my queer little safety bubble was popped this weekend.
i forgot how not okay it is to so many others
and how little things can hurt more than anything
how it is taught to the young ones

"It's hard to fight an enemy who has outposts in your head"
Sally Kempton

have not woken up yet
at least i do not have to train tonight too much
just watch them present

has anyone seem my motivation - i seem to have misplaced it.

i just want someone/something to turn the light on

silence

where to go

so kept really busy this weekend
did the yard
washed the car
cleaned the inside
cleaned out the garage
saw mike and everyone
saw the softball ladies
they still make my dirty mind seem innocent when im around them

but there is still the feeling in the pit of stomach

Buddy you and me go way back ( Read more... )

so i have tons to do and i am playing on lj ( Read more... )

what do you say when they say to you

your eyes are dull
you are even more pale (paler)
you are walking around with a heaviness on you
i notice it and i worry about you - they are coming from a good place of genuine care and concern

but i end up feeling bad that they have noticed
and are worrying

what am i suppossed to say

i am so bad at waiting
so bad at it

so excited

randomly thinking about the space