Fic: Fractured Hearts
Title/Chapter: Fractured Hearts (06/07)
Author: Amanda / writefiction
Pairing: Taylor Hanson / OFC (Libby Hanson)
Rating: G
Notes: written for the Don’t Judge a Book… challenge
Other Notes: AU, no Natalie or kids had with her
Warning: none
Word Count: 2,114
Master Post
Summary: Libby and Taylor Hanson have only a year left with their two year old daughter, Lily, who was diagnosed with a fatal cancer. When she finally succumbs to her illness the couple is heartbroken and their marriage begins to fall apart at the seams. Will they be able to fix their fractured hearts, or will they be destined for divorce?
CHAPTER SIX
Libby and Taylor Hanson had been seeing their grief counselor Heidi once a week, sometimes twice, for about three months when Libby surprised Heidi, and Taylor, with something she said as soon as they were seated. “I don’t think we need to see you anymore,” she stated.
Taylor looked at his wife with wide eyes as Heidi asked, “What makes you say that?”
Libby folded her hands in her lap and answered, “Well, maybe I shouldn’t say that for Taylor because I don’t know how he feels about it. But for me, I think I’m ready to handle my grief on my own. And I feel that, in the case of my marriage, my heart is okay again. I mean, I don’t think it’ll ever truly feel right after losing Lily, but where it concerns Taylor… I feel healed.”
Taylor smiled and reached over to tuck a strand of Libby’s dark hair behind her ear. “You do?”
Libby nodded as she clasped Taylor’s hand with her own. “Yeah, Tay, I feel good about us again and I don’t blame you. Not one bit. I always knew it wasn’t your fault, I just… I was angry and it was easy to put the blame on you. But like you’ve said, it was no one’s fault. We were just dealt a bad hand.”
Taylor moved closer and hugged his wife. “Thank you,” he murmured. “That really means a lot to hear you say.”
Libby pulled back and said, “I’ve accepted the fact that there was nothing we could’ve done, that what we did was the right thing.” She looked over at Heidi. “I don’t feel depressed over Lily anymore. But I’m still sad and I don’t know when that’ll go away. But I don’t feel like I’m drowning anymore. That’s why I think I’m ready to deal with this on my own.”
Heidi nodded. “That’s very good, Libby. I’m glad you feel that way.”
Then Libby turned to Taylor. “Tay, I just want you to know, if you ever want to tell me about your first fiancée, I’d love to hear about her.”
Taylor’s jaw dropped and his eyes watered. “You would?” he asked.
Libby bobbed her head and replied, “I used to think I knew everything about you but I never knew about that part of your life and I want to know about her. I want to know about every second of your life, even her.”
Taylor hugged his wife again, tucked his face into her neck and let his tears drip onto her skin. “Thank you,” he whispered. “Maybe… maybe someday I’ll be able to tell you.”
“I’d like that,” Libby murmured, stroking Taylor’s hair gently. When she pulled away, she wiped at the tears on his face and smiled cautiously. “Are you okay?”
Taylor nodded. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just… I don’t know, it means a lot that you want to know about her.” He shrugged.
Suddenly Heidi spoke up. “Taylor, I’d like to know what happened with your first fiancée. Do you think you can tell me?”
Taylor nodded again as he wiped at his face. “I don’t know if I can tell you everything, but I can at least tell you what I’ve told Libby.” Heidi bobbed her head in agreement and gestured for him to continue. “Before I met Libby I was engaged. She um, she ended up getting cancer and went through round after round of chemotherapy. It was so hard to watch because with each round of treatment she got worse and in the end, she died because the chemo didn’t do anything for her.” He shrugged. “It still hurts a lot to talk about.”
“How did you move passed it?” Heidi asked.
Taylor smiled wistfully. “To be completely honest, I don’t think I could have moved on without Libby.”
“How so?”
“I met Libby two years after my fiancée died,” Taylor started to explain. “But before I met her I was a complete mess. I was just surviving, not really living. Everyone was so worried for me until one day I got out of bed and showered for the first time in over a month and went to Starbucks for some coffee. That’s where I met Libby. She made me feel good from the moment she smiled at me. It was like… like I was living in darkness and she shined this bright light on me and the more I got to know her, the more I fell in love with her and the more the pain went away.” He looked up at Heidi then. “If it weren’t for Libby, I don’t know where I’d be.”
“And you never knew he was going through this?” Heidi asked Libby.
Libby shook her head. “I had no clue. I mean, I kind of had this feeling that he wasn’t telling me everything, but I never questioned it because he came more and more out of his shell and he would smile more often and just… when I saw him at Starbucks that day, I knew there was something wrong and for the life of me, I couldn’t help going over to him. I mean, I knew who he was, I was a huge fan of the band, and maybe that’s why I felt such a pang of worry for him.” She shrugged her shoulders and continued, “I just wanted to make sure he was all right and we talked for hours and went through a lot of coffee and by the end of it…” She shook her head with a smile. “I was whipped.”
Heidi grinned. “That’s a nice story.” But then she got her serious therapist face on and said, “Taylor, do you think you’ve accepted the death of your first fiancée?”
Taylor furrowed his brow in confusion. “I’m not sure I know what you mean by that.”
“Well, you said it still hurts a lot to talk about. Do you think you moved on because you were ready, or because Libby was there?” Heidi asked.
Taylor’s cheeks flushed in anger. “Are you implying that I’ve been using Libby all these years?”
“No, not at all. I’m just wondering if meeting Libby forced you to move on or if you were really ready,” Heidi explained calmly.
But Taylor was still mad. “She didn’t force me to do anything and I don’t like what you’re implying. I think this session is over for today.”
“Okay, Taylor, if you’d like to cut this short, that’s fine. But I will expect to see you both back here next week. Same time, same place.”
Taylor didn’t respond. He just stood, grabbed his jacket and stormed from the room. Libby gave Heidi an apologetic smile and followed her husband out of the office and to the car. The two didn’t speak on the ride home and when they got to the house, Taylor immediately stomped off to the bedroom. Libby sighed and went after him. She found him pacing the length of the master bedroom. “Tay,” she said quietly.
Taylor glanced up at his wife but didn’t stop pacing, not until Libby stepped in his path and he had to stop in order to not run her over. He looked at her in exasperation but she just wound her arms around his neck and pulled him close. Taylor sighed as he wrapped his arms around her slim waist and buried his face in her neck. “Are you okay?” Libby asked quietly. Taylor only shrugged. “Talk to me, Tay,” she commanded gently. “Please?”
Taylor pulled away with a sigh and sank into the plush wing-back chair next to the window. Libby silently moved over to her husband and curled up in his lap. “I don’t like what she was implying,” Taylor spoke quietly as he wrapped his arms around Libby. “I’ve never used you and you didn’t force me to move on.”
“Are you sure about that?” Libby asked. “I mean, the part about me forcing you to move on? Do you think you would have at that point if you hadn’t met me?”
“I don’t know,” Taylor answered with a shake of his head. “And there’s no way of knowing now. I don’t see why it’s so important.”
“Maybe it’s important because of what just happened to us,” Libby murmured. “Maybe Heidi thinks the loss of your fiancée plays on the loss of Lily.” She moved her hand gently through Taylor’s hair and scratched lightly at his scalp.
Taylor sighed, closed his eyes and leaned into the gentle touch. “What if… what if I’m not completely over what happened to Kat?”
Libby’s hand hesitated in Taylor’s hair making him open his eyes and look at her, but her face was devoid of emotion. Libby started to stroke Taylor’s hair again and replied, “Well, are you?”
Taylor chewed his lower lip as he studied his wife’s face. He didn’t know if he should be completely honest with her right at this moment. She seemed like she wasn’t taking this talk very well. “We don’t have to talk about this,” he murmured.
Libby finally looked Taylor in the eye. “Why would you say that?”
“Because you’ve got your poker face on, which isn’t really a poker face since I know it means you’re trying to hide how you feel from me,” Taylor explained.
Libby frowned. “Sorry,” she muttered. “It’s just… what you said kind of scared me.” Taylor opened his mouth to say something but Libby stopped him. “No,” she said. “Don’t say anything just yet. It’s not just what you said about maybe not being over what happened. It’s also what Heidi said. What if I did force you to move on? I just… I don’t know, Tay.”
Taylor hugged his wife and rested his chin on her shoulder. “I don’t think you forced me per say. I think I kind of… ran from the emotions when I fell in love with you. I wanted all that pain to be over and you were making me feel good so I never wanted to speak of what happened to Kat ever again. It… it wasn’t you. It was completely me. I ran from what I had been feeling right into the arms of what I was beginning to feel.” He paused then, “Shit.”
Libby drew back enough to look at her husband. “What is it?” she asked.
“Maybe I was using you, I just didn’t know it.”
“Oh, Tay,” Libby murmured, stroking Taylor’s cheek. “Do you honestly believe that?”
Taylor shrugged and looked into her eyes. “Maybe.”
“I think maybe we’re not ready to give up therapy then,” Libby replied.
Taylor groaned as he let his head fall against the back of the chair. “And just when I was going to agree with you in our session today, Heidi had to dredge all this up.” He pouted as he lifted his head to look at his wife. “This sucks. I was ready to be done with therapy.”
Libby shot him an apologetic smile. “Sorry, babe.”
Taylor sighed. “It’s not your fault.” He rubbed her hip softly, losing himself in thought.
After a few minutes Libby tilted his chin so he had to look her in the eyes and said, “Penny for your thoughts.”
“I’m just wondering if you hadn’t come along, would I have still run from my feelings.”
“And?”
“I’m, like, ninety-nine percent sure that I would have. I would have thrown myself into my music or some other project. I would have run so far away from what I was feeling and never looked back. Just like I did do, except you wouldn’t have been a factor.” Taylor shrugged.
Libby nodded. “Okay,” she said slowly. “So what does this mean?”
“I think it means we’re okay and maybe you don’t need to go to therapy anymore, but I still have some issues to work out,” Taylor answered.
“You don’t want me there anymore?” Libby asked surprised.
“Not when you don’t need it. I mean, maybe I’ll need you to sit in on a session once in a while. But I think for the most part, this is something I need to do on my own.”
Libby sighed. “Okay. If that’s how you feel.” Then she took Taylor’s face in both her hands and looked him straight in the eye. “Just remember, I’m here. I want you to talk to me. I want you to be able to talk to me about Kat and what happened. I’m going to help you through this because that’s what a wife does, okay?” Taylor nodded. “I love you, Tay, and don’t you forget it.”
Taylor grinned. “I love you, too, Lib. More than you’ll ever know.”
# # #
TBC: chapter seven