How do you feel about this? Just wondering. I'm not a poet or anything.

[daisy_adair]

Nature Within My Mind
Forever’s kept promise beyond the deepest of oceans, translucent by nature, the darkest of headaches Run between my best wish and I

My terror, my trouble, my constant With the mystery of its driving force, I swim for angels, under pressure And light sheds upon my waters Salty tears begin where the last ones dried  

Comments

[cimeara]

Why do you say you aren't "a poet or anything"? Because you aren't published? because you haven't studied it? because you haven't had critical acclaim? You may not be an official sort of formal poet, but you're certainly a writer, both because you write and because you care enough about what you write to open yourself to others' opinions.

Because I'm old and somewhat conventional, I'm going to split your lines by capitalization because to me that says where to break for breath and understanding:

Forever's kept promise beyond the deepest of oceans, translucent by nature, the darkest of headaches
Run between my best wish and I

My terror, my trouble, my constant
With the mystery of its driving force, I swim for angels, under pressure
And light sheds upon my waters
Salty tears begin where the last ones driedI like it. I love the imagery evoked in the first section. Translucency and darkness of oceans and headaches: of course! yes! they're both just like that! and running between "my best wish" of what you want to do, of how you

[renka23]

I just want to say I think you did a truly good job critiquing her work. :)

You may not be an official sort of formal poet, but you're certainly a writer, both because you write and because you care enough about what you write to open yourself to others' opinions.

I admire and love that idea.