Unsafe Alliances I
Bulgaria, Greece, Serbia and Montenegro team up against Ottoman, from the kink meme
"Montenegro?" Ottoman said. "I suppose you're not here to do any of the things I keep telling you to do?"
"No," Montenegro said.
"No, I shouldn't have expected it from the hopelessly lazy Montenegrin. Go on then."
"I got a message," Montenegro said and threw a folded paper at the table between them.
"Are you playing errand boy for Russia or Serbia today?"
“No. This is a message from me. I'm declaring war.”
At least that was how Montenegro, Serbia's small neighbor country, cousin and loyal ally, claimed it had happened. The new bruises on his arms were unexplained by this story and no one asked. Greece assumed Montenegro had added a long string of insults to Ottoman specifically and Turks in general and gotten kicked around a bit for it. Montenegro's social skills were somewhat lacking. Since he had spent hundreds of years being isolated and dirt-poor in the mountains they should forgive it. Or maybe they shouldn't, because the same thing had kept him from being as tightly leashed by Ottoman as the rest of them. Greece felt jealous at times.
“Are you imagining triumphantly standing over Ottoman and kicking him?” Bulgaria asked. “Because that's not going to happen. We're lucky if we manage to chase him off without being too beaten up. And by we, I of course mean me. Perhaps Serbia who is vaguely competent as well.”
“Oh come on Bulgaria,” Greece said. He was going to continue to insist he was the only one who was competent in the group, wasn't he? And if they lost he would without a doubt blame it all on Serbia. How tiresome.
“No matter how many lessons you take from Prussia, you still need me,” Serbia said. “Try to show me the love I deserve.”
The main idea behind the entire thing was, as Bulgaria disdainfully expressed it, “if Italy can beat up Ottoman, why can't we?”. He and Serbia had been talking a lot behind closed doors and invited Greece in too. Montenegro was in by default, at the moment he seemed happy following Serbia's lead. Or since Montenegro had managed to declare war first, maybe the rest of them followed his lead. The thought was very amusing to Greece.
Bulgaria and Serbia kept arguing about some small detail of the spoils they didn't even have yet. Greece felt himself start to doze off, one of his cats was purring on his stomach and it was a very relaxing feeling. Since they were in his house the cats were everywhere.
“You sleep too much,” Montenegro said and poked him harshly in the side. The cat yawned and fell off. “Why aren't you ready?”
“I'm working on it,” Greece said. “You are in such a rush, I'm doing my best.”
“I'm still worried.”
“If you had a replacement fleet for me you could complain,” Serbia said. “But you don't.”
Serbia put his head on Greece's shoulder and Greece petted his hair instead of the missing cat. Due to his position Serbia missed it but Greece saw Montenegro frown and Bulgaria give them a dark glare. Knowing Serbia, it was the point. Bulgaria might be the strongest one but the rest were tied together with stronger family ties.
But it was still a bit rude, Greece gently pushed Serbia up to a sitting position again.
The situation continued to deteriorate, with Bulgaria and Serbia standing up and getting into each others faces.
“Russia got my back,” Bulgaria said. “We're doing this and no one else is going to get involved and if you don't get your fleet ready Greece I'll kill you myself.”
“Our backs,” Serbia said. “Russia got our backs.”
“Sure,” Bulgaria said, smiling. “Maybe we should try to see it like that.”
They were standing really close by now. Montenegro sighed and dangled a piece of string in front of the cats, ignoring them as loudly as he could.
“I think Russia wouldn't like it at all if he knew the way you talked about Thrace he's been after forever...”
“You wouldn't dare screw this up now,” Bulgaria said, almost nose to nose with Serbia. “Your boss would kill you if I didn't first.”
They kept staring at each other in challenge without moving.
“The obvious sexual tension is very exciting to watch,” Greece said and tried to steal the cats' attention with a feather from his pocket.
“What?!” Serbia and Bulgaria cried out at once, scaring away the cats.
“I heard in some places they celebrate alliances with orgies,” Greece said, but not with much hope. It sounded fairly exotic and unlikely to catch on here. “Rather than, you know, infighting.”
“Probably in places involving France,” Serbia said.
“I felt I made enough of a gesture when I drank from the same glass as you Greece,” Bulgaria said.
Greece was only a little disappointed. At least they stopped fighting. The cats would dare to return soon.
Greece looked at his maps while Serbia ranted madly about how Bulgaria must have secret agreements with Russia, a plague on him and so on. He tuned it out, humming every now and then which was enough. Greece felt certain Russia would see reason eventually. There was no reason to get worked up. That must be why Serbia never managed to put on some weight.
“You burn too much nervous energy,” Greece said, suddenly a bit worried for Serbia. “That must be why Bulgaria is still more brawny than you no matter how much you train. You should calm down.”
“That had nothing to do with what I just said! And Bulgaria isn't stronger than me.”
The problem with being in an alliance with Bulgaria was how Greece suspected he actually was stronger than the rest of them together, and Serbia had little intention of doing what he wanted anyway. Maybe it was because Bulgaria had kicked his ass before, Serbia found things like that very upsetting.
Greece prayed his fleet would be ready soon enough, and there would be some payback against Ottoman. He clenched his fists and hoped his generals plans were good. They had to be, a lot depended on him no matter how Bulgaria tried to talk everyone else down. If Ottoman could get reinforcements through sea they would be in trouble.
“Now you look all tense and worried too,” Serbia said. “Do you want me to rub your shoulders?”
In the past it had disappointed Greece how it always was strictly a platonic offer. Then he realized it wasn't such a bad deal. Brothers were harder to find than lovers.
“Sure,” Greece said. “You know Bulgaria would freak out if he saw this?”
“I know,” Serbia happily said. “But it's us versus the world, right?”
When they first met Serbia had declared he needed a little brother and Greece would do. Then he hit him with a stick and tried to steal his territory. Things had steadily improved since.
“I know,” Greece said and stretched out, enjoying the massage.
Both Bulgaria and Montenegro shut up when Greece proved he could get his people ready in time. Not only ready but kicking Ottoman ass on the sea.
“You fight the weak parts of Ottoman's army,” Bulgaria sent as a reply. “I'm the one doing the major job here!”
Greece and Serbia exchanged a glance and laughed.
Ottoman's forces lost on every front and they all knew it was only a matter of time before they had to face off against the man himself and convince him he better cut his losses and stay away. Greece felt himself getting lost in his thoughts, while Bulgaria, Serbia and Montenegro bickered. All different ways of dealing with the anxiety. Ottoman was still scary, even weakened, and Greece still loathed him.
When they finally did it was every bit as bad as imagined. Ottoman wasn't the empire he had been but he refused to let it show.
“You must be happy you promised Bulgaria would end up with Macedonia, Serbia” Ottoman said. “And you are so cute when you think that will happen Bulgaria.”
“You're not going to do anything about it,” Bulgaria smugly said. “You can't.”
“If I were you I would be more worried about that bastard Serbia keeping his promises. And how your alliance is you, Serbia and Serbia's best and only friends in the world.”
Bulgaria made a dismissive sound. “I don't trust Serbia as much as I trust myself to make sure everyone else keep their parts of their agreements.”
“Is that so?” Serbia said. “But I still rather get fucked by you than him.”
“That's the spirit!” Bulgaria said.
Greece stared at Turkey, everything about him made him angry. That stupid smile, that mask, how he carried himself like he still was the big boss even when they kicked his ass all over Balkan this time.
“Pissed off?” Montenegro quietly said. “Good, I hate talking.”
The two of them jumped at Ottoman while he was still messing with their allies heads, interrupting it before the two turned on each other again.
“I'm going to kill you, bastard!” Greece screamed, giving Ottoman a warning he perhaps shouldn't have.
Ottoman backed away, a bit shocked over the uncontrolled fury. Greece went after him, hacking wildly and uncoordinated. Ottoman could have dealt with it without problems if Bulgaria, Serbia and Montenegro wasn't right by his side, adding some tactics to Greece's berserker rage.
“It's not worth it,” Ottoman claimed, backing off even further.
“No, it's not worth getting torn into shreds for,” Bulgaria agreed, pausing a moment to take a breath, feeling safe in the knowledge there was three more of them to compensate for it. Ottoman was bleeding heavily, especially from a shallow cut right through his mask Greece couldn't even remember who caused.
Bulgaria took another series of quick breaths, then he went after Ottoman again. Ottoman paraded his attacks, less gracefully than he had a while ago, and threw him off. Greece stumbled when Ottoman pushed him back and Serbia and Montenegro almost crashed into each other. But they all knew they would tire him out if this went on, even if he perhaps was the superior fighter.
“Congratulations,” Ottoman muttered to his hesitating opponents.
It wasn't good enough, Greece wanted to tear him into pieces, but Ottoman retired and somehow Greece didn't have the energy to follow. He looked down and realized he was bleeding as well, even if Bulgaria was worst off.
“Wow,” Serbia said.
Bulgaria looked a bit taken back as well.
“I-I had almost forgotten how angry you get sometimes,” he said.
Greece still wanted to hit someone. Bulgaria's face looked most offensive. And closest.
“Calm down,” Serbia said, taking his hand, mouthing 'later'. “That was pretty fucking awesome.”
“Nice,” Montenegro agreed.
Greece took a deep breath, then another, forcing himself to slow down until he could join in with the celebration. Even Serbia and Bulgaria patted each others backs enthusiastically, caught up in the moment. It wasn't going to last but now, in a triumphant group hug, it was fun to pretend it would.
I decided I think Serbia would be the older brother in the Serbo-Greek brotherhood since there was Ancient Greece before current Greece. The two have a lot of history and a lot of love between them.
Based on this, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Balkan_War where Bulgaria, Greece, Serbia and Montenegro teamed up to kick Ottoman out of Balkan and share Macedonia and other territories between themselves. Serbia and Greece fought a war with Bulgaria just a moment after over the spoils, so yeah, it didn't last. And all of this set things up for WW1.
"Montenegro?" Ottoman said. "I suppose you're not here to do any of the things I keep telling you to do?"
"No," Montenegro said.
"No, I shouldn't have expected it from the hopelessly lazy Montenegrin. Go on then."
"I got a message," Montenegro said and threw a folded paper at the table between them.
"Are you playing errand boy for Russia or Serbia today?"
“No. This is a message from me. I'm declaring war.”
At least that was how Montenegro, Serbia's small neighbor country, cousin and loyal ally, claimed it had happened. The new bruises on his arms were unexplained by this story and no one asked. Greece assumed Montenegro had added a long string of insults to Ottoman specifically and Turks in general and gotten kicked around a bit for it. Montenegro's social skills were somewhat lacking. Since he had spent hundreds of years being isolated and dirt-poor in the mountains they should forgive it. Or maybe they shouldn't, because the same thing had kept him from being as tightly leashed by Ottoman as the rest of them. Greece felt jealous at times.
“Are you imagining triumphantly standing over Ottoman and kicking him?” Bulgaria asked. “Because that's not going to happen. We're lucky if we manage to chase him off without being too beaten up. And by we, I of course mean me. Perhaps Serbia who is vaguely competent as well.”
“Oh come on Bulgaria,” Greece said. He was going to continue to insist he was the only one who was competent in the group, wasn't he? And if they lost he would without a doubt blame it all on Serbia. How tiresome.
“No matter how many lessons you take from Prussia, you still need me,” Serbia said. “Try to show me the love I deserve.”
The main idea behind the entire thing was, as Bulgaria disdainfully expressed it, “if Italy can beat up Ottoman, why can't we?”. He and Serbia had been talking a lot behind closed doors and invited Greece in too. Montenegro was in by default, at the moment he seemed happy following Serbia's lead. Or since Montenegro had managed to declare war first, maybe the rest of them followed his lead. The thought was very amusing to Greece.
Bulgaria and Serbia kept arguing about some small detail of the spoils they didn't even have yet. Greece felt himself start to doze off, one of his cats was purring on his stomach and it was a very relaxing feeling. Since they were in his house the cats were everywhere.
“You sleep too much,” Montenegro said and poked him harshly in the side. The cat yawned and fell off. “Why aren't you ready?”
“I'm working on it,” Greece said. “You are in such a rush, I'm doing my best.”
“I'm still worried.”
“If you had a replacement fleet for me you could complain,” Serbia said. “But you don't.”
Serbia put his head on Greece's shoulder and Greece petted his hair instead of the missing cat. Due to his position Serbia missed it but Greece saw Montenegro frown and Bulgaria give them a dark glare. Knowing Serbia, it was the point. Bulgaria might be the strongest one but the rest were tied together with stronger family ties.
But it was still a bit rude, Greece gently pushed Serbia up to a sitting position again.
The situation continued to deteriorate, with Bulgaria and Serbia standing up and getting into each others faces.
“Russia got my back,” Bulgaria said. “We're doing this and no one else is going to get involved and if you don't get your fleet ready Greece I'll kill you myself.”
“Our backs,” Serbia said. “Russia got our backs.”
“Sure,” Bulgaria said, smiling. “Maybe we should try to see it like that.”
They were standing really close by now. Montenegro sighed and dangled a piece of string in front of the cats, ignoring them as loudly as he could.
“I think Russia wouldn't like it at all if he knew the way you talked about Thrace he's been after forever...”
“You wouldn't dare screw this up now,” Bulgaria said, almost nose to nose with Serbia. “Your boss would kill you if I didn't first.”
They kept staring at each other in challenge without moving.
“The obvious sexual tension is very exciting to watch,” Greece said and tried to steal the cats' attention with a feather from his pocket.
“What?!” Serbia and Bulgaria cried out at once, scaring away the cats.
“I heard in some places they celebrate alliances with orgies,” Greece said, but not with much hope. It sounded fairly exotic and unlikely to catch on here. “Rather than, you know, infighting.”
“Probably in places involving France,” Serbia said.
“I felt I made enough of a gesture when I drank from the same glass as you Greece,” Bulgaria said.
Greece was only a little disappointed. At least they stopped fighting. The cats would dare to return soon.
Greece looked at his maps while Serbia ranted madly about how Bulgaria must have secret agreements with Russia, a plague on him and so on. He tuned it out, humming every now and then which was enough. Greece felt certain Russia would see reason eventually. There was no reason to get worked up. That must be why Serbia never managed to put on some weight.
“You burn too much nervous energy,” Greece said, suddenly a bit worried for Serbia. “That must be why Bulgaria is still more brawny than you no matter how much you train. You should calm down.”
“That had nothing to do with what I just said! And Bulgaria isn't stronger than me.”
The problem with being in an alliance with Bulgaria was how Greece suspected he actually was stronger than the rest of them together, and Serbia had little intention of doing what he wanted anyway. Maybe it was because Bulgaria had kicked his ass before, Serbia found things like that very upsetting.
Greece prayed his fleet would be ready soon enough, and there would be some payback against Ottoman. He clenched his fists and hoped his generals plans were good. They had to be, a lot depended on him no matter how Bulgaria tried to talk everyone else down. If Ottoman could get reinforcements through sea they would be in trouble.
“Now you look all tense and worried too,” Serbia said. “Do you want me to rub your shoulders?”
In the past it had disappointed Greece how it always was strictly a platonic offer. Then he realized it wasn't such a bad deal. Brothers were harder to find than lovers.
“Sure,” Greece said. “You know Bulgaria would freak out if he saw this?”
“I know,” Serbia happily said. “But it's us versus the world, right?”
When they first met Serbia had declared he needed a little brother and Greece would do. Then he hit him with a stick and tried to steal his territory. Things had steadily improved since.
“I know,” Greece said and stretched out, enjoying the massage.
Both Bulgaria and Montenegro shut up when Greece proved he could get his people ready in time. Not only ready but kicking Ottoman ass on the sea.
“You fight the weak parts of Ottoman's army,” Bulgaria sent as a reply. “I'm the one doing the major job here!”
Greece and Serbia exchanged a glance and laughed.
Ottoman's forces lost on every front and they all knew it was only a matter of time before they had to face off against the man himself and convince him he better cut his losses and stay away. Greece felt himself getting lost in his thoughts, while Bulgaria, Serbia and Montenegro bickered. All different ways of dealing with the anxiety. Ottoman was still scary, even weakened, and Greece still loathed him.
When they finally did it was every bit as bad as imagined. Ottoman wasn't the empire he had been but he refused to let it show.
“You must be happy you promised Bulgaria would end up with Macedonia, Serbia” Ottoman said. “And you are so cute when you think that will happen Bulgaria.”
“You're not going to do anything about it,” Bulgaria smugly said. “You can't.”
“If I were you I would be more worried about that bastard Serbia keeping his promises. And how your alliance is you, Serbia and Serbia's best and only friends in the world.”
Bulgaria made a dismissive sound. “I don't trust Serbia as much as I trust myself to make sure everyone else keep their parts of their agreements.”
“Is that so?” Serbia said. “But I still rather get fucked by you than him.”
“That's the spirit!” Bulgaria said.
Greece stared at Turkey, everything about him made him angry. That stupid smile, that mask, how he carried himself like he still was the big boss even when they kicked his ass all over Balkan this time.
“Pissed off?” Montenegro quietly said. “Good, I hate talking.”
The two of them jumped at Ottoman while he was still messing with their allies heads, interrupting it before the two turned on each other again.
“I'm going to kill you, bastard!” Greece screamed, giving Ottoman a warning he perhaps shouldn't have.
Ottoman backed away, a bit shocked over the uncontrolled fury. Greece went after him, hacking wildly and uncoordinated. Ottoman could have dealt with it without problems if Bulgaria, Serbia and Montenegro wasn't right by his side, adding some tactics to Greece's berserker rage.
“It's not worth it,” Ottoman claimed, backing off even further.
“No, it's not worth getting torn into shreds for,” Bulgaria agreed, pausing a moment to take a breath, feeling safe in the knowledge there was three more of them to compensate for it. Ottoman was bleeding heavily, especially from a shallow cut right through his mask Greece couldn't even remember who caused.
Bulgaria took another series of quick breaths, then he went after Ottoman again. Ottoman paraded his attacks, less gracefully than he had a while ago, and threw him off. Greece stumbled when Ottoman pushed him back and Serbia and Montenegro almost crashed into each other. But they all knew they would tire him out if this went on, even if he perhaps was the superior fighter.
“Congratulations,” Ottoman muttered to his hesitating opponents.
It wasn't good enough, Greece wanted to tear him into pieces, but Ottoman retired and somehow Greece didn't have the energy to follow. He looked down and realized he was bleeding as well, even if Bulgaria was worst off.
“Wow,” Serbia said.
Bulgaria looked a bit taken back as well.
“I-I had almost forgotten how angry you get sometimes,” he said.
Greece still wanted to hit someone. Bulgaria's face looked most offensive. And closest.
“Calm down,” Serbia said, taking his hand, mouthing 'later'. “That was pretty fucking awesome.”
“Nice,” Montenegro agreed.
Greece took a deep breath, then another, forcing himself to slow down until he could join in with the celebration. Even Serbia and Bulgaria patted each others backs enthusiastically, caught up in the moment. It wasn't going to last but now, in a triumphant group hug, it was fun to pretend it would.
I decided I think Serbia would be the older brother in the Serbo-Greek brotherhood since there was Ancient Greece before current Greece. The two have a lot of history and a lot of love between them.
Based on this, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Balkan_War where Bulgaria, Greece, Serbia and Montenegro teamed up to kick Ottoman out of Balkan and share Macedonia and other territories between themselves. Serbia and Greece fought a war with Bulgaria just a moment after over the spoils, so yeah, it didn't last. And all of this set things up for WW1.