(no subject)
So... We got to write a monologue with complete freedom. And I started thinking about how, whenever there's a death, the only people focused on are the ones that were friends with the deceased or those who hated them. You never see how the outsider feels. So, here's my take on an outsider's approach to death.
I spent a lot of time thinking about this. How I’m going to start, that is. I’d love to be able to just get up here and go “It happened on April 13, and my life was changed forever” like everyone else did, but- I can’t. And it’s not even that I feel like I’m above you guys, I just… I don’t remember. It’s crazy, right? The most important thing to ever happen in my life and I have no idea when it happened. I could look it up, but I don’t want to revisit it anymore than I want to do, well, this assignment.
Anyway, I remember the time, if that’s important. It was 11:11, which I only remember because it’s one of those weird times you’re supposed to wish on. So it was my third day back from our family vacation and there I was sitting in English, waiting for time to pass faster. For the past three days there had been this seat empty two seats in front of me and to the right. That was Sam Acton’s seat. It was empty. So I leaned over and asked Emily where Sam was.
It turns out Sam was in the hospital in critical condition. No one really knew what was wrong with him.
I- I never did find out. I’m sure they eventually did, but no one ever told me; why would they? Every once in a while I consider looking it up but, after he died I couldn’t go anywhere near it. Sam, a 17 year old boy, suddenly got sick while I was gone for a week and- Four days later they’re announcing the funeral with a moment of silence in the morning announcements.
I never really knew Sam, I guess. He seemed nice, though. He’d lend out pencils and I could usually hear vague chuckles coming from he and his two friends during class. Then again, we were only in that class together for two weeks before I left, so… Not much could happen. But I remember him pretty well from those two weeks, though I never paid much attention to him.
After he died, I wished I did. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced being on the outside of death, but it’s a weird thing. I was in shock myself, and I barely knew the kid. So I watched the faces of his friends in class, his table at lunch- I even saw a big group of kids walking down to leave school early for his funeral. They all seemed… Haunted. I don’t know how to describe it, but- Usually most people have something distinctive about themselves. They all look… Unique. Different. They didn’t anymore. Most of the school dissolved into this glob of pallid - ghosts roaming the hallway. They all bumped into each other and never apologized because no one ever noticed they were hit. The entire school just… Transformed. I was- And still am pretty sure that most of them never knew him either, they were just reflecting people they knew. But it made our whole school collectively mourn this boy - Yet after that announcement, they didn’t talk about it. No one ever said Sam’s name again.
The next year we all gradually became normal again, I think. I don’t know how it happened, but people started coming back to life. Some stayed, but most changed back. I think I was one of the ones who stayed, just no one noticed because I’d never been a ghost.
I’d never considered before how much one person can do. Or, I guess it would be affect in this case, you know? Sam was gone and people who barely knew him cried for his soul in the hallway. Clubs prayed for his journey without saying who they were praying for and everything just changed. No one had ever told me that one person could change two thousand people like that. I couldn’t understand it.
Eventually I started to get it, though. Lives can be touched in the weirdest ways. I wasn’t one of the kids who stayed home from school or was called into guidance when Sam died, but he affected me. My life changed because he wasn’t there. And not because I missed him or anything. Well, I mean that came out wrong but… I didn’t know what I was missing, so how could I miss it, right? Anyway, He changed my life by showing me that a 17 year old can change lives. I never understood it until I saw it happen, and I’m pretty sure I would have never gotten it if Sam was still alive. I’m glad I know that now. It made me focus on being a good change, not an indifferent change.
I feel like I should end this by saying I’m happy… Something. I don’t know what to put in there, though. I’m not happy he died, I’m just… Happy he could teach me something. There. I’m happy that Sam Acton could teach me something on his way out. I hope I do too.
I spent a lot of time thinking about this. How I’m going to start, that is. I’d love to be able to just get up here and go “It happened on April 13, and my life was changed forever” like everyone else did, but- I can’t. And it’s not even that I feel like I’m above you guys, I just… I don’t remember. It’s crazy, right? The most important thing to ever happen in my life and I have no idea when it happened. I could look it up, but I don’t want to revisit it anymore than I want to do, well, this assignment.
Anyway, I remember the time, if that’s important. It was 11:11, which I only remember because it’s one of those weird times you’re supposed to wish on. So it was my third day back from our family vacation and there I was sitting in English, waiting for time to pass faster. For the past three days there had been this seat empty two seats in front of me and to the right. That was Sam Acton’s seat. It was empty. So I leaned over and asked Emily where Sam was.
It turns out Sam was in the hospital in critical condition. No one really knew what was wrong with him.
I- I never did find out. I’m sure they eventually did, but no one ever told me; why would they? Every once in a while I consider looking it up but, after he died I couldn’t go anywhere near it. Sam, a 17 year old boy, suddenly got sick while I was gone for a week and- Four days later they’re announcing the funeral with a moment of silence in the morning announcements.
I never really knew Sam, I guess. He seemed nice, though. He’d lend out pencils and I could usually hear vague chuckles coming from he and his two friends during class. Then again, we were only in that class together for two weeks before I left, so… Not much could happen. But I remember him pretty well from those two weeks, though I never paid much attention to him.
After he died, I wished I did. I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced being on the outside of death, but it’s a weird thing. I was in shock myself, and I barely knew the kid. So I watched the faces of his friends in class, his table at lunch- I even saw a big group of kids walking down to leave school early for his funeral. They all seemed… Haunted. I don’t know how to describe it, but- Usually most people have something distinctive about themselves. They all look… Unique. Different. They didn’t anymore. Most of the school dissolved into this glob of pallid - ghosts roaming the hallway. They all bumped into each other and never apologized because no one ever noticed they were hit. The entire school just… Transformed. I was- And still am pretty sure that most of them never knew him either, they were just reflecting people they knew. But it made our whole school collectively mourn this boy - Yet after that announcement, they didn’t talk about it. No one ever said Sam’s name again.
The next year we all gradually became normal again, I think. I don’t know how it happened, but people started coming back to life. Some stayed, but most changed back. I think I was one of the ones who stayed, just no one noticed because I’d never been a ghost.
I’d never considered before how much one person can do. Or, I guess it would be affect in this case, you know? Sam was gone and people who barely knew him cried for his soul in the hallway. Clubs prayed for his journey without saying who they were praying for and everything just changed. No one had ever told me that one person could change two thousand people like that. I couldn’t understand it.
Eventually I started to get it, though. Lives can be touched in the weirdest ways. I wasn’t one of the kids who stayed home from school or was called into guidance when Sam died, but he affected me. My life changed because he wasn’t there. And not because I missed him or anything. Well, I mean that came out wrong but… I didn’t know what I was missing, so how could I miss it, right? Anyway, He changed my life by showing me that a 17 year old can change lives. I never understood it until I saw it happen, and I’m pretty sure I would have never gotten it if Sam was still alive. I’m glad I know that now. It made me focus on being a good change, not an indifferent change.
I feel like I should end this by saying I’m happy… Something. I don’t know what to put in there, though. I’m not happy he died, I’m just… Happy he could teach me something. There. I’m happy that Sam Acton could teach me something on his way out. I hope I do too.