This is a really thoughtful story and I love your characterisation of the Sorrow, but I was often tripped up by pronoun problems. I checked your profile and figured that English isn't your first language? Your writing's great in terms of description and atmosphere, but I think you should go over this story and make sure all the Boss's pronouns are she/her/hers.
The pronouns are intentional, though. It's mostly based on headcanon, but the Boss -- at least in the beginning -- doesn't want them to know she's a lass, and since it's written from the point of view of the Sorrow, I wrote the masculine to show that he didn't know.
OKAY NO WONDER I WAS CONFUSED. It seemed like a weird mistake as everything else about your language use was so good. I did wonder if it was an AU male Boss at first but then you did use 'her' sometimes and I was SUPER CONFUSED.
In principle I think that's an interesting premise for Cobra interaction (I can't wait til she gets pregnant...) but because you didn't do anything in the story to set it up, it really didn't work for me at all - it was just confusing. I bet there would be a way for you to establish the concept in the text, even from the Sorrow's POV, but I think just seguing into it without any setup was a storytelling mistake. You might want to add an explanatory note to the header to avert more confusebrain and misplaced crit.
Oh, okay! I'll read it over again and edit it a little bit; there might be some grammatical mistakes I didn't catch, though I did take your advice and explain it in the 'notes' section.
I agree, though - it would've read much better if it was set up in the text.
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The pronouns are intentional, though. It's mostly based on headcanon, but the Boss -- at least in the beginning -- doesn't want them to know she's a lass, and since it's written from the point of view of the Sorrow, I wrote the masculine to show that he didn't know.
Thank you for your kind words, though!
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In principle I think that's an interesting premise for Cobra interaction (I can't wait til she gets pregnant...) but because you didn't do anything in the story to set it up, it really didn't work for me at all - it was just confusing. I bet there would be a way for you to establish the concept in the text, even from the Sorrow's POV, but I think just seguing into it without any setup was a storytelling mistake. You might want to add an explanatory note to the header to avert more confusebrain and misplaced crit.
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I agree, though - it would've read much better if it was set up in the text.
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