I really like number five from Iruka's part; adding the Third was definitely a nice touch. (:
And I think you wrote Sai pretty well, with his logical way of thinking actions through and attempts at understanding people. Number seven was awesome, by the way; I like the whole 'he didn't want to upset the kids' thing.
--and here we go, the other part of the critique. :D
I've already pointed out the things that I enjoyed (which was really the entire fic, to be honest), but there are two things that I think could be improved on.
One is your use of pronouns. While "he" is invisible and fine to use, in some cases (Iruka's fact/truth two, for example) it becomes confusing as to which 'he' you're talking about.
The other thing is that you occasionally mix tenses (Iruka's number eight comes to mind), and past is with present or vice versa. For me, reading a story aloud helps catch these kind of mistakes, so that could be a possible way to fix the tense issue.
And once again, I really enjoyed all of this, so well done! :)
And I think you wrote Sai pretty well, with his logical way of thinking actions through and attempts at understanding people. Number seven was awesome, by the way; I like the whole 'he didn't want to upset the kids' thing.
Well done! :)
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I've already pointed out the things that I enjoyed (which was really the entire fic, to be honest), but there are two things that I think could be improved on.
One is your use of pronouns. While "he" is invisible and fine to use, in some cases (Iruka's fact/truth two, for example) it becomes confusing as to which 'he' you're talking about.
The other thing is that you occasionally mix tenses (Iruka's number eight comes to mind), and past is with present or vice versa. For me, reading a story aloud helps catch these kind of mistakes, so that could be a possible way to fix the tense issue.
And once again, I really enjoyed all of this, so well done! :)
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