Comments | writteninsight: Pearls of the Soul

writteninsight

Pearls of the Soul

Jul 10, 2011 16:29

Title: Pearls of the Soul
Word Count: 2500
Warnings: Sex, character death
Author's Notes: Written for the Brigits_flame July contest, prompt, "Bad Advice." To be honest, this one freaked me out a bit. I think it works, though, so I'll be curious to see what you all think of it.

( Breathe, little one. )

Comments 8

keppiehed July 11 2011, 03:15:37 UTC

This was ... stunning. Wow. I am still trying to absorb what a wonderful job you did. The complexity of the character was executed with grace. This subject matter would be very easy to paint with a broad brush-stroke, but you resisted the urge and wrote something delicate and moving that was lovely for the telling of it, not for the sensation of the subject. Extraordinary! Loved it.

writteninsight July 11 2011, 16:36:24 UTC

Wow, coming from you that is high praise! Thank you!

leticiae July 11 2011, 16:37:37 UTC

Amazing. That's the only word that comes to mind when I read this.

You wove the words together with the finest threads to make a beautiful story.

writteninsight July 11 2011, 16:40:56 UTC

Wow, thank you!!

rubyelf July 12 2011, 00:17:54 UTC

“You are not an oyster, Anni. Go back and try again.”

... that line is perfect.

writteninsight July 12 2011, 02:03:45 UTC

Thank you!

Volunteer Edit! katden July 16 2011, 02:44:31 UTC

Hiya, stranger!

It's been a while since I've edited, so I was looking for a challenge. You didn't quite give me that. How disappointing. *wink wink*

This was an absolutely lovely read. Your story illustrates many facts in the most subtle of ways: how children will often take comments so literally; how many cruelties exist in the world, committed by those we least suspect, etc. I'll ditto Keppie's sentiments in saying you wrote something delicate and moving that was lovely for the telling of it. Kudos to you.

Honestly, the only noticeable 'mistake' is this:

Anni turns her head on one side

'Tilts her head to one side' would be much more appropriate. You've managed to created vivid images throughout the story, so that one caused me to visualize something quite awkward.

Congrats on a fab story! Too bad I couldn't have made you scads and scads of notes ;)

Re: Volunteer Edit! writteninsight July 16 2011, 02:52:46 UTC

Ooh, good catch! Thanks so much! :D

I have been a bit of a stranger, haven't I? Definitely back now, at least for the foreseeable future. I've missed you all. :)