The truth will set you free
It's amazing what really happens when you let down your pretenses for a second and come clean with those who you need to tell the truth to. Even though it rarely seems to work out to my benefit, I do get to know the things that I do need to know in order to live my life. Even if those things hurt.
For the first time since we broke up, I felt like I was ready to move on with someone who I felt a real attraction to. Someone who after weeks of analyzing my feelings I found that I really did like. And for the past week I've been convincing myself, like I often do, that he liked me back or at least had some sort of feelings for me. I'm really good at lying to myself. I knew deep down that it was all in vain but I tried anyway. I put myself on the line and came clean.
And now--- even though I know there's no chance, and I know emotions are on the table that doesn't make it better or easier. It makes it just as hard as ever because I know that he doesn't feel the same and now we just go back to not talking about things and again pretending like everything is ok. Why do we play these games? In my moment of vulnerability right now, I share this with you all. In case you haven't figured out what really lies behind my sassy tough unromantic exterior yet. I want to settle down. I want to find someone to love. I want to date. I don't want to be single. The brash attitude comes from my cynicism from seeing that I probably won't find that. I'm not the dateable type of person.
I'm done with that. I don't want to talk about it much anymore. I want to go to bed and take a nap. Even with the extra hours of sleep due to daylight savings time, I don't really have a lot of pep and energy right now. Maybe it'll be better after som sleep. Maybe it would have been better if I had never gone to Ripon. Maybe I really don't belong here like I thought I did. Maybe I was lying to and convincing myself of that too just like I do most other things.
For the first time since we broke up, I felt like I was ready to move on with someone who I felt a real attraction to. Someone who after weeks of analyzing my feelings I found that I really did like. And for the past week I've been convincing myself, like I often do, that he liked me back or at least had some sort of feelings for me. I'm really good at lying to myself. I knew deep down that it was all in vain but I tried anyway. I put myself on the line and came clean.
And now--- even though I know there's no chance, and I know emotions are on the table that doesn't make it better or easier. It makes it just as hard as ever because I know that he doesn't feel the same and now we just go back to not talking about things and again pretending like everything is ok. Why do we play these games? In my moment of vulnerability right now, I share this with you all. In case you haven't figured out what really lies behind my sassy tough unromantic exterior yet. I want to settle down. I want to find someone to love. I want to date. I don't want to be single. The brash attitude comes from my cynicism from seeing that I probably won't find that. I'm not the dateable type of person.
I'm done with that. I don't want to talk about it much anymore. I want to go to bed and take a nap. Even with the extra hours of sleep due to daylight savings time, I don't really have a lot of pep and energy right now. Maybe it'll be better after som sleep. Maybe it would have been better if I had never gone to Ripon. Maybe I really don't belong here like I thought I did. Maybe I was lying to and convincing myself of that too just like I do most other things.