[Week 1: Getting to know the characters]

[80x18]

 

Comments

[cosmosduvet]

I really liked how you implied Naruto in the Iruka-part. And the Sai-part was nice, too! I loved number eight :D

[80x18]

Thank you! :D Naruto is too important to Iruka not to mention him!

[downonfire]

I really like number five from Iruka's part; adding the Third was definitely a nice touch. (:

And I think you wrote Sai pretty well, with his logical way of thinking actions through and attempts at understanding people. Number seven was awesome, by the way; I like the whole 'he didn't want to upset the kids' thing.

Well done! :)

[downonfire]

--and here we go, the other part of the critique. :D

I've already pointed out the things that I enjoyed (which was really the entire fic, to be honest), but there are two things that I think could be improved on.

One is your use of pronouns. While "he" is invisible and fine to use, in some cases (Iruka's fact/truth two, for example) it becomes confusing as to which 'he' you're talking about.

The other thing is that you occasionally mix tenses (Iruka's number eight comes to mind), and past is with present or vice versa. For me, reading a story aloud helps catch these kind of mistakes, so that could be a possible way to fix the tense issue.

And once again, I really enjoyed all of this, so well done! :)

[80x18]

ffff. Since I'm the writer, I know which "he" I'm referring to. Doh. I will definitely watch out for that. Thank you!

[tharrow]

I love both of the characters parts and I found Sai's qiute humorous but incharacter.

[80x18]

Thanks! :D Sai is hard to write though. ^.^;

Newsletter Volume #893 for Friday April 29, 2011!

[pingback_bot]

User skylar_inari referenced to your post from Newsletter Volume #893 for Friday April 29, 2011! saying: [...] @ : [Week 1] "Getting to know the characters" [...]