Comments | woundedhealer: The Green-Eyed Monster

woundedhealer

The Green-Eyed Monster

May 16, 2003 09:24

Jealousy for me is like a sickness. I think it lies dormant in me for a while. In certain relationships, I tell myself that I can handle the reality that I don't posses any one person. They're not mine. I'm not their #1 priority and that's okay. No ... it SHOULD be okay; however, more often than not, my need for possession and my need to be of ( Read more... )

Comments 6

luloubelle May 16 2003, 07:16:09 UTC

It's funny that you mention Leo's need for attention and praise... I was just reading about Leo's last night... it's true. I don't know you that well, yet, but I KNOW we share a lot of similar views toward ourselves and how certain "unhealthy behaviors" that you're aware of are also unavoidable... like an addiction. I love the way I love myself, too, sometimes, and I crave to get to the point again and again. I think of it was my overblow sense of self, and such low-esteem for everyone around me. I think the inflated ego has become a defense mechanism in and of itself to combat that internal hatred I feel so often (maybe internalized homophobia or something like that). Most of the time I really like myself -- I struggle with thinking everyone else must hate me.

woundedhealer May 16 2003, 16:22:54 UTC

Low self-esteem, internal hatred ... yea. I believe I should be loved, but I'm also not sure if everyone else agrees with that ... I need them to show me. Thats the low self-esteem bit. I think the internal hatred, self-rejection bit comes from learning. I really don't think I was born with that condition.

woundedhealer May 16 2003, 16:24:09 UTC

learning = social learning ... I keep forgeting that we all don't know the same vocabulary

and furthermore... luloubelle May 16 2003, 07:24:34 UTC

I used to SWEAR I was not a jealous person... not under any circumstances would I ever be jealous of someone I was with because I understand how people can develop crushes and whatnot. The problem is that when it actually happened to ME and I was the one who was in the relationship with someone who developed feelings for someone else, I was devestated and had my first real experiences with the Jealousy Monster. Not Pretty, and definitely an issue I have that I need to address... once I learn more about it. It's all steeped in insecurity, and I really believe it's a waste of time to be jealous... however, it's sticky like syrup, and hard to wash yourself clean of.

Low self-esteem and internal hatred yellawhim May 17 2003, 09:40:06 UTC

I always say about myself: I think I'm pretty great; I just don't know if everyone else feels that way.

I think that's what I'm reading both of you say as well. Are we a random sampling that suggests most people feel this way, or are these feelings just part of the commality that bonds us as friends?

Re: Low self-esteem and internal hatred woundedhealer May 18 2003, 11:21:34 UTC

Probably both - I think that a lot of people (I don't know if I'm at liberty to say "most" or "all") question their own worth and look for others to affirm it for them. This is a major problem/influence of depression actually. Those people with an external locus of self-evaluation are more likely to have depression than people that have an internal locus (this doesn't mean that all people with an external locus have depression ... but you see what this is getting at). By relying on other people to determine our worth, we're setting ourselves up for disappointment. I read or heard this quote somewhere ... something to the effect of, "no one will ever understand us to the extent that we desire to be understood." There is no one that can understand me as well as I do, and no matter how hard I try, I will not be completely satisfied with how others see me. Misunderstanding will always exist to some extent ... even between the most intimate of partners. However, all too often I search for external approval. I'm just glad that I ( ... )