Comments | write_and_run: Prompt #4: The Phoenix Didn't Rise

lightrobber in write_and_run

Prompt #4: The Phoenix Didn't Rise

Jul 24, 2011 00:05

Title: The Phoenix Didn't Rise
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 929
Characters: Yuni, Gamma, Byakuran.
Pairings: none
Warnings: worksafe, if you can read non-hardcore gore at work.
A/N: I ended up abandoning my initial Xanxus-centric idea in favour of Yuni. I'm glad I did.

( This is the darkest hour of the Giglio Nero family. )

user: lightrobber, prompt #4, character: gamma, character: byakuran, character: uni

Comments 3

i hope you don't mind that i don't allocate points! pomeqranate July 23 2011, 21:50:03 UTC

character interpretation: yuni's solid. from the way she moves to what she thinks (and, of course, her actions), you don't miss a beat. i like how you've contrasted such a sincerely good character with such a horrific setting; even the style you used fits yuni in this situation, i think.

grammar/spelling: perfect!

story flow: talked about this a little two seconds ago, but -- solid, too! though i feel as if the section where yuni runs into the skull and the ending could've both been a little more emotive, your initial description of her was so good. the image of her tears cleaning her face was really powerful, at least for me.

prompt usage: excellent reinterpretation of canon; i wondered where you were going with it at the beginning, but the reveal at the end was awesome.

originality: definitely lies in how you've characterized yuni, i think. though this is the first fic i've read that focuses on her, i now... want to read more, haha.

bonus: yuni. ♥

exiguities July 25 2011, 05:21:40 UTC

It's been a long while since I've read a very well-written fic about Uni, particularly with her POV. This was a refreshing read, indeed, and very well done as well. It's like what pomeqranate said -- your interpretation and your writing is really solid. I can clearly see the image you've written in my mind, and it's so horrible and beautiful at the same time. And, oh, my heart goes to Uni, really :(

Wonderful job. ♥

100paperfans August 7 2011, 04:12:04 UTC

A very dark take on the prompt and a well done one too! It was amazing how well you brought to life Uni's character and it gave the story that solid foundation mentioned by both the other reviewers I see. That last line really brings everything home, how Gamma doesn't understand what she sees and never will, but she is still doing what she thinks is best and you capture that beautifully from her point of view.

Thank you for entering with this story, great character choice. Good luck!