Whaddya think?

[miszlovely]

Comments

[never_bitter]

I really like how you created a complete mental picture of this dysfunctional family, horrible parents, adorable kid, and devoted sister, without saying "I have a dysfunctional family.." etc. You make us want to punch the mother, hard, and sweep the kid and Raven away to a better home. You made me fall in love with the kid, and I don't even like kids too much any more. Good story

[miszlovely]

thank you, i posted up the second chapter in this community if you're interested :]

[somerled]

There is a lot of the narrator just talking, at the expense of action. Stories need more than characters telling the reader what they think and observe, they need to keep us in suspense.

[miszlovely]

i know what you mean and i felt it as i was typing it, but it gets better as the story goes along. im up to the seventh chapter, and posted up the second one just now