The Skayl

[pyeatt21]

This is the beginnings of a story I'm working on. I just joined the community and was hoping to get some feedback. It is far from finished but I would love to know what people think. If you have a piece you would like me to read for feedback I'd love to

Comments

[moonlitjoy]

I'm a bit rusty on giving feedback, so I apolgise that this isn't very detailed or in depth. I just wanted to let you know that I found this very intriguing. The first line really draws the reader in, I think.

I got a little bit confused becasue the beginning is so well told and doesn't sound like a quick fragment of memory, so when the dragons chipped in it took me a minute to realise what was happening. That said I did really appreciate getting a bit of the dragon's POV. For me, that confusion would have been lifted if the first, more omniscient, paragraph was a foreword. I hope that makes sense.

The end made me want to see what they were going to see and what choice would be given that night!

[pyeatt21]

Yeah, I haven't quite got the whole lj formatting thing down yet. It makes a lot more sense when it is set up as a page break in msword lol.

I see what you are saying about the beginning though. You think maybe I should intro the dragons first? This section is going to be my lead in to introduce the magic system for the book and will lead directly into the 'present' day.

[moonlitjoy]

I think where they are introduced works just fine (though that is only one person's opinion of course!) - it seems from what you said that it was mostly a formatting issue combined with me not having had my morning cuppa!

[pyeatt21]

Can't get through the day without my morning fix!

[rroma10]

The Lochnesss monster who lived in a lake is the most awe inspiring creature that can make a good para normal entity in your book.