(Untitled)

[wotrednuloot]

he pulled into a small parking lot, turned off the car, packed a small bowl, and smoked it. moments later he was back on the road, driving west towards the freeway he took home. the driver side window was down, and music was playing, he drove with one hand while the other dangles a cigarette out the window. one head light is out, and the roof liner

Comments

[pixiekitten]

it's a very good start, you might want to clean up the tenses before you do anything else, unless it serves a purpose.

[wotrednuloot]

ya, my bane. i've always mixed tenses, for some reason i get lost as i'm writing. almost everything i write is in the past tense, but then since i'm thinking it i begin to put in present. ugh

anyway... how can i write it with out abusing comas, or are they appropriate here?

[pixiekitten]

there are a couple places they could be removed. Periods or semicolons would work nicely.