Comments | woundkindatight: i'm about to break your fall

lastguardian in woundkindatight

i'm about to break your fall

Mar 27, 2005 11:18

I looked out the window as Sunnydale went away, as my life in Sunnydale turned into distant past, and I wished it had turned out a little bit differently. I mean, I knew that Xander was going to be upset with me and I knew that Willow would probably be quietly supportive, but I definitely didn't expect Giles to be... let's just say that I'd counted ( Read more... )

Comments 35

wickedslayer March 27 2005, 21:46:52 UTC

Angel and I hadn't said much since he brought up the whole Wes thing. Yeah, things were complicated. That was pretty much the understatement of the century. I almost tortured him to death, and I still wasn't sure if I was sorry about that or not. Now Wes and Cordelia had quit Team Angel because I was back on the scene. Cordy got visions, which meant we were gonna have to stalk them practically. Thought I'd already done enough stalking for one lifetime. Following Angel and B around, now I was gonna have to follow around my ex-watcher and Sunnydale High's own prom queen ( ... )

lastguardian March 27 2005, 22:00:02 UTC

I couldn't decide where to put my bags. Floor in front of the closet or floor in front of the bed? They both had their virtues. The bed won out as close would, theoretically, be hung in the closet eventually. I was rethinking my decision when I heard the door swing open.

I turned around and found myself face to face with Faith and Angel, and my jaw dropped. I snapped it shut, trying to at least pretend that Faith's presence hadn't shocked me completely -- unconvincingly trying to pretend that Angel had let me know what he was about to do.

Fuck.

What was she doing here? I mean, I knew that Angel and I had discussed the potential of Faith not being in prison, but that was yesterday and I didn't remember talking about actually getting her out. I glanced quickly at Angel, who looked all stoic and ... defiant? and then quickly shifted my gaze back to Faith.

"Out on parole?"

not_a_eunuch March 27 2005, 22:20:44 UTC

I said this would be easy. Obviously, I'd forgotten what living with two women was like. Looking from a glaring Buffy to a glaring Faith, I decided to step between them. Because I had a death wish, apparently.

"Buffy. We talked about my plans to get Faith out of jail, remember?"

The look Buffy shot me should have turned me to dust on the spot. I looked over at Faith who arched an eyebrow at me. Maybe it would be easier to talk to Faith. It couldn't go worse than trying to reason with a pissed off Buffy Summers. Turning to look at Faith, but making sure I could still see if Buffy decided to kick me into the nearest wall, I smiled gently at Faith.

"Buffy is just a little shocked that I was able to arrange your release so quickly. I'm sure once you both get settled, things will be fine."

I really wished a big slimy demon could attack and distract us from this conversation. Maybe a portal could open up and swallow me. I bet a hell dimension was nice this time of year.

wickedslayer March 27 2005, 22:27:23 UTC

Parole? What the fuck? See! I knew he was lyin' to me! Just when you try and trust someone they had to stomp all over it with their big stupid vampire shoes. And I was pissed at me, cause the entire time I knew he was lyin' to me and I bought into it anyway. That was how desperation worked, ya know? Willing to believe anything after awhile and I so badly wanted to believe in Angel.

Then just when I thought the situation couldn't get any worse? Angel decided to step in the middle, and speak for both of us. Fine. Fine? Things were NEVER gonna be fine. I was never gonna be fine. This whole idea was stupid and completely fucked and there was no way in hell I could live with these two. No way in hell they could live with me ( ... )

Thread 11

not_a_eunuch March 28 2005, 06:07:19 UTC

At least they were making progress, but things were far from ok. I'd been fooling myself to think that my optimism would be contagious. Hell, who was I to interfere here? I'd walked out on Buffy and left her because I thought I was protecting her ( ... )

prodigal_slayer March 28 2005, 06:34:51 UTC

It seemed like we were at a draw here or something. B lookin' everywhere but at me directly, Angel tryin' desperately to make it okay. But there was one thing struck me as different.

"I'm sorry."

There it was, just that easy. After all that time of just wantin'....maybe I did want something like that. An apology from Buffy, some little sign that yeah she could fuck up sometimes. She didnt' always know the answers, she was still human even if she was slayer number one.

Besides I didn't think anyone really gave a shit about me anyway. Then there they were right in a row. Like dominoes. Two I'm sorrys, one out of eachother of them.

I thought I couldn't, I thought I wasn't. Except I was. Was so very sorry, but by the time I'd thought to be sorry it was too late. So I just kept graspin' at straws, tryin' desperately to keep my feet from slippin' out from under me. Then it was too late. Nothin' I could do to make it right. How could I ever make it right?

lastguardian March 30 2005, 17:46:17 UTC

Angel's apologizing, Faith's apologizing, and I'm mostly just sorry that I left Sunnydale to be part of all this awkwardness. If they think that I'm going to apologize, that I'm going to join them in their little quest for redemption, they're wrong. What do I have to be redeemed for?

Well, there is that little matter of stabbing Faith in the gut, but she had it coming and she knew it."Yeah ( ... )

not_a_eunuch March 30 2005, 20:28:17 UTC

Faith apologized and I couldn't help but feel a little bit proud of her. I wasn't fooling myself into thinking this made everything better, but she couldn't apologize for anything before. This was a big step for her. She was making progress.

Buffy kept saying yeah, and I was pretty sure she was lost in her own thoughts. Probably processing everything that had gone down and figuring out how she would deal with it. No one was making a move toward the door, so that was progress too.

It was a sad day when I turned out to be the optimist in the group. I was a well practiced cynic. Looking from Buffy to Faith, I wasn't sure what to say. Wasn't sure there was anything that could be said. At least anything from me.

"So..."

I shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. No one was talking. We were just looking at each other, squeezing in the occasional look of remorse versus the occasional glare.

"Anyone want something to drink? I have a bottle of whiskey."

When in doubt, bring out the liquor.

Thread 14

not_a_eunuch June 26 2005, 21:05:23 UTC

"I tried to kill you and your friends." I said, looking directly at Buffy. No, I probably didn't need to remind her about that, but if we were going to point fingers at who hurt Buffy more, then I win hands down. "You were willing to give me a second chance ( ... )

lastguardian June 28 2005, 13:34:49 UTC

"Yeah, but I killed you first," I answer tightly, and glance back at Faith. I feel a little guilty for having this argument in front of her, but maybe if she hadn't stolen my body and had sex with my boyfriend, I wouldn't be such a bitch right now.

And really, I don't appreciate the way he's talking to me like I'm twelve years old. Even if he is wicked old in comparison to... dirt. "Yes." I know that I'm being a stubborn brat, but I don't care. After the things that Faith's put me through I think I'm entitled. "When else is she going to steal it?"

I glare at Angel -- really, Faith is way secondary right now. Angel's supposed to love me. He's supposed to care about me. How dare he take her side?

wickedslayer June 29 2005, 20:03:15 UTC

I had to take a deep shaky breath as the two of them went back to pretending I wasn't in the room. Was this what it was gonna be like all the time? Try so hard to be fucking noticed and all they see is eachother. Kinda pissed a girl off, and hey gettin' all rage cage chick again wasn't gonna help me if I wanted to pull off this whole redemption thing Soul Boy was always on about. Just pissed me off that she couldn't see it ( ... )

not_a_eunuch June 29 2005, 20:16:52 UTC

The girls were turning on each other and I wasn't sure if stepping between them was a good idea. Maybe they needed to fight this out once and for all so we could start fresh. Or maybe I was just an idiot who honestly thought we had a chance at making things work here ( ... )

Thread 10