Comments | writeaholic707: Chapter one COMMENT PLEASE!! (it's supposed to be short)

writeaholic707

Chapter one COMMENT PLEASE!! (it's supposed to be short)

Mar 13, 2005 15:54

A searing heat traveled through her entire body, every muscle went numb. Her heart stopped, her breath ceased. She could hear him shouting her name yet his voice sounded as if they were under water; dull and hallow. He stood over her, eyes full of distress and agony. Her hand went to her chest it was warm and wet. Pulling it away she gasped with ( Read more... )

Comments 7

AWESOME! anonymous March 13 2005, 21:52:46 UTC

It's me

corporatek March 13 2005, 21:54:52 UTC

Ahhhh!
More! I want more!

That's so amazing.
You are too! Love you darling.

writeaholic707 March 13 2005, 22:22:05 UTC

Thanks... love you too <3

Hmm, good good anonymous March 14 2005, 02:00:02 UTC

Its pretty good so far, just add some content to it so I can tell why she is suffering and such. I like the amount of detail, it brings suspense causing the reader to want to read on. Keep up the good work

~Jon Owen

Re: Hmm, good good writeaholic707 March 14 2005, 02:53:34 UTC

the thing about my book is that it starts at the end of her life so i'm going to end there and you know how people say that when you die your life flashes before your eyes well thats why I wrote at the end "she closed her eyes and watched it all fly by" and i didin't reveal why she was suffering because that is revealed at the end of the story

Re: Hmm, good good anonymous March 14 2005, 02:55:59 UTC

Oh well you gave away the ending in the beging :P lol

Wow lilloads March 15 2005, 01:06:24 UTC

RAH! It's amazing! I love it, love it, love it so so so much! Gimme more, as in now please