fic: I Hate You
i hate you
lindsey perry hates his mother
jeff/britta
a/n: Special thanks to jdphoenix for prompting this and getting me out of my slump.
“I hate you,” Lindsey said. His voice held as much venom as his five-year-old vocal cords could muster but it did little to gain his mother’s attention. He frowned and banged his spoon against his bowl, causing oatmeal to splatter across the table. “Moooom! I said I hate you!”
Britta, attention finally won, looked up at her son and immediately scowled when she saw the state of his face. She tossed a paper napkin his way, gestured for him to wipe his cheeks clean, and turned back to her netbook.
“Why do you hate me?” she asked absently, backspacing over her last sentence as she reached for her notes. She discovered that they had been in the path of Lindsey’s flying breakfast cereal and almost groaned aloud.
“Daddy said,” began the boy, and this time she did groan. Whatever it was, she knew it couldn’t be good. “If I went to school yesterday, I wouldn’t have to go today. You made me get up this morning and get dressed and eat icky oatmeal-” He paused to poke discontentedly at the oatmeal left in the bowl with his spoon. “-but Daddy said!”
Britta’s eyes widened momentarily and she made a mental note to smack her husband across the face the next opportunity she got. She hesitated a moment and then closed the netbook. She folded her hands together on the tabletop and smiled sweetly at her son.
“Did Daddy negotiate this with you?” she asked, using her Shirley voice.
Lindsey’s face clouded with confusion. The Shirley voice meant someone was in trouble, but they didn’t know it yet. Aside from Cordelia, who was sleeping in her high chair with a chubby fist still curled around a forgotten Cheerio, he was the only person in the kitchen with his mother. She could see the gears turning in his head and knew that, young as he was, the boy was weighing in his mind whether it was worth it to lie.
He made the right decision and nodded.
“What was the deal Daddy made with you?” she said. “I want it exactly, just the way he said it.” The specification was one she’d made before-she knew that Jeff would have made sure he memorized the exact wording.
“Daddy said if I went to kindergarten yesterday he wouldn’t make me go today,” Lindsey recited proudly, for a moment forgetting that he was mad at his mother. She smirked at the revelation but quickly hid her expression behind another Shirley smile.
“So, Daddy said he wouldn’t make you go to school today, right?” she asked. Lindsey nodded happily, having forgotten that she was using the Shirley voice. “But he didn’t say anything about me making you go to school, did he?”
The smile slid off his face immediately.
“So maybe it should be Daddy you’re mad at,” she suggested. She opened her netbook again and carefully wiped the oatmeal from her notes, satisfied that she’d done her job as a mother for the morning.
Not five minutes later, Jeff came into the kitchen adjusting the cuffs of his jacket. Before he even had the chance to lean over and give Britta a kiss, a glob of oatmeal had flown across the room and landed on his tie.
“I hate you, Daddy!” Lindsey cried.
lindsey perry hates his mother
jeff/britta
a/n: Special thanks to jdphoenix for prompting this and getting me out of my slump.
“I hate you,” Lindsey said. His voice held as much venom as his five-year-old vocal cords could muster but it did little to gain his mother’s attention. He frowned and banged his spoon against his bowl, causing oatmeal to splatter across the table. “Moooom! I said I hate you!”
Britta, attention finally won, looked up at her son and immediately scowled when she saw the state of his face. She tossed a paper napkin his way, gestured for him to wipe his cheeks clean, and turned back to her netbook.
“Why do you hate me?” she asked absently, backspacing over her last sentence as she reached for her notes. She discovered that they had been in the path of Lindsey’s flying breakfast cereal and almost groaned aloud.
“Daddy said,” began the boy, and this time she did groan. Whatever it was, she knew it couldn’t be good. “If I went to school yesterday, I wouldn’t have to go today. You made me get up this morning and get dressed and eat icky oatmeal-” He paused to poke discontentedly at the oatmeal left in the bowl with his spoon. “-but Daddy said!”
Britta’s eyes widened momentarily and she made a mental note to smack her husband across the face the next opportunity she got. She hesitated a moment and then closed the netbook. She folded her hands together on the tabletop and smiled sweetly at her son.
“Did Daddy negotiate this with you?” she asked, using her Shirley voice.
Lindsey’s face clouded with confusion. The Shirley voice meant someone was in trouble, but they didn’t know it yet. Aside from Cordelia, who was sleeping in her high chair with a chubby fist still curled around a forgotten Cheerio, he was the only person in the kitchen with his mother. She could see the gears turning in his head and knew that, young as he was, the boy was weighing in his mind whether it was worth it to lie.
He made the right decision and nodded.
“What was the deal Daddy made with you?” she said. “I want it exactly, just the way he said it.” The specification was one she’d made before-she knew that Jeff would have made sure he memorized the exact wording.
“Daddy said if I went to kindergarten yesterday he wouldn’t make me go today,” Lindsey recited proudly, for a moment forgetting that he was mad at his mother. She smirked at the revelation but quickly hid her expression behind another Shirley smile.
“So, Daddy said he wouldn’t make you go to school today, right?” she asked. Lindsey nodded happily, having forgotten that she was using the Shirley voice. “But he didn’t say anything about me making you go to school, did he?”
The smile slid off his face immediately.
“So maybe it should be Daddy you’re mad at,” she suggested. She opened her netbook again and carefully wiped the oatmeal from her notes, satisfied that she’d done her job as a mother for the morning.
Not five minutes later, Jeff came into the kitchen adjusting the cuffs of his jacket. Before he even had the chance to lean over and give Britta a kiss, a glob of oatmeal had flown across the room and landed on his tie.
“I hate you, Daddy!” Lindsey cried.