Comments | writteninsight: May the Road Rise to Meet You

writteninsight

May the Road Rise to Meet You

Feb 06, 2011 15:46

Title: May the Road Rise to Meet You
Word Count: 788
Rating: G
Author's Notes: Prompt, Loathing. Mostly true.

( It's 12:30 and you're talking in the next room. )

Comments 6

belluminabyssus February 8 2011, 04:57:42 UTC

I can relate very well to this piece; don't we all have a roommate we didn't get along with?

I'm not sure I like the strikeout on the last word: it's fairly obvious that you don't actually consider this person a friend, and the strike is overkill. Otherwise, I really like the direct address of this person, though I feel near the end it grows a little ranty and relies too much on telling rather than showing (that age-old caveat). Regardless, nice job this week! :)

writteninsight February 10 2011, 03:57:50 UTC

Thank you!

And man am I glad I cut it down - it was originally twice as long, given that I started writing it while the 12:30 am paragraph was unfolding.

rubyelf February 11 2011, 21:36:12 UTC

I really like the way the narrator wavers back and forth in her feelings for this roommate... one minute filled with annoyance and disgust, the next minute forced by some small thing to recognize and acknowledge the roommate's humanity, to accept their right to exist even if not to like them.

And isn't it so much easier just to hate someone than to be forced to recognize some aspect of that person that keeps you from being able to completely hate them?

writteninsight February 13 2011, 05:34:27 UTC

Thank you! You've really hit the heart of what I tried to get at with this piece - it is so much easier to hate than to dislike.

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writteninsight February 18 2011, 02:37:42 UTC

Thank you! I'm glad the cell phone part actually made sense; I debated cutting it because I can never seem to explain it cleanly to anyone in person.

Pieces that do well in the flame tend to have unexpected twists - at least, that's what I've noticed when looking back on which pieces of mine have done well after a year of competing here. Some months I'll make a point of writing pieces I think will poll well, and other months I just use the prompts as an excuse to create without paying attention to the voting process. This is one of those months; life is so crazy at the moment that I haven't even had time to vote for myself in the last two polls!

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writteninsight February 18 2011, 15:15:17 UTC

Welcome to the flame! This is a great place for building experience and getting feedback. The people here are great, and the contests give you a reason to write regularly.