Fic: Fractured Hearts
Title/Chapter: Fractured Hearts (01/?)
Author: Amanda / writefiction
Pairing: Taylor Hanson / OFC (Libby Hanson)
Rating: PG-13
Notes: written for the Don’t Judge a Book… challenge
Other Notes: AU, no Natalie or kids had with her
Warning: fatal childhood illness, character death, mild violence
Word Count: 1,552
Master Post
Summary: Libby and Taylor Hanson have only a year left with their two year old daughter, Lily, who was diagnosed with a fatal cancer. When she finally succumbs to her illness the couple is heartbroken and their marriage begins to fall apart at the seams. Will they be able to fix their fractured hearts, or will they be destined for divorce?
CHAPTER ONE
In the end, Lily only lived six short months and to say it was devastating to her parents would be an understatement. They went through all the preparations for her wake and funeral on autopilot; their eyes red but there was never a tear shed in public. At the services the pair seemed completely numb, tears falling occasionally, but there were no emotional outbursts from them. Their families worried that they were still in shock over Lily’s death; that they weren’t grieving as they should be. Little did anyone know, Taylor and Libby were living in their own little Hell…
# # #
Taylor ducked as Libby threw a hard cover book at his head; it missed by just an inch. “It’s all your fault!” she shouted.
“All my fault?! How is it my fault?!” Taylor yelled. They were having yet another fight about Lily’s death.
“You wouldn’t agree to treatment!” Libby exclaimed. “If we had just had her do the chemo she might still be alive!” She threw another book at her husband.
Taylor dodged this one too. “Are you insane?! Stop throwing things at me!” He sidestepped another book and caught the pillow that was thrown seconds later. “The chemo would have killed her faster!” He yelled. “We got six good months out of her! And she was only truly miserable for two weeks! That is so much better than what would have happened had she done the chemo!”
“I don’t care what you think! You killed our baby!”
Taylor’s eyes went wide in shock. For all the fights they’d had since Lily had died, not once had Libby accused him of actually killing their child. It hurt to hear his wife say those words; almost as much as it had hurt to lose their baby.
Apparently Libby knew how wrong it was for her to even utter those words because once they had passed her lips, her jaw dropped, eyes wide as saucers. “Oh my god,” she murmured. “Tay, I’m so sorry.”
“Is that how you really feel?” Taylor asked, his shoulders slumped as all the fight suddenly left him.
Libby looked down at her bare feet. “Sometimes,” she whispered.
“It wasn’t just my choice not to do the chemo,” Taylor reminded her. “You agreed to it too.”
“I know,” Libby said softly.
“So why is it my fault?” Libby shrugged to which Taylor made some sort of strangled noise in his throat. “I can’t believe you,” he whispered, his blue eyes filled with burning hot tears. “I can’t believe you’d pin this on me. It was no one’s fault, Libby. We knew she was going to die from the very beginning and there was nothing the doctors could do. We both knew that, yet you still blame me.”
Tears ran down both their faces, both heartbroken. Libby, because she couldn’t take back what she had said even if at times that’s how she felt. And Taylor, because he didn’t know his wife hated him so much.
“I’m sorry, Taylor,” Libby whispered.
“Do you love me?” Taylor asked.
Libby whipped her head up, her gaze falling on Taylor. “What?” she questioned, thinking she hadn’t heard him right.
“Do you still love me?” he asked slowly.
“Why would you ask such a question?” Libby wanted to know.
“If you can accuse me of killing our baby, I don’t see how you can still love me,” Taylor explained.
“Tay, it’s not even like that,” Libby said. Taylor shook his head sadly and crossed the room to the door. “Where are you going?”
With his hand on the knob of their bedroom door Taylor murmured, “I can’t look at you right now, let alone be in the same house.”
“When are you coming back?” Libby asked, tears building up in her eyes.
“I don’t know,” Taylor whispered then exited the room, closing the door behind him softly. Libby sank to the floor, hugged her knees to her chest and cried into them not knowing what else to do.
# # #
Taylor drove and drove until he pulled into the driveway of a blue house. When he looked up he noticed it was his younger brother’s house. He sniffled and shut his car off before climbing from the driver’s seat. Then he slowly made his way to the side door and let himself in, calling out to whoever was home.
Zac came around the corner with a smile on his face, but it immediately turned into a frown when he saw the look on his brother’s face. “Tay, what’s wrong?” he asked as he moved closer to the older Hanson. Taylor could only step up to Zac and drop his head onto his brother’s shoulder, tears falling unchecked onto the younger man’s shirt. “Tay?” Zac questioned.
“Libby and I… we got into one of our fights,” Taylor sobbed. “B-but this time… this time she said that it was my fault… that I killed Lily.”
“Oh god, Taylor,” Zac murmured and hugged his brother closer. “I’m sure she didn’t mean it. She’s just grieving.”
Taylor shook his head. “No, Zac, she said that she really feels that way sometimes.” He sniffed and added, “I didn’t know she hated me.”
Zac pulled back and held his older brother at arm’s length. “She doesn’t hate you,” he said firmly, looking into Taylor’s eyes. “She’s grieving and needs someone to blame. You’re an easy target for her. I know she doesn’t really feel that way. If she was thinking clearly and not so overwhelmed with the loss of Lily, she would know that it’s not your fault. She would never accuse you of that if her mind was in the right place.”
“I don’t know,” Taylor murmured looking down at his sneakers. “I just…” He looked up at Zac. “Can I stay here for a little while?”
“Of course, Tay,” Zac answered as he pulled Taylor into another hug and squeezed him tightly.
Zac led his brother into the living room and sat him down on the couch. “Do you want some coffee or anything? Tea, soda?”
Taylor nodded. “Coffee sounds good.” Zac squeezed Taylor’s shoulder and made his way back to the kitchen.
Taylor slumped against the back of the couch and closed his eyes, tears dripping down his face that he didn’t bother to wipe away. He sat there, his mind whirling with memories of the last six weeks, trying to pinpoint when Libby had started to hate him. Maybe she had started having those feelings before their baby had died; maybe it was the moment they agreed to let Lily die in peace. He honestly didn’t know.
A moment later he smelled coffee and felt his brother sit down next to him on the couch. Taylor opened his eyes and gave Zac a weak smile as he gratefully took the steaming mug. “Thanks,” he murmured.
“No problem,” Zac replied, picking up his own mug from the coffee table and taking a sip. “So what’s been going on? You said that you got into one of your fights. I take it that you’ve been fighting a lot?”
Taylor nodded as he swallowed a mouthful of the hot liquid. “We fight constantly,” he explained. “I just… I don’t know when it got so bad. It’s like… before Lily became bedridden, things were fine. We were all happy and spending her last moments as a family having fun. Then she was too sick to get out of bed anymore and we knew it was close; that we were going to lose her at any moment.” He shook his head. “As soon as everyone left us and it was just the two of us, we started fighting like cats and dogs. It’s just… it’s been so horrible and I don’t know how to fix it.”
“You can’t,” Zac said simply.
Taylor frowned. “What does that mean?”
“It means that it’s only been six weeks since your daughter died and the two of you are grieving. There’s nothing you can do to fix it. You just need to go through it; you need to heal,” Zac explained.
“I love her,” Taylor stated. “I love her and it’s killing me to see her this way; especially when I can’t help her, especially when I’m going through the same thing.” He looked down into his coffee and shook his head. “I love her and she hates me.”
Zac sighed and placed a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “I told you, Tay,” he said. “She doesn’t hate you. She’s grieving. You feel lost and helpless, right?” Taylor bobbed his head in agreement. “She feels exactly the same way. And she’s obviously angry, something I know you understand too.”
Taylor nodded again. “I do understand,” he replied. “I probably understand better than anyone else, yet she just blames me for it instead of letting me take care of her.”
“Anger is part of the process,” Zac told his brother. “She’ll come around and fall into your arms again.”
Taylor licked his dry lips and whispered, “What if she doesn’t?” It was obvious by the look on Zac’s face that he didn’t have an answer for his brother and that scared Taylor more than anything. Zac was the practical one out of the three oldest Hanson’s and when he didn’t have a logical explanation, Taylor knew it wasn’t good.
# # #
TBC: chapter two