(no subject)
Name: Jacqueline
Age: 18
Location: Canada
Just Another Toy
Marvin glared savagely at the dull gray interior of his cubicle. The computer to his left beeped innocuously, the sound overshadowed by the ticking of his watch. By this point in his shift - with less than fifteen minutes to go - his world narrowed to allow no greater distraction than the steady tick-tick-tick of his Rolex.
This job was a dead end one. Too poor to go to college, Marvin had taken a job with the company straight off his grade twelve year. At first it had been tolerable. The hours were standard, Monday through Friday, eight to four; the pay was excellent, with starting wage at 13 dollars an hour; and his bosses were fair, which was more than he could have said about the day job he had taken as a high school senior.
The ticking of the watch hitched once, the end of an hour. Marvin reached to hit the off switch on his computer monitor, not bothering to stop the work he had been skillfully ignoring since his three o’clock coffee. His coat in hand he stood and exited the quiet, orderly hell he existed in for forty hours every week, for the past twenty years.
The parking lot was full to near capacity and Marvin found himself dodging a car, a woman with a small toddler and an abandoned shopping cart before arriving at his pale silver pick-up. The same car he had bought with this job’s first paycheck - back when he thought the money pit was bottomless.
The drive home was short and silent. Marvin disliked music and abhorred talk-shows. At home he pulled into the driveway with one easy arch and came to a stop beside a light blue sedan. Kathy was there again.
Kathy, Marvin’s girlfriend, worked in Real Estate. She had managed only the first two years of business school before her poor attendance and a rumor of her less-than-professional relationship with the dean of admissions had driven her out. A few months after being kicked out of school she latched onto Marvin.
The front door was opened just as Marvin was climbing out of his car. He could see Kathy, standing on the stoop talking to Patty. He smiled. She had always claimed to be lonely when he was at work. Kathy had her own place on the other side of town, but no one who knew the couple would have believed it. She visited only often enough to remind the spiders that the place was indeed not their own. .
Marvin passed Patty on the steps and grinned his hello.
“You’re home early.” Kathy observed blandly from her place lounging on the leather sofa he had worked overtime for a month to buy.
“I’m home exactly when I always am,” he said, calmly hanging up his briefcase and jacket.
“Well then. My clock must be slow.” She smiled at him.
He smiled back.
“Would you like a drink?”
“Brandy on the rocks.” He said, sinking into a chair.
“Of course,” she turned an unsuspecting back and went to the bar to pour him his usual après work beverage.
Marvin accepted the drink. The rich alcohol caressed his throat and he sighed with contentment. There was only one feeling in the world that could rival that of his first drink after work.
“So, you had a late night last night. Did you and the guys have fun?” Kathy’s voice held an edge of steel.
Marvin swirled the drink and responded blandly, “I wasn’t with the guys, as you well know.”
“Oh lord Marvin,’ Kathy sank her head into her hands, “not again. You promised me not again.”
“I lied.” The second swig of brandy sizzled its way to his navel.
“Where is she? What did you do to her?”
“She’s fine.” He sent a sharp, suspicious gaze in her direction, “Who have you told?”
“N-no one. God Marvin, I’m not - I wouldn’t-“
“I know. And even if you did, it wouldn’t do any good.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure, you’re bound to get caught one day. When will you stop this madness?”
“I won’t get caught. There’s no evidence. All they would have is your testimony, and we all know how much good that would do.” He smirked, standing to hover menacingly over her, “I’ve let you have a normal life so far Kath, do you really want to risk it?”
Kathy stared at him, her mind numb with fear. “You’re sick!”
“They aren’t like us Kath. They’re dirty. Foul.” His voice increased in volume, “They deserve it.”
“No one deserves that.”
Marvin leaned down until his nose was inches from her. His tone, when he spoke, oozed malice, “They practically beg for it. Much like you did once upon a time.”
“They’re CHILDREN Marvin. You sick fuck!” Kathy’s eyes were shining with tears as she looked up at him, her chin trembling with the implications of what she had just said.
Fury so strong it was palpable coursed through Marvin. He reached out a hand and slapped her hard across one cheek, leaving a white imprint of his palm. “Children are innocent,” Marvin said, “these girls are far from innocent.”
“Once you’re through with them.” Kathy muttered bitterly. Regard for her own safety taking a momentary back-seat to her anger. She knew Marvin was a dangerous man, a rapist and murderer. A sociopath, or at least as close to one as a living breathing human being could be and she loathed him for it, but she had no way out.
Marvin slapped her again for her protestation. Then, his hands gripping the arms of the chair he held her in place and whispered a final threat, “If you ever contradict me again you’ll end up just like they are. No one ever lacks the room for one more toy.”
Its a Mad World
It’s raining outside. I lean my head against the window pane and allow the cool glass to sooth my burning forehead. The fever is higher even than it was an hour ago. I shouldn’t be surprised, or disappointed, but I am. I guess I can be entitled to some melancholy as I watch a pair of kids my age playing in a puddle in the brightly lit parking lot. After all, I’m dying. I’ve been dying as long as I can remember. It started at my birth, an unhappy accident they said. I blame it on my mom. It wasn’t her fault, but why would I not? I don’t have anyone else and she’s not here to make an excuse.
I remember a few years ago, when I used to want her to come back. I used to dream about it. Especially on rainy days like today when my spirits are especially low. I don’t bother with those dream anymore, the heart break is too much for my weak body. The nurses here are really nice, but they all have children of their own. Angela’s my favorite, she’s young and unmarried, but she has a cat - Korvin. And sometimes she’ll bring him in. I never got to have a pet of my own; the Orphanage had rules against everything, even rain.
Of course the matron couldn’t stop the rain, but she definitely kept us from enjoying it. I would love, just once to be able to sit outside in the rain until I’m soaked right through. It must be fun. The kids have moved to another puddle, father away, almost out of sight, but I can still hear their laughter. I guess I’ll get to feel the rain when I’m in my grave, but such morbid thoughts don’t make me feel better. I had a room on the bottom floor once, with windows that opened out onto a patio, but I was too sick then to be allowed outside. I’m sure it wouldn’t make me worse to go outside at this point, but the hospital is busiest on the first rain of the season.
The rain is heavier now, but I’m having trouble concentrating. My thoughts are jumbled. I can no longer remember why I wanted to sit here. I’m freezing cold, but far too dizzy to make it to the bed. Strange how cold you can be when your face is on fire. There are black spots at the edge of my vision.
The small girl (probably about eight years old) slumps against the window pane, unconscious. Across the room her roommate rings for a nurse. Judy arrives, quickly tailed by Angela, they were expecting the call. Dreading it, but knowing it was coming any day.
“Code Blue, Room 534!” An expressionless voice calls over the PA system. “Room 534, Code Blue!”
The room becomes a madhouse with several nurses and a doctor. A nurse lays the small girl out on the bed and hooks her up the machines. “She’s still with us, barely.” She says, beating a sigh of relief.
The machine beeps frantically, “She’s dropping!”
“We’re losing her!”
“Defibulators, STAT!” the doctor hollers reaching to take the metal paddles from one of the nurses.
With a mechanical hum the paddles send a shock-wave of electricity through the girl’s body. The heart monitor shows no change. The doctor tries again with more power. Still the line stays flat. He tries once more, before hanging his head in defeat. He knew it was a long-shot, but it was impossible not to try with one so young.
“Time of death, 9:42.” He says, a tear leaking from his eye.
wonder in a hopeful heart
Restless wondering,
Paths of gold and silver stretch before,
Winding seductive paths through mist,
Reaching beyond.
The future lies still
A crystal lake on a winter’s eve
An enigma on the horizon.
Searching thoughts,
Lights in greens and reds flicker,
Lighting the farthest corner,
Illuminating nothing.
Time passes,
A soaring sparrow on a summers day,
A desert under the sun.
Impossible hopes,
Shades of black and white blur together,
Knocking away impossibility,
Leaving open doors.
Hope shivers,
A frozen blade of grass in early spring,
A raindrop in the wind.