still no Afghanistan.
***
“Never underestimate the value of good mountains,” Serbia says when Russia complains to him over how Afghanistan is nowhere to be found. “I've been hiding out in mountains a lot, Albania and Montenegro love to go and sulk in the mountains when they think people are mean to them. I don't think Albania has been doing anything but that lately and Montenegro that idiot sulks a lot too.. I just don't get it.”
“Why is Montenegro sulking?” Prussia wonders.
“I have no ideas!” Serbia exclaims. “I tried to be nice and told him he didn't have to make breakfast, that's what we got provinces for, and he told me to go and fuck something unsavory and didn't speak to me for days. It makes no sense.”
Prussia agrees. That sounds really weird.
“Maybe I can talk to him?” Russia offers.
“Hm... No,” Serbia says and eyes Russia with a little bit of suspicion.
“Are you alright otherwise?” Prussia asks.
“Perfectly fine,” Serbia imminently says. “You guys are not going to be fine if Afghanistan decides to stay in his mountains. Ask America how well it went for him to stop Vietnam from doing that. Or ask West Germany how well he did stopping us from all becoming communist partisans. Disproportional revenge is like handing out recruitment flyers for the resistance. Obviously we don't care about the blatantly evil part of doing that so at least admit it's unpractical. If Afghanistan and his boss are as into Islam as Tito and Ho Chi-Minh were into communism you are going to wish you stayed away from him and his stupid mountains!”
“I told you the exact same thing,” Prussia says. Maybe he should have tried being more aggressive?
“Are you really fine Serbia?” Russia wonders. “You don't like Afghanistan and you don't care enough about my wars to be that worked up.”
Tito died very recently, the next in line of old communist leaders. Hungary had been betting on him and made very sure to not tell Serbia or Croatia that. Brezhnev is apparently going to live forever, no matter how ill he looks. Just like Finland's boss.
“It's fine,” Serbia says. “I don't care really, he wasn't really my boss anyway and he always pushed me around and never wanted to admit how Yugoslavia was my idea to begin with.”
“You can care,” Russia says. “You often hate my bosses but you still never mind when I'm sad.”
“You're Russia and you're always big and scary even if you are under attack or even if things look bleak. And the legend of Prussia still lives on no matter how embarrassingly people kick your ass or how you keep obsessing over long dead bosses East. But I can't afford things like that. Yugoslavia is my responsibility, it's always been, no matter what Tito claimed.”
“I know Yugoslavia is yours, but be careful,” Prussia says and Russia agrees.
“I'm not taking advice for the guy who attacked fucking Soviet Russia and the guy whose main tactic is 'we have reserves'! That's not being careful!”
“Where the hell do you find all this moral high ground?” Prussia asks. It's starting to get really annoying, Serbia is practically asking to get bitch slapped.
“I think you are sad,” Russia says and drags a flailing Serbia into a hug. “You always get loud when you are sad.”
“Sometimes you guys are adorable,” Prussia says and Serbia protests more even if he can't completely hide how he loves the attention. If it was someone else around instead of Russia things would most likely have escalated into a fight instead by now. Maybe there really is something to that brotherly bond Serbia claims.
***
The threats about boycotting Russia's Olympics aren't just talk, as Prussia deep down hoped. It should be a day of pride to Russia, it's great and amazing and there aren't enough nations around to appreciate it.
“I thought about this,” Russia says. “And I'm happy America isn't here to annoy me. It's much nicer with only me and my friends.”
Of course he is lying. It's not nearly as fun to kick ass and doing it loudly if there are no worthy opponents around to watch you. Yugoslavia suck at the best of days in Prussia's opinion and right now they are a bit too depressed to be properly impressed. Sweden is still friendly though. While America still deep down seem to think East Germany are evil commie nazis or something Sweden thinks it's a perfectly safe place to send his students. It makes Prussia want to hug him.
And there is Vietnam and Laos. That always makes things a little better. She puts her arms around both Prussia and Russia and laughs about the rumors.
“Compared to everything else rumors about communist orgies brightens my day,” Vietnam says. “Maybe we should try it some time.”
Russia blushes but Prussia thinks that things aren't as bad as they could be. At least not for him. Russia has to live in the shadow of his failures.
I read the Russian Empire occasionally played games with Serbia and Montenegro over who to support... Thus Serbia gets jealous when Russia pays attention to Montenegro.
Ho Chi-Minh was Vietnam's boss by the way.
Everyone watches in horrified fascination as Russia lectures him about communism while Afghanistan finally calms down and stares at him in silence with utter loathing. Prussia is glad he doesn't have to live in that mess.
***
Then the problems set in. Afghanistan isn't the slightest cooperative and his people aren't either, dragging Russia into the exact kind of draining guerrilla war he should have avoided from the start. Afghanistan never speaks to Russia, never answers him or the communist guys who want to be his new bosses, no matter how Russia smacks him around. You have to respect that kind of commitment.
“You can't let Russia make you into communist copies of himself,” Afghanistan says when Russia has other visitors. “Tajikistan, Uzbekistan and Turkmenistan. Not Tajik SSR, Uzbek SSR and Turkmen SSR.”
So it's only Russia Afghanistan refuses to talk to. Prussia keeps his eyes on Tajik when Russia doesn't, he doesn't trust her as much as he does.
“Russia isn't a bad ally to me all the time,” Tajik says. “But the situation as it is isn't going to last.”
“I will never be a part of Russia's so called union or Warsaw Pact,” Afghanistan says. “I'm going to have the land my real bosses promised me, without communism and way God wills it. A holy war for freedom like this can't be lost."
“You can lose,” Turkmen says. "Trust me. When Russia asks you to be one with him it isn't that easy to turn him down."
“Watch me,” Afghanistan says, laughing crazily.
Prussia isn't sure if this is something he should be telling Russia. In the end he settles on not.
***
He probably should have because Afghanistan doesn't stay around, even though Russia keeps his doors locked.
“Afghanistan ran away,” Lithuania says.
“We tried very hard to stop him,” Latvia says in a tone that hints the exact opposite.
“We're very sorry,” Estonia miserably says.
But they all have some nice matching bruises to display as proof. Prussia wouldn't be surprised if they unlocked the door and asked him to smack them a few times. But it's Russia's own responsibility, no matter what they did and didn't do.
“Russia, you're an idiot,” Prussia says. His patience has been running thin lately, he never expected this level of incompetence from Russia. In his mind Russia was probably doing awesome things with his army while Prussia was busy with his own nation. The reality doesn't match that expectation. “First off, why can't you live with some nations who actually like you?”
The Baltics hurry to lie how they like Russia fine, of course they do...
“You still shouldn't try to make them guard violent prisoners. Latvia is way too small for that and it's not like you gave them any weapons. Kazakh and Kyrgyz would probably be more motivated.”
Unlike Lithuania who wants Russia to fail out of spite they seem to mostly want Russia to acknowledge their efforts.
“It doesn't matter,” Russia says. “But I didn't think he would run... I thought he was more worried about his country...”
“Like you ever sat down quietly and behaved when you got invaded...”
Things would be very different right now if that was the case.
“I'm trying to help Afghanistan,” Russia protests.
Lithuania, Estonia and Latvia all snort in disbelief.
“And you're not done with this quickly either so we can focus on the Olympics,” Prussia continues to complain, luckily for the Baltics Russia pays attention to him instead of them. “Do you have any ideas of how much that pisses me off? My brother got to have an Olympic game, you got one and none of you put as much love and care into it as I would.”
“It doesn't matter,” Russia says. “No one is going to show up anyway.”
Maybe that isn't completely undeserved. It's very helpful when Russia's army rains down destruction on Afghanistan in something that isn't revenge at all, of course not. Afghanistan still doesn't give up. Russia pretends like none of this matters, even when he comes back with blood on his coat and still no Afghanistan.
***
“Never underestimate the value of good mountains,” Serbia says when Russia complains to him over how Afghanistan is nowhere to be found. “I've been hiding out in mountains a lot, Albania and Montenegro love to go and sulk in the mountains when they think people are mean to them. I don't think Albania has been doing anything but that lately and Montenegro that idiot sulks a lot too.. I just don't get it.”
“Why is Montenegro sulking?” Prussia wonders.
“I have no ideas!” Serbia exclaims. “I tried to be nice and told him he didn't have to make breakfast, that's what we got provinces for, and he told me to go and fuck something unsavory and didn't speak to me for days. It makes no sense.”
Prussia agrees. That sounds really weird.
“Maybe I can talk to him?” Russia offers.
“Hm... No,” Serbia says and eyes Russia with a little bit of suspicion.
“Are you alright otherwise?” Prussia asks.
“Perfectly fine,” Serbia imminently says. “You guys are not going to be fine if Afghanistan decides to stay in his mountains. Ask America how well it went for him to stop Vietnam from doing that. Or ask West Germany how well he did stopping us from all becoming communist partisans. Disproportional revenge is like handing out recruitment flyers for the resistance. Obviously we don't care about the blatantly evil part of doing that so at least admit it's unpractical. If Afghanistan and his boss are as into Islam as Tito and Ho Chi-Minh were into communism you are going to wish you stayed away from him and his stupid mountains!”
“I told you the exact same thing,” Prussia says. Maybe he should have tried being more aggressive?
“Are you really fine Serbia?” Russia wonders. “You don't like Afghanistan and you don't care enough about my wars to be that worked up.”
Tito died very recently, the next in line of old communist leaders. Hungary had been betting on him and made very sure to not tell Serbia or Croatia that. Brezhnev is apparently going to live forever, no matter how ill he looks. Just like Finland's boss.
“It's fine,” Serbia says. “I don't care really, he wasn't really my boss anyway and he always pushed me around and never wanted to admit how Yugoslavia was my idea to begin with.”
“You can care,” Russia says. “You often hate my bosses but you still never mind when I'm sad.”
“You're Russia and you're always big and scary even if you are under attack or even if things look bleak. And the legend of Prussia still lives on no matter how embarrassingly people kick your ass or how you keep obsessing over long dead bosses East. But I can't afford things like that. Yugoslavia is my responsibility, it's always been, no matter what Tito claimed.”
“I know Yugoslavia is yours, but be careful,” Prussia says and Russia agrees.
“I'm not taking advice for the guy who attacked fucking Soviet Russia and the guy whose main tactic is 'we have reserves'! That's not being careful!”
“Where the hell do you find all this moral high ground?” Prussia asks. It's starting to get really annoying, Serbia is practically asking to get bitch slapped.
“I think you are sad,” Russia says and drags a flailing Serbia into a hug. “You always get loud when you are sad.”
“Sometimes you guys are adorable,” Prussia says and Serbia protests more even if he can't completely hide how he loves the attention. If it was someone else around instead of Russia things would most likely have escalated into a fight instead by now. Maybe there really is something to that brotherly bond Serbia claims.
***
The threats about boycotting Russia's Olympics aren't just talk, as Prussia deep down hoped. It should be a day of pride to Russia, it's great and amazing and there aren't enough nations around to appreciate it.
“I thought about this,” Russia says. “And I'm happy America isn't here to annoy me. It's much nicer with only me and my friends.”
Of course he is lying. It's not nearly as fun to kick ass and doing it loudly if there are no worthy opponents around to watch you. Yugoslavia suck at the best of days in Prussia's opinion and right now they are a bit too depressed to be properly impressed. Sweden is still friendly though. While America still deep down seem to think East Germany are evil commie nazis or something Sweden thinks it's a perfectly safe place to send his students. It makes Prussia want to hug him.
And there is Vietnam and Laos. That always makes things a little better. She puts her arms around both Prussia and Russia and laughs about the rumors.
“Compared to everything else rumors about communist orgies brightens my day,” Vietnam says. “Maybe we should try it some time.”
Russia blushes but Prussia thinks that things aren't as bad as they could be. At least not for him. Russia has to live in the shadow of his failures.
I read the Russian Empire occasionally played games with Serbia and Montenegro over who to support... Thus Serbia gets jealous when Russia pays attention to Montenegro.
Ho Chi-Minh was Vietnam's boss by the way.