Debate Camp
I love this episode *so* much. It has basically all of the ingredients of a great TWW episode- humor, effectively mixing personal and political storylines, heart, tons of exciting storylines, character development, interesting methods of time and telling a story, etc.
I love the title of this ep, “Debate Camp”. LOL.
Jed is playing himself and Sam is playing Ritchie and they’re having mock debates with input from the peanut gallery. (“That? Right there? That was a sign”- Donna. Putting Sam in the mock presidential debate is more Sorkin predicting Sam as the future president and probably foreshadowing Sam’s upcoming run for elected office himself.) In other news, Jed, Sam and the Peanut Gallery all look fantastic in their casual clothes. The rustic scenery and the non-business attire is incredibly refreshing.
In the very first minute, Sorkin establishes that a) this episode will be about preparing Jed for his debate, b) it will go over Bartlet’s past mistakes and record and c) one of which will be about his first pick for Attorney General. When the typical S1-4 episode of a show has four to five varied and sophisticated storylines, effectively manages a typical cast of 12 (the eight regulars and there are usual four other significant guest starring or one off characters) and is chock-full of awesome lines and moments, you have to establish things from the first few minutes. There’s barely any wasted time on this show.
BARTLET
What that hell is...? I don't support racial profiling.
SAM
Your nominee for Attorney General did. Can you tell us why you nominated him?
BARTLET
Why?
SAM
Yes.
BARTLET
'Cause bite me, that's why.
ALL
Whoa...
C.J.
It's a legitimate question.
BARTLET
It's been almost four years Sam, how long do you want to say "I told you so?"
JOSH
He wasn't saying "I told you so," sir. We need an answer on Rooker.
BARTLET
What wrong with "bite me?"
JOSH
I think we'd lose.
TOBY
Not in New Jersey.
A Toby Zielger joke if I ever heard one.
Anyway, Jed, the Fab Four, Ed, Larry, Joey and Andi bounce around answers for whether Jed supports racial profiling based on his nomination for a pro-racial profiling attorney general. Despite the fact that everyone is awesome, no one can figure out a good answer. Anyway, Sam wants to make comparisons between himself and Bartlet even clearer.
SAM
Why not just say we screwed up? "Mr. Rooker's a devoted crimer fighter-- we had our differences-- but on this, all Americans can agree..."
It’s not a ringer for Jed but it’s quite funny. Sam takes his glasses off in a very Jed, presidential sort of way in the middle of his speech.
BARTLET
Excuse me...
SAM
...Yes sir?
BARTLET
Were you doing me just then?
SAM
I was offering an answer...
BARTLET
You were doing me.
SAM
I may have slipped into it, yes.
BARTLET
Anybody else do a pretty good Bartlet? It's talent night here at Debate Camp, anybody want to do a little skit?
Leo interrupts Bartlet with more serious news than announcing talent night (upcoming, Bingo Night at Debate Camp).
BARTLET
Apparently, eight Israeli Thunder fighters--these are also known as American-made Boeing F15E Strike Eagles--have hit two terrorist bases in the north and south of Qumar. And while no Qumari government personnel or institutions were destroyed, Qumar, of course, considers an attack on its soil to be an act of war. So we are, as always, one bad bottle of Tequila away from all-out war in West Asia. (to Sam) Would you like to take this one or shall I?
SAM
Why don't you get this one. I'll get... the next one.
Like, the next administration. (After Santos and the Republican who will beat Matt Santos come reelection have their run.
Jed, Leo and the military advisors walk with great purpose and kick-assery to their military lair which in this case, is a….barn.
MAN 2
Mr. President, you have secretaries Hutchinson and Berryhill, Director Kato, Chairman Fitzwallace and Dr. McNally.
BARTLET
Alright. Well, we've got ourselves a Marx Brothers' movie.
For some reason, we only hear Hutchinson (for a bit) and then mostly Fitz.
BARTLET
Well, we've made camp in North Carolina for prep, so I've been thinking about killing myself, but let me ask you something. Besides Qumar, Iran, Syria, Hezbullah, they've all got short and medium-range missiles. If Israel feels threatened by them, what happens?
FITZWALLACE
They launch a pre-emptive strike.
LEO
Yeah, but before that happens, Qumar shows its teeth, right?
FITZWALLACE
Yeah.
LEO
Yeah. So what happens then?
FITZWALLACE
They'll want something from us in exchange for standing down.
BARTLET
Well, for the moment, they haven't stood up, but in the meantime, let's think of something we can give them when they do.
LEO
(angrily) That's what we should do in the meantime?
BARTLET
(warning tone) Leo...
LEO
We should think of something we can *give* them?!
BARTLET
Honey, if we're going to have this fight, can we not do it in front of the Joint Chiefs? It just scares the hell out of them.
Pretty unprofessional of Leo to raise his voice and publicly disagree with Jed in front of military men with enough stars to blanket a few square feet of the Hollywood Walk of Fame. However, Jed’s firm but amusing and slashy put down got the message through and I think Leo thinks he made a bad move there.
Anyway in the meantime, Jed asks Fitz to raise the threat level for American bases in Qumar. Wow, that was really the right country to install American bases and then renew them as terrorism is becoming a problem. But, hey, at least these bases in danger have new carpeting.
A little Toby/Andi. It’s two parts dysfunctional mixed with two parts cute mixed with one part tragic. You’ll be seeing this blend a lot this season.
TOBY
A couple of things. I need you to look at a couple of answers on defense readiness. I need concrete examples of waste in Pentagon procurement. We need two more members of the IRC for post spin. I need you to fill out this marriage license and paperwork for a joint checking account and review this 60-second answer on Rwanda.
ANDY
Okay, okay, okay and um, under no circumstances, and sure.
TOBY
See, by my count, you said under no circumstances to the IRC post spin and sure....
ANDY
I said under no circumstances to marrying you again.
TOBY
May I ask why?
ANDY
I've had the unique experience of having done it once before.
Harsh! But probably true.
Toby meets up with Sam and Josh. Josh is hilariously futzing with a basketball the whole time. Toby tells Sam to keep “staying up in the President’s face”.
This screencap is epic.
SAM
What's going on with you and Andy?
TOBY
Nothing.
SAM
I think you're wrong.
TOBY
I'm not.
SAM
I think you're getting back together.
TOBY
We're not.
SAM
But you want to.
TOBY
Yes.
SAM
I think... Wait. What?
TOBY
See, sometimes if I slam on the brakes, you run right past.
JOSH
Okay, fill us in on everything you've got so far between the two of you.
TOBY
Yeah, that's what's going to happen right now.
One of my favorite Toby moments and that’s a very long list. Anyway, they reminisce about the Rooker nomination as they walk through the gorgeous natural surroundings. I think the only ugly set that this show had in the first four seasons was Mendoza’s weirdly green prison cell in Celestial Navigation. Even the In the Shadow of Two Gunmen hospital and the S4 California arc prison looked pretty good for what they were.
SAM
He did. He said, "It's been four years and when am I going to stop saying, 'I told you so?'" And that wasn't... I was... Let's say we're new. We made mistakes. We'd just gotten to... We weren't even in the White House when we heard Rooker. It was like January 5.
They arrive at the hoop.
TOBY
It was the 15th. It was January 15th.
SAM
How do you remember?
TOBY
I just do.
Aw, I love the subtlety there. Toby remembers the date because he remembers the pain mixed with triumph of his marriage breaking apart right when he helped get Jed elected. We never got the full details on the Toby/Andi split-up even from this episode but I wonder how it would have affected him if Jed named David Rosen as his Communications Director and Andi still divorced Toby. A huge theme of this show is the “Road Not Taken” because its characters are so consistently making such significant choices.
Anyway, we move to flash-back land.
Leo's glasses are weird.
Just to highlight what the purpose of this election is, it’s fairly significant that Sorkin chose to focus on the debate more than electoral math, campaign stump speeches and he omitted the Democratic and Republican conventions entirely. This is because the debate is where Jed’s character truly evolves and it’s the opportunity for a summation of the Bartlet administration’s achievements and goals for the first four years. This flashback episode with its greener, less confident versions of our characters really highlights that the arc is about the characters growing, not about the suspense of the race.
I’m one of those weirdos that CJ still looked pretty damn good, albeit not at optimum gorgeousness, with the curly hair in In the Shadow of Two Gunmen and Bartlet for America. That said, her hair is really terrible here. I think it’s because the curls are tighter and it doesn’t mesh as well with the suits she has on compared to the casual clothes that she was wearing in the flashbacks of In the Shadow of Two Gunmen and Bartlet for America.
LEO
I think Cornell Rooker's going to be the AG. How about that?
TOBY
What do you mean?
LEO
He's on the phone with the governor right now.
SAM
We're settled on that?
LEO
Yeah, it's Cornell Rooker, if that's what he's saying on the phone. If he's saying no, then it's going to be somebody else.
JOSH
Well analyzed.
Anyway, they finish talking about Rooker because damnnit, there are more important things to discuss!
JOSH
Donna is at the White House, as a matter of fact.
C.J.
She's at the White House?!
JOSH
Yup.
C.J.
She knows the old tenants are still there, right?
JOSH
She's being taken out to lunch by her predecessor, a guy who's the assistant to Mac McConnell, the assistant to the Deputy C.O.S.
C.J.
Nobody did that with me. Anybody do that with you?
It’s not a surprise. Assistants probably feel less combative about politics. We know that Jed didn’t run against an incumbent but that his prior administration was Republican. I bet the incumbent press secretary resents all of the public and almost assuredly brilliantly snarky and aggressive comments Campaign Press Spokesperson CJ Cregg made during the campaign that helped sink the Republican nominee.
JOSH
He's who the judiciary calls when they want to put a stamp on a yes. He has a record conservatives can't complain about.
SAM
Folks, our opponent had a record conservatives can't complain about, but he lost.
Sam is already calling what a bad idea Rooker is. It’s reminiscent of IMO, Sam’s best moment on the show when he totes called that Peyton Cabot Harrison III wouldn’t protect privacy rights and Sam convinced Jed to “put him on a bus” and give Mendoza a hearing. Sam is absolutely calling out that Rooker would be a nightmares as Attorney General, forget the upcoming political blow-back.
ASSISTANT
Congresswoman Wyatt is here in person without an appointment, and she's asking to see you.
TOBY (irritated)
Yeah. Congresswoman Wyatt is also Mrs. Ziegler. Just... uh, I'll be right out.
What the hell was that about? Did Toby have a thing about people referring to his wife by her title and original name? I have a hunch that Andi, when they were married, preferred to be known as Congresswoman Wyatt and *not* Mrs. Ziegler.
Again, I’m confused by Sorkin’s intent. Is he trying to point out issues with Toby/Andi marriage? Merely trying to establish that Andi is still Toby’s wife in the flashbacks, even though it’s clear in their actual scenes together? Or was Toby was just trying to clumsily say that because Congresswoman Wyatt is also Mrs. Ziegler that she doesn’t need an appointment to see him.
SAM
I think he'll be confirmed. We might even get the honeymoon from the left.
JOSH
But?
SAM
I'm not sure he's the right guy.
Jed walks in just to say.
BARTLET
We got Rooker.
Sam looks disappointed.
Donna has her lunch date, looking rather doofy in barrettes. For some reason, Donna is only in the flashbacks in this episode. Did she to go to debate camp? The former Deputy Deputy Chief of Staff is really cute. You know how Sorkin said (incorrectly) that Mathew Perry is beautiful enough to be the male Ainsley Hayes? This guy is beautiful enough to be the male Donna Moss. Also, feminism!points for this assistant being a guy as opposed the Sterling-Cooper vibe of the Bartlet administration with their entirely female secretarial staff.
I like Cute!Male Deputy Deputy Chief of Staff’s tips.
JEFF
Never wear your badge off campus. It's like wearing a bull's eye. Don't let your kids get the mail out of your mailbox. You don't know what separatist just sent you a chain mail.
DONNA
I don't have kids.
JEFF
Good, because there are days when you're gonna need to get here at eight, maybe even earlier, and not go home till six or seven.
What kind of a slacker administration was this, not getting in at eight and not getting home until six or seven? During the Bartlet administration, it felt that the standard hours of work were 6 AM to 2 AM. That’s beyond excessive but I do feel that most of the serious Obama advisers have work hours of 7 AM to 9 PM.
Also you hardly ever see the senior staff and even the assistants wearing their badges, even during work.
JEFF
What else? The iodine tablet. Some people take 'em; some people don't. I did, but you can ask your doctor.
DONNA
What's the iodine for?
JEFF
Uh, it protects your thyroid from the radiation.
DONNA
And why is there radiation?
JEFF
There's an XW-9 warhead in a silo 93 feet below the Eisenhower putting green. They say it's not enough radiation to hurt you, but do you really want to take chances with something like that?
DONNA
Really? Wow. God, no.
With Donna sufficiently misinformed, Jeff wants to make her a star.
JEFF
Listen, before I forget, I've gotten hit up for a favor. My girlfriend's a stringer for a teen magazine. It's called 21.
DONNA
Sure.
JEFF
With all the people coming in, they want to do a story and you've been visible and with the way you look... Any chance she could get a ten-minute phoner?
DONNA
No problem. You can give her the number.
Donna is totally taken in by the promise of celebrity and this cute guy complimenting her looks.
Unlike most people, Andi looks great in the past, present and likely future.
Toby and Andi interact very similarly when they were married compared to now that they’re divorced. No hugging, no kissing, no pet names, no closeness and plenty of snark and fighting. However, there is a 100 percent more fertility talk.
TOBY
It's... something. You get off on the 4th floor, which is clearly marked for all the other passengers on the elevator to read that it's the fertility clinic. And you're trying to show with your body language that it's not you and that's impossible to show with body language. An 84-year-old Welsh nurse hands you a brown paper bag with a cup and a video and points you toward a room, where I won't even tell you the name they have for this room.
ANDY
What's the name?
TOBY
I won't tell you.
ANDY
Why?
TOBY
It's not a good out loud word. You take the longest walk of your life back to the Welsh nurse, who takes the cup out of the bag and says, "Very nice."
Best analysis of sperm check-ups ever! The best thing about this storyline is that on its surface, it isn’t a likely storyline for Toby. You’d think that it’s a Jump the Shark storyline that would turn Toby into a different person. However, it doesn’t turn him into a different person. It just brings out parts of him that he doesn’t normally have to use so that even when a moment has the potential for false sappiness (“Babies come with hats”), it still *really* feels like the Toby of S1-3 would say that.
TOBY
It's January 15th, Andy. I can't have a baby today. He's getting sworn in five days. I'm not saying never. I'm saying, can we wait five days?
We flash back to the present where single Toby and Josh and Sam tramp in to hear about Joey’s electoral math along with CJ. Joey has a bitchin’ computerized electoral map. It would make CNN envious come election night.
JOSH
When do you suppose Georgia got so far out of reach? Was it 'cause we... burned it down?
SAM
I was going to say.
Joey gives a status update on which states deserve the most resources based on how close they are. They get to New Hampshire. Joey says it’s impossible to win and they should withdraw their money.
C.J.
I don't think you understand how the President feels about his home state.
He's a New Hampshire Bartlet. It's been home for centuries. He's a Democrat elected to the statehouse with close to 60% and the fact that the state's in play is a real embarrassment for him. He doesn't want to campaign there because that's embarrassing too, but we really can't...
JOEY through KENNY
C.J., I'm trying to tell you it's not in play anymore.
JOSH
Joey, no kidding-- if you asked the President which he'd rather win, New Hampshire or the election, he'd have to think before he answered. Put a pin in it; we'll come back after prep. Thanks.
New Hampshire is the reddest of the northeast states. I believe that it went for George W. Bush but considering how popular the Bartlet family is, it’s hard to believe that it would be so close.
LARRY
President Bartlet, the next questions to you. Governor Ritchie contends there's a crisis in the American family that parents aren't spending enough time with their kids.
JOSH
We're trying this again. Sorry.
LARRY
Yeah. And that your solution is essentially to have government raise children.
BARTLET
Well, that's an extraordinary and unsurprisingly dumb interpretation of what it is my administration's trying to accomplish.
Larry, Ed and Another Guy All in a Row.
Everyone applauds. They’re all spending a disproportionate amount of time talking about wedge issues like racial profiling or family values. That stuff gets play in presidential debates but, especially in a single date, most of the questions revolve around the big stuff- taxes, fiscal policy, health care, Social Security, terrorism and trade agreements.
However, maybe the assumption that Bartlet is equipped to beat Ritchie on those issues. It’s on “wedge issues” that Ritchie could manipulate Bartlet into sounding anti-American or anti-family.
BARTLET
It's hard enough to raise kids today with help from family leave, subsidized daycare, preschool-- we need more of it, not less.
SAM
The government can't raise kids, Mr. President-- parents have to.
BARTLET
I have three grown daughters, Governor. You really want to tell me how I should raise my family? You're really comfortable with that?
JOSH
There it is.
BARTLET
You want to tell other American fathers and mothers what they're doing wrong?
SAM
Sir, I did not say...
BARTLET
I didn't think you did. So, why don't we stick to what government can do-- which is collect money and distribute it-- and stop wasting time by sentimentalizing family.
The staffers don’t like that. Everyone is all “No, No!”
SAM
We just lost the vote of every stay-at-home mom and their husbands who are henpecked.
BARTLET
Who are you now?
SAM
Yes, sir.
TOBY
I like the aggressive answer. It's just right.
LARRY
We're letting Ritchie put him on the opposite side of values. Lead with "I'm the proud father of..."
BARTLET
That wasn't the question, Larry. The question was, "What do I have against families?" and the answer is I have nothing against them at all. They simply aren't mentioned in the Executive Powers section.
My love for Jed Bartlet is real. It’s not a school girl crush. The originator of that quote just pulled Josh aside.
C.J.
Larry's right, we have to put him on the right side of this. He is on the right side of this, but we need help with the answer.
JOSH
You're asking me to do that which I don't want to do, right?
C.J.
Yes.
JOSH
Okay.
Aw, CJ wants to get Amy’s help on this. We haven’t seen many scenes of CJ and Amy being friends but I firmly believe that they are. It’s also a great idea. Amy has spent a bunch of her life studying how to frame family value issues and getting in touch with the female constituency, more so than the senior staff and Jed. I think that everyone deserves to have their say on gender politics because it affects everyone. However, gender politics is a specialized applied academic field with important subtleties and not commonly understood facts. Everyone should study and feel comfortable speaking about the issue. However, contrary to popular opinion, not everyone with genitals is qualified to be an expert on the subject and that’s where bona fide experts like Amy come in.
CJ walks into a briefing in present time and the scene seamlessly cuts to her practicing for her second press conference in a very insecure way. I think more than any other actor, Allison Janney is doing the best work playing herself four years ago.
Carol leaves to unpack boxes so CJ shows off her terrific mnemonic device skillz. This is probably unintentional but memory ends up being a big theme for CJ- her father’s Alzheimer’s, consistently showing her memorizing facts for press briefings, a fascination with trivia and song lyrics, Institutional Memory and all of that episode’s memory themes.
C.J.
No, David, the President was very clear about that. Mark, then Katie. Mark, Katie, Jessie, Phil, Steve, Betsy, Julie, Julie, Julia, Kevin, Paul, Tom, Sondra, Suzanne... Mike, Danny... Elizabeth. 18th seat. 18 you can vote... "vote" sounds like "moat"... which is a trench-- Trent.
After that moment of unspeakably adorable cognitive showing off, this evangelical guy walks in.
BILL STARK
Bill Stark. I'm with "Kingspeak." We're a magazine that reaches over 600,000 Christians Evangelicals. I'm sorry I missed your first briefing. I heard you did well.
C.J.
I can do better.
Aw, never being satisfied with excellence and always wanting to be better is an intentional theme with CJ.
BILL
I wanted to tell you that on December 10th, all 600,000 will be praying for you.
C.J.
Really?
BILL
That's right.
C.J.
I don't understand.
BILL
Well, once a year, we identify the 365 most influential people in media and we assign each of them a calendar day and we pray for them.
C.J.
I really don't know what to say in response to that sort of kindness.
BILL
Well... maybe the Administration will reconsider their position on some issues?
C.J.
Like what?
BILL
Um... school prayer?
C.J.
I think the President's pretty much made up his mind.
BILL
Millions of Americans want it. There are a lot of votes there.
C.J.
Yes, but we got as many as we needed for now, so...
J’adore CJ’s consistent bluntness. However, we arrive at the point of the scene.
BILL
Oh, by the way... Just so you don't think we disagree on everthing, I think Cornell Rooker is terrific.
C.J.
Really?
BILL
Back in the day we served on a city council together. First African-American man I've ever heard make sense on racial profiling.
That sets off warning bells for CJ. She is off to research what the hell that means.
MRS. LANDINGHAM!!! MY HEART! Can we just stay in flashback land with Mrs. Landingham, Ziegler marriage drama, a Sam who’s not on his way out and amusingly inexperienced senior staffers? It’s all a fair trade for even CJ with bad hair, Leo's weird glasses and Donna’s doofy barrettes.
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Look at this. Leonardo DaVinci. "Madonna and child with a pomegranate."
BARTLET
It's nice.
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Here's Botticelli. "Adoration of the Magi."
BARTLET
What are we doing right now?
MRS. LANDINGHAM
We're choosing pictures from the collection at the National Gallery.
BARTLET
They'll loan stuff?
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Anything you want in the National Gallery or the whole Smithsonian.
BARTLET
Really?
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Yeah.
BARTLET
I want Apollo 11.
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Well, you can't have that.
BARTLET
Then don't bother me.
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Sir...
BARTLET
I'm meeting with the leadership, I'm signing six Executive Orders I don't yet understand...
Apparently, Jed had to visit the National Gallery himself to get inspired enough to pick out a painting of the cliffs of Eritita, cleverly titled, "The Cliff of Etrita" so that it can hang on the White House walls like a gym sock on a shower rod.
Anyway, Leo comes out and they rehash the joke from The American President and Ellie about not knowing which door is for what in the Oval Office. CJ is awkwardly hanging outside the Oval Office, nervous about just walking in. I love her so, so much.
C.J.
A reporter for a conservative Christian magazine introduced himself and happened to serve on a city council with Rooker, which is true-- it was in Miami.
BARTLET
Yeah.
C.J.
The reporter said that he liked Rooker's position on racial profiling.
LEO
That's strange.
C.J.
No, it's not. We found the transcript. "I'm not saying it should be active policy, but there is no question in my mind that in certain situations, racial profiling can be helpful to law..."
BARTLET
Law enforcement?
C.J.
Yeah.
BARTLET
It's our second day, how do you think it's going so far?
One advantage to returning to the present is that even though we lose Mrs. Landingham, we gain Amy Gardner. Who is narrating her bike ride like she’s on the Tour de France. Routine exercise has never been so charming.
AMY
And down the stretch, here she comes. Here comes Gardner. She's going to take the yellow jersey pass the picturesque farms and hillsides and Champs d'leamp and the white cliffs of Dover. Where do the Americans find this kind of spirit?
Her cell phone rings.
AMY
Her cell phone's ringing now-- probably a sponsor. Hello?
JOSH
It's Josh.
AMY
Hello.
JOSH
You're breathing very hard.
AMY
I'm riding.
JOSH
Then what are you doing?
AMY
Later?
JOSH
Yeah.
AMY
With Peter Harlow.
JOSH
How's Peter's wife?
AMY
They're separated.
JOSH
Yes, I know.
You know Josh, Amy actually being *with* Tandy didn’t stop you from moving in on her. So you can cool it with the judgment about Amy seeing a separated man.
AMY
What do you need?
JOSH
How do we stand strong for the modern family in all its quirks and not seem like we're dissing everyone born before 1962?
AMY
By doing it.
Back to flashbacks.
Sam is trying to navigate his way around the West Wing but since there are no stars out, he has to use a map.
JOSH
WW-160, you been able to find it?
SAM
I don't even know where I am right now.
JOSH
I'm looking on this side again.
SAM
Do you mind if I talk to you while we walk?
JOSH
Well, we may as well get used to having meetings in the corridors from now on. It may be our only hope.
Line of the episode! Now every show and their dog does meta but let’s celebrate shows like TWW that were making meta jokes awesome when it was a little rarer.
Josh yells at the crowded cubicles to give him directions.
JOSH
Does anybody know where WW-160 is?! Hi. I'm Josh Lyman. You all work for me. Does anybody know where WW-160 is?
GINGER
I haven't seen it.
JOSH
That one hasn't seen it. She's... you know, she's keeping an eye out though.
I’m guessing based on that comment that Ginger wasn’t around for the campaign.
Sam and Josh talk about all of the media, advocacy group, etc. that they’ve gotten on Rooker’s racial profiling feelings which apparently have gone public in some unseen scene.
SAM
I don't think he's going to be confirmed. I think the first thing that's going to happen to us is we're going to lose the confirmation battle... And spend the next four years with two outs and a full count. If we pull him out now, it's a story for a day and a half, until we announce the next guy. If we wait a week...
JOSH
This is the guy. This is the story.
SAM
Good. 'Cause you know why? 'Cause hubris always wins in the end. The Greeks taught us that.
That line is the second best line in the episode. I also adore Rob Lowe’s delivery here.
The Lost Boys find the more mature members of Senior Staff who have found each other and are already discussing the problem.
TOBY
Let's line up people for IP, the mornings... "Cornell Rooker has an exceptional record as a U.S. attorney... a leader in fighting employment discrimination...was college chair of... He's tough on crime, he's fair on justice." That's the line. Say that. Do not say that. What the hell was that? "He's tough on crime, he's fair on justice." Sings a song, has a mustache? What is that supposed to...
Third best line of the episode. I’ll stop doing this now.
C.J.
Toby's gone to the zoo.
LEO
Yeah, I think we may have killed these two guys with Inauguration.
SAM
Leo, I beseech you-- let me take a pass at some remarks the President can make withdrawing the nomination. We're going to do it anyway, let's do it now.
JOSH
Here it is. "Take a thorough look at Cornell Rooker's record, you'll see...
TOBY
Yes.
JOSH
...he's fought for justice his entire carer. If you take a thorough look at Cornell Rooker record, you'll see he's fought for justice his entire career."
TOBY
I don't want to be able to turn my head tomorrow without reading that quote.
On that note, the meeting breaks up and it’s time for a little Josh/Donna time.
JOSH
Guess what I have here. It's a copy of "21 Magazine." It's for "Generation Now!"
DONNA
Is my thing in there?
JOSH
Yuh-huh.
Brad Whitford cracks me up on that delivery.
JOSH
"In sleek Celia Yang slacks and a classic DKNY button-down, she's not afraid to bring a note of 'Let's do drinks after work' to the office."
DONNA
That's totally untrue, but I do like the sound of it.
Janel Moloney’s delivery there is really cute.
JOSH
"But as much as we love her style, we worry about her inexperience and Bambi-esque naivete. 'There's so much to learn,' says Moss. 'I didn't even know there was a nuclear missile silo under this place.'"
DONNA
I didn't.
JOSH
There's not!
DONNA
There is!
JOSH
Who told you that?
DONNA
Jeff, when I met him for lunch.
JOSH
Let me take a guess at something. Jeff set you up with a reporter, right?
DONNA
His girlfriend.
JOSH
You probably didn't even bring this up, right? The girlfriend led you there?
DONNA
Bambiesque?
JOSH
As does pertain to Bambi. There's a reason why we keep these missile silos way out the hell in the middle nowhere. It's 'cause they're working with some pretty nasty materials. Also, there's not much point in keeping nuclear secrets from China when all they have to do is take the free tour. Did it really sound right to you, when he said it? What'd you think, we'd go to war, and Hercules rockets come flying out of the Rose Garden?
LOL.
DONNA
The Eisenhower Putting Green.
JOSH
Oh, my God!
DONNA
I'm too stupid to live.
JOSH
This is just like when I played the lead in "Li'l Abner" in eighth grade and rehearsals are going fine. All of a sudden there's sets and lights and costumes, and everyone's tripping all over themselves except me. You guys all walked into the building and got freaked by the lights. I walked in and, you know, something else happened.
Every time this show alludes to something in a characters’ past, I desperately want to see it. Toby as a Middle American-posing telemarketer. Donna dressing up as an East German cocktail waitress. CJ first making The Jackal a tradition. Jed backing up his car into his garage door in a fit of anger. CJ backing her ex-boyfriend’s Porche in a pond. Eighth grade Josh as Lil Abner is definitely on that list.
DONNA
Well, we can't all be you.
JOSH
You all can try a little harder to be.
A little Toby/Charlie time in the present because over this season, they will be the desperately seeking the ex/lovelorn types.
CHARLIE
I'm a bad friend. I should've been there for you.
TOBY
Okay, but I-I don't know what you're talking about.
CHARLIE
Josh and Sam talked to me. I'm on board.
TOBY
With what?
CHARLIE
Team Toby.
TOBY
See, I lent voice to thought and that was my mistake.
CHARLIE
If you want to marry Andy, then, damn it, so do I...
TOBY
Okay.
CHARLIE
...want that, you know, to happen to you.
TOBY
I get it.
CHARLIE
Do you? Because this is about love.
TOBY
I think you have a different motivation.
CHARLIE
Laughs?
TOBY
Yes.
CHARLIE
Sure, but also as much love, really, as I think either one of us are comfortable with.
TOBY
Yes.
CHARLIE
Well, let me start here: have you asked her?
TOBY
Yes.
CHARLIE
And she said no?
TOBY
This is excruciating.
The scene flashes back to Andi and Toby.
ANDY
You're going to give me your white blood cells... not all of them, but as many as I want.
TOBY
Why?
ANDY
Because you love me.
TOBY
No, wha... uh... What's the matter with your white blood cells?
ANDY
Nothing. It's my immune system. It's not... recognizing that a pregnancy isn't something it's supposed to attack. So, they draw blood from you... like a rabid dog -- clean it, thank goodness... and give me injections of your blood cells to build up tolerance. You know how you're always saying you wish people were more like you? Well... The guy's had a lot of success.
TOBY
You don't have to sell me. It sounds like something we should try... But let me ask you something, and bear in mind that I'm happy, I'm... eager to go to as many doctors as there are... but should we talk about a stop date?
ANDY
You mean talk about adoption?
TOBY
Yeah, we can talk about adopting.
ANDY
You meant a stop date stop date.
TOBY
I meant adopting. I meant surrogacy. And yes, I love kids and I want them and I don't have to have them. And I don't have to have them...
ANDY
I want them.
TOBY
And I'm there.
This and other scenes indicate that they, in part, were working on having a baby to save their marriage that was failing in other areas. There’s some passive aggressive comments coming from Andi- “like a rabid dog” or “You know how you're always saying you wish people were more like you?”. I’m convinced that even if Andi got pregnant then, they still would have divorced.
Andi leaves rubbing it in that the Bartlet administration is suffering from the bungled Rooker nomination. Mind you, one of the reasons that I love Andi is because she has a very realistic and often justified harshness to her demeanor. CJ hurries in with a crappy poker face as she answers Andi’s, “Is anything wrong?”
C.J.
There's a problem.
TOBY
I just said a stupid thing. What's the problem?
C.J.
Well, I did a one-on-one with Danny Concannon a few days ago on Rooker.
TOBY
Did you say, "If you take a thorough look at Cornell Rooker's record...?"
C.J.
Yes, as a matter of fact.
TOBY
And?
C.J.
He did.
TOBY
Oh, man.
I love that little bit of irony. Administrations posture with “take a look at the record” even though that’s the last thing they want to happen.
C.J.
A DUI got fixed in law school. He doesn't want to write about the DUI as much as he wants to write about us being the Capitol Clampettes. What was the stupid thing that you said?
TOBY
Doesn't matter. Let's fix this.
That exchange encapsulates the line between CJ and Toby being best friends and being boss and subordinate. I always remember when Jed said that Leo was his best friend and that’s amazing because neither of them are the “best friends” type. That’s true for Jed/Leo and it’s true for CJ/Toby. I bet that Toby didn’t share his angst about his marriage breaking up with anyone until it actually happened.
Sam, Larry and Ed are entertaining everyone with their Latin dorky campfire singing. Sam, you are no longer allowed to tease Jed about being nerdy and pretentious. I know that you think that just because you’re incredibly hot and showing that off in your awesome black sweater that you’re immune from the nerd label. Not so!
Look at Josh's entertained face. He is adorable.
Sam translates the song for Joey.
SAM
"Let us be merry, therefore while we are young men. After the joys of youth, after the pains of old age, the ground will have us." It's true.
Joey has an agenda.
JOEY (KENNY)
How can I get you onboard with me?
SAM
New Hampshire?
JOEY
Yeah.
SAM
By coming out with me.
JOEY (KENNY)
On what?
SAM
The President's got to spend a little more time in congressional districts we're not going to win.
JOEY (KENNY)
Why would he spend any time in districts...?
SAM
To build Democratic momentum in the very places we traditionally tank. We're running comically weak candidates in these districts. The Tennessee 7th, Horton Wilde in Orange County; he's in the hospital with his fourth heart attack. Who the hell knows when he's going to resume a campaign schedule.
JOEY (KENNY)
I can't make a pitch about putting resources in the right places and then advocate sending the President to districts where the last Democrat won by railing against Abraham Lincoln.
SAM
That's a reasonable point.
Joey Lucas’s impeccable logic is so underrated. In almost every scene that she appears in, you can guarantee that she’ll give the facts and draw clear conclusions from them.
PETER HARLOW
I have to say you look good.
AMY
Thank you.
PETER
I don't remember you looking this good. Is something different?
AMY
I don't know, the autumnal equinox is usually good to me, but...
Hmm, both Peter and Josh did the whole, “I don’t remember Amy looking so good. I’m ensorcelled” thing. I think it’s because Mary Louise Parker sounds like an ordinary looking woman based on a strict verbal description- straight brown hair, pale skin, no notable facial features. You have to look at her to remember how gorgeous she is.
Anyway, Amy’s being a little rude answering her phone and talking on it at the table. I don’t know if the rules are different from Washington political operatives where it’s a cell phone culture but I always thought that etiquette on dates meant not answering the phone unless it was an emergency and if so, taking the phone away from the table to have a brief conversation.
JOSH
You on your date?
AMY
Well, I wouldn't call it that.
JOSH
Listen, you probably don't want to let him know it's me on the phone. It's too intimidating. It's like going out with Cher and Sonny calls.
LOL. Josh’s obnoxiousness is the best obnoxiousness ever!
AMY
How can I help you?
JOSH
Any thoughts?
AMY
Yes, Ritchie's right. There's a family crisis in America.
JOSH
So a radical feminist is saying women should stay home with the kids?
AMY
First of all, I don't think I'm a radical anything. Second of all, who said women should stay home? And third is, it's the capitalist treadmill that encourages scheduling quality time on a Palm Pilot. That's not how they do it in Scandinavia.
I don’t think Amy is a “radical” feminist, if such a term can be fairly defined. Everything that I’ve seen of her indicates that she’s fairly mainstream for a feminist lobbyist.
JOSH
But everybody kills themselves in Scandinavia.
AMY
That's hard to deny.
JOSH
We need to defend our accomplishments on work and family, many of which you pushed for and show that we get what working parents are going through. Can you help us?
AMY
Yes.
JOSH
I'll call back. What would be a really bad time?
AMY
Oh, really anytime.
JOSH
Outstanding.
Back to flashbacks. A Mr. Gordon from the NSA is here to see Josh. He’s a handsome, staid, many cards up his sleeves, national security type.
MICHAEL
A few days ago, a teen magazine published a short interview with her.
JOSH
Yeah, look, the old guys were playing a joke on her. I realize it's not a good idea for a White House staffer to be saying there's a missile in the capitol.
MICHAEL
Well, the problem is, joke or not, she it a little close to him for our comfort.
JOSH
What do you mean?
MICHAEL
Obviously I can't elaborate.
JOSH
"She hit a little close to home"?
MICHAEL
Yeah.
JOSH
You trying to tell me...?
MICHAEL
Mr. Lyman, you don't have code-word clearance. We need to stay professional.
Right here, is where Josh should have been tipped off. He said in Memorial Day that he has the rank of a three star general. Michael Gordon doesn’t seem old enough or important enough to out-rank Josh for higher clearance. (Unless the ridiculousness of nukes in the White House wasn't enough to tip Josh enough.)
JOSH
I would vouch for Donna with my life. She doesn't know about missiles. She's from Wisconsin!
Sorkin gave Josh several lines of dialogue where he explains something cute about Donna like, “She’s from Wisconsin!” I think it’s an inside joke because Bradley Whitford is from Wisconsin.
MICHAEL
I'm simply asking how long she's been working for you.
JOSH
No, look, I'm sorry. I'm sure your intentions are good, and this is just routine, but it could get tricky, and I'd like to have her talk to someone.
MICHAEL
A lawyer?
JOSH
Yeah.
MICHAEL
Suit yourself, but until this is straightened out, I'm going to have to revoke her credentials.
JOSH
She's my assistant. For how long?
MICHAEL
As long as it takes.
Anyway, Michael leaves and Josh talks to Donna.
JOSH
That idiot interview you did, pooped a red flag at NSA. They're revoking your credentials until it's straightened out.
DONNA
I don't believe it.
JOSH
I'm talking to someone in Cochran's office.
DONNA
What am I supposed to do?
JOSH
Take a few days off. Go home. Go to the beach.
DONNA
It's February 2nd.
JOSH
Well, then, I wouldn't go to the beach.
CJ tells Josh that Jed won’t be available because there’s serious national security stuff afoot. Josh and Sam are Debate Camp counselors.
CJ tells Josh that Jed won’t be available because there’s serious national security stuff afoot. Josh and Sam are Debate Camp counselors.
JOSH
All right. Listen up. We still have an open question on family, we still have an open question on Rooker, missile defense, and vouchers. We start dress rehearsals tomorrow at 3:00. Let's split up in our groups. I really want vouchers by 10:00, missile defense by 11:00.
SAM
Anybody not doing anything at midnight-- Team Toby, my cabin.
What do dress rehearsals entail? Jed suits up? He fusses over his tie? Sam wears lifts so he can approximate Ritchie’s height?
Cut to the Situation Barn.
FITZWALLACE
The Mastico, a 200-foot Qumari cargo ship is heading east in the Mediterranean, toward Lebanon.
LEO
Is it carrying Qumari arts and crafts?
FITZWALLACE
No, it's carrying 72 tons of weapons and explosives, including a Multiple Launch Rocket System.
But how to get the boat turned around?
BARTLET
They turn around the ship in exchange for what?
FITZWALLACE
Access to the High Altitude Area Defense program.
LEO
That's okay, 'cause that's just the most sophisticated anti-ballistic missile system in history short of Star Wars. What else?
BARTLET
They're arming the Bahji, Leo. Two training camps of which the Israelis just attacked. I've gotta turn around the boat-- tonight. Tomorrow we'll worry about tomorrow.
LEO
Well, we can invite the Sultan over for a mixer.
BARTLET
Look...
LEO
A nice mixer. Punch, sack races, whatnot... Why are we playing games with these people? They refuse to catch and prosecute the Bahji. In fact, they support them in a variety of ways. Why isn't that the end of the conversation? "We'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow." We said that yesterday.
BARTLET
Fitz?
FITZWALLACE
I couldn't agree with Leo more.
BARTLET
What about Nancy?
FITZWALLACE
Yeah.
Bartlet leaves the meeting telling Fitz to stop the boat but don’t shoot at it. More resolution on The Boat of the Baji next week.
This flashback is hilarious.
C.J.
This doesn't feel good, does it? It's quiet, you know. It's too quiet.
TOBY
C.J....
LOL. I always crack up when CJ says the standard horror movie cliché, “It’s too quiet” in the middle of Leo’s office.
Leo comes in reporting that they’re withdrawing Rooker from the nomination and here are the first set of poll numbers.
LEO
Not quite. Our report card for our first two weeks in office. The President's approval has gone from 61% during the transition-- when, I suppose, there's nothing to approve-- to 49% once there was. 47% see him as a strong leader-- a result of bungling the Rooker nomination-- and African-American support, which basically elected him, has gone from 92 to 78. Finally, if the election were held today, the President would be Chairman of the Economics Department at Phillips Andover Academy. Can anyone report anything good?
C.J.
600,000 Evangelicals are praying for me... so... we have that going for us.
LEO
What the hell are you talking about?
C.J.
It's true-- a guy gave me this card: "365 in Media."
SAM
Who are the others?
C.J.
I don't know, let's see... "Hugh Hefner, Don Imus, Howard Stern..." all the late-night guys. This is... one, two, three... this is the Editorial Board of The New York Times. This isn't a good list, this is a list of people who are going to hell!
TOBY
Yes.
C.J.
They're not praying for me because they like me! It's 'cause I'm doomed to eternal damnation!
SAM
Well, if you weren't, it'd be a waste of praying.
C.J.
You're on the list too, pal.
SAM
Can I see that?
LEO
You can all leave.
JOSH
We're going to do better for you, boss.
LEO
Do better for him.
C.J.
We will.
TOBY
We will.
They don’t really do better until Let Bartlet Be Bartlet/Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics. This shows very good continuity because we meet the group in the Pilot as yes, idealistic and funny and dedicated, but fairly used to losing and insecure and willing to appease on everything.
Josh has a nice moment acknowledging that Sam was right all along which Sam takes humbly. Josh tells the whole crazy Donna story and suddenly, He Gets It.
Donna is hanging with the real Michael Gordon, not an NSA guy with higher clearance than Josh but instead an employee in the Staff Secretary’s Office with his own band.
Michael: Unmasked.
DONNA
By the way, you know what your name is for the next month?
JOSH
It's going to be Bambi, isn't it?
DONNA
Yeah, it's going to be Bambi-ass. But on your good days, I'm calling you Abner 'cause you stepped into the White House and didn't flinch.
Eh, there’s something about this storyline that doesn’t quite smell right. I don’t know if it’s because Josh was so easily duped or if I have trouble imagining a Donna with the audacity to play a big practical joke with a friend impersonating a NSA big shot and implying a White House location for nukes on the very first few days of the Bartlet administration.
Very minor complaint but that was also a somewhat weak scene to end the flashbacks with. To contrast, ITOTG ended its flashbacks with Josh on his way to his father’s funeral, having gained a substitute father in Jed and Jed, finally embracing his role and taking control of his story in earnest. Bartlet for America ended its flashbacks with Jed and Leo at their weakest points suffering the consequences of their biggest secrets to effectively contrast the two of them and their relationship in the present. Not every episode can be those classics and Debate Camp is actually a terrific episode in its own right but I wish they ended on a better, more substantive scene than Donna’s weird practical joke.
More Josh/Amy in the present.
JOSH
How you doing?
AMY
I'm freezing.
JOSH
Where are you?
AMY
I'm at my front door.
JOSH
Well, go inside.
AMY
I can't, I'll lose you.
JOSH
You'll never lose me, Amy.
AMY
Please don't say that.
Anyway, Amy gives them her answer on families which Josh very adorably holds up to CJ’s ear so she can take it down.
AMY
I don't know what you want me to say. I want women to have help from the government. I want women to earn what men earn. I want everyone to earn enough so that everyone can make the right choice for their family, and after that, it's none of your business who stays home and who goes to work. You don't know more about raising a family than I do.
JOSH
That was it. We got it. We'll give it a test. I'll call you back. Probably around 1:00.
Anyway, it’s time for a little personal draah-mah!
CHARLIE
He was wondering, the Team Toby meeting. Toby doesn't need to be there, right?
TOBY
I wasn't really wondering.
JOSH
Why don't you just do your job as a man and get that nice girl pregnant.
Okay, I’m going to give Josh the benefit of the doubt and assume that he doesn’t know that Toby and Andi were suffering through infertility issues and it broke up their marriage. Josh can be a jerk and this comment is sexist even if Josh doesn’t know the history. Still, I don’t think Josh would be that much of an asshole to mock Toby’s manhood if Josh knew that Toby and Andi were going through.
Anyway, the bombshell.
TOBY
I did.
JOSH
Wait, what?
C.J.
What?
TOBY
Andy's pregnant.
JOSH
Toby, Andy's pregnant?
TOBY
With twins.
SAM
This is incredible.
JOSH
And they're yours?
TOBY
Yeah.
JOSH
Both of them?
TOBY
I'm going downstairs.
CJ hits Josh with her file folder for his immature behavior.
When did Toby find out about this? I assume that he knew before the episode started because he was already trying to get Andi to marry him in the first act. I assume that The Red Mass occurred very soon before Debate Camp because Toby was acting like he wanted to clear twenty fours for debate prep ASAP. It is possible that Toby knew about the pregnancy through The Red Mass but there’s little in Toby’s behavior to substantiate it and I kind of feel that even if Sorkin didn’t write those cues, Richard Schiff would have done some acting in The Red Mass that could imply that he knew about the pregnancy.
So I’m going to assume that Andi told Toby just before debate prep started when she decided to come to Debate Camp. He tried proposing a few times, only to be turned down. So by the time the viewers see that dynamic, it has already become a joke.
Sam/Jed scene.
SAM
Yes, sir. We haven't found the answer we like on the Rooker question yet.
BARTLET
You know what I remember he said to me? He said, "Mr. President, when I hear black footsteps behind me, I'm scared. When I hear white footsteps, I'm not."
SAM
Well, I think we both know people who'd say different. But you have to respect him for voicing such an unpopular opinion amongst people to whom he's a leader.
Sam displays loyalty to Joey Lucas by answering that Jed will lose New Hampshire in a very direct, honest way.
BARTLET
I don't mind blowing the knucklehead stuff like Rooker... Rooker's not knucklehead, but... if I'm making mistakes there, how do I know I'm not doing it when it comes to matters like death and destruction?
SAM
Well, probably you don't, 'cause there's no manual. Sir, we expect the President to face the world in his own way, for his own time. Also, luckily for all of us, you have better advisors in that area than you do in domestic and political policy.
Oh, Sam. That’s a non-answer. Although, I don’t know if there is an adequate answer to Jed’s, “How do I know that I’m not making terrible decisions on issues of life or death?” That Jed Bartlet. Always asking the big, ole’ questions.
A shot of Jed looking very handsome.
BARTLET
Not anymore. He's dead.
Jed and Sam walk back to the debate room to practice with everyone. There’s something about how that walk is directed and acted that makes me all sentimental.
BARTLET
And stay up in my face, okay?
SAM
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
I swear to God, the winner of this debate's going to be the next President. Anybody want to be on the losing team?
ALL
No, sir.
BARTLET
Then let's pump it up. Let's go, Claudia Jean.
C.J.
Good evening, and welcome to the Presidential debate between President Josiah Bartlet and Governor Robert Ritchie being brought to you from the University of California, San Diego. The format agreed to by both candidates, is as follows: A candidate will have 90-seconds to respond, followed with a 60-second questioning by his opponent, followed by 60-second summation. By virtue of a coin toss, Mr. President, the first question goes to you.
I love the title of this ep, “Debate Camp”. LOL.
Jed is playing himself and Sam is playing Ritchie and they’re having mock debates with input from the peanut gallery. (“That? Right there? That was a sign”- Donna. Putting Sam in the mock presidential debate is more Sorkin predicting Sam as the future president and probably foreshadowing Sam’s upcoming run for elected office himself.) In other news, Jed, Sam and the Peanut Gallery all look fantastic in their casual clothes. The rustic scenery and the non-business attire is incredibly refreshing.
In the very first minute, Sorkin establishes that a) this episode will be about preparing Jed for his debate, b) it will go over Bartlet’s past mistakes and record and c) one of which will be about his first pick for Attorney General. When the typical S1-4 episode of a show has four to five varied and sophisticated storylines, effectively manages a typical cast of 12 (the eight regulars and there are usual four other significant guest starring or one off characters) and is chock-full of awesome lines and moments, you have to establish things from the first few minutes. There’s barely any wasted time on this show.
BARTLET
What that hell is...? I don't support racial profiling.
SAM
Your nominee for Attorney General did. Can you tell us why you nominated him?
BARTLET
Why?
SAM
Yes.
BARTLET
'Cause bite me, that's why.
ALL
Whoa...
C.J.
It's a legitimate question.
BARTLET
It's been almost four years Sam, how long do you want to say "I told you so?"
JOSH
He wasn't saying "I told you so," sir. We need an answer on Rooker.
BARTLET
What wrong with "bite me?"
JOSH
I think we'd lose.
TOBY
Not in New Jersey.
A Toby Zielger joke if I ever heard one.
Anyway, Jed, the Fab Four, Ed, Larry, Joey and Andi bounce around answers for whether Jed supports racial profiling based on his nomination for a pro-racial profiling attorney general. Despite the fact that everyone is awesome, no one can figure out a good answer. Anyway, Sam wants to make comparisons between himself and Bartlet even clearer.
SAM
Why not just say we screwed up? "Mr. Rooker's a devoted crimer fighter-- we had our differences-- but on this, all Americans can agree..."
It’s not a ringer for Jed but it’s quite funny. Sam takes his glasses off in a very Jed, presidential sort of way in the middle of his speech.
BARTLET
Excuse me...
SAM
...Yes sir?
BARTLET
Were you doing me just then?
SAM
I was offering an answer...
BARTLET
You were doing me.
SAM
I may have slipped into it, yes.
BARTLET
Anybody else do a pretty good Bartlet? It's talent night here at Debate Camp, anybody want to do a little skit?
Leo interrupts Bartlet with more serious news than announcing talent night (upcoming, Bingo Night at Debate Camp).
BARTLET
Apparently, eight Israeli Thunder fighters--these are also known as American-made Boeing F15E Strike Eagles--have hit two terrorist bases in the north and south of Qumar. And while no Qumari government personnel or institutions were destroyed, Qumar, of course, considers an attack on its soil to be an act of war. So we are, as always, one bad bottle of Tequila away from all-out war in West Asia. (to Sam) Would you like to take this one or shall I?
SAM
Why don't you get this one. I'll get... the next one.
Like, the next administration. (After Santos and the Republican who will beat Matt Santos come reelection have their run.
Jed, Leo and the military advisors walk with great purpose and kick-assery to their military lair which in this case, is a….barn.
MAN 2
Mr. President, you have secretaries Hutchinson and Berryhill, Director Kato, Chairman Fitzwallace and Dr. McNally.
BARTLET
Alright. Well, we've got ourselves a Marx Brothers' movie.
For some reason, we only hear Hutchinson (for a bit) and then mostly Fitz.
BARTLET
Well, we've made camp in North Carolina for prep, so I've been thinking about killing myself, but let me ask you something. Besides Qumar, Iran, Syria, Hezbullah, they've all got short and medium-range missiles. If Israel feels threatened by them, what happens?
FITZWALLACE
They launch a pre-emptive strike.
LEO
Yeah, but before that happens, Qumar shows its teeth, right?
FITZWALLACE
Yeah.
LEO
Yeah. So what happens then?
FITZWALLACE
They'll want something from us in exchange for standing down.
BARTLET
Well, for the moment, they haven't stood up, but in the meantime, let's think of something we can give them when they do.
LEO
(angrily) That's what we should do in the meantime?
BARTLET
(warning tone) Leo...
LEO
We should think of something we can *give* them?!
BARTLET
Honey, if we're going to have this fight, can we not do it in front of the Joint Chiefs? It just scares the hell out of them.
Pretty unprofessional of Leo to raise his voice and publicly disagree with Jed in front of military men with enough stars to blanket a few square feet of the Hollywood Walk of Fame. However, Jed’s firm but amusing and slashy put down got the message through and I think Leo thinks he made a bad move there.
Anyway in the meantime, Jed asks Fitz to raise the threat level for American bases in Qumar. Wow, that was really the right country to install American bases and then renew them as terrorism is becoming a problem. But, hey, at least these bases in danger have new carpeting.
A little Toby/Andi. It’s two parts dysfunctional mixed with two parts cute mixed with one part tragic. You’ll be seeing this blend a lot this season.
TOBY
A couple of things. I need you to look at a couple of answers on defense readiness. I need concrete examples of waste in Pentagon procurement. We need two more members of the IRC for post spin. I need you to fill out this marriage license and paperwork for a joint checking account and review this 60-second answer on Rwanda.
ANDY
Okay, okay, okay and um, under no circumstances, and sure.
TOBY
See, by my count, you said under no circumstances to the IRC post spin and sure....
ANDY
I said under no circumstances to marrying you again.
TOBY
May I ask why?
ANDY
I've had the unique experience of having done it once before.
Harsh! But probably true.
Toby meets up with Sam and Josh. Josh is hilariously futzing with a basketball the whole time. Toby tells Sam to keep “staying up in the President’s face”.
This screencap is epic.
SAM
What's going on with you and Andy?
TOBY
Nothing.
SAM
I think you're wrong.
TOBY
I'm not.
SAM
I think you're getting back together.
TOBY
We're not.
SAM
But you want to.
TOBY
Yes.
SAM
I think... Wait. What?
TOBY
See, sometimes if I slam on the brakes, you run right past.
JOSH
Okay, fill us in on everything you've got so far between the two of you.
TOBY
Yeah, that's what's going to happen right now.
One of my favorite Toby moments and that’s a very long list. Anyway, they reminisce about the Rooker nomination as they walk through the gorgeous natural surroundings. I think the only ugly set that this show had in the first four seasons was Mendoza’s weirdly green prison cell in Celestial Navigation. Even the In the Shadow of Two Gunmen hospital and the S4 California arc prison looked pretty good for what they were.
SAM
He did. He said, "It's been four years and when am I going to stop saying, 'I told you so?'" And that wasn't... I was... Let's say we're new. We made mistakes. We'd just gotten to... We weren't even in the White House when we heard Rooker. It was like January 5.
They arrive at the hoop.
TOBY
It was the 15th. It was January 15th.
SAM
How do you remember?
TOBY
I just do.
Aw, I love the subtlety there. Toby remembers the date because he remembers the pain mixed with triumph of his marriage breaking apart right when he helped get Jed elected. We never got the full details on the Toby/Andi split-up even from this episode but I wonder how it would have affected him if Jed named David Rosen as his Communications Director and Andi still divorced Toby. A huge theme of this show is the “Road Not Taken” because its characters are so consistently making such significant choices.
Anyway, we move to flash-back land.
Leo's glasses are weird.
Just to highlight what the purpose of this election is, it’s fairly significant that Sorkin chose to focus on the debate more than electoral math, campaign stump speeches and he omitted the Democratic and Republican conventions entirely. This is because the debate is where Jed’s character truly evolves and it’s the opportunity for a summation of the Bartlet administration’s achievements and goals for the first four years. This flashback episode with its greener, less confident versions of our characters really highlights that the arc is about the characters growing, not about the suspense of the race.
I’m one of those weirdos that CJ still looked pretty damn good, albeit not at optimum gorgeousness, with the curly hair in In the Shadow of Two Gunmen and Bartlet for America. That said, her hair is really terrible here. I think it’s because the curls are tighter and it doesn’t mesh as well with the suits she has on compared to the casual clothes that she was wearing in the flashbacks of In the Shadow of Two Gunmen and Bartlet for America.
LEO
I think Cornell Rooker's going to be the AG. How about that?
TOBY
What do you mean?
LEO
He's on the phone with the governor right now.
SAM
We're settled on that?
LEO
Yeah, it's Cornell Rooker, if that's what he's saying on the phone. If he's saying no, then it's going to be somebody else.
JOSH
Well analyzed.
Anyway, they finish talking about Rooker because damnnit, there are more important things to discuss!
JOSH
Donna is at the White House, as a matter of fact.
C.J.
She's at the White House?!
JOSH
Yup.
C.J.
She knows the old tenants are still there, right?
JOSH
She's being taken out to lunch by her predecessor, a guy who's the assistant to Mac McConnell, the assistant to the Deputy C.O.S.
C.J.
Nobody did that with me. Anybody do that with you?
It’s not a surprise. Assistants probably feel less combative about politics. We know that Jed didn’t run against an incumbent but that his prior administration was Republican. I bet the incumbent press secretary resents all of the public and almost assuredly brilliantly snarky and aggressive comments Campaign Press Spokesperson CJ Cregg made during the campaign that helped sink the Republican nominee.
JOSH
He's who the judiciary calls when they want to put a stamp on a yes. He has a record conservatives can't complain about.
SAM
Folks, our opponent had a record conservatives can't complain about, but he lost.
Sam is already calling what a bad idea Rooker is. It’s reminiscent of IMO, Sam’s best moment on the show when he totes called that Peyton Cabot Harrison III wouldn’t protect privacy rights and Sam convinced Jed to “put him on a bus” and give Mendoza a hearing. Sam is absolutely calling out that Rooker would be a nightmares as Attorney General, forget the upcoming political blow-back.
ASSISTANT
Congresswoman Wyatt is here in person without an appointment, and she's asking to see you.
TOBY (irritated)
Yeah. Congresswoman Wyatt is also Mrs. Ziegler. Just... uh, I'll be right out.
What the hell was that about? Did Toby have a thing about people referring to his wife by her title and original name? I have a hunch that Andi, when they were married, preferred to be known as Congresswoman Wyatt and *not* Mrs. Ziegler.
Again, I’m confused by Sorkin’s intent. Is he trying to point out issues with Toby/Andi marriage? Merely trying to establish that Andi is still Toby’s wife in the flashbacks, even though it’s clear in their actual scenes together? Or was Toby was just trying to clumsily say that because Congresswoman Wyatt is also Mrs. Ziegler that she doesn’t need an appointment to see him.
SAM
I think he'll be confirmed. We might even get the honeymoon from the left.
JOSH
But?
SAM
I'm not sure he's the right guy.
Jed walks in just to say.
BARTLET
We got Rooker.
Sam looks disappointed.
Donna has her lunch date, looking rather doofy in barrettes. For some reason, Donna is only in the flashbacks in this episode. Did she to go to debate camp? The former Deputy Deputy Chief of Staff is really cute. You know how Sorkin said (incorrectly) that Mathew Perry is beautiful enough to be the male Ainsley Hayes? This guy is beautiful enough to be the male Donna Moss. Also, feminism!points for this assistant being a guy as opposed the Sterling-Cooper vibe of the Bartlet administration with their entirely female secretarial staff.
I like Cute!Male Deputy Deputy Chief of Staff’s tips.
JEFF
Never wear your badge off campus. It's like wearing a bull's eye. Don't let your kids get the mail out of your mailbox. You don't know what separatist just sent you a chain mail.
DONNA
I don't have kids.
JEFF
Good, because there are days when you're gonna need to get here at eight, maybe even earlier, and not go home till six or seven.
What kind of a slacker administration was this, not getting in at eight and not getting home until six or seven? During the Bartlet administration, it felt that the standard hours of work were 6 AM to 2 AM. That’s beyond excessive but I do feel that most of the serious Obama advisers have work hours of 7 AM to 9 PM.
Also you hardly ever see the senior staff and even the assistants wearing their badges, even during work.
JEFF
What else? The iodine tablet. Some people take 'em; some people don't. I did, but you can ask your doctor.
DONNA
What's the iodine for?
JEFF
Uh, it protects your thyroid from the radiation.
DONNA
And why is there radiation?
JEFF
There's an XW-9 warhead in a silo 93 feet below the Eisenhower putting green. They say it's not enough radiation to hurt you, but do you really want to take chances with something like that?
DONNA
Really? Wow. God, no.
With Donna sufficiently misinformed, Jeff wants to make her a star.
JEFF
Listen, before I forget, I've gotten hit up for a favor. My girlfriend's a stringer for a teen magazine. It's called 21.
DONNA
Sure.
JEFF
With all the people coming in, they want to do a story and you've been visible and with the way you look... Any chance she could get a ten-minute phoner?
DONNA
No problem. You can give her the number.
Donna is totally taken in by the promise of celebrity and this cute guy complimenting her looks.
Unlike most people, Andi looks great in the past, present and likely future.
Toby and Andi interact very similarly when they were married compared to now that they’re divorced. No hugging, no kissing, no pet names, no closeness and plenty of snark and fighting. However, there is a 100 percent more fertility talk.
TOBY
It's... something. You get off on the 4th floor, which is clearly marked for all the other passengers on the elevator to read that it's the fertility clinic. And you're trying to show with your body language that it's not you and that's impossible to show with body language. An 84-year-old Welsh nurse hands you a brown paper bag with a cup and a video and points you toward a room, where I won't even tell you the name they have for this room.
ANDY
What's the name?
TOBY
I won't tell you.
ANDY
Why?
TOBY
It's not a good out loud word. You take the longest walk of your life back to the Welsh nurse, who takes the cup out of the bag and says, "Very nice."
Best analysis of sperm check-ups ever! The best thing about this storyline is that on its surface, it isn’t a likely storyline for Toby. You’d think that it’s a Jump the Shark storyline that would turn Toby into a different person. However, it doesn’t turn him into a different person. It just brings out parts of him that he doesn’t normally have to use so that even when a moment has the potential for false sappiness (“Babies come with hats”), it still *really* feels like the Toby of S1-3 would say that.
TOBY
It's January 15th, Andy. I can't have a baby today. He's getting sworn in five days. I'm not saying never. I'm saying, can we wait five days?
We flash back to the present where single Toby and Josh and Sam tramp in to hear about Joey’s electoral math along with CJ. Joey has a bitchin’ computerized electoral map. It would make CNN envious come election night.
JOSH
When do you suppose Georgia got so far out of reach? Was it 'cause we... burned it down?
SAM
I was going to say.
Joey gives a status update on which states deserve the most resources based on how close they are. They get to New Hampshire. Joey says it’s impossible to win and they should withdraw their money.
C.J.
I don't think you understand how the President feels about his home state.
He's a New Hampshire Bartlet. It's been home for centuries. He's a Democrat elected to the statehouse with close to 60% and the fact that the state's in play is a real embarrassment for him. He doesn't want to campaign there because that's embarrassing too, but we really can't...
JOEY through KENNY
C.J., I'm trying to tell you it's not in play anymore.
JOSH
Joey, no kidding-- if you asked the President which he'd rather win, New Hampshire or the election, he'd have to think before he answered. Put a pin in it; we'll come back after prep. Thanks.
New Hampshire is the reddest of the northeast states. I believe that it went for George W. Bush but considering how popular the Bartlet family is, it’s hard to believe that it would be so close.
LARRY
President Bartlet, the next questions to you. Governor Ritchie contends there's a crisis in the American family that parents aren't spending enough time with their kids.
JOSH
We're trying this again. Sorry.
LARRY
Yeah. And that your solution is essentially to have government raise children.
BARTLET
Well, that's an extraordinary and unsurprisingly dumb interpretation of what it is my administration's trying to accomplish.
Larry, Ed and Another Guy All in a Row.
Everyone applauds. They’re all spending a disproportionate amount of time talking about wedge issues like racial profiling or family values. That stuff gets play in presidential debates but, especially in a single date, most of the questions revolve around the big stuff- taxes, fiscal policy, health care, Social Security, terrorism and trade agreements.
However, maybe the assumption that Bartlet is equipped to beat Ritchie on those issues. It’s on “wedge issues” that Ritchie could manipulate Bartlet into sounding anti-American or anti-family.
BARTLET
It's hard enough to raise kids today with help from family leave, subsidized daycare, preschool-- we need more of it, not less.
SAM
The government can't raise kids, Mr. President-- parents have to.
BARTLET
I have three grown daughters, Governor. You really want to tell me how I should raise my family? You're really comfortable with that?
JOSH
There it is.
BARTLET
You want to tell other American fathers and mothers what they're doing wrong?
SAM
Sir, I did not say...
BARTLET
I didn't think you did. So, why don't we stick to what government can do-- which is collect money and distribute it-- and stop wasting time by sentimentalizing family.
The staffers don’t like that. Everyone is all “No, No!”
SAM
We just lost the vote of every stay-at-home mom and their husbands who are henpecked.
BARTLET
Who are you now?
SAM
Yes, sir.
TOBY
I like the aggressive answer. It's just right.
LARRY
We're letting Ritchie put him on the opposite side of values. Lead with "I'm the proud father of..."
BARTLET
That wasn't the question, Larry. The question was, "What do I have against families?" and the answer is I have nothing against them at all. They simply aren't mentioned in the Executive Powers section.
My love for Jed Bartlet is real. It’s not a school girl crush. The originator of that quote just pulled Josh aside.
C.J.
Larry's right, we have to put him on the right side of this. He is on the right side of this, but we need help with the answer.
JOSH
You're asking me to do that which I don't want to do, right?
C.J.
Yes.
JOSH
Okay.
Aw, CJ wants to get Amy’s help on this. We haven’t seen many scenes of CJ and Amy being friends but I firmly believe that they are. It’s also a great idea. Amy has spent a bunch of her life studying how to frame family value issues and getting in touch with the female constituency, more so than the senior staff and Jed. I think that everyone deserves to have their say on gender politics because it affects everyone. However, gender politics is a specialized applied academic field with important subtleties and not commonly understood facts. Everyone should study and feel comfortable speaking about the issue. However, contrary to popular opinion, not everyone with genitals is qualified to be an expert on the subject and that’s where bona fide experts like Amy come in.
CJ walks into a briefing in present time and the scene seamlessly cuts to her practicing for her second press conference in a very insecure way. I think more than any other actor, Allison Janney is doing the best work playing herself four years ago.
Carol leaves to unpack boxes so CJ shows off her terrific mnemonic device skillz. This is probably unintentional but memory ends up being a big theme for CJ- her father’s Alzheimer’s, consistently showing her memorizing facts for press briefings, a fascination with trivia and song lyrics, Institutional Memory and all of that episode’s memory themes.
C.J.
No, David, the President was very clear about that. Mark, then Katie. Mark, Katie, Jessie, Phil, Steve, Betsy, Julie, Julie, Julia, Kevin, Paul, Tom, Sondra, Suzanne... Mike, Danny... Elizabeth. 18th seat. 18 you can vote... "vote" sounds like "moat"... which is a trench-- Trent.
After that moment of unspeakably adorable cognitive showing off, this evangelical guy walks in.
BILL STARK
Bill Stark. I'm with "Kingspeak." We're a magazine that reaches over 600,000 Christians Evangelicals. I'm sorry I missed your first briefing. I heard you did well.
C.J.
I can do better.
Aw, never being satisfied with excellence and always wanting to be better is an intentional theme with CJ.
BILL
I wanted to tell you that on December 10th, all 600,000 will be praying for you.
C.J.
Really?
BILL
That's right.
C.J.
I don't understand.
BILL
Well, once a year, we identify the 365 most influential people in media and we assign each of them a calendar day and we pray for them.
C.J.
I really don't know what to say in response to that sort of kindness.
BILL
Well... maybe the Administration will reconsider their position on some issues?
C.J.
Like what?
BILL
Um... school prayer?
C.J.
I think the President's pretty much made up his mind.
BILL
Millions of Americans want it. There are a lot of votes there.
C.J.
Yes, but we got as many as we needed for now, so...
J’adore CJ’s consistent bluntness. However, we arrive at the point of the scene.
BILL
Oh, by the way... Just so you don't think we disagree on everthing, I think Cornell Rooker is terrific.
C.J.
Really?
BILL
Back in the day we served on a city council together. First African-American man I've ever heard make sense on racial profiling.
That sets off warning bells for CJ. She is off to research what the hell that means.
MRS. LANDINGHAM!!! MY HEART! Can we just stay in flashback land with Mrs. Landingham, Ziegler marriage drama, a Sam who’s not on his way out and amusingly inexperienced senior staffers? It’s all a fair trade for even CJ with bad hair, Leo's weird glasses and Donna’s doofy barrettes.
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Look at this. Leonardo DaVinci. "Madonna and child with a pomegranate."
BARTLET
It's nice.
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Here's Botticelli. "Adoration of the Magi."
BARTLET
What are we doing right now?
MRS. LANDINGHAM
We're choosing pictures from the collection at the National Gallery.
BARTLET
They'll loan stuff?
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Anything you want in the National Gallery or the whole Smithsonian.
BARTLET
Really?
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Yeah.
BARTLET
I want Apollo 11.
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Well, you can't have that.
BARTLET
Then don't bother me.
MRS. LANDINGHAM
Sir...
BARTLET
I'm meeting with the leadership, I'm signing six Executive Orders I don't yet understand...
Apparently, Jed had to visit the National Gallery himself to get inspired enough to pick out a painting of the cliffs of Eritita, cleverly titled, "The Cliff of Etrita" so that it can hang on the White House walls like a gym sock on a shower rod.
Anyway, Leo comes out and they rehash the joke from The American President and Ellie about not knowing which door is for what in the Oval Office. CJ is awkwardly hanging outside the Oval Office, nervous about just walking in. I love her so, so much.
C.J.
A reporter for a conservative Christian magazine introduced himself and happened to serve on a city council with Rooker, which is true-- it was in Miami.
BARTLET
Yeah.
C.J.
The reporter said that he liked Rooker's position on racial profiling.
LEO
That's strange.
C.J.
No, it's not. We found the transcript. "I'm not saying it should be active policy, but there is no question in my mind that in certain situations, racial profiling can be helpful to law..."
BARTLET
Law enforcement?
C.J.
Yeah.
BARTLET
It's our second day, how do you think it's going so far?
One advantage to returning to the present is that even though we lose Mrs. Landingham, we gain Amy Gardner. Who is narrating her bike ride like she’s on the Tour de France. Routine exercise has never been so charming.
AMY
And down the stretch, here she comes. Here comes Gardner. She's going to take the yellow jersey pass the picturesque farms and hillsides and Champs d'leamp and the white cliffs of Dover. Where do the Americans find this kind of spirit?
Her cell phone rings.
AMY
Her cell phone's ringing now-- probably a sponsor. Hello?
JOSH
It's Josh.
AMY
Hello.
JOSH
You're breathing very hard.
AMY
I'm riding.
JOSH
Then what are you doing?
AMY
Later?
JOSH
Yeah.
AMY
With Peter Harlow.
JOSH
How's Peter's wife?
AMY
They're separated.
JOSH
Yes, I know.
You know Josh, Amy actually being *with* Tandy didn’t stop you from moving in on her. So you can cool it with the judgment about Amy seeing a separated man.
AMY
What do you need?
JOSH
How do we stand strong for the modern family in all its quirks and not seem like we're dissing everyone born before 1962?
AMY
By doing it.
Back to flashbacks.
Sam is trying to navigate his way around the West Wing but since there are no stars out, he has to use a map.
JOSH
WW-160, you been able to find it?
SAM
I don't even know where I am right now.
JOSH
I'm looking on this side again.
SAM
Do you mind if I talk to you while we walk?
JOSH
Well, we may as well get used to having meetings in the corridors from now on. It may be our only hope.
Line of the episode! Now every show and their dog does meta but let’s celebrate shows like TWW that were making meta jokes awesome when it was a little rarer.
Josh yells at the crowded cubicles to give him directions.
JOSH
Does anybody know where WW-160 is?! Hi. I'm Josh Lyman. You all work for me. Does anybody know where WW-160 is?
GINGER
I haven't seen it.
JOSH
That one hasn't seen it. She's... you know, she's keeping an eye out though.
I’m guessing based on that comment that Ginger wasn’t around for the campaign.
Sam and Josh talk about all of the media, advocacy group, etc. that they’ve gotten on Rooker’s racial profiling feelings which apparently have gone public in some unseen scene.
SAM
I don't think he's going to be confirmed. I think the first thing that's going to happen to us is we're going to lose the confirmation battle... And spend the next four years with two outs and a full count. If we pull him out now, it's a story for a day and a half, until we announce the next guy. If we wait a week...
JOSH
This is the guy. This is the story.
SAM
Good. 'Cause you know why? 'Cause hubris always wins in the end. The Greeks taught us that.
That line is the second best line in the episode. I also adore Rob Lowe’s delivery here.
The Lost Boys find the more mature members of Senior Staff who have found each other and are already discussing the problem.
TOBY
Let's line up people for IP, the mornings... "Cornell Rooker has an exceptional record as a U.S. attorney... a leader in fighting employment discrimination...was college chair of... He's tough on crime, he's fair on justice." That's the line. Say that. Do not say that. What the hell was that? "He's tough on crime, he's fair on justice." Sings a song, has a mustache? What is that supposed to...
Third best line of the episode. I’ll stop doing this now.
C.J.
Toby's gone to the zoo.
LEO
Yeah, I think we may have killed these two guys with Inauguration.
SAM
Leo, I beseech you-- let me take a pass at some remarks the President can make withdrawing the nomination. We're going to do it anyway, let's do it now.
JOSH
Here it is. "Take a thorough look at Cornell Rooker's record, you'll see...
TOBY
Yes.
JOSH
...he's fought for justice his entire carer. If you take a thorough look at Cornell Rooker record, you'll see he's fought for justice his entire career."
TOBY
I don't want to be able to turn my head tomorrow without reading that quote.
On that note, the meeting breaks up and it’s time for a little Josh/Donna time.
JOSH
Guess what I have here. It's a copy of "21 Magazine." It's for "Generation Now!"
DONNA
Is my thing in there?
JOSH
Yuh-huh.
Brad Whitford cracks me up on that delivery.
JOSH
"In sleek Celia Yang slacks and a classic DKNY button-down, she's not afraid to bring a note of 'Let's do drinks after work' to the office."
DONNA
That's totally untrue, but I do like the sound of it.
Janel Moloney’s delivery there is really cute.
JOSH
"But as much as we love her style, we worry about her inexperience and Bambi-esque naivete. 'There's so much to learn,' says Moss. 'I didn't even know there was a nuclear missile silo under this place.'"
DONNA
I didn't.
JOSH
There's not!
DONNA
There is!
JOSH
Who told you that?
DONNA
Jeff, when I met him for lunch.
JOSH
Let me take a guess at something. Jeff set you up with a reporter, right?
DONNA
His girlfriend.
JOSH
You probably didn't even bring this up, right? The girlfriend led you there?
DONNA
Bambiesque?
JOSH
As does pertain to Bambi. There's a reason why we keep these missile silos way out the hell in the middle nowhere. It's 'cause they're working with some pretty nasty materials. Also, there's not much point in keeping nuclear secrets from China when all they have to do is take the free tour. Did it really sound right to you, when he said it? What'd you think, we'd go to war, and Hercules rockets come flying out of the Rose Garden?
LOL.
DONNA
The Eisenhower Putting Green.
JOSH
Oh, my God!
DONNA
I'm too stupid to live.
JOSH
This is just like when I played the lead in "Li'l Abner" in eighth grade and rehearsals are going fine. All of a sudden there's sets and lights and costumes, and everyone's tripping all over themselves except me. You guys all walked into the building and got freaked by the lights. I walked in and, you know, something else happened.
Every time this show alludes to something in a characters’ past, I desperately want to see it. Toby as a Middle American-posing telemarketer. Donna dressing up as an East German cocktail waitress. CJ first making The Jackal a tradition. Jed backing up his car into his garage door in a fit of anger. CJ backing her ex-boyfriend’s Porche in a pond. Eighth grade Josh as Lil Abner is definitely on that list.
DONNA
Well, we can't all be you.
JOSH
You all can try a little harder to be.
A little Toby/Charlie time in the present because over this season, they will be the desperately seeking the ex/lovelorn types.
CHARLIE
I'm a bad friend. I should've been there for you.
TOBY
Okay, but I-I don't know what you're talking about.
CHARLIE
Josh and Sam talked to me. I'm on board.
TOBY
With what?
CHARLIE
Team Toby.
TOBY
See, I lent voice to thought and that was my mistake.
CHARLIE
If you want to marry Andy, then, damn it, so do I...
TOBY
Okay.
CHARLIE
...want that, you know, to happen to you.
TOBY
I get it.
CHARLIE
Do you? Because this is about love.
TOBY
I think you have a different motivation.
CHARLIE
Laughs?
TOBY
Yes.
CHARLIE
Sure, but also as much love, really, as I think either one of us are comfortable with.
TOBY
Yes.
CHARLIE
Well, let me start here: have you asked her?
TOBY
Yes.
CHARLIE
And she said no?
TOBY
This is excruciating.
The scene flashes back to Andi and Toby.
ANDY
You're going to give me your white blood cells... not all of them, but as many as I want.
TOBY
Why?
ANDY
Because you love me.
TOBY
No, wha... uh... What's the matter with your white blood cells?
ANDY
Nothing. It's my immune system. It's not... recognizing that a pregnancy isn't something it's supposed to attack. So, they draw blood from you... like a rabid dog -- clean it, thank goodness... and give me injections of your blood cells to build up tolerance. You know how you're always saying you wish people were more like you? Well... The guy's had a lot of success.
TOBY
You don't have to sell me. It sounds like something we should try... But let me ask you something, and bear in mind that I'm happy, I'm... eager to go to as many doctors as there are... but should we talk about a stop date?
ANDY
You mean talk about adoption?
TOBY
Yeah, we can talk about adopting.
ANDY
You meant a stop date stop date.
TOBY
I meant adopting. I meant surrogacy. And yes, I love kids and I want them and I don't have to have them. And I don't have to have them...
ANDY
I want them.
TOBY
And I'm there.
This and other scenes indicate that they, in part, were working on having a baby to save their marriage that was failing in other areas. There’s some passive aggressive comments coming from Andi- “like a rabid dog” or “You know how you're always saying you wish people were more like you?”. I’m convinced that even if Andi got pregnant then, they still would have divorced.
Andi leaves rubbing it in that the Bartlet administration is suffering from the bungled Rooker nomination. Mind you, one of the reasons that I love Andi is because she has a very realistic and often justified harshness to her demeanor. CJ hurries in with a crappy poker face as she answers Andi’s, “Is anything wrong?”
C.J.
There's a problem.
TOBY
I just said a stupid thing. What's the problem?
C.J.
Well, I did a one-on-one with Danny Concannon a few days ago on Rooker.
TOBY
Did you say, "If you take a thorough look at Cornell Rooker's record...?"
C.J.
Yes, as a matter of fact.
TOBY
And?
C.J.
He did.
TOBY
Oh, man.
I love that little bit of irony. Administrations posture with “take a look at the record” even though that’s the last thing they want to happen.
C.J.
A DUI got fixed in law school. He doesn't want to write about the DUI as much as he wants to write about us being the Capitol Clampettes. What was the stupid thing that you said?
TOBY
Doesn't matter. Let's fix this.
That exchange encapsulates the line between CJ and Toby being best friends and being boss and subordinate. I always remember when Jed said that Leo was his best friend and that’s amazing because neither of them are the “best friends” type. That’s true for Jed/Leo and it’s true for CJ/Toby. I bet that Toby didn’t share his angst about his marriage breaking up with anyone until it actually happened.
Sam, Larry and Ed are entertaining everyone with their Latin dorky campfire singing. Sam, you are no longer allowed to tease Jed about being nerdy and pretentious. I know that you think that just because you’re incredibly hot and showing that off in your awesome black sweater that you’re immune from the nerd label. Not so!
Look at Josh's entertained face. He is adorable.
Sam translates the song for Joey.
SAM
"Let us be merry, therefore while we are young men. After the joys of youth, after the pains of old age, the ground will have us." It's true.
Joey has an agenda.
JOEY (KENNY)
How can I get you onboard with me?
SAM
New Hampshire?
JOEY
Yeah.
SAM
By coming out with me.
JOEY (KENNY)
On what?
SAM
The President's got to spend a little more time in congressional districts we're not going to win.
JOEY (KENNY)
Why would he spend any time in districts...?
SAM
To build Democratic momentum in the very places we traditionally tank. We're running comically weak candidates in these districts. The Tennessee 7th, Horton Wilde in Orange County; he's in the hospital with his fourth heart attack. Who the hell knows when he's going to resume a campaign schedule.
JOEY (KENNY)
I can't make a pitch about putting resources in the right places and then advocate sending the President to districts where the last Democrat won by railing against Abraham Lincoln.
SAM
That's a reasonable point.
Joey Lucas’s impeccable logic is so underrated. In almost every scene that she appears in, you can guarantee that she’ll give the facts and draw clear conclusions from them.
PETER HARLOW
I have to say you look good.
AMY
Thank you.
PETER
I don't remember you looking this good. Is something different?
AMY
I don't know, the autumnal equinox is usually good to me, but...
Hmm, both Peter and Josh did the whole, “I don’t remember Amy looking so good. I’m ensorcelled” thing. I think it’s because Mary Louise Parker sounds like an ordinary looking woman based on a strict verbal description- straight brown hair, pale skin, no notable facial features. You have to look at her to remember how gorgeous she is.
Anyway, Amy’s being a little rude answering her phone and talking on it at the table. I don’t know if the rules are different from Washington political operatives where it’s a cell phone culture but I always thought that etiquette on dates meant not answering the phone unless it was an emergency and if so, taking the phone away from the table to have a brief conversation.
JOSH
You on your date?
AMY
Well, I wouldn't call it that.
JOSH
Listen, you probably don't want to let him know it's me on the phone. It's too intimidating. It's like going out with Cher and Sonny calls.
LOL. Josh’s obnoxiousness is the best obnoxiousness ever!
AMY
How can I help you?
JOSH
Any thoughts?
AMY
Yes, Ritchie's right. There's a family crisis in America.
JOSH
So a radical feminist is saying women should stay home with the kids?
AMY
First of all, I don't think I'm a radical anything. Second of all, who said women should stay home? And third is, it's the capitalist treadmill that encourages scheduling quality time on a Palm Pilot. That's not how they do it in Scandinavia.
I don’t think Amy is a “radical” feminist, if such a term can be fairly defined. Everything that I’ve seen of her indicates that she’s fairly mainstream for a feminist lobbyist.
JOSH
But everybody kills themselves in Scandinavia.
AMY
That's hard to deny.
JOSH
We need to defend our accomplishments on work and family, many of which you pushed for and show that we get what working parents are going through. Can you help us?
AMY
Yes.
JOSH
I'll call back. What would be a really bad time?
AMY
Oh, really anytime.
JOSH
Outstanding.
Back to flashbacks. A Mr. Gordon from the NSA is here to see Josh. He’s a handsome, staid, many cards up his sleeves, national security type.
MICHAEL
A few days ago, a teen magazine published a short interview with her.
JOSH
Yeah, look, the old guys were playing a joke on her. I realize it's not a good idea for a White House staffer to be saying there's a missile in the capitol.
MICHAEL
Well, the problem is, joke or not, she it a little close to him for our comfort.
JOSH
What do you mean?
MICHAEL
Obviously I can't elaborate.
JOSH
"She hit a little close to home"?
MICHAEL
Yeah.
JOSH
You trying to tell me...?
MICHAEL
Mr. Lyman, you don't have code-word clearance. We need to stay professional.
Right here, is where Josh should have been tipped off. He said in Memorial Day that he has the rank of a three star general. Michael Gordon doesn’t seem old enough or important enough to out-rank Josh for higher clearance. (Unless the ridiculousness of nukes in the White House wasn't enough to tip Josh enough.)
JOSH
I would vouch for Donna with my life. She doesn't know about missiles. She's from Wisconsin!
Sorkin gave Josh several lines of dialogue where he explains something cute about Donna like, “She’s from Wisconsin!” I think it’s an inside joke because Bradley Whitford is from Wisconsin.
MICHAEL
I'm simply asking how long she's been working for you.
JOSH
No, look, I'm sorry. I'm sure your intentions are good, and this is just routine, but it could get tricky, and I'd like to have her talk to someone.
MICHAEL
A lawyer?
JOSH
Yeah.
MICHAEL
Suit yourself, but until this is straightened out, I'm going to have to revoke her credentials.
JOSH
She's my assistant. For how long?
MICHAEL
As long as it takes.
Anyway, Michael leaves and Josh talks to Donna.
JOSH
That idiot interview you did, pooped a red flag at NSA. They're revoking your credentials until it's straightened out.
DONNA
I don't believe it.
JOSH
I'm talking to someone in Cochran's office.
DONNA
What am I supposed to do?
JOSH
Take a few days off. Go home. Go to the beach.
DONNA
It's February 2nd.
JOSH
Well, then, I wouldn't go to the beach.
CJ tells Josh that Jed won’t be available because there’s serious national security stuff afoot. Josh and Sam are Debate Camp counselors.
CJ tells Josh that Jed won’t be available because there’s serious national security stuff afoot. Josh and Sam are Debate Camp counselors.
JOSH
All right. Listen up. We still have an open question on family, we still have an open question on Rooker, missile defense, and vouchers. We start dress rehearsals tomorrow at 3:00. Let's split up in our groups. I really want vouchers by 10:00, missile defense by 11:00.
SAM
Anybody not doing anything at midnight-- Team Toby, my cabin.
What do dress rehearsals entail? Jed suits up? He fusses over his tie? Sam wears lifts so he can approximate Ritchie’s height?
Cut to the Situation Barn.
FITZWALLACE
The Mastico, a 200-foot Qumari cargo ship is heading east in the Mediterranean, toward Lebanon.
LEO
Is it carrying Qumari arts and crafts?
FITZWALLACE
No, it's carrying 72 tons of weapons and explosives, including a Multiple Launch Rocket System.
But how to get the boat turned around?
BARTLET
They turn around the ship in exchange for what?
FITZWALLACE
Access to the High Altitude Area Defense program.
LEO
That's okay, 'cause that's just the most sophisticated anti-ballistic missile system in history short of Star Wars. What else?
BARTLET
They're arming the Bahji, Leo. Two training camps of which the Israelis just attacked. I've gotta turn around the boat-- tonight. Tomorrow we'll worry about tomorrow.
LEO
Well, we can invite the Sultan over for a mixer.
BARTLET
Look...
LEO
A nice mixer. Punch, sack races, whatnot... Why are we playing games with these people? They refuse to catch and prosecute the Bahji. In fact, they support them in a variety of ways. Why isn't that the end of the conversation? "We'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow." We said that yesterday.
BARTLET
Fitz?
FITZWALLACE
I couldn't agree with Leo more.
BARTLET
What about Nancy?
FITZWALLACE
Yeah.
Bartlet leaves the meeting telling Fitz to stop the boat but don’t shoot at it. More resolution on The Boat of the Baji next week.
This flashback is hilarious.
C.J.
This doesn't feel good, does it? It's quiet, you know. It's too quiet.
TOBY
C.J....
LOL. I always crack up when CJ says the standard horror movie cliché, “It’s too quiet” in the middle of Leo’s office.
Leo comes in reporting that they’re withdrawing Rooker from the nomination and here are the first set of poll numbers.
LEO
Not quite. Our report card for our first two weeks in office. The President's approval has gone from 61% during the transition-- when, I suppose, there's nothing to approve-- to 49% once there was. 47% see him as a strong leader-- a result of bungling the Rooker nomination-- and African-American support, which basically elected him, has gone from 92 to 78. Finally, if the election were held today, the President would be Chairman of the Economics Department at Phillips Andover Academy. Can anyone report anything good?
C.J.
600,000 Evangelicals are praying for me... so... we have that going for us.
LEO
What the hell are you talking about?
C.J.
It's true-- a guy gave me this card: "365 in Media."
SAM
Who are the others?
C.J.
I don't know, let's see... "Hugh Hefner, Don Imus, Howard Stern..." all the late-night guys. This is... one, two, three... this is the Editorial Board of The New York Times. This isn't a good list, this is a list of people who are going to hell!
TOBY
Yes.
C.J.
They're not praying for me because they like me! It's 'cause I'm doomed to eternal damnation!
SAM
Well, if you weren't, it'd be a waste of praying.
C.J.
You're on the list too, pal.
SAM
Can I see that?
LEO
You can all leave.
JOSH
We're going to do better for you, boss.
LEO
Do better for him.
C.J.
We will.
TOBY
We will.
They don’t really do better until Let Bartlet Be Bartlet/Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics. This shows very good continuity because we meet the group in the Pilot as yes, idealistic and funny and dedicated, but fairly used to losing and insecure and willing to appease on everything.
Josh has a nice moment acknowledging that Sam was right all along which Sam takes humbly. Josh tells the whole crazy Donna story and suddenly, He Gets It.
Donna is hanging with the real Michael Gordon, not an NSA guy with higher clearance than Josh but instead an employee in the Staff Secretary’s Office with his own band.
Michael: Unmasked.
DONNA
By the way, you know what your name is for the next month?
JOSH
It's going to be Bambi, isn't it?
DONNA
Yeah, it's going to be Bambi-ass. But on your good days, I'm calling you Abner 'cause you stepped into the White House and didn't flinch.
Eh, there’s something about this storyline that doesn’t quite smell right. I don’t know if it’s because Josh was so easily duped or if I have trouble imagining a Donna with the audacity to play a big practical joke with a friend impersonating a NSA big shot and implying a White House location for nukes on the very first few days of the Bartlet administration.
Very minor complaint but that was also a somewhat weak scene to end the flashbacks with. To contrast, ITOTG ended its flashbacks with Josh on his way to his father’s funeral, having gained a substitute father in Jed and Jed, finally embracing his role and taking control of his story in earnest. Bartlet for America ended its flashbacks with Jed and Leo at their weakest points suffering the consequences of their biggest secrets to effectively contrast the two of them and their relationship in the present. Not every episode can be those classics and Debate Camp is actually a terrific episode in its own right but I wish they ended on a better, more substantive scene than Donna’s weird practical joke.
More Josh/Amy in the present.
JOSH
How you doing?
AMY
I'm freezing.
JOSH
Where are you?
AMY
I'm at my front door.
JOSH
Well, go inside.
AMY
I can't, I'll lose you.
JOSH
You'll never lose me, Amy.
AMY
Please don't say that.
Anyway, Amy gives them her answer on families which Josh very adorably holds up to CJ’s ear so she can take it down.
AMY
I don't know what you want me to say. I want women to have help from the government. I want women to earn what men earn. I want everyone to earn enough so that everyone can make the right choice for their family, and after that, it's none of your business who stays home and who goes to work. You don't know more about raising a family than I do.
JOSH
That was it. We got it. We'll give it a test. I'll call you back. Probably around 1:00.
Anyway, it’s time for a little personal draah-mah!
CHARLIE
He was wondering, the Team Toby meeting. Toby doesn't need to be there, right?
TOBY
I wasn't really wondering.
JOSH
Why don't you just do your job as a man and get that nice girl pregnant.
Okay, I’m going to give Josh the benefit of the doubt and assume that he doesn’t know that Toby and Andi were suffering through infertility issues and it broke up their marriage. Josh can be a jerk and this comment is sexist even if Josh doesn’t know the history. Still, I don’t think Josh would be that much of an asshole to mock Toby’s manhood if Josh knew that Toby and Andi were going through.
Anyway, the bombshell.
TOBY
I did.
JOSH
Wait, what?
C.J.
What?
TOBY
Andy's pregnant.
JOSH
Toby, Andy's pregnant?
TOBY
With twins.
SAM
This is incredible.
JOSH
And they're yours?
TOBY
Yeah.
JOSH
Both of them?
TOBY
I'm going downstairs.
CJ hits Josh with her file folder for his immature behavior.
When did Toby find out about this? I assume that he knew before the episode started because he was already trying to get Andi to marry him in the first act. I assume that The Red Mass occurred very soon before Debate Camp because Toby was acting like he wanted to clear twenty fours for debate prep ASAP. It is possible that Toby knew about the pregnancy through The Red Mass but there’s little in Toby’s behavior to substantiate it and I kind of feel that even if Sorkin didn’t write those cues, Richard Schiff would have done some acting in The Red Mass that could imply that he knew about the pregnancy.
So I’m going to assume that Andi told Toby just before debate prep started when she decided to come to Debate Camp. He tried proposing a few times, only to be turned down. So by the time the viewers see that dynamic, it has already become a joke.
Sam/Jed scene.
SAM
Yes, sir. We haven't found the answer we like on the Rooker question yet.
BARTLET
You know what I remember he said to me? He said, "Mr. President, when I hear black footsteps behind me, I'm scared. When I hear white footsteps, I'm not."
SAM
Well, I think we both know people who'd say different. But you have to respect him for voicing such an unpopular opinion amongst people to whom he's a leader.
Sam displays loyalty to Joey Lucas by answering that Jed will lose New Hampshire in a very direct, honest way.
BARTLET
I don't mind blowing the knucklehead stuff like Rooker... Rooker's not knucklehead, but... if I'm making mistakes there, how do I know I'm not doing it when it comes to matters like death and destruction?
SAM
Well, probably you don't, 'cause there's no manual. Sir, we expect the President to face the world in his own way, for his own time. Also, luckily for all of us, you have better advisors in that area than you do in domestic and political policy.
Oh, Sam. That’s a non-answer. Although, I don’t know if there is an adequate answer to Jed’s, “How do I know that I’m not making terrible decisions on issues of life or death?” That Jed Bartlet. Always asking the big, ole’ questions.
A shot of Jed looking very handsome.
BARTLET
Not anymore. He's dead.
Jed and Sam walk back to the debate room to practice with everyone. There’s something about how that walk is directed and acted that makes me all sentimental.
BARTLET
And stay up in my face, okay?
SAM
Yes, sir.
BARTLET
I swear to God, the winner of this debate's going to be the next President. Anybody want to be on the losing team?
ALL
No, sir.
BARTLET
Then let's pump it up. Let's go, Claudia Jean.
C.J.
Good evening, and welcome to the Presidential debate between President Josiah Bartlet and Governor Robert Ritchie being brought to you from the University of California, San Diego. The format agreed to by both candidates, is as follows: A candidate will have 90-seconds to respond, followed with a 60-second questioning by his opponent, followed by 60-second summation. By virtue of a coin toss, Mr. President, the first question goes to you.