drawn up en pointe in his brilliant black peltry a penumbra for the ruff that curls around his shining face the sparkling water against the darkness delights his eyes a pair of green jewels phosphorous and vespertine
I love the imagery you're trying to convey here. I like how you used 'penumbra' in relevance to the vision that is the sorcerer and his aura. (I don't think that makes enough sense; this is actually my first time posting/commenting in the community.)
Anyway, I'd love to see you continue this poem some more. Also, I have to say that the omission of punctuation and capitals, to me, did have the effect you've wanted -- focus on the words.
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Anyway, I'd love to see you continue this poem some more. Also, I have to say that the omission of punctuation and capitals, to me, did have the effect you've wanted -- focus on the words.
:)
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