With apologies to No Child, a wonderful one-woman show we saw at the one and only ayy arr tee, and possibly to Nip/Tuck, it's said that writing one's obituary is a useful motivational exercise. Or something. When I did that shit as a kid, they just called me morbid. (April 4, 2020, kids. Mark your calendars.) That said, below I have typed out
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