T_T In dire need...

[hezaziel]

Hello ^_^
Now Im not sure if this site actually does beta reading for fanfictions but just in case, I'll put all my info in this post. Ive been lookign at previous entries and reading some of the replies and such and I really like this site! Very pleasant and has a sort of sophistacated air or presence somehow .. dunno how that works out seeing as

Comments

[ideealisme]

I read the first few paras of the second piece. Disclaimer that I can't provide much assistance in creating characters of colour; I am finding my own feet in that regard and there are great people here who can advise on that.

However I would say one thing straight off; you over-describe. You pile on such description in your prose that it pretty much collapses under the weight. I would cut the description and adverbs and get right down to the action, adding it back in only bit by bit. Be ruthless with yourself. Also, be careful with your comma and semicolon placement.

Good luck!

re...

[hezaziel]

Yes, yes lol thats exactly why I need a beta, cause Ive realised it myself... problem is, I tend to not to how much it too much when I get into the details. When I reread I find that certain parts of my writing comes out sounding... gnarled, choked and a bit heavy as you say, but I dunno how to fix that, I need someone to give me raw imput and tell me when its too much description.
But anyhu... that you very much for the quick reply! ^_^ I appreciate it! And yes I will look out for those commas and semis.

Thanks again!
Ohhh I meant to ask...do people here actively beta or just advise?

[gingerwall]

This isn't a super active community, and it's not very concerned with general writing style.

Usually people come with a specific question about how they're handling a particular aspect of a character of color (often historical background, or sometimes to ask if something is problematic with regard to stereotypes), and then get a scattering of advice.

I'm not sure if Twilight is a shining of example of how to handle Native American characters - I think a lot of Native American people have been somewhat critical. But you can always try to improve on your source material. If that's something you are concerned about, you should probably start by reading some Native author criticism online, and then see how your handling of the characters compares.

Of course, you're welcome to ask for help beta-ing, but I'm not sure if you'll get a huge response.

[hezaziel]

Ohhh okay! Thank you for answering! You know, I completely interpreted the title as something else lol. When it said 'Writing Characters of Color' my mind automatically interpreted it as refering to character depth and depiction/portrayal and overall develoment ie building a character of substance lol. But yeah I kind of realised later on it wasnt haha =P

But anyway thank you for clarifying!

[guruburu]

Howdy!

As gingerwall said, the primary focus of this community is to help writers with their characters of color/non-white characters. With that said, there may be people who'd like to help you with beta reading (I'm helping another writer with their story at the moment).

With regards to the Twilight series and Native representation, there's been quite a bit written about the subject. You might want to take a look at some of these articles as you work on your story (again, as gingerwall said, you can improve the source material if you're feeling daring):

- (Ig)Noble savages in need of vampire civilization
- Edward’s mind versus Jacob’s body, or, Twilight as a Colonial Text
- Monstrous Musings: The Colonial Gaze of Stephenie Meyer and the Resulting Representation of Indigenous Peoples as Monstrous
- Twilight Profits and the Quileute People

There's also twilight_ndnz, an LJ community for Native fans of Twilight-this might be a good place for you to watch and read the discussions about what's good and bad about the series