(no subject)
Title: Time-fucked
Rating: PG (don't be misled by the title, this is pretty tame)
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Notes: I must have started this last August, but when I found it last night I kind of liked it and decided to pick up where I’d left off.
Summary: Our boys, over the years.
Jensen doesn’t believe in do-overs.
Jared does, because Jared would. Jared, with the miniscule layer of baby fat hugging his jaw and stomach that all the crunches in the world don’t seem to want to exorcise. Jared who believes that good things happen to good people, and that God protects the innocent, and in fucking magic, bunny rabbits and top hats that have nothing to do with Hugh Hefner and the Warner Brother’s frog.
And in some fucked up roundabout way, that’s how Jensen ends up here, in the pouring rain, watching as the back of Jared’s form gets smaller and smaller as he walks out of his life.
.
Jensen is organized. One night, they’re hanging out in Jared’s trailer because home just seems a little too far away right now, and Jared turns on the TV. Suddenly, they’re in New York, AIDS central as two play-lesbians sing about love.
Jared is contented and he sinks lower on the threadbare sofa, letting his head loll onto Jensen’s shoulder just to see what kind of day today is, how Jensen’s feeling, whether he’ll let him or whether he’ll stop him.
The pretty lady from Cold Case sings, casting darting glances around set.
I look before I leap, I love margins and discipline; I make list in my sleep, baby what’s my sin? Never quit, I follow through, I hate mess but I love you.
Jared laughs softly as Jensen rolls his shoulders, maybe to loosen up, maybe to push Jared away. He speaks with even more caution, as if Jensen’s something that’s fragile and entirely breakable - but he says it anyhow, because he knows Jensen doesn’t really break. “Hey, she kind of reminds me of you.” A silent laugh, and he’s halfway between making noise and not because it’s not really a joke, he’s not really kidding.
Jensen knows that he’s distant, that he is sometimes cold, but he still knows how to love when the time is right.
The only problem with that is that Jared thinks the time is right 24/7, and Jensen just can’t agree.
.
The lists are where their worlds collide.
Lying on the sort of - kind of - not really summer grass of Vancouver between takes, and Jared is hungry and Jensen is tired. Neither does anything about it, because the sun feels like the fingers of an angel in Jared’s hair and he thinks that new freckles are appearing on Jensen’s skin by the second.
Jared can quote every word of High Fidelity, even if Jensen doesn’t think it possible that he understands half of what he’s saying.
“Top five dream jobs.” He drawls, and it’s a statement, not a question.
“Actor. Physiotherapist. Fireman. Gym teacher…Jesus?” Jensen retorts, watching the good little Christian in Jared flinch before he laughs, slow and deep like he’s not even aware that it’s happening.
Jensen opens his mouth to speak again, but a PA buzzes in, and just like that Jared - no no, Sam - is on the go and it’s back to work.
.
Time ticks and gives, and then one day they get the news that they’re not being picked up again, but hey, four seasons wasn’t a bad run, was it guys?
They’re at the wrap party when Jared pulls Jensen outside, it’s raining because that’s all it fucking does in Vancouver, but Jared’s drunk and he’s got half a mind to give Jensen a goodbye that he’s not going to forget. He’s been waiting too long to take this leap, and now that it’s here, he’s gonna do it before Jensen goes off and finds another fucking playboy bunny and he just doesn’t have the chance.
He pushes Jensen up again the side of someone’s rusty ass pickup and falls to his knees with as much grace as he can muster, which isn’t a lot. If he was sober he’d be able to feel the murky water seeping through the knees of his jeans, but he’s either too drunk to care or too drunk to feel it for now. Jensen cringes as he thinks about the effort it’s going to take to wash out the stain.
Jared reaches for Jensen’s zipper, tries his best to massage with gentle fingers as he does so, but he’s just too drunk for this to amount to much of anything in the way of soft.
This isn’t the first time they’ve done this, but this might be the first time it’s meant something to both of them and Jensen just can’t have that. He reaches down and untangles Jared’s hand, nudges him to his feet with a quiet “not now, Jared.”
“Not now,” Jared intones back, the bitterness all but tangible on his tongue. “Then when? When is this going to be all right with you?”
Jensen just shrugs.
“Que sera sera,” Jared hisses as his heart rips in two, half pulling for Jensen and half pushing against him. Jensen just shakes his head in incredulity, sopping wet and wondering what it is exactly that they’re doing. “Whatever will be will fucking be, Jen,” and then just like that, he’s gone.
.
A phone call, and in a lot of ways its too late. Jared’s holed up with something Hollywood, little and a yankee, wearing high heels in every picture that Jensen sees of her on Google.
She’s got a brand new Tiffany ring on her left hand.
He dials anyhow.
Listens to Jared’s voice, but only, now it’s somehow deeper, totally foreign to Jensen.
“Top five things I miss about you.”
And then he hangs up, and waits.
Only time will tell.
.
It’s fucking freezing in Canada at this time of year, and Jensen’s arthritis is seizing up.
They thought about moving, but there’s just something about freezing time, a frame, a moment that would never let them.
He pushes his reading glasses farther up on his nose and turns the page of the paper, scanning headlines and waiting.
Jared ambles up not five minutes later, still all legs and arms despite his age. He hands Jensen a paper bag and smiles. “It’s a present.”
Jensen opens it; an alarm clock that will wake you to the sound of barnyard animals, and the glee is visible as it dances over Jared’s features.
“Top five reasons I love someone as ridiculous as you,” he murmurs, and Jared just grins.
Rating: PG (don't be misled by the title, this is pretty tame)
Pairing: Jensen/Jared
Notes: I must have started this last August, but when I found it last night I kind of liked it and decided to pick up where I’d left off.
Summary: Our boys, over the years.
Jensen doesn’t believe in do-overs.
Jared does, because Jared would. Jared, with the miniscule layer of baby fat hugging his jaw and stomach that all the crunches in the world don’t seem to want to exorcise. Jared who believes that good things happen to good people, and that God protects the innocent, and in fucking magic, bunny rabbits and top hats that have nothing to do with Hugh Hefner and the Warner Brother’s frog.
And in some fucked up roundabout way, that’s how Jensen ends up here, in the pouring rain, watching as the back of Jared’s form gets smaller and smaller as he walks out of his life.
.
Jensen is organized. One night, they’re hanging out in Jared’s trailer because home just seems a little too far away right now, and Jared turns on the TV. Suddenly, they’re in New York, AIDS central as two play-lesbians sing about love.
Jared is contented and he sinks lower on the threadbare sofa, letting his head loll onto Jensen’s shoulder just to see what kind of day today is, how Jensen’s feeling, whether he’ll let him or whether he’ll stop him.
The pretty lady from Cold Case sings, casting darting glances around set.
I look before I leap, I love margins and discipline; I make list in my sleep, baby what’s my sin? Never quit, I follow through, I hate mess but I love you.
Jared laughs softly as Jensen rolls his shoulders, maybe to loosen up, maybe to push Jared away. He speaks with even more caution, as if Jensen’s something that’s fragile and entirely breakable - but he says it anyhow, because he knows Jensen doesn’t really break. “Hey, she kind of reminds me of you.” A silent laugh, and he’s halfway between making noise and not because it’s not really a joke, he’s not really kidding.
Jensen knows that he’s distant, that he is sometimes cold, but he still knows how to love when the time is right.
The only problem with that is that Jared thinks the time is right 24/7, and Jensen just can’t agree.
.
The lists are where their worlds collide.
Lying on the sort of - kind of - not really summer grass of Vancouver between takes, and Jared is hungry and Jensen is tired. Neither does anything about it, because the sun feels like the fingers of an angel in Jared’s hair and he thinks that new freckles are appearing on Jensen’s skin by the second.
Jared can quote every word of High Fidelity, even if Jensen doesn’t think it possible that he understands half of what he’s saying.
“Top five dream jobs.” He drawls, and it’s a statement, not a question.
“Actor. Physiotherapist. Fireman. Gym teacher…Jesus?” Jensen retorts, watching the good little Christian in Jared flinch before he laughs, slow and deep like he’s not even aware that it’s happening.
Jensen opens his mouth to speak again, but a PA buzzes in, and just like that Jared - no no, Sam - is on the go and it’s back to work.
.
Time ticks and gives, and then one day they get the news that they’re not being picked up again, but hey, four seasons wasn’t a bad run, was it guys?
They’re at the wrap party when Jared pulls Jensen outside, it’s raining because that’s all it fucking does in Vancouver, but Jared’s drunk and he’s got half a mind to give Jensen a goodbye that he’s not going to forget. He’s been waiting too long to take this leap, and now that it’s here, he’s gonna do it before Jensen goes off and finds another fucking playboy bunny and he just doesn’t have the chance.
He pushes Jensen up again the side of someone’s rusty ass pickup and falls to his knees with as much grace as he can muster, which isn’t a lot. If he was sober he’d be able to feel the murky water seeping through the knees of his jeans, but he’s either too drunk to care or too drunk to feel it for now. Jensen cringes as he thinks about the effort it’s going to take to wash out the stain.
Jared reaches for Jensen’s zipper, tries his best to massage with gentle fingers as he does so, but he’s just too drunk for this to amount to much of anything in the way of soft.
This isn’t the first time they’ve done this, but this might be the first time it’s meant something to both of them and Jensen just can’t have that. He reaches down and untangles Jared’s hand, nudges him to his feet with a quiet “not now, Jared.”
“Not now,” Jared intones back, the bitterness all but tangible on his tongue. “Then when? When is this going to be all right with you?”
Jensen just shrugs.
“Que sera sera,” Jared hisses as his heart rips in two, half pulling for Jensen and half pushing against him. Jensen just shakes his head in incredulity, sopping wet and wondering what it is exactly that they’re doing. “Whatever will be will fucking be, Jen,” and then just like that, he’s gone.
.
A phone call, and in a lot of ways its too late. Jared’s holed up with something Hollywood, little and a yankee, wearing high heels in every picture that Jensen sees of her on Google.
She’s got a brand new Tiffany ring on her left hand.
He dials anyhow.
Listens to Jared’s voice, but only, now it’s somehow deeper, totally foreign to Jensen.
“Top five things I miss about you.”
And then he hangs up, and waits.
Only time will tell.
.
It’s fucking freezing in Canada at this time of year, and Jensen’s arthritis is seizing up.
They thought about moving, but there’s just something about freezing time, a frame, a moment that would never let them.
He pushes his reading glasses farther up on his nose and turns the page of the paper, scanning headlines and waiting.
Jared ambles up not five minutes later, still all legs and arms despite his age. He hands Jensen a paper bag and smiles. “It’s a present.”
Jensen opens it; an alarm clock that will wake you to the sound of barnyard animals, and the glee is visible as it dances over Jared’s features.
“Top five reasons I love someone as ridiculous as you,” he murmurs, and Jared just grins.